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Don’t wait for “someday”
Meet Josh: He plans to write his biography someday. Yet he has told his adult kids none of his life stories. How about you—are you waiting for “someday,” too?
“I am going to write my biography,” Joshua told me exuberantly. I met Josh in Central Park last week, and was interviewing him for an upcoming feature story for a professional association. For the past 15 minutes he had been discussing with me the reasons that, no, he does not tell his children stories from his childhood. “Why would they care?” he said with a laugh, before proudly telling me how close he is to them, and bragging of all their accomplishments.
Joshua in NYC's Central Park on November 9, the day we spoke. Photograph by Katie Bellini
Joshua’s children are adults, working professionally in cities far from their dad, but in regular contact with him. They are indeed close, as Joshua was to his own father—who, by the way, led an extraordinary life of which Joshua only knows some of the details firsthand.
Joshua, a 60-something man of Japanese descent who has lived in New York City for more than 40 years, is far from typical in his experiences. He enthused about his life, sharing stories in rapid-fire succession about everything from his father’s “double Holocaust” (he lost his family in a concentration camp, then, Joshua told me, in later years his wife took everything their young family owned and left Josh’s father to raise three children alone) to his aversion to books (“I’d rather watch people in the park”) to his enduring positive attitude (“no one can take that away from me”).
Empowered by a Listener
After a reluctant two minutes where he told me there was no way to do his story justice in a brief conversation—“that would take years!” he said on another laugh—Joshua launched into his storytelling. No prodding necessary.
This was no interview, really—once Joshua began to share, he couldn’t stop. I asked an occasional question in response to his stories, but he, so positively impacted by an eager listener, I think, was on a roll.
I was enthralled by Joshua’s stories, and by his enthusiasm. He radiated positivity, roaming Central Park with his adopted dog (whose collar, as Josh pointed out, read “Don’t shop - Adopt”) and punctuating his sentences with glorious belly laughs and expansive hand gestures.
And while I view Joshua’s experiences as singular, his attitude of guardedness with his own family is anything but.
The Myth of Disinterest
Josh’s stories were so clearly intriguing—to me, a stranger. Why wouldn’t they be of interest to his own children?
Joshua valued his life experiences enough to dream of writing his autobiography one day, but not of sharing his stories in person with his family. This is the case with so many people I speak with. And it saddens me.
They think that “the time will come” for them to share their stories.
They figure one day, when their kids get older and aren’t so busy, maybe the kid will ask questions.
Or they assume that no one cares; that their story matters to them, but not really to others.
I have heard a litany of excuses as to why people are waiting for “some other day” to tell their stories.
My opinion? Stop making excuses.
Today’s Lesson (There Will Be a Quiz)
Your stories matter. Share them. Don’t wait for “someday.” Someday is today.
Why?
Why should you share your stories?
Perhaps you want to leave a legacy.
Enrich the family history for the next generation.
Help others learn from your experiences.
Provide a few laughs.
There are so, so many reasons to share your life stories.
The one that I regard as of utmost value, however, is probably the least talked about: It will enrich your life.
Sharing stories with those you love is enriching, plain and simple. Whether you are telling tales of struggle and triumph, love and loss, hardship and pain, rollicking good fun and misadventures…whatever directions your stories veer, they will be welcomed.
There is joy in the telling, and gratitude in the receiving. Storytelling can be cathartic, healing, challenging, difficult. Always, though, storytelling will be rewarding.
Quiz (I Said There’d Be a Quiz, Didn’t I?)
When should you tell your stories?
Joshua would have failed this quiz. He is waiting for “someday.”
How about you?
Next Steps
If your “someday” is today, congratulations!
You’ll find plenty of tips & resources on our blog, including:
And we’re always here to partner with you on creating a professional heirloom coffee table book, with stories gathered through one-on-one interviews (the heart of our process!). If you would like help capturing your life stories, see how we can work together.
Life Story Links: Blog Roundup, November 14
May these links inspire you to make family storytelling a regular part of everyday life, not just something done during holidays like Thanksgiving & Christmas.
“Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action.”
—W.J. Cameron
Storytelling abounds during the holidays. That which all personal historians strive for on a daily basis—memory preservation, communal story sharing, meaningful (and fun!) reminiscence—often comes to the forefront for families during the holiday season.
What better time to tell stories than around the Thanksgiving table? What better opportunity to ask questions of family elders than when generations are gathered together in one place?
It is my sincere hope that everyone takes advantage of these opportunities for story sharing—and that, once the turkey leftovers are eaten and the December decorations are stored away, those feelings of gratitude and recognition that come with reminiscence linger indefinitely, urging you to make story sharing a regular part of your everyday lives.
Veterans Day
Communities big and small across the nation gathered this past weekend to honor our military veterans. When I was a kid, Veterans Day meant parades and plastic poppies. As a parent, I strive to expose my son to individuals who served our country, giving him an opportunity to hear stories firsthand. Last year, we toured the Battleship New Jersey and spoke to WWII Veterans. This year, we traveled to Philadelphia, engaging with numerous Veterans in heartwarming conversations at the Independence Seaport Museum. Did you bear witness to a Vet’s story?
EXPLORE VETERANS’ STORIES
The Veterans Legacy Program aims to memorialize Veterans by telling the stories of those buried in VA national cemeteries, ensuring their stories live on beyond their final resting place.
BEYOND THE HOLIDAY
While Veterans Day has passed, remember that any day is a good day to ask a Vet questions—and to listen.
“As a Vietnam Vet, I find it easier to share war stories with fellow Vets than with non-Vets,” writes Tom Cormier, cofounder of Legacy Stories. “But there's a lot more to military life than the worst of the worst... There are lots of fascinating stories to be told about other aspects of military life. In fact, most Veterans would be happy to share their military stories about coming of age, buddies for life, humorous situations, exotic cultures, travels, and more. All they need (and want) is for someone to ask. Problem is, most people don't know how.” Thank you, Tom, for helping us discover how with these 10 thoughtful conversation starters.
Thanksgiving
THE GREAT THANKSGIVING LISTEN
Truly listening to someone reminds them that their life matters. StoryCorps leads the way in creating a culture of listening that echoes across the nation, encouraging everyone—especially young people—to interview elders during Thanksgiving gatherings. Their goal: to create an oral history of the contemporary United States, one interview at a time.
Interviews recorded on the StoryCorps App become part of the StoryCorps Archive at the American Folklife Center at the Library of Congress. The Great Thanksgiving Listen is now in its third year, providing families with a priceless piece of personal history.
FAMILY MEMOIR OPPORTUNITY?
Maybe you think you’ve heard all your family’s stories. But ask yourself this, suggests Nancy West, who provides memoir services in Carlisle, Massachusetts: “Could you retell the details of their stories to your own children or grandchildren? Could you explain the connections, nail the chronology, put the pieces together so that it made sense even when told secondhand?” If not, the holidays may be the time to embark on capturing stories for your family memoir.
More Holiday Reads
- Soldiers Are More than Just Symbols: David Abrams on seeing the individuality of veterans [LitHub]
- This Year, Pass the Turkey AND the Family Photos [SF Gate]
Any Old Day of the Week
Our photos tell the stories of our lives—and our lives, frankly, are not merely birthdays & weddings. Our lives are lived in the in-between. Are you capturing those moments for the next generation?
What Are You Reading?
I’m generally reading many books at once—one nonfiction book (always learning!), one cheesy romance (I’ve got to escape once in a while!), one literary work (often a classic I somehow skipped as an English major), one impulse check-out from my local library…and always, these days, at least one memoir.
Currently I am finishing up Leonardo DaVinci by Walter Isaacson, with Amy Tan’s latest, Where the Past Begins: A Writer’s Memoir, up next. What first-person writing inspires you?
#MemoriesMatter #Legacy #LifeStories #Memoir #OralHistory #FamilyHistory
Photographing our everyday
Our photos tell the stories of our lives—and our lives, frankly, are not merely birthdays & weddings. Our lives are lived in the in-between. Capture the moments.
We all take pictures of the milestones, big and little: the first days of school, the first lost tooth, high school graduation, and of course, birthdays. But what of the everyday moments? The in-between that, really, is the essence of our lives?
Ordinary days filled with extraordinary moments
I’m willing to bet you can conjure images in your mind of many of these—they are what make up the fabric of our memories, after all.
dad pulling into the driveway after a full day at work
grandma knitting on the front porch
little brother building Legos
mom doing the crossword with a cup of tea
kids brushing their teeth before bed
spring cleaning the garage
Have you ever taken pictures of these moments?
The extremes of documenting the everyday
There is a genre of photography known as documentary family photography, which takes this idea to great heights, elevating the everyday into beautiful art.
At the other end of the spectrum, some people find the urge (popular among many younger Instagram fans) to document every last morsel of their existence, well, a bit much. As Meredith Fireman wrote in a Fast Company article entitled “How Instagram Almost Ruined my Life”:
“Sometimes I want to talk to my friends and celebrate someone’s birthday without needing to see them blow out the candles in a photo uploaded by five people in attendance.”
I’m not advocating either of these approaches (though for anyone interested in hiring a family photographer, I do think choosing a pro with a strong photo-journalistic sensibility often yields a wonderfully unexpected result!).
I am, however, suggesting that you use the camera that’s with you (most often, your phone) to snap photos that represent your real life. That will remind you down the road of what it was like to live in that house, to go to school in that town, to be you at that age.
Details of time and place
Why do we all love looking at old photos so much? The nostalgia, of course, is infectious and charming. The scalloped edges and white frames of those old black-and-white photos feel cemented in time, like artifacts of another reality.
And they are. It’s not just the fading photographs themselves that lend to this feeling, though; it’s the details within the images that resonate: the curly phone cord tethered to the wall, the wood paneling so indicative of the Seventies, the beehive hairdos of the Sixties, the shape (and size!) of our eyeglasses.
When I look back at pictures of my own son from just a few years ago, I am most drawn to those that reorient me in time. The ones that transport me back to the feelings of new motherhood in a Brooklyn apartment, and the memories of juggling work and home life.
When I shuffle through the boxes of my mom’s old photos, it’s the ones that reveal what her everyday life was like that I cherish. Sure, her high school graduation picture is stunning, and framed in my room. But the shot of her walking down a city street in her Inwood neighborhood as a teenager is compelling—I want to sit down with that young woman and be her friend; I want to hear her stories.
My mom interacting in everyday ways with my cousin Kim (left) in the Seventies, and my brother in the Eighties.
Our stories, in pictures
Our photos tell the stories of our lives. And our lives, frankly, are not merely birthdays and weddings. Our lives are lived in the in-between.
So tell those stories. Write about them, and photograph them.
Your memories matter. Why not make preserving them a priority?
Getting inspired
Photograph Copyright Kristen Lewis Photo
Browse the photo gallery of documentary family photographer Kirsten Lewis for ideas for creative ways to capture your own everyday moments artfully.
On Instagram, search #thefamilynarrative and #lifewellcaptured to see what other families are photographing (and sharing).
Got a box of disorganized photos from your childhood—or even your parents’? Go through it and find the photos showcasing everyday moments: Do you gravitate toward them? Why? Find one or two you might want to recreate from your present-day life.
Tell the stories of your photos. And no, not every story needs to have high drama or represent a major turning point to be interesting.
Track down a copy of Joe Brainard’s classic book I Remember to see how everyday memories can transform from mundane to magical.
Share your own photos on Instagram and tag @modernheirloom #photographtheeveryday —we’ll share a gallery of reader submissions in a future post!
Life Story Links: Blog Roundup, October 24
Finding the universal in the particular, owning the truth, & why we must tell our life stories: roundup of links for memory-keepers, writers & preservationists.
“In the particular is contained the universal.”
—James Joyce
It’s been a while since I rounded up the stories I’ve been reading to share here—but after a few weeks where I focused on my own writing (at a fabulous retreat with Dani Shapiro in the Berkshires) and my own business (exciting changes coming soon!), I’m back to it.
You may have noticed the new header and photo above; what do you think?
I try to include a wide array of links here, of interest to oral historians, bookmakers, videographers, memoirists, and those with just an inkling of wanting to share their own stories. I never want what we call ourselves to be alienating, nor confusing. I do believe we all have a passion for life stories and legacy, though...so hopefully the name change will be a welcome one. If you’ve got other ideas, please do share!
Our Stories, Our Selves
WHO’S ASKING THE QUESTIONS?
“To be an oral historian is to be a student of life.” As Meghan Vigeant of Stories To Tell in Maine aimed to teach a class of budding oral historians, she soon rediscovered that sometimes, the teacher becomes the student.
TIPS FOR LEGACY KEEPERS
Four ways to make your role as the unofficial family historian easier—and more meaningful, a guest post on The Photo Organizers blog.
IMPERFECT MEMORIES & FAMILY STORIES
“As you preserve your memories, take the time to bask in them. Remember the sensory settings of stories—the sounds, smells, and feel. Remember the associated emotions. Most importantly, enjoy yourself as you share them,” writes Michigan-based author Laura Hedgecock in this post on the fallibility of memory—and why that shouldn’t stop you from writing your life stories.
“DOES MY STORY EVEN MATTER?”
“The smallest moments of average individuals have more depth of meaning that any documentary on a celebrity or political leader imaginable,” writes Devon Noel Lee of Pennsylvania-based America’s Footprints.
Writing Down the Bones
OWNING THE TRUTH
“For writers of memoir, the thin line between fact and fiction must not be crossed, but we face the demands of reducing complex events to comprehensible stories,” says Sarah White of Madison, WI–based First Person Productions. See how an honest, informative disclaimer may inspire compassionate readers.
ONE STORY AT A TIME
“No one will tell your stories but you. And you must: Tell them, and preserve them.” Five ideas for preserving one chapter of your life story, my own most recent post.
WRITING PERSONAL ESSAYS WITH HELP FROM THE NEW YORK TIMES
This piece is a year old, but it is brimming with quality advice, glorious writing, and links and links and links that lead you to even more inspiring personal stories, writing prompts, and fruitful ideas.
AMY TAN ON MEMOIR
“...just as memories can inspire a story, writing can also trigger memories.” Amy Tan revisits the roots of her writing career in her memoir Where The Past Begins.
Finding the Universal in the Particular
- For Decades, One Family’s Vietnam War Pain Lay Hidden Behind a Wall
[Washington Post]
- Photographer Ernesto Bazan’s new book, Before You Grow Up, is a family album in which elegant photographs are mixed with drawings, letters, his mother’s journal entries, memorabilia and notebook pages. “I made this book as a legacy for my sons, a visual testament that they can carry with them, and share with the people that they love,” he said, “and always love each other as my wife and I have been teaching them to do.”
[New York Times]
- Celebrating the History of Jews in America: Created by the National Museum of American Jewish History, Re:collection is a new—free—digital platform for preserving and sharing family stories that illustrate Jewish life in America.
Podcast Scene
RESEARCHING WITH GENEALOGY & ARCHAEOLOGY
In the latest episode of her Life Preservers podcast, Pam Pacelli Cooper of Massachusetts-based Verissima Productions explores how you reconstruct a full picture of a person using archaeology and genealogy research—using the unexpected example of prostitutes in 19th century Boston.
GENEALOGY VS. FAMILY HISTORY STORIES
In this most recent episode of The Legacy Café, host Robb Lucy converses with the president of the Southern California Chapter of the Association of Professional Genealogists about tying your family history to your family legacy. Where should one start: with the leaves on their family tree, or with the family stories passed down through generations?
WHY BIOGRAPHY?
I’m currently in the middle of reading Walter Isaacson’s Leonardo Da Vinci, the former Time magazine chief’s most recent bio (others include Steve Jobs; Einstein: His Life and Universe; Benjamin Franklin: An American Life; and Kissinger: A Biography). In an in-depth interview with Tim Ferriss, Isaacson delves into his writing process, lessons he has learned from his subjects, and so much more. “I like writing biography because it connects us with people,” he says. “The narrative of a human life is particularly exciting.”
Quick Takes
Do something special with one story
No one will tell your life stories but you. Start with one, & go beyond sharing it: Do something with it! 5 ideas for preserving one chapter of your life story.
No one will tell your life stories but you. Start with one—and go beyond sharing it: Do something with it! We've come up with 5 unique—and easy!—ideas for preserving one chapter of your life story.
Who knows, one chapter might turn into two...
If you don't tell your life stories, who will?
Taking the first step on the road to preserving your memories
I previously posed the question, “Who will tell your life story?” How would you answer that question? If your answer wasn’t a resounding “me!” then, well, you answered wrong.
No one will tell your stories but you. And you must: Tell them, and preserve them.
In that post I recommend an easy 3-step plan for how to take the first steps on the road to preserving your stories. Step No. 2 involves sharing one story—whether around the dinner table with your family or over the phone with your grandkids, whether in writing or out loud, just tell one story. It might be one so often recounted it’s like an old friend, or it might be a distant memory you haven’t pulled out in decades.
Here’s the rub, though: Once you fulfill step No. 2, I implore you to move on to step No. 3: Do something with it.
5 ideas for what to do with your little life story
Remember, this isn’t your whole life story. There’s no need to publish it to Amazon or strive to write a bestselling memoir. You focused on telling one engaging story and telling it well. Now let’s do something to ensure your story lives on.
For what good is a story if you don’t breathe life into it, if it isn’t shared?
Here are a few ideas for things to do with your little life story. These are just the tip of the iceberg, and we’d love to hear other creative ways you have found for keeping your memories alive; please share in the comments below!
1. Eat, drink, and be merry.
What is it about finger foods and wine and an informal gathering of loved ones that spark storytelling? It’s as good as being around a proverbial campfire! Invite an interesting mix of people to a dinner party (think a mix of ages, a mix of relatives and close friends, and a mix of those who may be familiar with your story and those who are not).
Get creative with the place settings—scan some old family photos related to your story for name cards, for example—or get really down and dirty and place cushions on the floor for a good old-fashioned buffet of food and stories.
The important thing is this: Don’t be shy about revealing your goal of story sharing. If being the center of attention makes you nervous, ask a loved one to help set the stage, or ask a few guests to come prepared to share their own stories, too.
2. Embrace technology.
Maybe it’s as simple as sending an email to your family: Type your story into the body of an email, and hit “send.”
Or: Begin a story circle with one post on Facebook. If you’ve got a vibrant community of friends on the social media site, share your whole story there (trust us, if it’s personal and from the heart, they WILL read the whole post!) and—most importantly—ask your friends to share related stories in the comments. When people begin sharing (about a loved one who passed away, for instance, or about an old #ThrowbackThursday photo) and then commenting on one another’s comments, that’s social media at its absolute best, in my opinion.
3. Start a new tradition.
Don’t stop at one story. Weave story sharing into the fabric of your life. Make it a habit. If you invite others to participate (whether as a regular audience to your stories or as memory keepers themselves), then that habit becomes a meaningful new tradition.
The more you can truly integrate your specific means of story preservation into your life, the deeper connections among family you will make, the more value you will derive from the process, and the more you will cement your legacy for the next generation.
4. Grab a pen.
When’s the last time you wrote more than your signature in longhand? If your story is short enough, pick up a pen and a beautiful piece of paper and transcribe your words in your own handwriting.
If it is one page, consider framing and hanging it. If it revolves around a food memory, why not have it memorialized on a lovely food-safe platter? If you’ve really got the writing bug, write it out in letter form, once for each of your children or grandchildren, and mail it to them.
5. Go pro.
If you would like to preserve your words and images together in an heirloom book or video, consider hiring a professional personal historian. We will
guide the storytelling process
elicit details & emotion
add context
to present your memories in a most engaging way.
Here at Modern Heirloom Books, we specialize in bespoke coffee table books that tell your stories. Find out more.
If you prefer to preserve your story in a medium other than a book, I may be able to recommend videographers or audio specialists near you. Give us a call—we’re here to help you tell your stories beautifully!
One chapter at a time
You are living your story. Don’t let your memories fade, and don’t wait until it’s too late to begin recording them. Start with one story that you love to tell—you won’t regret it, and your family will thank you a million times over!
Related reading:
#familyhistorymonth #memoriesmatter #legacy #storytelling #loveandloss #familyhistory
This Week in Personal History... September 13
From safeguarding family photos against natural disasters to remembering 9/11, a roundup of links of interest to memory-keepers & life story preservationists.
“So much of our future lies in preserving our past.”
—Peter Westbrook
Hurricanes Irma and Harvey have impacted far too many, in far too dire ways. While saving family photos may seem like a small thing in the wake of losing a home, those sentimental tokens of memory are often among the lost items most bemoaned. Personal historians may work to record the stories of those impacted by such natural disasters, and may also offer assistance or guidance on how to preserve your legacy for the future, however the winds may blow.
Guarding Your Legacy Against Natural Disaster
Natural disasters such as those that have befallen Texas and Florida will often “rob us of our material connections to our past,” as Des Moines–based personal historian Larry Lehmer laments.
From quilts and family photos, it is often telling to see what people save.
Storykeeping’s Clinton Haby outlines a single process that will have your legacy covered regardless of a hurricane, earthquake, fire, or flood.
Other news outlets provide advice for saving items damaged by water, including straightforward videos for DIY heirloom recovery and how to salvage photos and videos ruined by flood.
Remembering 9/11
WHOSE STORY TO TELL?
“As a New Yorker who knew people who experienced so much worse, it never really felt like a story that was mine to tell,” Ilana Wiles says of why she never wrote about 9/11 (until now). Having witnessed the towers falling from my Brooklyn window that day, I can deeply relate. But even as the years pass, we find comfort in hearing from people who were there—sharing the experience of this unimaginable moment in history—and finding meaningful ways to remember, and to bear witness.
WRITING THEIR OWN STORIES
“If how we remember is a process that never stops evolving, so too is how the children of 9/11 inspire.”
Help Delaney Colaio as she seeks to rally empowerment and recovery by allowing the children who lost parents on 9/11 to become the narrators of their own lives, telling their stories, their way, in the documentary film We Go Higher.
Telling Life Stories
It’s never been easier, according to AARP—telling the story of your life, that is. Personal historians from around the country offer their tips to retirees on how to preserve their legacy for kids and grandkids in a book, video, or digital archive.
Quick Takes
The (real) value of your parents’ stuff
When aging parents have lots of stuff, their children often do not want it when they die—but it’s the memories associated with the stuff that makes them heirlooms.
My friend Donna has no space to store the fine china her mother would love to pass on to her. Derek has no desire to display his deceased mother’s antique Chippendale furniture—the mahogany color and elaborate carving don’t mesh with his home’s modern decor—yet he wrangled with guilt and family pressure when he decided to sell it.
I have written before about the Tyranny of the Family Heirloom: Many people simply don’t want to hold on to much of their parents’ “stuff,” but often their “things” may hold memories. When an object from a loved one’s life holds stories, they can become the best heirlooms.
Of course, they still amount to “stuff,” and stuff you very well may not have room for. Discover meaningful ways to preserve the stories behind those items that do hold emotional value before you donate or sell them: the process of remembering, of reflecting on what your parents meant to you while they were alive, is healing and rewarding unto itself, and at the end you will have a family heirloom that is beloved—and takes up less physical space.
It’s the memories of the things that matter, after all.
Why am I revisiting this topic? Because an article in this week’s New York Times reminded me that it is a topic that is not only incredibly relevant now, but that will become even more so in the near future:
“As baby boomers grow older, the volume of unwanted keepsakes and family heirlooms is poised to grow—along with the number of delicate conversations about what to do with them. According to a 2014 United States census report, more than 20 percent of America’s population will be 65 or older by 2030. As these waves of older adults start moving to smaller dwellings, assisted living facilities or retirement homes, they and their kin will have to part with household possessions that the heirs simply don’t want.” —Tim Verde, NY Times, Aug. 18, 2017
Resources for Handling the Things You Inherit
If you are facing the quandary of soon disposing of the beloved things your parents would love for you to inherit, here are a few articles that may be of assistance:
Which heirlooms matter—and which ones are even “heirlooms”? How to determine which items hold dear memories, and how to capture those stories for posterity.
After a death: How to make the process of going through your parent’s photos easier.
Check out Allison Gilbert’s book Passed and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive, which describes 85 practical and innovative ways to remember and celebrate deceased family members, including how to transform their things into meaningful keepsakes.
And read Gilbert’s grief and resilience blog, which is worth a visit for anyone who has lost a loved one, no matter how long ago.
The Healing Power of Remembrance: Memories are the connective tissue that binds one generation to the next, and the active nature of remembering is healing.
Notes from a Funeral: Memories of even the smallest moments, once shared, provide comfort and connection. Stories are a balm to our bruised hearts.
Reflections on What to Do with All that “Stuff”
The comments section of the aforementioned NY Times article is rich with ideas that provoke thought—and are sure to keep this important conversation going. A few of my favorites:
Hasty Pudding
“...what I wish I held onto? [My father’s] journals and other writing. After the pain of grief subsides, it's a way to get to know someone over again. Hasty disposal of many things can lead to regret.” —Andrea
Antidote to Angst
The joy of giving your stuff to people who will really appreciate and use it (after all, the sterling silver fork is still only a fork) while you can still realize the benefit that these folks will receive is, to me, the antidote to the family-related angst... —Sfojeff
Downsize Now
“The best gift you can give your kids is to downsize BEFORE you're too sick to do it, and for the love of God, when your kids say they don't want your stuff, believe them and don't lay on the guilt trip.” —Layla1st
Go Green
“I do not expect my kids to want much of what we have, and this does not hurt my feelings at all.... However, as far as furniture goes, I might remind the younger folks that if they are really as environmentally conscious as they profess to be, they should realize that ‘antiques’ are furniture being recycled and reused.” —Coopmindy
Generations of Junk
“...you’re not only inheriting your parent’s items, you’re taking on everything they received from older generations that they couldn't part with.... Now they’re my problem. I’m 53; I don’t plan to pass on the problem to the next generation.” —Larry
Unnecessary Conversation?
“Ms. Beauregard doesn’t have to keep the Lenox dinnerware, but why does she have to ‘break it to her mother’ that she’s going to get rid of it? What will that accomplish except for causing her mother pain?” —Diane
The Practical Approach
“Just use the china and silver—for everyday use. It doesn't need to sit in a closet.” —Arb
One Millennial’s Perspective
“I donate every month just to clear my clutter because it drives me nuts and I know others my age who do the same. It's just a different mentality. It’s not that we don’t care about memories or treasured items from generations past—we just connect with those memories differently. (In a simpler, less-cluttered, no-storage-unit-required kind of way). :) —Andrea
Verdict?
“Stuff is not memories.You get to keep the latter when you get rid of the former.” —Peter Scanlon
This Week in Personal History... August 21
A post-eclipse roundup of blogs, tweets & videos about preserving your family history, life story and memoir writing, making—and saving—good memories, & more.
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”
—George Bernard Shaw
Where did you watch the eclipse from yesterday? My 8-year-old son and I spied the sky through our handmade cereal box viewer while we alternately had a backyard baseball catch and talked about the meaning of the world and the possibility of time travel—heady stuff, indeed. If we’re not making memories, what would we have to preserve?!
Roundup of Personal History Links - August 21, 2017
On the Blogs
EXCUSES, EXCUSES
In her post “Recording Family History: The 5 Biggest Mistakes,” Orange County, CA video biographer Jane Shafron doesn’t offer tips on recording equipment or technique; rather, she hones in on the faulty reasoning for not preserving one’s story (such as believing your story must be filled with high drama) and other “reasons” for not moving forward.
HANDMADE GIFTS WITH LASTING MEANING
“What I know is that in the giving, in the making of this present, I’ve been given yet another gift as well, of thankfulness for what has been passed down to me, and what has been passed on,” writes Massachusetts-based personal historian Marjorie Turner Hollman of the baby blankets she learned to make from her mom—and continues to gift to friends and loved ones in a now time-honored tradition.
THE QUEST FOR TRUTH
In Tell the Truth. Make It Matter, Beth Kephart offers up a wonderfully original series of memoir-writing prompts that encourage self-reflection and striving toward the universal. I review her workbook, which is a wonderful companion for anyone on a journey to find—and write—their truth.
HEALING THOUGHTS
Personal historian Beth LaMie, of Write on Track in Central Illinois, shares her very personal journey as she battles Stage 4 Ovarian cancer: “I decided to blog about my experiences to help other people understand how my life has changed.” Beth, we send you strength and best wishes, and thank you for your courage in writing so openly—may others who are impacted by cancer find comfort in your words.
Worth Checking Out
BURNING GENEALOGY QUESTION?
For any aspiring genealogists in our midst, D. Joshua Taylor and Susan R. Miller of New York Genealogical & Biographical Society hosted an informative YouTube Q&A, answering participant questions with very specific advice. Read tips from that session here; or register and submit your own questions for the next YouTube Live Q&A, scheduled for this Wednesday, August 23 at 1:00 pm ET.
Quick Takes
#MemoriesMatter #Legacy #LifeStories #Memoir #OralHistory #FamilyHistory