The healing power of remembrance

I talk often about the power of story. Rarely, though, have I been so confronted with just how powerful story and remembrance can be specifically in the face of grief as I was this Monday at a talk at the New York Open Center. 

In a discussion billed as “Keeping Alive the Memories of Lost Loved Ones for Healing and Resilience,” three luminaries—Henry Louis Gates, Jr., Soledad O’Brien, and Allison Gilbert—spoke openly about their own experiences and shed light on why the more you honor your family and friends who have passed, the more likely you are to reach your fullest potential in the present.

The ambivalence around memories for those who are grieving

“When loss is fresh, there is a school of thought that resurrecting memories is too painful. But the opposite is actually true,” said Allison Gilbert, author most recently of Passed and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive.

Anyone who has experienced loss will nod their heads in recognition at Gilbert’s words. It is in this time of need that other people so often remain quiet because they simply don’t know what to say.   

Sheryl Sandberg, who has been making the talk-show rounds in support of her new book Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy, echoes that experience, recently saying that after her husband Dave died, “People were so afraid of saying the wrong thing that they hardly said anything at all.”

When Sandberg lost her husband in 2015, she lost her bearings; and her book is as much a helpful guide for those who have suffered a recent loss as it is for those who aren’t sure how to talk about loss or approach their friends who are grieving. 

“I think a lot of people wanted to reach out to her, but they didn’t know how,” says Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg. “You know, there’s this whole question of, Are you reopening a wound or something? And of course, what she would say is ‘You’re not reopening the wound. I mean, it’s, like, open and gaping.’” [Time]

Nostalgia: research says it’s good

“There’s no time limit for grieving,” Gates said at the New York Open Center.

“And there is no roadmap to remembering,” added Gilbert. “Mourning allows you to be passive when you need to be passive. But at some point you’ve got to pivot from passive mourning to active remembrance.”

Her book Passed and Present hones in on highly specific ways to keep memories of lost loved ones alive, from memorializing a family recipe on a platter to creating a tribute book in your loved one’s memory. (I highly recommend Gilbert’s book for anyone hungry for ways to keep the spirit of your lost loved ones near.)

Taking intentional steps to remember those of our loved ones who are no longer with us is essential to healing our grief, building our resilience, and empowering our positive action in the world. Indeed, there is a huge body of current research that shows nostalgia—a sentimental longing for the past—is good for us, Gilbert said.

“Momentous life events, the primary fodder of nostalgia, entail cherished time spent with family, friends, and relationship partners…. which, when reflected upon, serve to impart meaning,” reads one hallmark study.

As Gilbert describes, “When we feel an intense bond with loved ones from our past, we're more likely to feel similar bonds with those around us in the present,” and this deep sense of connection in turn may assuage our grief.

The value in active remembering

Gilbert’s children were born years after her mother’s death, and she said she “had this profound need to keep their memories alive for my children.” One powerful way to do that is through story sharing. “I don’t tell my kids stories about my mom and my dad. I tell them stories about their grandmother and their grandfather.”

“How we really communicate is through narrative,” O’Brien said. We are connecting people through the narrative: “You tell the story about your lost loved ones—it’s what you pass on. The narrative is what makes people live even if they’re dead.”

Memories are the connective tissue that binds one generation to the next, and the active nature of remembering is healing.

“The prescription for joy and healing after loss is to remember,” Gilbert said.

Legacy books as memory prompts

Photographs of our lost loved ones serve as effective prompts for jogging our memories and actively engaging in storytelling about them, Gilbert said.

Capturing and preserving the deceased’s stories—their values and personality and experiences—in a tribute memory book, is an even more compelling way to cement their legacy. More importantly, a legacy book such as this is a living testimony in that it will continue to prompt story sharing and reminiscence about your lost loved one.

I personally experienced this last week when my son (who is seven going on 40) entered my room in his pajamas, hiding something behind his back. “Mom, I was wondering. I know it’s not our typical bedtime routine,” he began (see, 7 going on 40!), “but do you think we could look at this book about Nanny tonight for our bedtime story?” 

He produced the small memory book I had made for him after his great-grandmother’s passing; she had lived with us and the two had been exceptionally close. The fact that my son proactively sought this time to remember her—and that he proudly retold many of their stories while we snuggled—warmed my heart in a most special way. 

Gilbert described nostalgia, like empathy, as a social emotion: “It brings you closer to people not just in your past, but also in your present.” I can attest to that.

May you, too, find peace—and joy—in remembrance.

Related Reading:

• Notes from a Funeral: Sharing memories about lost loved ones to heal—and why we don't honor our families through story sharing now. 

• Mommy & Me: How a struggle to tell my mother’s whole story turned into a more intimate portrait of love

• Legacy Book FAQ: Answers to some common questions about what goes in a legacy book, and how they are created

Notes from a funeral

When a loved one dies, the world around us ceases to exist for a time. We may post an obituary to Facebook and share beloved photo memories of the deceased, but we are going through the motions. Moving forward, as we must. There is a haze about our very existence.

I have found that it is in the months after the sympathy cards cease coming, after friends and family drop by to check on our welfare, that the weight of grief settles.

Losing a loved one

This week I attended the wake and funeral of a beloved family matriarch. Gloria was my in-law, ever-present at family gatherings big and small over the decade since I had joined her extended family. I knew her as a doting great-grandmother, as a grandmother with a surprising sense of humor, and as a compatriot to my own Nanny when she was alive.

But I learned more about her as an individual in the past three days since she passed than I had ever known before. 

There is something wonderful about that, and something equally sad.

It’s not a revelation to notice that our loved ones’ stories are often buried treasures. It does sadden me, though, to notice again and again that often those stories remain buried.

At the end of a life, we are able to look back at said life in its entirety. It is natural and wondrous to talk of the milestones that marked a person’s journey.

Why don’t we reflect on our lives while we are living them, though? 

The simplest and best answer I have is that we take our time together for granted. We live in the present moment—as well we should!—and flow with the fast-moving currents of time. We go from one baby shower to Sunday family dinner to the next, wielding a camera and smiling as the kids play, chatting over coffee and dessert before we head home and get invited to do it all over again soon.

The gift of remembrance

We may feel abundant love, even great gratitude, for our family members. We know them as they relate to us, but less often do we ask about them as a person unto themselves! What did Grandma do before she became a mother? What were her parents like? What games did she play as a child? Did she get good grades in school?

The nature of family gatherings changes for a while after a loved one dies. The person’s absence is palpable; they should be here. Our supreme awareness of their absence invokes sadness, for sure, but it prompts storytelling, too. Memories of even the smallest moments, once shared, provide comfort and connection. Stories are a balm to our bruised hearts.

In the aftermath of loss, we are surrounded by others who share our grief. We are not shy about remembering—out loud—our loved one. We tell stories, and relish when we hear stories we had not heard before. When we learn something new, no matter how small, about our deceased loved one, we grasp it tightly, cherish it as a most special gift.

We seek, and find, connection in those also connected to our loved one.

Remembering, always

During his eulogy of the deceased, the priest thanked the gathered family members for “sharing Gloria with us.” This phrasing struck me: She was a faithful church attendant and community volunteer; she had friends from all stages of her life; and yet, she belonged to her family.

For those who knew and loved Gloria, may your memories of her continue to provide comfort and even joy amidst the gaping sadness of her loss. Don’t stop sharing those stories. 

Your perpetual remembrance is a celebration of her love and life. Be strengthened by her spirit, and know that you are her legacy.

And for everyone who loves someone: Ask them questions. Discover their stories. Now, while you can share in the emotions and relive the memories together. Celebrate your loved ones’ lives while they are being lived as much as you undoubtedly will when your loved ones are gone.

Remember, celebrate, and connect. Create a legacy together.

Special Ideas for Special Moms: More Unique Mother's Day Book Ideas

Last week we shared five ideas for creating the most special gifts for Mother's Day, including

• a book of food memories and family recipes;

• a book collecting letters and notes from loved ones telling mom (or Grandma!) how much she is appreciated;

• and a photo-driven book that goes well beyond #ThrowbackThursday to capture and preserve those special moments throughout the year that, all together, make up the stories of your life.

Now we present a few ideas geared specifically to three distinct parent groups: expecting moms, moms of multiples, and adoptive mothers.

While any woman would no doubt appreciate whichever book you had customized with her in mind, these ideas hone in on their particular experiences, and just may be the most unique gift ideas for Mother's Day around. 

For Pregnant Moms: The First Nine Months Book

Parents are diligent about recording baby's milestones, from that first word spoken to those first tentative steps taken. What about the first kick inside mom's belly? Or the mom-to-be's craziest craving? More importantly, what about all the hopes and dreams parents begin to have the moment their baby is conceived? Encourage your expecting loved one to give voice to the dreams she holds for her child, the vision she has for her burgeoning family, for the parent she'd like to be.

To tell her unique pregnancy story, we'll conduct brief interviews throughout mom's pregnancy, and provide easy-to-answer questions for which she and dad can jot down answers, even record quick sound bites on their smart phone while on the go. We make it easy for the prospective parents to record their pregnancy journey.

This one's a gift for the mother, no doubt—she'll cherish the time she sets aside to ponder her baby!—but it's as much a future gift for your child. Just imagine: In addition to the traditional baby book, your child will have mom's memories of a time when the possibilities were endless—and love was brand new. Make her FIRST Mother's Day one to remember.

For Moms of Multiples: Twice Upon a Time 

Or thrice upon a time. Whether the special woman in your life is a mother of twins, triplets, quadruplets, or more (!), her memory books will overflow with love.

Because all our books are completely customized, we work with parents to create just the right books. No need to search for a baby memory book that includes only the things you want in the style you want (an impossible task, to be sure!). 

Perhaps you'd like one book that celebrates your kids' togetherness, likenesses, and adventures alongside sections that call out each child's unique nature and personality. We've got you covered. Or maybe you'd like a three-volume set for your triplets, consisting of three slim books, one for each child, beautifully presented in a slipcase.

A photo-driven book comes to life when we include excerpts from an interview with the parents—or even letters you have written to your babies, bits of advice or wisdom you think of while nursing them or watching them sleep. Set up a free consultation to share how you envision your multiples' memory book—and let us help you make it a reality.

For Adoptive Mothers: Adoption Story Book

As an adult adoptee, I find myself wanting to hear my adoption story just one more time—although it is more like a million more times. Hearing it was simply never enough. I wanted to have something I could visually remember, or an experience that I could always look back on. I wanted to flip page after page and see how two people, once strangers, took a leap of faith to adopt me and became my heroes. They are my parents. I want to remember...

Written by Jessenia Arias on Adoption.net, those words resonate deeply, and bring home to many just how important preserving one's adoption story is, both for the children and for the family as a whole.

In addition to the memories and photos from the parents' journey, spiritual and physical, we'll include a visual timeline, a map for international adoptions, excerpts from journals or diaries kept during the often long process of adopting a child.

This is a book that can be undertaken at the inception of the adoption process, in which case we'll provide worksheets for keeping meaningful notes and dates, and suggest what types of photos and memorabilia might be most appreciated down the road. Or it can be completed years after a child has become part of your family—while piecing together the timeline and accessing some of the more raw memories may be challenging, you'll have the added perspective wrought by time.

Preserving adoption stories is important in helping foster connections and understanding between adopted children and parents. Flipping through the pages of a book—a book that shows just how valued, how wanted, and how special the adopted children are—is a helpful conversation starter when children reach an age of questioning, of searching for identity. Most of all, the adoption story is a gift to every member of the family, one that documents and celebrates the biggest gift of all.

P.S. This is an auspicious Father's Day gift, too, and it's never too soon to reach out to get the ball rolling!

The best Mother’s Day gift ever: memories

Moms want memories. To know that they are loved, and considered. Why not give her what she wants this year?

We're all about preserving your most precious family memories in the most grand style. From a family history book to a tribute book in honor of a deceased loved one, our heirloom books make the most unique gifts. 

To get you started thinking about the best Mother's Day gift for your mom, we've put together five ideas for Mother’s Day books. Choose one of these to make you the hero this Mother's Day, or be inspired to create your own idea for a tribute book for the most special woman in your life.

1  Taste of the Past: Family Recipe Book

Here's one of our most straightforward book ideas! Handwritten recipes passed down through generations, plus stories of family meals, celebrations, and treats, artfully packaged for a truly sweet gift. The tastes and aromas of our favorite foods stir the memory, and provide an excellent jumping-off point for sharing family stories.

Don't worry, you don't have to do the legwork: Buy your mom (or another beloved mother in your life!) a gift certificate, and we'll lovingly package a beribboned wooden spoon with our “Recipe for a Successful Mother's Day.”

2  Love Letters: Tribute Book to Mom

Let’s get letters­­—written by hand, not via text­­—with notes both funny and poignant addressed to Mom. We will craft a mini­-tribute in honor of the holiday, or spend considerable time perusing old journals and letters to flesh out a more substantive story.

This book is a wonderful option for large or scattered families, and can be put together more quickly than some—so for you last-minute holiday shoppers out there, get on it!

3  Wedding Book Redux

Is your parents’ wedding album dated or damaged? It’s almost certainly not digital. We’ll scan, restore, and color correct their wedding images, then design a modern coffee table book with a digital companion for posterity. Turning your parents' fading wedding album into an archival heirloom book—now that's a Mother's Day idea we bet you hadn't thought of yet.

4  Conversations with Grandma

Wouldn't you love to know your mom's and grandmom's stories? In their own words?! Beyond the few tales you may have heard around the dinner table 20 years ago...? We’ll conduct the interviews, gather memorabilia, and find the narrative thread that resonates. The resulting book promises to be beyond your (and her) dreams.

For this Mother's Day gift idea, we suggest you get your loved one a gift certificate that will get her started on the journey of sharing her stories. Because honestly, it's that journey that your grandmother (or mother) will enjoy as much as the final book: Sharing stories and memories can be wonderfully gratifying, and often healing.

5  Favorite Photos Through the Years

Why let all those amazing family photos and #ThrowbackThursday posts flounder on social media? The flood of “likes” are gratifying, but they lack permanence. A series of nostalgic pictures will be a brag book for the ages, especially for the grandmothers on your list. Check out this Instagram book we did for one New York City mom for inspiration, or gather a random array of old photographs that have been sitting in drawers and boxes for far too long (trust me, they don’t need to have been posted to social media at all!). Honor your photographs and memories of motherhood by preserving them this Mother's Day!

How to get your Mother's Day gift from Modern Heirloom Books

Mother's Day this year falls on Sunday, May 9, 2021.

If you are interested in preparing a book that you can actually gift to your mother, grandmother, or other special mom in your life on that day, it's crucial that you contact us now to get the ball rolling. While we can work fairly quickly, all of our books are handcrafted and take time to create.

A gift certificate with details about the project can be elegantly packaged for a Mother's Day gift that holds the promise of even more to come.

1. Call our founder Dawn Roode to discuss what Mother's Day gift book option you are interested in, learn about next steps, or to purchase a gift certificate now.

2. Or fill out this quick form to set up a free half-hour consultation to discuss your questions, time frame, or project ideas.

I look forward to helping you celebrate the special mothers in your life!

Bonus: More Mother’s Day book ideas—for “special” moms

In addition to the ideas above, which may be appropriate for a wide spectrum of mothers, we've also come up with a few ideas for particular women in your life—adoptive mothers, moms-to-be, and moms of twins.

*The original post was published before Mother’s Day 2017. It was updated for timeliness and accuracy on March 31, 2021.

The tyranny of the family heirloom

“Sorry, Nobody Wants Your Parents’ Stuff,” reads the Forbes headline. The article explores how so much of what we inherit from our parents does not get saved, but rather donated, sold, or trashed.

“If you’re thinking your grown children will gladly accept your parents' items, if only for sentimental reasons, you’re likely in for an unpleasant surprise.”

I get it: Most of us aren’t buying fine china to entertain with, and we don’t want to be weighed down by more stuff. But despite this article’s pessimism (“‘I don’t think there is a future’ for the possessions of our parents’ generation”), I have faith that we can find creative ways to preserve the heirlooms that matter—and still donate most of their STUFF to charity.

So, which heirlooms matter—and which ones are even ‘heirlooms’?

Just because your parents left you everything in their house doesn’t mean you need to keep everything. Or even half. Or any of it. But while you’re assessing their possessions for potential monetary worth, I beg you to spend some time with those things that hold memories.

Consider the historical value (I'm talking family history here) and the sentimental value (and by that, I do not mean feeling guilty that you should hold on to something, but feeling a poignant tug at your heartstrings when you think of a particular item).

Did your father sit in “his chair” to read the newspaper à la Archie Bunker every day? Was that cushioned window seat your mom’s favorite reading nook? Is the painting on the wall an original passed down through generations?

Many of our things are just that—functional things that make our lives comfortable or easier. Many of our things, though, hold stories. Those, in my opinion, are the best heirlooms.

Find treasures to keep as keepsakes. 

Pick one or two things (more if you’re sentimental) that hold special meaning for you, and keep them. I recommend choosing items that you can keep close in some way:

• a painting, blanket, or piece of furniture that you can incorporate into your home and use on a regular basis;

• an item of jewelry, a shawl, or some other accessory that you can wear;

• or something practical that your loved one used that you can, too—such as their e-reader, favorite books, or a kitchen appliance.

Having something tangible from your loved one’s life nearby can be consoling, reassuring, even healing.

Give new life to old items, guilt-free.

Do you adore your dad’s chair in theory, but think it’s ugly as sin? Love the idea of cuddling in your grandmother’s sweater, but hate the style and musty smell? 

Allison Gilbert had her father’s collection of silk neckties woven into a wall hanging, and her grandmother’s handwritten coffee cake recipe memorialized on an everyday plate. She has made an art form out of transforming our loved ones’ STUFF into something meaningful, and details 85 very specific ways to do so in her book Passed and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive.

It’s the memories of the things that matter, after all.

A thing is only special if we have enlivened it with some special meaning. It is an heirloom when it has a story to tell—and someone (you?) tells it for posterity.

So once you narrow your lost loved one's belongings to those precious items that hold some emotional value, do something with them. Check out Gilbert's book for ideas (there really is something unique to suit everyone's tastes and values, in my opinion) or come up with something on your own.

Whatever you do, let the stories of those things shine through.

In her family history book, Kathleen Rath Smith remembers how her father would always read in “his” chair next to the radio. “When he came in, we got out of that chair!” We used photographs to show her parents' home and surroundings, and Kathleen as narrator recounts the stories of her childhood.

Tell the stories of their stuff.

How can you maintain the specialness your loved one's things convey without inheriting the bulk of all that stuff?

How can you transform their things into cherished family heirlooms?

Take pictures of the items before donating them.

Why not consider having your most special items professionally photographed, whether for an heirloom legacy book or for an impactful wall hanging? 

A professional photographer such as The Heirloomist's Shana Novak can turn an artful lens on everyday items, imbuing them with a graphic punch that can be surprisingly emotional. Check out how Bob Woodruff's wife, Lee, turned a pair of her husband's combat boots into a meaningful work of art shot by Novak; or read stories of such seemingly mundane items as a cassette tape, a stuffed bear, and even a set of yellow pencils, brought to life through heirloom photography. The resulting pieces of art preserve your loved one's things visually, and moreover spark conversation so that the stories can be told and retold in the future.

You can now keep these images in remembrance of the loved one you have lost and wish to honor—and unburden yourself of the items themselves.

Don't just capture the stories of your heirlooms, but write them, too.

Whether you jot down memories on an index card and tape it to the back of your photograph or go the extra mile and create an heirloom legacy book from your stories, do tell your stories. We've offered advice on how to use old family photos as memory prompts; so now we thought we'd share examples of how to tell the story of a THING.

Here are two spreads from two different client books, both works in progress. The stories of these things are short vignettes that add insight into the subject's broader stories, but each can stand alone as a short read that honors their memories and begins to create a unique family legacy.

As you can see, the stories of these heirlooms are not really stories of things at all; rather, they are the stories of those who held, touched, and lived with those things. Your heirlooms' stories are the stories of your loved ones.

What things in your life have a special story to tell? What has a deceased parent or grandparent left you that might lend itself to sharing a wonderful story?

Let’s make genealogy a thing of the past

What we should be doing to make the genealogical quest easier—or nonexistent—for the next generation.

Everyone’s a genealogist.

Family history is a booming business. Television programs such as Finding Your Roots and Who Do You Think You Are—part treasure hunt, part reality-TV at its most personal—use celebrities as a hook, but they ultimately tap into our deepest desires for connection and pedigree.

Genealogy has been transformed by technology and science. On the tech side, the Internet has made discovering archival documents including census records, birth and death certificates, and ship manifests easier than ever. And on the science side, DNA analysis is now accessible to the masses, relatively cheap and certainly easy to obtain. As a result, more and more people are making strides uncovering their family history through sites such as Ancestry and FamilySearch, among many others.

Researching your family tree takes time—and is rife with brick walls.

Memes among genealogy buffs poke fun at the addictive nature of researching one’s family tree, and the elusiveness of stories than shed light on one’s ancestors. 

Brick walls, names with variant spellings, destroyed records, and incorrectly transcribed documents are just a few of the common problems the questing family historian encounters.

And yet…

Do you want to leave a family mystery for the next generation?

And yet, while many folks get lost in the past, uncovering clues and clicking on those alluring green hint leaves, they never bother to create a paper trail or an archive of stories for their own ancestors. Do we all want to leave a mystery for the next generation? Do you think that spending hours in local libraries and municipal archives searching for your great-grandparents is fun?

Maybe, sure. It is fun—especially when you discover something unexpected, or when you finally score a photo of a long-lost relative.

But wouldn’t it be abundantly more rewarding (and time-efficient!) to have been left a book of your families’ stories, complete with captioned photographs that identify the subjects and documents that reveal their path to the present? 

Many people catch the genealogy bug when a parent or other family elder dies and leaves a handful of mysterious documents that ultimately require further research. Why were they saved? What will they lead to?

Imagine discovering not just a file of mysterious papers or a drawer full of dusty, unlabeled family photos, but a thoughtful history of your family? How great would it be to be handed down a full genealogical record? Even better, a series of stories that showcase your ancestors’ personalities, struggles, and journeys?

How you can help make genealogy a thing of the past.

Okay, that’s an exaggeration. Genealogy will be around forever; and the further back one successfully traces one’s roots, the further back yet one still wants to go! Meaning: You’ll never eradicate the need for tracing your ancestors’ history. But you can ensure that the next generation will NOT need to search, scour, recreate, or imagine your own generation’s experience.

Leave them records. Most importantly, leave them stories. Share your knowledge. Be generous with your wisdom and your time (sharing your stories can be one of the most rewarding things you do in life, after all!).

Would you like to preserve your memories and leave a complete family history for your children? Here are a few simple ways to get started (admittedly, some more fun than others):

1  Sort your photos.

Depending on the sheer volume of your family photos, this may be an enjoyable endeavor or a dreaded chore. If it seems daunting, set aside a corner of a room for the project so you can leave the mess accessible and revisit your organizing when the mood strikes. Ask your family members to pitch in.

Archival photo storage boxes such as this are a great way to store your family photos long-term, but consider simply using piles and sticky notes during the organization phase.

2  Label your photos.

You don’t have to label every picture. (Professional genealogists might disagree with this approach, but I want you to get started, and being realistic is key to that, in my opinion.) Use a photo-safe pen, plug in metadata for your digital images, or use a trustworthy digital app to record details. The most important thing is labeling at least some of the pictures with your family’s full names, spelled correctly and written legibly; along with place names and event details if you have them (what was the occasion for the photograph? where was it taken? how old were the subjects?).

3  Digitize your photos.

I recommend hiring a professional to scan your photos. If you do it yourself, make sure to scan at a minimum of 300dpi (higher for much smaller photos you may want to enlarge later). The best thing about using a professional photo organizer, in my opinion, is that your photos will be accessible—not a jumble of unidentifiable files named IMG_1983 and IMG_5910. What good is a hard drive full of photos if you can’t find the ones you want when you want them?

4  Talk about your childhood.

Around the dinner table, on long car drives, over the phone. At family reunions, yes, but in everyday scenarios, too. Sharing stories helps us raise resilient, emotionally happy children, and it’s rewarding. You may roll your eyes when recalling your own grandfather’s tales of “back in the day, I had to walk to school…”—but I bet you do so with a gleam in your eye and a tingle down your spine. Help develop a family lore—or, as Bruce Feiler calls it, a “family narrative.”

5  Write your stories.

Whether you keep a journal or write in one of the myriad family memory-keeping books available in bookstores, just do it! Scribble two sentences a day if that's all you have time for, or set aside an hour every Sunday to contemplate your past. Whatever your approach, I guarantee whatever you write will be cherished by those you love.

6  Organize your documents.

If you’re anything like me, your birth certificate was filed at one point, but after the passport needed renewal, well, I’m not quite sure where I left it. When my mother passed away, I was meticulous with the record-keeping—but now those files contain a wealth of papers that can be tossed, and they’re all mixed up with her vital documents I’d like to preserve (and I DON”T want to leave this entire box as a burden to my own child one day). This is admittedly a big—unappealing—organization project, one of those critical things that remains on my to-do list…but I vow to join you in GETTING THIS DONE. Let’s do it.

7  Find your family stories.

Did your parents or grandparents leave behind a journal? Do you have a stash of letters amidst your family heirlooms? Maybe you or your spouse kept diaries or scrapbooks as children. Even your ancestor’s handwritten recipe file may be a wonderful trove of stories worth handing down. And photos are undoubtedly one of the best memory prompts. 

Gather those precious keepsakes, and go through them. They’ll provide fodder for story-sharing with your kids, and spark memories you’d thought long forgotten. Consider digitizing the most important and meaningful items, whether yourself with a phone app or by a professional. 

This Royal Albert teacup is lovely, sure, but I saved just one of my mother's set after she passed away so I could commune with her in my memories over tea. I photographed it and recorded its stories, too—yes, this teacup holds plenty of vivid stories, and I'm sure your family heirlooms do as well.

8  Record the provenance of your family heirlooms.

We’re talking the 3-dimensional kind of heirlooms here—think jewelry, a watch, furniture, a set of china dinnerware. Not everything will be worth saving or passing on to the next generation, of course, but for those things that you consider worthy, fill out a simple tag with vital information (Hannah Bergen Heirlooms offer beautiful ones). When the time comes, your kids and their kids will have all they need to fairly consider whether or not they want to bring those ugly dishes that hold “sentimental value” into their homes!

Without realizing it, you’ve set the stage for a beautiful family heirloom book.

If you’ve done all of the above, then you’ve no doubt come to value your own family stories and respect the need to preserve them for future generations. What you might not have realized is that you’ve also gathered most of the materials you need for creating a genuinely unique family heirloom. 

Would you like to see how we could honor your stories in a bespoke book? With all the legwork done, taking the next step is easy…and hopefully inevitable.

If you're just getting started on preserving your family's stories and lineage, why not print this page and check things off as you go? Sometimes just having a reminder can help set us on the right path.

Congratulations on taking the first step in creating your own legacy!

#genealogy #lifestories #memoriesmatter #familyhistory #familyphotos #storytelling

One Word: Remember

It’s a new year, a time for resolutions and reflections. 

I’m not big on resolutions. In my mind, if it’s good enough to want to do, it’s good enough to want to do NOW (whenever that may be).

Reflections, though…yeah, I’m big on those.

As I’ve written about before, there are plenty of substantive reasons for wanting to preserve and share your family stories, from helping to raise more resilient children to supporting adults with dementia.

But let’s be real: You don’t need a reason to preserve your family stories. 

You know you want to.

In the spirit of making it easier—and fun—to share your memories, we’re launching a new movement on social media:

#remember

That’s it: Remember.

One word. One hashtag. One very important prompt.

Remember something from your own childhood that makes you smile. Remember something meaningful a loved one did for you. Remember that advice your parents gave you as a child—maybe you rolled your eyes then, but you cherish it now.

Every week we’ll give you a new prompt of what to remember. 

It's more than just remembering, though.

The most important thing is that you don’t just remember it passively, alone with your thoughts. You must share your memory, tell your story. With an old family photo. With two sentences of reflection. Or with a full-blown story.

Share it with your co-workers over lunch. Share it with your friends—in real life, not just via text. And share it with the world on social media.

It’s one thing to remember: We relive our memories and are transported back in time. It’s another thing entirely to remember together: We are heard, validated, CONNECTED.

Help us transform #ThrowbackThursday into a mindful act of remembering, and inspire everyone around you to share their stories, too.

#Remember today: Mom and me.

Let's start today! Your prompt: Mom and me.

It's as simple as that: Share a photo and a brief memory about some time spent with your mom.

I've done so above, sharing one of my favorite family photos of my mother Lillian on the boardwalk in Atlantic City, NJ. You can find it shared on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook, too, just so you can see how easy it is!

Just choose where you want to share your memory, then do it.

You may want to copy and paste the following hashtags, or come up with your own. Just remember to tag friends and family who you think will appreciate your shared story—chances are, they'll comment with their own memories, making the process all the more special!

#remember #memoriesmatter #familyphotos #savefamilyphotos #legacy #modernheirloombooks #familystories #littlelifestories #throwbackthursday #tt

We'd love it is you tag Modern Heirloom Books, too, so we can relish your memories, comment, and share as well!

• On Twitter, we're @heirloombooks

• On Instagram, tag us at @modernheirloom

• And on Facebook, we're @modernheirloombooks

The Potato Chip Effect: You can't share just one story.

Remembering is the first step in preserving your memories for your children and for future generations. 

Sharing just one memory and one photo is the first step on a road to gathering your personal stories. One memory becomes two, becomes three, and then becomes…a chapter. Keep remembering, keep sharing, and your heart will swell with emotion…and your stories may one day equal a book.

Learn about what makes a Modern Heirloom Book different.

Explore related stories:

• How to Use Photographs as Prompts for Writing Life Stories

• Don't Rely on Social Media to Save Your Photo Memories

• Forget About All Those Reasons You Think YOUR Story Doesn't Matter

• Books to Help You Write Your Family’s Stories, Even If You Are Not a Writer

Google’s new app: Great way to preserve your old photos before they fade away

The new Google PhotoScan app allows users to digitally capture their old family photos with ease—and without glare.

Maybe you’ve got boxes or drawers full of old photographs you inherited from your parents. Or perhaps you have just a handful of cherished, dog-eared black-and-white pictures representing your entire family history. No matter how many of those old physical family photos you have, their quality is being eroded by the mere passage of time. With PhotoScan, Google has made preserving those pictures easier—and better—than ever.

The standalone app (available on iOS and Android), rolled out by Google on Tuesday along with added functionality to Google Photos, allows you to scan your printed photos in seconds, glare-free.

It’s as simple as placing your image on a flat surface and aiming your phone’s camera at the picture—you then capture four dots on your screen, kind of like a game. “Each time you capture one of those dots, the app is capturing an image of the print underneath,” said Julia Winn, a product manager for PhotoScan. “Then we take all those images, stack them on top of one another so that they are perfectly aligned, and throw out any pixels that are bright white and are not in common between the four images—those are glare.” 

Google recommends keeping the flash on while scanning your photo, though my experience shows that performing the scan near natural light from a window without the flash can yield truer color. In this video, the flash was used due to low lighting.

Machine learning technology also crops out the background, straightens uneven corners and photo edges, and does minor color enhancement to restore faded color—leaving you with a scan of the original that is significantly better quality than if you had taken a picture of it with your phone.

This is not a solution for family memory-keepers who want to eventually print family photos in a book or make enlargements to hang on the wall. Quality depends on the device used to perform the scan as well as the quality of the original, but it will never be sufficient for that kind of use. At a Google press event in Manhattan on Tuesday, I was impressed with the quality of printouts from scanned images, but note that they were all printed approximately the same size as the original photo.

PhotoScan, though, is the best option I have found for preserving a lot of old photographs quickly and sharing them easily. And that is something I urge everyone to do!

Since scanning photos with traditional scanners takes time, and since many people are reluctant to part with their photos temporarily to utilize a third-party digitizing service, risking loss and damage, too many people are doing nothing with their precious family photos. But those photos are indeed fading physically, not to mention fading from our memories as they sit neglected in that box.

Download the free Google PhotoScan app if you want to:

• scan photos (even framed ones) at a relative’s home this Thanksgiving

• easily get a stash of #ThrowbackThursday posts onto your phone

• share childhood photos among siblings and extended family members easily

Google Photos has made sharing albums with anyone easier than ever.

One of the main draws of Google Photos as a primary photo management tool, in my opinion, is the functionality of its shared albums. Once you create an album, Google Photos allows you to invite friends via email, text message, or through Google Photos directly to add photos and caption information to the shared album. Your contacts are accessible through the app, and recipients receive notification and a link to the album via whatever contact method you choose.

Your contacts automatically load from your device into the Google Photos interface, making sharing across platforms simple.

So if you went to a graduation party or on vacation and five different individuals took photos, gather them all together in a shared album. Anyone who is invited can add photos, even if they are not a Google Photos user. 

Why not create an album for different sides of your family, and begin creating a photo library of past generations? By inviting cousins and extended family members to contribute, you just might be surprised what photographic gems you’ll discover when they add pictures from their own collections!

Yes, PhotoScan is worthwhile even if you plan on having an heirloom book made.

While the scans from Google PhotoScan are not of a high enough quality for high-end print production, going through the exercise of gathering your family photos, identifying your favorites, and particularly inviting others to share their own snapshots with you, is a great first step in conceiving your book.

• Some pictures might spark memories and elicit a favorite, once forgotten, family story.

• Your great aunt Marilyn might scan in a photo of your mother in all her hippie splendor…or your father in his Catholic school uniform you’d never seen…or you at the age of one with that bowl haircut you forgot all about…

• Beginning to catalog your family photos digitally will help an editor begin to see themes and understand what types of images she will have access to when creating your book (though you will need to gather originals for high-resolution scanning to occur for print purposes down the road).

There were various vintage cameras around the demo areas at Google's recent press event. Remember those cube-shaped flash bulbs for the Kodak Instamatic?

Conclusion?

Google PhotoScan is a must-download, free app that you will be glad to have on your phone the next time you come across an old family photo.

Whether or not you use Google Photos to organize your photo library, the PhotoScan app is a useful tool in your family history, genealogy, or memory-keeping arsenal.

Just don't forget: The resulting scans will not be suitable for enlarging prints or using in a high-end print book.