“The messy middle”: Pushing through the toughest part of memoir writing

“The page is indifferent to us—no, worse. The page turns from us like a wounded lover. We will have to win it over, coax it out of hiding. Promise to do better next time. Apologize for our disregard. And then, we settle into the pattern that we know. Three pages. Two hours. A thousand words. We have wandered and now we are back.”
—Dani Shapiro, Still Writing

Every memoir begins with passion. You start off energized, eager to tell the story that’s been living inside you for so long. Words flow effortlessly as you sketch out the opening scenes, capture vivid memories, and feel your project beginning to take shape.

And then—somewhere in the middle—the energy fades. The structure starts feeling unwieldy, doubt creeps in, and the momentum you once had seems like a distant memory. The excitement that fueled your early writing sessions is replaced by a gnawing sense of obligation, or worse, dread (the prospect of writer’s block is dreadful, to be sure).

If you’ve found yourself in this “messy middle,” you’re not alone. Nearly every memoirist hits a point where pushing forward feels overwhelming. But the good news? There are ways to get past it. Here are three strategies to help you regain focus and finish what you started.

1. Go back to your original “why.”

   When you began this project, something deep inside compelled you to start. Maybe you wanted to preserve family history, honor a loved one, or make sense of your own past. Whatever it was, reconnect with that original spark.
   
   Go back to your early notes or journal entries. Re-read passages where your enthusiasm was strong. Remind yourself why this story matters—not just to you, but to the people who will one day read it. Your “why” is what will carry you through the hard parts.
   
   
   

2. Find an Accountability Partner.

   Writing is solitary work, but finishing a book doesn’t have to be. If your motivation is waning, find an accountability partner—someone who will check in on your progress, encourage you, and keep you from abandoning your project.
   
   This could be a fellow writer, a trusted friend, or even a writing group. Set clear goals together, whether it’s a weekly word count or a deadline for finishing a section. You might even want to read just a sentence or two to a family member to get their take (and find some respite in connecting). Just knowing that someone else is expecting you to show up can be the push you need to keep going.
   
   
   

3. Accept Imperfection and Keep Moving.

   Perfectionism is one of the biggest culprits behind stalled writing projects. You might feel like your structure isn’t working, or your writing isn’t good enough, or that you need to go back and fix everything before moving forward. But getting stuck in endless revisions is a surefire way to stay stuck in the middle.
   
   Instead, give yourself permission to write poorly. Drafts are meant to be messy. The important thing is to keep moving forward. Every single word brings you closer to the finish line.

Don’t be discouraged by this inevitable “messy middle”—embrace it, and push through. As memoirist Dani Shapiro says in the opening quote to this piece, you have wandered…but WILL find your way back.