The alchemy of story sharing: It takes two
“There is power in telling stories, of course. There is power in hearing them. But there is greater power in the interaction between the two.”
Plenty of people who want to preserve their stories for the next generation do so by writing a memoir or keeping a scrapbook. There are others, though, who take the approach of capturing their stories by recording conversations—one-on-one interviews either with another family member or with a professional personal historian like me.
One of the most common things I hear after an interview is some iteration of, “Wow, I had no idea how fun that would be!”
When we tell stories to an interested listener an exchange happens. As Murray Nossel, author of Powered by Storytelling, has said, “Listening is the air that stories breath.”
Magic happens when a story is received
The title of this post is “The Alchemy of Storytelling” for a reason: “alchemy” is defined by Merriam-Webster as “a process that changes or transforms something in a mysterious or impressive way.” There’s a magic to story sharing that can’t be fully defined.
A story isn’t really a story until it is received, is it?
Hearing a story is powerful. Because there’s a connection that forms between the storyteller and listener. There’s a sense of community and camaraderie that ensues, an actual exchange of ideas and feelings.
Bruce Feiler interviewed hundreds of people as part of his Life Story Project. He describes the exchanges this way: “We created something together that neither one of us could have created on our own. And when it was over, both of us wanted the same thing: To do it again. To hear another story. To share the process with almost anyone we knew.”
They each wanted a little bit more of that magic.
So, why is having a listener to our stories so impactful?
Top 3 benefits of having an active listener to your stories
1 - Your listener helps move the story along.
Research has shown that a listener to a story is not a passive recipient, but a co-narrator of the story being told, especially when they show empathy to the storyteller. And their reactions, both verbal and physical, prompt the storyteller to add more details, slow down, or clarify when necessary.
2 - If you’re paying attention, you’ll know when you’re veering off-course.
You can read your audience’s body language to know when things might be getting a little…boring (are they gazing into the distance or fidgeting?); confusing (are they furrowing their brow?); or even really good (are they leaning forward in their seat?). A storyteller who is attuned to his or her listeners will adjust the pace or level of detail to create an even better all-around story sharing experience.
3 - You’ll (both) feel validated.
No matter how specific and individual your story is, there’s a good chance sharing it with someone else will reveal it’s universality, too. That promotes a feeling of connection that can be elusive in today’s tech-driven world. It’s a joyful feeling to share stories like this—as Bruce Feiler said above, it’s contagious: One story shared leads to another…and another…
So, won’t you share a story from your life with someone you love today? Or ask them to share their story with you! Make some magic happen.