Memories Matter
Featured blog Posts
READ THE LATEST POSTS
Jump around! Jump around!
You haven’t lived in a straight line, have you? Ditch your chronological storytelling and instead, jump around. Tips for developing impactful themes for your memoir.
Has the path of your life been one straight line? Yeah, didn’t think so—so why not jump around in time in your memoir for a more compelling read?
A straight line might be the shortest route between two points, but our lives meander and double-back. We haven’t lived in straight lines, so why should a story of our life make it appear so?
You might tell me about your life summarily—an outline quickly sketched. That’s “like the blueprint of a house waiting to be built, the most important details merely suggested by its basic lines,” writes Erica Bauermeister in one of my favorite novels.
What you might say in a single sentence—“we got married, had kids, and lived in that house until my wife died”—holds endless moments waiting to be explored: a lifetime in a string of 14 words.
But if you’re not going to tell your life chronologically—in a straight line—then where the heck do you begin?
Narrowing down themes for a life story book
Rarely do I think it’s a good idea to approach a life story book as a full chronological account of a life. That approach reminds me of history tomes about past presidents, for instance—books that go down like medicine, rather than enjoyable (and enlightening) reads.
Instead, approach your storytelling in smaller bites. One approach I often recommend is writing shorter vignettes and weaving them into a broader tapestry about your life. But even if you prefer a longer narrative in memoir form, it is important to focus on themes that both hold real meaning for you and that you feel will resonate with your family.
In order to narrow down those themes (one of the integral steps in plotting out your life story project), some initial brainstorming is in order.
Writing about one aspect of your life
If you know you want to hone in on a very specific chapter of your life for your book, here are two ways to approach that:
Broken up in chunks of time
A Slice of Life Portrait - remembering a day in the life or one pivotal year in your adolescence, for instance; while this time period is chosen for its thematic resonance, it fits neatly into a specific period of time.
A Discrete Time Period - the war years, your time spent in a certain home, your years in medical school, your months of being homeless, to name a few ideas
Broken up in themes
For example:
Strong Women in the Smythe Clan
Our Family’s Military History
The Annual Road Trips of Our Childhood
Irish Cooking in the O’Sullivan Homes
Four Generations of Stanford Grads
No idea where to start?
It’s more likely that there is not one chapter of your life that you know with certainty that you want to write about. If that describes you, you’re in for an exciting journey of discovery.
EXERCISE 1:
Brainstorm your memories.
Brew a cup of tea or pour some wine and get comfortable: It’s time to let your mind wander back in time to brainstorm—and by that I mean: write down your thoughts willy-nilly, with no concern for order or worth, no editing as you go.
Begin writing your memories via phrases—
that time Marcy broke her leg when we were hiking
the day I found out I didn’t get into Harvard
Nonna’s Sunday sauce
Johnny’s laugh
the Maple Street tree fort
I recommend setting a timer for 20 minutes for this exercise. It’s really about doing a brain dump and seeing what comes to mind first.
These memories may serve as writing or interview prompts later, but for now they are useful in looking for patterns. Did many of your memories fall within the context of lessons learned? Or take place at your childhood home? Did one influential person from your life come up again and again?
If you see repeated themes, those may be ones you want to explore for your book.
If you do not, then hold onto this page for use as memory prompts later, and move onto the next step.
EXERCISE 2:
Interview yourself about important chapters of your life.
Some questions to ask yourself:
What have been the major turning points in my life?
What are the most impactful decisions I have ever made?
Are there times of struggle that serve as examples of resilience, or that hold other lessons?
What are the most joyful times of my life?
What is my biggest personal success? Professional?
What has been my most memorable failure?
What have been the most challenging times of my life?
Is there anything about my career or vocation that is worth telling?
Who had the most impact on me growing up? As an adult? What did I learn from them?
What values do I most want to pass on to the next generation—and are there certain stories that exemplify those values?
What you want is to uncover moments of impact. Portions of your life that hold lessons. That shaped you. That are an integral part of your personal narrative.
You might be surprised by some of your answers. Be open and vulnerable when doing this exercise—allow yourself to remember painful times and regrets, not just happy times; even if these are not at the top of your conscious mind most days, the experiences shaped you and likely hold meaning.
This exercise is similar to one I conduct with my clients during pre-interviews. During this conversation we are exploring life themes and milestones, and determining what stories to explore more deeply, what memories to mine for lessons.
When working together, it would be my job—as someone distanced from your experiences and trained as an observant listener—to suggest possible approaches to your book. If that’s something you would like to explore, please drop me a line. I’d love to chat, and a quick (no pressure) 30-minute conversation usually does the trick.
If, on the other hand, you’d like to continue working on your life story book yourself, I recommend setting aside the pages from these two exercises for a couple of weeks. Then revisit them with a fresh perspective. That little bit of emotional distance can do wonders for helping you be more objective in narrowing down what topics to explore.
No matter what, I hope you give yourself the freedom to express yourself without filters during this exploratory period. It’s not the time to edit—or to judge. Be gentle with yourself, and be open-minded (and open-hearted). Your stories deserve to be told—you might as well be telling the right ones!
In a previous post I wrote about how to break down a life story book project into three broad steps.
Now that you’ve learned how to narrow down themes for your memoir project, find out about the remaining two steps:
Organize your family archive as a resource for sparking memories.
How to plan a life story book in 3 simple steps
These three simple steps will put you on the road to remembering, and make your life story book project proceed as efficiently and smoothly as possible.
The mere idea of creating a life story book is daunting. The notion of combing through boxes and devices full of photos, of writing (or even talking) about one’s life experiences—wait, will I even remember them??—and then organizing everything into some cohesive whole…phew. Forget it, there are dishes to do and movie marathons to binge.
Wait, what? Don’t forget it. Please.
If you know you want to leave a meaningful legacy in book form for the next generation but it scares the bejeezus out of you (or it’s simply not how you want to spend your time), let’s chat; as a personal historian with years of experience, I will guide you through the process—dare I say, even make it enjoyable.
If you are someone who is a little scared by the prospect but who still wants to tackle such a project on your own—congrats! And stick with me here, as I’ve got three simple steps to put you on the road to remembering, and to make your life story project proceed as efficiently and smoothly as possible.
3 broad steps to starting a life story book
Narrow down themes you would most like to address in your writing or interviews.
I will break out actionable steps and key things to consider for each of these in subsequent blog posts, but for now, a few quick hits:
1 - Organize your family archive.
I’m not talking about creating another huge project for yourself here (properly organizing all of your family papers and photographs could take months). What I am talking about is
creating an inventory of WHAT you have and WHERE you believe it resides (e.g., in a box in the basement or at your sister Susie’s house) and
identifying the key items in your archive that will help you with your project.
Help you how, you may be wondering? Designate photos and journals, for instance, that you anticipate will help jog your memories and spur you on to story sharing. Earmark genealogy papers that will be resources for creating your life timeline (step two, below) and be useful for fact-checking names, dates, and relationships later.
Hold onto this inventory, as it will be one of your primary tools when it’s time to dive into memoir writing or participating in personal history interviews.
2 - Write a life timeline.
Again, I won’t go into a complete how-to here, but I will say this: People don’t think chronologically; our memories come to us often unbidden, spurred by a scent in our grandmother’s kitchen or a scene in a novel we just read. A chronological framework of your life, though, will be a most useful tool in helping situate your memories in time and place.
Jot down years and major life milestones (decisions, employment, home moves, having children, etc.) in any format that works for you. That could be a document on your computer where you list the events in order with dates alongside, or a large piece of paper with handwritten notes broken up graphically into categories such as Childhood, Adolescence, Adulthood, and Golden Years.
Hold onto this timeline, as it will be another primary tool in your arsenal when it’s time to begin your life story project in earnest.
Click here to read a more in-depth guide to writing a life timeline.
3 - Narrow down themes you would most like to address in your writing or interviews.
Maybe you already know you want to cover only a sliver of your life in your book: your years in the military, say, or the profound transformation of becoming a parent. If so, you can skip this step.
If you are not yet sure which chapters of your life should become chapters in your book, then it’s time to brainstorm. Some questions to ask yourself:
What are the most impactful decisions I have ever made?
Are there times of struggle that serve as examples of resilience, or that hold other lessons?
What are the most joyful times of my life?
What have been the most challenging times of my life?
Is there anything about my career or vocation that is worth telling?
Who had the most impact on me growing up? As an adult? What did I learn from them?
What values do I most want to pass on to the next generation—and are there certain stories that exemplify those values?
Don’t edit yourself. Simply write everything that comes to mind when you think of “important chapters of my life.” You don’t have to decide now which musings will make it into the book—rather, these will serve as additional memory prompts, and some will have more resonance than others.
Hold onto this document of ideas, as it will be your final tool to have at the ready when your life story project gets underway.
Click here to read more about narrowing down themes for your life story book.
What’s next?
Now that you have your three pages of life story resources, it’s time to get into the business of remembering. How will you proceed? A few options to consider and tips to get you going:
If you are a writer:
Consider enrolling in one of my short courses to receive memory and writing prompts—as well as tips and inspiration—delivered straight to your phone. Current themes includes Childhood Memories and Food Memories, and more themes will be added soon.
Memory & writing prompts sent weekly to your phone
Short courses for anyone who wants to write about their life
If you would like to be interviewed to capture your stories:
If this all appeals but seems too daunting to take on yourself, please reach out. I would be honored to help guide you on this journey to create a legacy book capturing your stories for the next generation.