A taste of the past

Smells and tastes conjure memories in a most primal way, and can transport us right back to our childhood kitchens. As such, they are excellent jumping-off points for writing or talking about your memories and crafting them into a story for generations to come (not to mention, the kids will be thrilled to have those cherished recipes actually written down).

Delve into your food-related memories if...

• you have a living relative who can be equated with the family hearth: recording those recipes, techniques, & special foods while you can is an invaluable gift for future generations

• family holidays center around the table

• milestone celebrations come back to you in waves every time you smell a certain dish

• you want to preserve your culture

Foods Stir the Memory

On Tuesday we will be launching a new series of posts, A Taste of the Past, in which food plays a starring role, leading us down a path of reminiscence and reflection.

In the first contribution, Christine Mugnolo recalls her grandfather's singular key lime pie: Why can't she recreate it just so? 

“It’s been about 14 years, and I still cannot get it just right. I make the pie once or twice a year; it’s my special time with him. No TV, no one else in the room...just the two of us.”

In another post, Kaitlin Ahern pays tribute to her mom’s spaghetti and meatballs, and you'll raise a glass with her to toast the memory of a mother gone too soon (and I guarantee you'll be uncorking a bottle of red, picking some basil from the garden, and putting on a pot of red sauce yourself—and, if all goes well, you'll be conversing around the dinner table about your own favorite handed-down recipes).

In “Billie’s Famous Foods,” Melissa Finlay recalls how her Gramma kept a jar for bacon drippings on her stove, used it liberally, and kept it full. “She knew everyone’s favorite foods and provided them—often.”

I hope these and other upcoming stories will inspire you to want to record your own memories. When you've gathered enough, or decide you'd like our professional help in recording them for posterity, an heirloom book is the perfect place to preserve them.

Related Reading:

If the idea of bottling memories of your ancestors' foods appeals, you might also want to check out:

• Grandma's Project ("Sharing the World's Most Delicious Heritage"), in which filmmakers from around the globe cook with their grandmothers—and elicit evocative stories of the past along the way
  
  

• Dinner: A Love Story, a so-much-more-than-a-blog compendium of recipes, kids' lunch ideas, and more from book author Jenny Rosenstrach; she occasionally hones in on the power of food as love, too, such as in these three lovely posts: Sense Memories (her husband's recollections of the birth of their first child and chicken salad, not necessarily in that order); The Napkin Note (about her mom and lunchbox missives); and Absolute Value (about her dad, Oyster Bar, and chocolate marzipan bars)

• The Dinner Party, a glorious, long-time-coming community of mostly 20- and 30-somethings who've each experienced significant loss, who get together over potluck dinners to talk about the ways in which it continues to affect their lives and how to thrive in #LifeAfterLoss—an inspiring, real-life example of the power of a shared meal to heal and create community, even (maybe especially) after the death of a loved one.

Choose your own adventure—then tell it.

(7 Reasons You CAN’T Tell Your Story, & 7 Better Reasons You CAN)

When I was a kid I read the choose-your-own-adventure series of books, liking, as most preteens did, the ability to hold some sway over how the storyline unfolded. I would read one book multiple times, attempting to make every choice combination possible. It was easy to become part of the story.

As I grew up and immersed myself in literary worlds well beyond Sweet Valley High, I would lose myself in stories of characters both like and unlike me.

Only as an adult did it fully dawn on me that I was, in fact, living my own story.

When you read memoirs—or even binge-watch reality TV—the stories you are witness to often seem larger than life. How can my little life compare?, you might think. I have nothing remarkable to say.

Oh, but you do.

Every choice you make, each person you encounter, adds to the texture and direction of your life. You are creating your own narrative.

You’ve got reasons why you AREN’T telling your story. I’ve got reasons why you SHOULD.

What’s your reason for not telling your story?

1 - I don’t keep a diary, so I won’t be able to remember details.

Time passes. Our memory is faulty. Even with a journal or diary, you would never be able to reliably relate all details of a time or scene from your past. While having a journal to reference could be a tremendous help, it is by no means a prerequisite for remembering, and telling, your own stories.

All memoir writers—and anyone who just reminisces over a cup of tea—challenges the limits of memory. Your sister might remember details differently from a shared memory—That dress was blue! It was winter!—and who can say which of you is right? While you might get a detail wrong, you are striving, in good faith, to recreate the essence of your memories, to transport those who are receiving your stories to your emotional state of mind, to feel your experiences.

“The present is all that’s genuinely available to anyone, and the present is fleeting, always turning instantly to the past. Even facts distort: What’s remembered, recorded, is never the event itself, no matter how precise the measurement—a baseball score is not the game…. At best, what we can do is listen to memory and watch memory…and translate [it] for those we want to reach.” —Bill Roorbach, Writing Life Stories

I’m not advocating getting details wrong—but by no means does one need a day-by-day accounting of their youth to begin to tell their early stories!

2 - My story is nothing special.

Oh, contraire. Stop comparing yourself to those aforementioned reality-TV show subjects. Have you loved? Made difficult choices? Gone on adventures that made you smile, laugh, feel invincible? Accomplished things that would make your parents (or your children) proud? Are there stories you used to retell around the dinner table, or the campfire? Are there questions your grandchildren have asked that you’ve only skimmed the surface of answering?

Even if the answer to every one of these questions is, “No!”—even then, I am confident there are questions to which you will answer with a resounding, “Yes!” You are living your story, and YOUR story matters.

Want a little (fun to read) proof? Check out what happened when a fellow personal historian spoke to a group of 10-year-olds about some pretty ordinary people. Then check out this video, and bear witness to some amazingly average people telling small stories that feel remarkable. Get ready to be moved.

3 - I don’t have very many photographs.

You’ve got a few, don’t you? And I would venture to guess that if you’ve saved those few, there’s a reason. Tell the stories of those pictures. Sit down with a friend, hit RECORD on your smartphone’s audio feature, and have a conversation about what you recall. Describe the sensory details—the coarse fabric of the formal jacket you wore, the fishy smell blowing in from the shore, the metallic taste of spearmint from the gum tucked behind your tongue. You may not know the exact date the photograph was taken, but I’m willing to bet you know more substantive stuff about the “when”: after you had graduated; before your father died.

So you've got just one treasured photo—start there! What memories does it spark?

Maybe you have absolutely no photographs. There are other options worth exploring: illustrating your book in a style that complements your narrative; using archival photographs to illustrate what the time was like; staging professional photo shoots to include family heirlooms, yourself and your current family members, or even the places that have mattered in your life.

4 - I’m too old to start now—how could I possibly cover 70 years?

It’s only too late if you never begin. 

“You don’t have to cover all 70 years at once,” says Linda Coffin, founder of History Crafters. “Start small. Don't box yourself into ‘I was born... And then... And then…’ Tell just your favorite stories, or tell the stories that no one is left to tell but you. ANY stories that you tell will be important to those you leave behind, even if they aren't ALL your stories.”

Your stories are a testament to who you are, and “something is better than nothing,” says Lyn Jackson, founder of Every Story Media. “Your loved ones will cherish what you choose to relate.”

5 - I’m too young to start now—my story is just beginning!

Ah, how fortunate you are. Consider how fresh and visceral your favorite coming-of-age tales are: Stephen King’s Stand By Me (short story and movie), Judy Blume’s Are You There God, It’s Me, Margaret? (adolescent fiction), Lena Dunham’s Not That Kind of Girl (modern essays written by a feminist actress who has tapped into the zeitgeist like no other recently).

You are in the midst of your story, and dare I say it may be one of the most exciting parts! Life milestones are opportune times to craft a book, as they are often emblematic of turning the page on a new chapter in your life. Consider telling your first chapter. 

Are you embarking on your college education? Engaged to be married? In the midst of changing careers? Bat/bar mitzvahs are also popular times to memorialize in words and pictures. Remember, your story can be primarily photo-driven, too—quotes and short first-person reflections add color and context in a lovely way and help bind a picture story together, helping you capture a formative time in your life, both for yourself and your ancestors.

6 - I don’t have any children of my own, so who cares?

If you are fortunate, you have friends and other loved ones to whom your story matters. You may not be leaving a genealogical legacy to your children, but there are many other types of stories that hold meaning, and that are begging to be told. 

Your story may be part of a broader narrative that history has a responsibility to capture: veteran accounts, the early LGBT experience, the Civil Rights movement (or ongoing race relations in our nation), even seemingly “small” historic moments in your local community. What has mattered to you, and how have you participated in the world at large?

“Every life—every, single life—matters equally, and infinitely.” —Dave Isay

Even if you have no interest in publishing a book to hold your memories, there is value in the writing itself—and equally in the sharing of stories for strangers to hear (StoryCorps comes immediately to mind!). 

All of this to say: We care. People care.

7 - I am not a writer.

That’s what we are here for.

Often the most intimate and revealing stories result from one-on-one conversation. You talk, and we listen. What we do from that point is, well, just a little bit of magic.

Let's talk, and see what we can do together.

Related reading:

20 Reasons Why You Should Write Your Family History

Association of Personal Historians Experts Weigh In: More Reasons to Tell Your Family History

“His are the sepia eyes that passed through me.”

When it comes to writing your own life stories, sometimes what's called for is inspiration, plain and simple. Sure, you can get plenty of tips on how to approach the process; there are some notable books that can guide you on the journey, and our blog regularly offers advice on the topic. But beautiful words, strung together like pearls and simply telling a story, may be a far richer bounty.

With that in mind, here is another installment in our “Pictures Into Words” series, contributions from other memory-keepers who know the joy and process of using a photograph as a prompt for writing. Each provides not only a wonderful short read, but a fine and unique example of how you too may approach telling the stories behind your family photographs.

This short piece by author Beth Kephart has been previously published; it was the opening to her 2002 memoir Still Love in Strange Places. In her poetic contribution, you'll find inspiration for writing about a photograph that holds more mystery than memory; sometimes it's the wondering, the imagining, that brings life to an old photo—that carries your ancestors from the past into the present and finds the narrative thread in our connected lives. 

Pictures Into Words:

Photo courtesy Beth Kephart; pictured on right is Carlos Alberto Bondanza, the grandfather of Kephart's husband, and the man whose stories captivated her imagination

“Torn Photograph, Sepia Stained”

By Beth Kephart

The tear runs like a river through a map, hurtling down toward his right shoulder, veering threateningly at his neck, then diverting south only to again pivot east at the fifth brass button of his captain's uniform. Below the tear, two more brass buttons and the clasp of his hands, and below all that, the military saber; the loosening creases on his pants; the shoes with their reflections of the snap of camera light. He is one of three in a sepia-colored portrait, and someone had to think to save his face. Someone had to put the photo back together—re-adhere the northeast quadrant of this map with three trapezoids of tape so that his left hand would fall again from his left elbow and he would still belong to us. We suppose he is the best man at a wedding. We suppose that it was eighty years ago, before the matanza, before he was jailed and then set free, before he saved the money to buy the land that became St. Anthony's Farm. 

“Did I ever tell you what my grandfather did the year the farm first turned a profit?” 

“No.”

“He threw the money into the air, the bills, and they got caught up with a wind.”

“And so?”

“And so he ran after those colones through the park. Chased his own money through the leafy streets of Santa Tecla. Imagine that.” 

I do. I am often imagining that. Imagining that I know him—this man whose likeness is my husband's face, whose features are now borne out by my son. His are the sepia eyes that passed through me. His is the broad nose, the high cheekbones, the determined mouth, the face not like an oval or a heart, but like a square. He died long before I'd ever meet him, but I carried him in my blood. Just as the land carries him still, remembers. Just as St. Anthony's Farm will someday, in part, belong to my son, requiring him to remember what he never really knew, to put a story with the past. Words are the weights that hold our histories in place. They are the stones that a family passes on, hand to hand, if the hands are open, if the hearts are.

“You look like your great-grandfather.” 

“I do?” 

“Yes. Come here. See? That’s him, in the photograph.”

 “Him? My great-grandfather?”

 “Yes.”

 “But he looks so young.” 

“Well, he was young once. But that was a long time ago, in El Salvador.”

 We remember. We imagine. We pass it down. We step across and through a marriage, retrieve the legacies for a son. 

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Beth Kephart is an award-winning author of 21 books of fiction and nonfiction, including Handling the Truth: On the Writing of Memoir, which we recommend in a previous post. Her current book is This Is the Story of You (Chronicle). The above was excerpted with permission of the author from Still Love in Strange Places: A Memoir (W. W. Norton, 2002).

Kephart has recently launched Juncture, writing workshops where the locale plays an integral role in inspiring and enabling the writing process. Sites have included
an experience-enriching Pennsylvania farm and, in the fall, a sunny gathering place along the coast in historic Cape May. “Participants will learn what memoir genuinely is—and what it is not. They’ll study the words of the greatest memoirs ever written, respond to daily prompts, and work toward a fully developed memoir prologue that summons both the themes and tone of work yet to come,” details her site.
And they will enjoy the unique surroundings of their chosen environs, gathering formally and informally for readings, conversation, and inspiration.

Sign up for Beth Kephart's memoir newsletter here.

“Honoring Mamita”

You don’t have to call yourself a writer to write meaningful vignettes about your life. There are some notable books that can guide you on the journey of writing your life stories, and our blog regularly offers advice on the topic. Sometimes, though, all you need is a little inspiration.

With that in mind, here is the second contribution in our “Pictures Into Words” series, vignettes from other memory-keepers who know the joy and process of using a photograph as a prompt for writing. Each provides not only a wonderful short read, but a fine and unique example of how you too may approach telling the stories behind your family photographs.

Since it's still May, we’re proud to feature recollections of another strong matriarch in honor of Mother’s Day. In her piece, Yuliana Gomez Delgado reflects on a favorite photograph with her grandmother, a shot that has taken on new meaning now that Yuliana herself knows what it is to be called Mother.
 

Pictures Into Words:

The writer, Yuliana Delgado, with her maternal grandmother, Mother's Day, 1996

Honoring Mamita

By Yuliana Delgado

I keep this picture in a safe place because of all that it represents to me. It was Mother's Day 1996 and we were visiting my Mamita (what I called my mom’s mom, my abuela or grandma) after church that Sunday. I was hamming it up for the camera, but I can still feel the scratchy icky-ness of those seldom-worn pantyhose on my legs and how silly I felt in my beige suit. What can I say, I tried to dress up a little since I lived in sweats and tees pretty much all the time (I was in college after all!). Beyond how I felt about my church garb on that day, what I remember clear as day is the incredible love and gratitude I felt for Mamita, whose health had been declining rapidly over the previous months.

Holy crap, that was 20 years ago! I was in my teens and a sophomore in college. And yet, despite my relative youth, I think I knew how little time I had left with my incredible, wonderful, always happy, always positive Mamita, María Noemí. In the days that followed that weekend, we visited her Queens apartment as much as we possibly could, to spend time or just to help around the house after her grueling radiation sessions or after those exam days, when the poking and prodding she had to endure at the hospital left her exhausted.

Almost two years to the day that this picture was taken, Mamita left us, finally succumbing to the cancer that had ravaged her body. Despite the fact that I knew it was coming—and as I think is always the case—her death was beyond painful, surprising, crushing. It didn’t matter that I knew the day would come, it had to come; knowing she was gone forever still destroyed me. Burying her was saying goodbye to my childhood—it was the first time I realized time went forever forward, and so many happy memories were destined to stay behind.

I found this photograph about two years ago, when I was pregnant with my daughter. While we had decided upon Sofía as our girl’s first name, we were struggling with a middle name. The picture brought inspiration. I would honor Mamita in a most special way, one that would keep her ever-present in my life: We would give our baby Mamita's middle name. It was the best way I could honor her, so many years after she left us. And Sofía Noemí is in, so many ways, a little bit like Mamita.

I hope Mamita’s great-granddaughter can carry on her spirit and legacy. Her name is a way to have her again in our lives. And whenever I look at my Sofi, I know we chose the name well.

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Yuliana Gomez Delgado is the managing editor at MamasLatinas.com. She lives in New Jersey with her hubby, 4-year-old son, 20-month-old daughter, and two cranky Chihuahuas, Pablo and Arnie.

“My Mother, the Most Beautiful Woman in the Room”

You don't have to call yourself a writer to write meaningful vignettes about your life. There are some notable books that can guide you on the journey of writing your life stories, and our blog regularly offers advice on the topic. Sometimes, though, all you need is a little inspiration.

With that in mind, this is the first in a series of contributions from memory-keepers: some who write for a living, and some who don't but are brave enough to pick up pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard). Each of them uses a photograph as a prompt for writing a little life story. And each of them provides not only a wonderful short read, but a fine and unique example of how you too may approach telling the stories behind your family pictures.

I hope to make this series, "Pictures Into Words," a regular feature on the site; if you would like to contribute, please reach out via email or social media (Twitter or Instagram)—I would love to share your stories as inspiration, too.

Without further ado, part one in our series...

Pictures Into Words:

Author Rachel Brodsky and her mother

“My Mother, the Most Beautiful Woman in the Room”

By Rachel Brodsky

I don’t think it’s unusual for a daughter to view her mother as the most beautiful woman in the room. I certainly did. I was sure there was something that separated my mom from all other mothers. Maybe it was how tall she was, with her height clocking in at 5’9"—unusually lanky for a Jewish woman. Equally uncommon for a member of the tribe were her chest and backside, which were flat as pancakes—physical features she used to bemoan. But I thought those things, combined with her long, thin legs, made her look elegant and model-esque. I wanted to be naturally tall and thin when I grew up, too. I wanted to literally stand out from the crowd.

I used to stare, mesmerized, at a professional photo of the two us taken when I was barely a year old. My parents got me all dressed up for Baby’s First Photo Shoot, selecting a lacy white dress, a matching headband, and a string of long, Flapper-like pearls. They sat me down in a rocking chair holding a teddy bear, standing up on a white shag carpet, and each parent held me as they grinned into the camera. I remember thinking that this photo of my mom holding me in her arms was her at her most stunning. The way she, too, is dressed in white, looking up with a calm, quiet grace, seemed to radiate an uncommon mixture of innocence and wisdom.

Even as I—and the photo of us together—grew older, my mom still never seemed to age. Perhaps part of that has to do with the fact that she’s blessed with enviable genes—even today she’s well past 50 and still only has a smattering of barely visible gray hair. Maybe it’s also because she has maintained the same mid-length, feathery haircut decade after decade. Maybe it’s because she works out every week, stresses the importance of healthy foods (something that used to drive me insane as a kid, for obvious reasons), and never goes too heavy on the makeup—all habits I picked up once I got old enough to care about appearances.

Of course her beauty went beyond looks. She had, and still has, an openness, an honest streak, that let her smartly confront a lot of my teenage conundrums. When I was 10, I asked if I could begin shaving my legs. Not only did she agree, but she showed me how to do it without nicking myself. When I was 13 and started showing interest in makeup, she took me to the Clinique counter and bought me a starter kit. Fortunately, this never extended to anything truly embarrassing (it’s not like she bought me condoms in high school or college or quizzed me about my sex life), but the fact that Mom was inherently so open to discussing femininity and womanhood—no matter what the topic—just made her seem more progressive than most. Never mind the fact that she could easily pass for my cool, younger aunt instead of my mother.

Almost 30 years have gone by since this photo of us was taken. Her face has grown a few lines, her hair’s a little shorter, and usually I see her in glasses. But it's her inner elegance that has not changed a bit. I see it every time I look at her—the woman who is still the most beautiful one in the room.

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Rachel Brodsky is a writer and editor living in New York. She currently works for SPIN.com. She also has two cats, one of whom is named “Jones” for Sigourney Weaver's tabby in Alien.

How to use photographs as prompts for writing life stories

“Your photography is a record of your living, for anyone who really wants to see.” —Paul Strand

If writing a life story book seems overwhelming, write shorter stories from your life using some favorite family photos to jog your memory.

My generation knows the pleasure, both tactile and emotional, of exploring a box of dusty old photographs: the sense of discovery, of time travel, the good fortune of glimpsing our parents as carefree teenagers, of seeing ourselves as Garanimals-clad kids.

But this is becoming a thing of the past. Do you even have a box of photos in your home?

It saddens me to think of our children inheriting a box of old devices (your iphone will be extinct one day, you know!) and wondering how they can access the digital trove of photos they know must be stored within. And they likely won’t be able to retrieve those images, as the technology will have changed by then.

Just as I wish my mother and grandmother had jotted names and dates on the back of their old photos, our kids will one day be wishing we left some clues about our own pictures (metadata, anyone?).

I urge you to go a few steps further, to not only record the details of important photographs, but to elucidate the stories associated with them. To leave a visual AND narrative history to your children, a gift from the past for the future.

How to Shape Your (Small) Life Stories

I’ve written about this before, but it’s worth reiterating: Shorter is often better, especially when it comes to autobiographical writing. That’s why using photos as jumping-off points for your stories can be such an effective method.

Don’t worry about length when you sit down to write. Just choose a photo, and begin sharing. A few initial ideas:

1 - Talk, don’t write.

Pick up a digital recorder (or use the function on your smart phone) and talk into it. Often spoken language is more direct. You won’t get hung up on sentence structure or finding the perfect words. Rather, your language will flow and have a natural rhythm. Your words will be honest and forthright. You can transcribe your recording later.

2 - Find a partner.

Having someone to listen to your story can be a powerful aid. Even if that person doesn’t engage you or ask questions, the very act of listening—an occasional nod, an understanding expression—let’s the speaker know that what they are saying matters. The more you converse with someone about your life stories, the easier it becomes to share them, shape them, and delve even deeper.

3 - Be specific.

Small details. Moments. A focus on life as it is truly lived. Did your mother enjoy a cup of room-temperature tea every night before bed? What did the hand-me-down pajamas you’re wearing in the Christmas-morning picture feel like? It wasn’t just a red car, it was a 1955 crimson Cadillac convertible that your dad referred to as “My Dorado.” This is not to say get lost in the details: Do not go overboard describing every object and movement in your story with multiple modifiers. This is to say that the specificity of the right details brings an era or a person to life in a most vibrant and revealing way. Choose wisely.

4 - Interview you.

If you hadn’t taken the picture, what would you want to know? Make believe you’re interviewing yourself. This is a helpful exercise in making sure the most essential (often obvious to you but not others) elements do not get left out of your story. And then, like HONY’s Stanton, edit, edit, edit: whittle your interview down to the bone, keeping in those details that surprise, delight, enlighten. I suggest waiting at least a day, longer if you have the luxury of time, to do the editing; it’s amazing how such distance enables us to better self-edit.

Let’s get started: Choose a picture, and use it as a prompt to write a life story vignette

Step 1: Look at your chosen photo.

Study it; ignore it. Eat some lunch and let the memories the picture elicits percolate. Now sit down at your computer to free write: Don’t worry about story structure or creating something for an audience, just write from your heart. If you are more comfortable with pen and paper, you might forego sentences altogether and jot down phrases, recollections, adjectives. The key to both approaches, whether stream-of-consciousness writing or brainstorming, is to go fast and to not worry about anything. Just do it.

thumbs up?

You may find that this one photo has stirred a wealth of memories for you to mine. Perhaps it recalls one vibrant scene from your childhood. Consider yourself lucky if either of these is the case! You’ve got the makings of a life story vignette at your fingertips.

thumbs down?

If the photo you’ve chosen reveals nothing more than a string of boring observations, don’t fret. First, go through this list to see if you get anywhere:

1. What is your personal connection to the photo?

2. What would you caption the photo (include as much basic factual information as possible, answering Who, What, Why, When?)

3. Write a question the photo brings to mind.

4. Write a detailed observation about the photo.

Still boring…? Don’t worry, just move on to the helpful exercise below to get the story behind your photo!

Step 2: Go beyond the frame.

Next, try this exercise from author Beth Kephart, an early assignment she would give to her creative nonfiction students at the University of Pennsylvania, as detailed in her book Handling the Truth:

Study the background of any chosen photograph. Not the foreground, the background. What’s in the picture that you didn’t see when you were snapping? What lies beyond the chosen subject—just to the right or the left? … What does the startle of the once-unnoticed detail suggest to you? What would happen if this small thing—and not the obvious thing, the central thing, the thing easily seized and snatched—was the start of your story?

Still nothing of interest?

Step 3: Enlist Help.

If you are convinced there is a worthy story attached to the photo, show it to a sibling or other relative to see what memories they may have. If you have other pictures from the same period, gaze at those for clues. Maybe it means something to you not for the story it tells, but for the one it does not tell: Who is the subject gazing at? What happened right before the camera was snapped? Who was left out of the moment—was it you? Or was the picture in a frame at your grandparents’ home, and your memory of that is what’s important?

If nothing more reveals itself and yet you are still compelled to include the photograph in your life story, ask yourself, why? Draft a caption that at least puts the image in context, reveals a mystery, or taps an emotion. Then leave it at that, and turn to your next photo. It is likely that after taking this approach with more of your family snapshots, this one will eventually find its way into your narrative or, rightfully, be edited out in favor of others that weave a more textured and colorful tapestry.

FREE Printable Guide

Download our FREE GUIDE, “How to Use Photographs as Prompts for Writing Life Stories” and get started asap on your journey of preserving your memories!

Next steps, and advice for non-writers

If all of this appeals to you but you’re not a DIYer, that’s what we are here for.

You may want to begin the journey of remembering and selecting photos on your own, using much of the advice provided on the blog—and then hand it over for refining and shaping; our expert editors and designers will transform your memories into a beautiful heirloom that reveals even more than you had imagined.

If you only get as far as piling up those boxes, no worries: We’ll walk you through the whole process! Set up a free consultation to learn how we can work together.

Related reading:

• How to choose the best pictures to use as writing prompts

• How to use your smaller life vignettes to create a mosaic of your life

• Why you should share your photos with loved ones

• Four easy ways to find your way into life story writing

#LifeStories  #SaveFamilyPhotos  #PhotoStories  #storytelling #FamilyLegacy  #MemoriesMatter  #memoirish

Updated June 2020.

Books to help you write your family’s stories, even if you are not a writer

We all have stories within us. Eliciting those stories from family elders, or getting our own down on paper, though, is not always easy.

Here at Modern Heirloom Books, we do not strive to publish full biographies or memoirs; rather, we want to help you curate your family’s stories—through words and pictures—in a way that your children (and hopefully their children’s children) will want to interact with them. A book of family memories, after all, is worth nothing if no one connects with it. We most often use what is referred to as a quilt-work approach to storytelling: weaving vignettes and small narratives around photographs or other mementos that spark memory and serve as a touchstone to the past, carefully connecting them to a broader theme to create a textured picture of an individual.

We’re at your disposal: Some folks like to hand over a few boxes of photos and memorabilia, and guide the book-making process from afar.

Others prefer to do much of the heavy-lifting in terms of story gathering themselves. With that in mind, I have read piles of books that promise to help you write your family’s stories, and narrowed a long list down to a manageable 5 titles that we recommend. These are especially helpful for non-writers, but even for professional editors and wordsmiths, there is much wisdom to be gleaned specifically about writing about your own life and your family.

(Note: These are in no particular order!)

5 Top Book Titles for Autobiographical Writing, Reviewed

1  The Oral History Workshop

The Oral History Workshop: Collect and Celebrate the Life Stories of Your Family and Friends by Cynthia Hart with Lisa Samson (Workman 2009)

Once upon a time, a book such as this would not have been necessary, as the authors are quick to point out: “...when people lived in small, tight-knit communities, with or within a stone’s throw of their families. When stories, lore, and family history were essential parts of everyday life.” These days, not so much.

This book is concerned with an oral history, and as such doesn’t provide much in the way of writing help—so why include it? Well, it is the most complete source I have found for helping people prepare for interviews. And since your memory alone cannot convey an entire family’s stories (not to mention the fallibility of memory in general), interviewing loved ones may be the quickest and most accurate route to capturing what you want.

The Oral History Workshop lays out plenty of preliminary guidance, from technical aspects such as recording and archiving your interviews to ethical considerations including listening with compassion and sharing sensitive information. It even includes a chapter with basic ideas for, as the authors write, “turning your interviews into something more,” like scrapbooks and an inheritance for future generations.

It is the longest central chapter, though, entitled “Ask a Question, Gather a Story” that propels me to recommend this book to you. While interviews are highly personal endeavors, and each interviewee will have a unique past from which to draw stories, sometimes getting the ball rolling can be challenging. Hart and Samson provide an array of sample questions to inspire the reader. More than 800 questions are bulleted in 64 categories. And if that seems overwhelming, well, it can be—but the editors have been careful to make the chapter skimmable, and have included a sidebar, “The Terrific Twenty,” which lists 20 “all-around great questions” as a shortcut to getting started. I suggest tackling this chapter in the evening—you can even do so while watching some brainless TV show—and highlighting categories and questions that resonate (or do so on photocopies of the pages, with a set for each person you plan to interview).

You’ll of course want to focus on specific content for every individual—it’s virtually impossible to chronicle a person’s life from birth to retirement, yet of even greater importance is that doing so would bore your audience to death! Decide on a likely story arc before your interview, and choose questions accordingly. Just remember that, through attentive listening and thoughtful follow-up questions (think of your interview as a conversation, with one person doing most of the talking) you’re likely to get off course from your planned questions—as you should. As the authors write: “It’s possible that the interviewee has his own map for the interview, his own priorities and interests, his own list of things he wants to express…. Encourage him to talk about the things that matter so much to him. Don’t feel that you’ve gone astray by setting aside your questions and exploring uncharted territory.” See where the conversations lead, and be open to new directions.

Paperback, $10.55 at Amazon.

2  Writing about Your Life

Writing about Your Life: A Journey into the Past by William Zinsser (Marlowe 2004)

William Zinsser, who was a lifelong journalist, is most well-known for his landmark book On Writing Well, a mainstay resource for writers for generations. In this title, he focuses on memoir writing specifically, and does so with his typical eloquence and wisdom.

This book has two main premises:

One, don’t plan out your entire personal history; rather, let the stories take you on a journey. “Be ready to be surprised by the crazy, wonderful events that will come dancing out of your past when you stir the pot of memory. Embrace those long-lost visitors. If they shove aside some events you originally thought you wanted to write about, it’s because they have more vitality.”

“To write well about your life you only have to be true to yourself.”

And two: Think small. Zinsser wisely advises not to think about the “important” events in your life. Instead, write about “small, self-contained incidents that are still vivid in your memory.” These are likely the ones that contain a morsel of universal truth, that will resonate with readers. And they should not be 5,000 words. Brief stories told with meaningful details and palpable emotion are more evocative than lengthy treatises any day. One of my favorite tips: “Be content to tell your small portion of a larger story. Too short is always better than too long.”

Zinsser focuses on writing a memoir, and I imagine most of you who follow Modern Heirloom Books are not especially interested in completing a full biography. That doesn’t mean, though, that this book doesn’t contain sage words for you, as well, as it assuredly does. When writing scenes from your life—short stories that capture the essence of a person, a time, or a place—all the same memoir-driven lessons apply.

Indeed, Zinsser weaves what he refers to as “mini-memoirs” into this teaching book: Readers are taken along on a captivating journey through Zinsser’s own past while being given instructional notes along the way. The book is a pleasure-read with advice woven in, not a typical self-help book by any stretch.

Zinsser’s main message is clear and so on par with our own opinion here: “To write well about your life you only have to be true to yourself.” His demonstration of craftsmanship in this book will enhance your writing, and give you the tools to take pen to paper without fear. You’ll be inspired by Zinsser’s example (his words and stories are wonderful) as well as by his teaching.

Paperback, $12.43 at Amazon.

3  Handling the Truth

Handling the Truth: On the Writing of Memoir by Beth Kephart (Gotham Books, 2013)

I’ll state this upfront: This book is written for writers. Aspiring memoir writers, to be precise.

Why share this in this forum, then, you might ask? Because it is the book I wallowed in: I luxuriated in Kephart’s language, savored her insights, letting the lyricism and rhythms of the writing wash over me. Feel her words:

“Time is the memoirist’s salvation and sin. Time is the tease and the puzzle. Time is the trickster, the tormentor, the vexer. Time solved or resolved is memoir mostly mastered.”

While Kephart writes for writers, there is such value in immersing oneself in her attitudes about writing the self, about opening oneself to vulnerability, about the startle of details and discovering truth at the edge of the frame and the nature of love...all of this is wisdom even the non-writers among us will grasp at, cling to, think upon. And regarding love, take note: “Love,” she writes, “is where life stories start, no matter what one is writing about.”

Allow yourself to embark on this journey with Kephart. Just as reading biographical writing will inspire and inform your own life story practice, so too will reading Handling the Truth. For amidst the technical advice and deep dives into honing the meat of your memoir, this book weaves so many golden nuggets for you, too.

“Journal keeping, diary making, blogging—it’s all a curious thing, and it isn’t...memoir. But it’s a start, an inroad, a gesture.” Kephart spends a good portion of the book on what she calls “not-yet-writing-memoir work”—preparatory ideas, tapping memories, conjuring beauty, exploring diversions, finding your story. I am betting you will relish those parts. And in the relishing, there will be epiphanies that will make you see your life in new ways, write your life with your authentic voice.

One of my favorite gems from the book, I offer up as a call to action: “Let your words uncover you. Let your words prove you.”

Paperback, $13.29 at Amazon

4  How to Write Your Own Life Story

How to Write Your Own Life Story: The Classic Guide for the Nonprofessional Writer by Lois Daniel (Chicago Review Press, Fourth Edition 1997)

While the aforementioned two books were written largely with “writers” in mind, this next title was explicitly created to address non-writers, and it holds some key truths—and highly specific exercises—that may help you on your journey as a non-writer endeavoring to write your life story.

Written with a warm-hearted tone by a college professor, this book is built around 52 assignments, which parallel assignments Daniel used for years teaching inexperienced writers the craft of autobiographical writing. So if you were to write one assignment per week, theoretically you would have the raw material for your life story book in one year!

In a chapter entitled “Your Stories Don’t Actually Have To Be ‘Stories,’” Daniel provides a few examples of compelling pieces that might be considered essays rather than stories (which have a beginning, middle, and end). These composites of memories and ideas may be easier for many people to write, as they don’t have the pressure of conforming to traditional story structure, yet they are often equally revealing. She also encourages inclusion of “brief encounters,” snippets describing interesting encounters that occurred throughout a person’s life, giving your readers wonderful glimpses into your everyday life. Sometimes, short is sweet, and oh-so-evocative!

Daniel does not focus on polishing the writing (the final chapter does a shallow dive into how to approach revisions), focusing instead on how to efficiently and effectively record memories and start the process. Her assignments are akin to writing prompts, and what I find most helpful are the variety of examples of other students’ writing included throughout the book.

“I do believe that as a society we are emotionally undernourished in terms of understanding and feeling kinship with our heritage. Ours has been a society on a headlong dash into the future,” Daniel writes. “Consequently, unlike many older cultures which have been built on generations of traditions we have, to some extent, misplaced our past.”

"We have, to some extent, misplaced our past.”

We can help future generations have a meaningful link to their heritage by writing about our own lives and experiences—writing about the past, and writing “about today, which will be history tomorrow.”

Paperback, $13.59 at Amazon.

5  Memories of Me

Memories of Me: A Complete Guide to Telling and Sharing the Stories of Your Life by Laura Hedgecock (Plain Sight Publishing)

There’s a reason our first diaries come with a lock and key, notes Hedgecock: “For most of us, sharing our more vulnerable side—let alone our most personal thoughts and stories—does not come easily or naturally.” Of course, it’s precisely those personal stories that resonate and connect our loved ones to our journeys.

Hedgecock was inspired to write her book by a gift left to her by her grandmother: a spiral notebook filled with what she coined a “Treasure Chest of Memories,” writings that included stories about her childhood, recipes, nuggets of wisdom, and other heartfelt remembrances from her life.

In her book, formerly titled Treasure Chest of Memories: How to Capture and Share the Stories of Your Life, Hedgecock offers practical advice for novice memory keepers. Grounded in the world of scrapbooking, blogging, and social media, her tips do not merely cover writing and memory-jogging, but also span creative means of sharing your stories, whether in an old-fashioned journal or via more technologically savvy outlets, down to such nitty-gritty details as choosing an appealing and easy-to-read font and using photo-organizing software for digital images.

While Hedgecock does not offer as much guidance on the subtleties of strong writing (Kephart and Zinsser offer the most in terms of crafting lyrical prose and fine-tuning language), she goes much further in terms of rounding out family stories beyond the text. Her insights on using visual aids, including photographs, historical documents, and drawings; her out-of-the-box ideas for building a “treasure chest of memories,” including prayers, letters to loved ones, and even lists; and her heartfelt understanding of what an important journey the reader is undertaking, make this a perfect book for a non-writer who wants to leave a meaningful legacy behind.

Indeed, Hedgecock writes, “My goal is to assist you as you establish a rich endowment of memories, not to teach the art of writing.” And she does that with flair and enthusiasm, generously providing some psychological bolstering for those reluctant to write, as well as concrete tips for finding your voice and writing colloquially.

This book is available to buy in paperback, but I advise purchasing the e-book, which is not only cheaper but easier to navigate via search functionality and text highlighting capabilities.

E-book, $6.99 at Amazon.

Honorable Mention: To Our Children’s Children

To Our Children’s Children: Preserving Family Histories for Generations to Come by Bob Greene and D. G. Fulford (Doubleday 1993)

This compact book reminds me of the myriad memory journals found in bookstores today—the kind that prompt parents and grandparents to answer one question a day—only this book does not provide space to write those memories down. It is rather a companion to the writer, offering questions designed to open the doors to memory. “The particulars,” the authors say, are what your family will treasure most. Hear, hear!

Organized into thematic chapters, questions are easy to browse strategically (for example: High School; Holidays and Celebrations; Favorites; The House You Raised Your Family In), and the book is inviting enough to skim and quickly find a gem or two that appeals to your storytelling self (I loved, for instance, “Are you usually late or early?”, which prompted a number of telling and funny stories I would otherwise have forgotten all about!).

Hardcover, $17.19 at Amazon

You're on the road to reminiscing— and sharing your stories.

There are shelves of how-to books at your library about how to write—how to write better, how to write more clearly, how to write to persuade and sell, how to write to get published, how to write for marketing and SEO… None of those titles, however, will help you to write engagingly and concisely about your loved ones, yourself, or your family members. The books detailed above will hopefully put you on the road to reminiscence and retelling.

Be sure to follow us, as well, for an upcoming in-depth storytelling series on this blog with advice on: identifying the best family stories to tell; dealing with painful memories and stories about estranged family members; sparking your memory; interviewing techniques and tips; using photographs as prompts for life stories; and more.

No matter where you are in your storytelling process—if it’s just a flickering flame of an idea in your head or a fleshed-out drama written in journals for the past decade—we at Modern Heirloom Books are here to guide you along the process. Want to see what we can do together? Let’s create a legacy book that will become a family heirloom destined to be treasured for generations to come. Set up a consultation now!

Disclaimer: None of these books were provided to me. Before narrowing down this list, I frequented my local library a LOT, and ultimately purchased the five books I recommend via the reviews above. I hope you find a gem among them!

Using technology to help you share your family’s stories

A recurring theme here at Modern Heirloom Books is that while we are drowning in our digital images, most people are not doing anything really worthwhile with their pictures. That’s a main reason we exist as a company—to help you curate your pictures and craft them into stories you can share through exquisitely designed books.

What of those stories, though? There is plenty you can do to ensure that you are—easily!—capturing bits and pieces of your family history along the way. Even if a photo book is way off in your future, take steps now to make life easier later.

“There is plenty you can do to ensure that you are—easily!—capturing bits and pieces of your family history along the way.”

In the last few years a host of memory sharing sites have arisen to help tech-savvy families record and share their family memories. Some have evolved over time, while new ones continue to hit the app store in an attempt to simplify the process with more elegant and engaging interfaces. Many of them are too labor-intensive or convoluted to warrant your time, however (and I doubt they’ll be around in a few more years). 

One Memory-Sharing App That’s Worth Your Time—and One to Watch (IOHO)

You know those fill-in-the-blank memory books that tempt on Barnes & Noble bookshelves, or the beautiful journals that promise to leave your story for your children? (You know, the one that sits on your nightstand with just two pages filled in?) They’re a wonderful idea, if only we’d truly sit down and answer the questions. StoryWorth is like a digital version of these books, but with so many more benefits.

Options for good old-fashioned fill-in-the-blank memory journals abound—but they're useless if no one fills them in!

StoryWorth recipients receive a weekly email prompting them to answer a question based on their life experiences. The array of questions is vast and evocative, though users may always choose to answer a question they themselves craft. When a reply is input, answers are emailed to a preset list of people (so, as many family members and friends as you want to designate may receive your stories). 

The value? It’s easy and fun to answer these prompts, whether a subject types a response on the website or via email, or chooses to record an audio clip over the phone. Photos and audio files can also be uploaded to the site, and stories—all saved on StoryWorth and available for printing or download at any time—are editable and secure. Remember: These aren’t biographies you’re crafting. They are nuggets from your (or your mother’s or grandfather’s) life—the time you hitchhiked across the state, the first time he flew on an airplane, that time none of the kids could find the hidden Easter eggs—colorful tales that the rest of there family will be thrilled to discover.

The site has a few packages ranging from $39 to $119 per year, and they offer a one-month free trial (you don’t even have to enter your credit card to start your trial). Check it out.

If your memories are all over the multimedia map and you want something more dynamic and mobile-friendly, I venture to guess that the imminent app I Rememba might be a good choice. I can’t say much more, though, as the app is still in development; I have signed up for access to their beta launch, so I’ll update you when I’ve eventually had time to test it. Why does it warrant my interest? Well, I am right there with the founder’s inspiration: 

““Today, I’m 34 yrs old and have a 3.5 yr old daughter, of whom I have more than 25GB of pictures and videos…and due to the sheer speed with which we’re creating new memories, we don’t really care about them as much as we used to. Can you imagine, when my daughter grows up, what it would be like for her to Search and/or Share just the BEST memories of her life?? ….feels like trying to find a needle in a haystack…””

The launch site promises ways to preserve, capture, and share memories, in whatever format (video, audio, photo, text, and even family tree charts), and to “leave your legacy through time capsules.” I Rememba, like Modern Heirloom Books, is about preservation of memories and connecting generations. I’ll be watching them!

Family History vs. Family Stories

There is a place for memoirs and full-fledged biographies: the library.

Your own stories should not be told in minute detail, covering every life decision and milestone. I am not insinuating that your accomplishments and experiences are not worthwhile—truly, I am not. But for most of us, that…long…story would be rather…boring. 

Perhaps it is important for you to chronicle your heritage, and I value a detailed family tree as much as any genealogist. For me, though, the personal tales that inspire a smile or reveal a person’s character are of even greater value. As the cliché goes, no one wants to sit through two hours’ worth of family vacation video, but a highlight reel is always welcome! Likewise, your descendants don’t want to feel like they are reading a 100-page history lesson, but rather as if they are being introduced to the interesting, unique people who came before them.

“No one wants to sit through two hours’ worth of family vacation video, but a highlight reel is always welcome!”

The memory-sharing apps mentioned above are great options for capturing the memories that matter. You’ll know which stories resonate when you get responses from your family members. “OMG I had no idea you were such a rebel soul!!” “I always knew you had a generous spirit, but this is above and beyond.” “LOL you are the same now as when you were 6yo!” “Now that I’m a mom I do the same thing!!”

“You’re not faced with thinking about your whole life or even what story you want to tell,” Nancy Mills told the NY Times about her experience with StoryWorth. “It’s like you’re having a conversation.” 

And editing out stories that are less impactful—meaning that when you read them months later they don’t make you feel something—is easy.

I was lucky enough to inherit a book in which my mom recorded some memories the old-fashioned way—a true treasure.

Whether you actually sit down and use a good old-fashioned pen to record your memories (my mother did, and the book she left me will be forever cherished) or you subscribe to StoryWorth or another tech-aid, just do it. Get your stories down, and saved in one place.

Then, when you’re ready, let’s turn them into something even more special.