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Life Story Links: Blog Roundup, February 5
Click for memoir writing advice, personal history workshops, how you can help make Holocaust victims’ records searchable online, and more life story links.
“We tell ourselves stories in order to live.”
—Joan Didion
Whose story will you tell?
SHOW-DON’T-TELL MOMENTS
We all know the old maxim: “Show, don’t tell.” But sometimes subjects don't believe that it applies to memoir: “Clients want to tell me their feelings,” says Massachusetts–based memoir ghost writer Nancy West. “And yet it's usually easy to find actions that demonstrate those feelings much better than adjectives or adverbs ever can.”
NEW YEAR
“The stories from the past help prepare us for the future. We must be ready to embrace what is coming,” writes Carol McLaren as she embarks on a year filled with changes, including a move from Virginia to Arizona, and a new website for her business, Unique Life Stories, on the horizon. Good luck, Carol!
EVERYONE GETS AN ‘A’
Life story writing workshops are safe places to share one’s story and bond with others as they do the same. Karen Bender of Leaves of Your Life in Herndon, VA, is offering in-person and online workshops for anyone interested in exploring weekly themes.
“IT HAPPENED.”
Millions of documents containing details about victims of the Holocaust and Nazi persecution during WWII still exist today. Through the World Memory Project, you can help make these victims' records searchable online & restore the identities of people the Nazis tried to erase from history, one person at a time.
First-person reads
“DO YOU WANT TO DANCE?”
Sarah White of Madison–based First Person Productions often publishes the writing of others on her blog. Deb Wilbrink answered a New Orleans-themed call for submissions with an engaging coming-of-age story about teenage firsts in the Big Easy.
PHOTOS TELL STORIES, TOO
“The Cubans encouraged exchange of words and hospitality, not discouraged by my minimal Spanish language skills,” says MA–based personal historian Leah Abrahams in her introduction to her photo essay, “Cuba on the Cusp,” on the Social Documentary Network website (“visual stories exploring global themes”).
Bonus links
- This Beginner’s Guide to Backing Up Photos is a must-read for every camera-toting memory keeper.
- Forty first-person essays that talk candidly about love and loss: “Brutally honest and inspiring, Modern Loss invites us to talk intimately and humorously about grief, helping us confront the humanity (and mortality) we all share.” I highly recommend this new book.
- My own blog contribution this week would likely fall on the “low-brow” quadrant of New York mag’s Approval Matrix, but I still submit it’s worth a read: Recapture the spirit of childhood Valentine’s Days with three unique ideas for marking the holiday with meaning—and heart.
Short Takes
#MemoriesMatter #Legacy #LifeStories #Memoir #OralHistory #FamilyHistory
Finding the love in Valentine’s Day
Recapture the spirit of childhood Valentine’s Days with these three unique ideas for marking the holiday with meaning—and heart.
3 Simple Ways to Make Valentine’s Day as Special as It Was When You Were a Kid
I’ve never been one who appreciates holidays that, to me, feel forced. You know: New Year’s Eve, Valentine’s Day… I am too conscious of the commercialism surrounding these days. The irony is that I am not an especially cynical person—but I want to know that a card with an “I love you” sentiment is coming from the heart, not a heart-shaped, guilt-inducing ad.
I don’t want to seem like a February scrooge, though, so I’ve come up with 3 ways that likeminded folks can mark the day with meaning.
Write a love letter.
Have you ever written a love letter? With handwritten notes completely falling by the wayside in our text-driven world, getting one is more special than ever.
You might want to go all out, writing a heartfelt missive on luscious stationery and decorating it with a romantic wax seal.
If that seems old-fashioned or intimidating, here’s an idea that I came up with early in my own relationship with my husband: Write a list of 20 things you love about the person. Include things big and small, emotional and funny. Details get extra credit (don’t say “I love the way you hug me,” but say, “I love the way you hold me for a few extra seconds when I try to pull away from a hug,” or “I love the way you lift me up just a little bit every time we hug”). If you make this an annual tradition (I admit I did it on birthdays, not Valentine’s Day), it can be surprising which things get repeated and what new things you come up with.
If you merely write this on a yellow legal pad with no adornment, I guarantee it will still be saved and cherished by the recipient. I chose to typeset it and shrink it down to credit card size, then have it laminated; what better thing could your loved one serendipitously pull out of his or her wallet one day in the future?
Spread the love.
I am willing to bet that for many of us, our happiest Valentine’s Days happened when we were kids. I have lots of fond memories of exchanging paper valentines with my classmates, of folding red construction paper in half to craft hearts for the refrigerator, and even wearing pink to school to honor the day. Those were the days when everyone could “be mine,” when as third graders we weren’t hoping and praying for that special someone to take notice…when we loved everyone.
Why not spread some of that all-encompassing love around in unexpected ways? Buy a pack of punny Valentines from the drugstore and hand them out to people you interact with regularly: the school crossing guard, the gas station attendant, the conductor who checks your ticket on your morning commute? There’s something cheeky about it (I’m pretty sure none of the recipients will mistake your “Choo choo…I choose you!” sentiments as being literal ; ), but there’s something genuine, too—an unexpected “I see you,” and “I am grateful.”
Attach a $5 gift card for your local coffee house and you’ll really make someone’s day.
Rediscover favorite Valentines.
Do you have a stash of letters and old paperwork in a box somewhere? You felt compelled to save the things within, but chances are you haven’t revisited them in a while. Once you remember where the box actually is (good luck!), dust it off, and dive in.
What did you find?
I hope you, like I did, discover artifacts that
bring back heartfelt memories
stir emotions
make you laugh
inspire you to record your memories, share stories with a loved one, or even just pick up the phone to reconnect with an old Valentine.
It’s my job to recommend that you find a way to preserve these mementos (scan them for a digital archive, include them in an heirloom book, or follow archivist Margot Note’s advice for creating your family archive). That said, I think it’s equally important to just cherish these items: pull them out of their box every once in a while, let their touch bring back memories, and let those memories encourage you to call someone who might also relish your stories.
Story sharing leads to connection.
Does this seem like an odd blog post to appear on the site of an heirloom bookmaker? Maybe, but just maybe not—I hope you are here, after all, because memories matter to you, and because stories and mementos that spark reminiscence lead to genuine connection.
The books I create are meant to be revisited often, to become a living heirloom that encourages interaction. That compels readers to say, “Remember when…” and “That’s just like the time….” That inspires them to relate, and to share their own stories.
So, happy Valentine’s Day to you and yours—may you give and receive genuine affections that are one day looked back on fondly!
Life Story Links: Blog Roundup, January 23
Our roundup explores the path to legacy, including (mis)adventures with DNA, community memoirs, family history through storytelling & a new Ann Curry TV series.
“Is that the secret meaning of the word ‘story,’ do you think: a storing place of memories?”
—J.M. Coetzee, Foe
Stories are at the heart of what we do. As personal historians, we work across an array of media, from coffee table books and audio recordings to full-fledged video biographies and printed memoirs. No matter the medium, though (and no matter what we call our work), the preservation of stories is key. Oh yes, and story sharing—did I mention the sharing...?!
The Path to Legacy
SENIOR CENTER STORIES
“In 2012, I completed my first community memoir, a compilation with 47 senior citizens from Carleton-Willard Village in Bedford, MA,” says Nancy West of Nancy Shohet West Editorial & Memoir Services. Five years later she was invited back to do a second volume, which launched this week.
200 YEARS OF MEMORIES
How deep is your memory bank? “We often despair when an elderly person passes away, their memories unrecorded,” writes Pam Pacelli Cooper of Massachusetts–based Verissima Productions. “What we often forget to do is seek out the younger person who listened to the stories of their elders. We can record them.”
A TENDENCY TOWARD NOSTALGIA
Rediscovering an old family photo album in my closet prompted me to reflect on the lasting appeal and transformative power of nostalgia.
(MIS)ADVENTURES WITH DNA
“Sometimes your heritage doesn’t have anything at all to do with your genetics—and I didn’t even have to spit in a test tube to figure it out,” writes Kristen V. Brown is this compelling piece that unravels the science behind ancestry DNA tests—and that, certainly, makes us wonder if those colorful pie-chart genetic results reveal something profound about what makes you, you...or if they are simply a fun conversation starter.
Must-See TV
“THROUGH THE EYES OF ORDINARY PEOPLE”
In her new PBS series We’ll Meet Again, veteran journalist Ann Curry focuses on reunions between people whose lives intersected and were torn apart at pivotal moments. The seasoned interviewer honors the power of connection, and the stories she draws forth from her subjects are emotional and, perhaps more important, seem to inspire viewers to reflect on their own lives and moments of connection. View the official trailer and get a peek at upcoming episodes here. The first episode airs tonight.
Short Takes
#MemoriesMatter #Legacy #LifeStories #Memoir #OralHistory #FamilyHistory
A tendency toward nostalgia
Rediscovering an old family photo album in her closet prompts Modern Heirloom Books’ founder to reflect on the lasting appeal & transformative power of nostalgia.
When I was in sixth grade, my new English teacher gave us an assignment to create an acrostic from our first name; each letter was meant to be an adjective describing ourselves for the class. I don’t recall what I chose for three of the letters, but I remember being especially challenged by the “N.” When I mentioned to my teacher that I was thinking of using “nostalgic,” she chided me that someone my age most certainly could not be nostalgic. I felt belittled and foolish, and despite my reservations, I wrote, simply—boringly—“neat.”
It’s funny what stays with us over time. I never forgot this episode from middle school, and I occasionally wonder, why? Mostly I think it was a lesson to go with my gut. Even then I knew that I was right, and that I should have written “nostalgic” on that paper; I have long prided myself in the years since as someone who trusts my instincts almost to a fault.
When I consider this memory alongside another one that stuck with me—a minor event that made a big impression—I am sure, too, that it reflects a real dread of having missed opportunities. A time when I didn’t act, or didn’t follow my gut, is a bad thing in my mind. I never want to miss out on something because I was scared or lazy or simply didn’t act quickly enough.
Today, though, I remembered this incident for a different reason. In cleaning out a cabinet to make room for some of my son’s Christmas loot, I came across an old-fashioned photo album that I had put together when I was about 14. It is a small, linen-covered album. Each page is separated by a thin sheet of textured tissue paper, making turning the pages feel like you are unveiling something precious. And indeed, even as a teenager, I knew how precious the photos within were.
I had bought the book with my babysitting money, and collected the photos from my mom’s and grandmother’s messy boxes. It seemed important to me to curate the images carefully, to select those that were visually appealing and that captured moments in our lives that we would one day want to recollect.
All these years later, it is a serendipitous pleasure to rediscover the images I chose. They are not displayed chronologically or thematically, but all together they do convey a loose story of sorts, a story of the everyday joys of our close-knit family.
These days I spend my time helping people not only to curate their family photos, but to discover and capture the stories behind them. To preserve the memories in a way that is both visually compelling and that strikes an emotional chord.
It is heartening to know that the nostalgia I have long felt serves a purpose—and that, in my unexpected role as entrepreneur, I am following a path that is not only central to who I am, but is wonderfully, enchantingly restorative.
It is a privilege that I get to hear your stories, and to capture them for posterity. If you are interested in beginning such a journey with me, please reach out to see how we can work together to create a family heirloom that will encourage story sharing for years to come!
Related Reading:
Life Story Links: Blog Roundup, January 9
The (unexpected?) audience for your memoir, the wisdom of old people & remembrance of those lost in 2017 round out this week’s life story links blog roundup.
“What I know for sure is that speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we all have.”
—Oprah Winfrey, Golden Globes, 2018
It has been a slow start to the new year for me, hit with a flu that has left me grumpy and tired and well, not at all productive. I’ve had plenty of time to read, though, and since my guilty-pleasure Christmas gift, Tina Brown’s Vanity Fair Diaries (so much dish I recognize from my years in the same mag world!) is too heavy to hold up in my weakened state, I’ve been indulging in memoirs on the Kindle and plenty of link diving on my phone.
I’m almost done with Alan Cumming’s 2014 memoir Not My Father’s Son (well worth the read). I’ve got the current issue of Brevity open on my phone, for creative nonfiction pieces that fulfill and enlighten in short periods of time. And I’ve been perusing Cathi Nelson’s new book, Photo Organizing Made Easy: Going from Overwhelmed to Overjoyed, gleaning tips to share in a future blog post (as I’ve written about before, photographs can make for incredible memory prompts, and being able to find the photos in our overflowing photo libraries is often no easy task).
Here are a few posts and articles that have been on my sick-bed reading list, as well. Happy (and healthy!) New Year to you all, fellow storytellers.
Living, Writing, Remembering
WHY WE READ ABOUT ONE ANOTHER
“My memoir clients assume their readership will be limited to their children and grandchildren,” says Massachusetts-based personal historian Nancy Shohet West. “They are consistently surprised when their nieces, nephews, friends, neighbors, former colleagues, and long-time acquaintances all start clamoring for copies of their own.” If you can picture just one reader, it might be time to start writing.
CLASS NOTES
Craig Siulinski of Sharing Legacies in San Carlos, CA, recently completed leading his first Life Story Writing class based on the principles of guided autobiography. Read about his joyful experience, learn more about guided autobiography, or pick up a book to help you on your path to crafting your own life story. And if you’re in the market for a flash nonfiction writing class, check out Sarah White’s recent post.
REMEMBERING THOSE LOST IN 2017
As part of the New York Times Magazine’s annual The Lives They Lived issue, editors invited readers to contribute a photograph and a story of someone close to them who died this year: The Lives They Loved.
“TALKING TO ALL THOSE OLD PEOPLE”
“No work I have ever done has brought me as much joy and hope, or changed my outlook on life as profoundly,” writes John Leland of his year interviewing elderly New Yorkers. His book Happiness Is a Choice You Make: Lessons From a Year Among the Oldest Old will be published on Jan. 23. A. E. Hotchner reviewed: “Remarkable revelations gleaned from those who, in their superannuated years, have discovered rewarding benefits from the life that actually surrounds them.”
CELEBRATING LIFE, AND ART
A film called “funny and life-affirming,” Faces Places explores themes of art, vision, regular people, and aging, all with tenderness and wit, energy and delight. Find showtimes in select cities.
Short Takes
#MemoriesMatter #Legacy #LifeStories #Memoir #OralHistory #FamilyHistory
Holiday grief: Find comfort & connection in memories
We may yearn for a lost loved one even more during the holidays, but know that shared memories are a balm to the soul, and that grief is another form of love.
There is no timetable for grief, and sometimes our journeys of missing a lost loved one will be lifelong. The intensity of the grief we feel, though, is often magnified around the holidays—that sense of yearning for someone, of remembering them in a most visceral manner (through the tastes of the holiday food, the smells of an evergreen tree, say, or the feel of the hugs and stockings and warmth of the fire)...
Even amidst the joy, we may still feel sadness—and that’s not only okay, it is normal.
Here, I wanted to share two simple ideas—principles that have helped me on my healing path, and ones that I do believe can have a worthwhile impact on others.
Shared memories are a gift.
“Nothing makes me happier than someone asking me about my dad and what he was like,” writes Jahanvi Sardana, who lost her father to brain cancer in early 2017.
My own mother died thirteen years ago this month (three days after Christmas, to be precise), and I still feel exactly as Sardana does: The best gift—for Christmas or at any time of year—is simply, definitively, a shared memory of my mother.
I cherish when people share specific memories: That time my mother made everyone in the car laugh so hard that they had to pull away from the McDonald’s drive-thru because no one could talk through their guffaws. The time my mother hugged a coworker when he was having a bad day. The time she made spinach quiche for the elderly couple she saw at chemo every week. Or how, after wearing one blue sock and one black sock to the office, she combated her color blindness by having a friend help her label her laundry by color.
These are not monumental memories. They are moments.
But in their specificity, my mother comes alive for me.
I, too, feel connected to the person sharing the memory—they knew my mother, they experienced her. As I have so few people with whom to reminisce, these moments of sharing are even more precious to me when they happen.
“Keep your loved ones alive in your conversations, your memories, the way you live because end of life in no way translates to end of relationship,” Sardana says.
Remember that your recollections are a balm to the soul. Don’t ever refrain from sharing, or thinking that your memories may prove too painful; on the contrary, I can almost guarantee that your stories—no matter how inconsequential they may seem—are welcome to someone who has experienced a loss, whether that loss occurred yesterday or a decade ago.
Grief is another form of love.
At the memorial service for my grandmother, there were lots of sympathetic hugs. I remember those and the many words of support vaguely, through the fog of loss that shrouded me on that day.
One memory, though, is vivid: My friend Marc told me, “Your sadness is big because your love was big.” Those weren’t his exact words, but they capture his meaning, an idea that seemed new and comforting and obvious all at the same time. In his Marc way, he told me how lucky I was to have experienced such a loving relationship with my grandmother, and how my grief was proof of that love. What a revelation.
It was also evocative of my mother’s enduring philosophy, that we should be ever grateful. In that moment of loss, thanks to a friend’s words, I felt connected to my mom, and blessed to have had my grandmother in my life.
“The greater the love the greater the grief,” wrote C.S. Lewis, echoing my friend’s wisdom.
Jahanvi Sardana, who wrote about her father’s recent death, would agree, it seems: “Grief numbs your body, breaks your heart, and drains your veins, but grief also is just another form of love.”
Be patient with yourself, and gentle in your grief.
“Grief is tremendous, but love is bigger,” Cheryl Strayed says. “You are grieving because you loved truly. The beauty in that is greater than the bitterness of death. Allowing this into your consciousness will not keep you from suffering, but it will help you survive the next day.”
Yes. Yes.
Resources & more for those who are grieving
When I first wrote this article in 2017, Sheryl Sandberg’s book Option B—which she wrote in the wake of her husband’s death, when she feared she would never feel true joy again—was a bestseller, and I noted with gratitude that she had created a community around the idea of resilience in the face of adversity. The Option B website continues to offer ways to
connect with people who understand
immerse oneself in inspiring stories—or share your own
get practical advice for talking about loss and other challenges.
More recently, I have been listening to Anderson Cooper’s thoughtful, inspiring podcast called “All There Is” in which he vulnerably explores grief as he goes through his mother’s things after her death. I highly recommend listening, whether your loss is fresh or years behind you. I related to so very much he and his guests had to say; I think you will, too.
Related Reading:
The Healing Power of Remembrance: “The prescription for joy and healing after loss is to remember.”
Mommy & Me: How a struggle to tell my mother’s whole story turned into a more intimate portrait of love.
Notes from a Funeral: Sharing memories about lost loved ones to heal—and why we don't honor our families through story sharing now.
Keeping memories alive: How tribute books can create a lasting legacy of your deceased family member
This post, originally published on December 19, 2017, has been updated on November 30, 2022.
Life Story Links: Blog Roundup, December 11
Oral history during the holidays, how not to conduct an interview, power of voice to evoke memories & a few first person accounts to whet your life story whistle.
“We tell ourselves stories in order to live.”
—Joan Didion
With so many diverse links of interest to storytellers and family historians this week, why don’t we skip introductions and dive right in—shall we?
Listen Up
(JUST) AUDIO?
Meghan Vigeant of Stories To Tell in Maine is making a change to her personal history business: She’s paring away the multitude of offerings she once listed, including book production and memoir coaching, and is now focusing on her audio services: audio memoirs & oral histories. Read why this time, it’s all about the audio.
FROM PHONE MESSAGES TO FAMILY STORIES
“When I was a kid spending the night at my grandmother’s house in Harrisville, Michigan, I’d stay up past my bedtime and lay on the bedroom floor with an ear pressed against the heat grate, straining to hear the conversations of the adults in the parlor below,” says Rebekah Smith. She was “seeking out good company and soaking up their stories” then, something she continues to do now in her QuOTed podcast. Check out the 30 mini episodes the Minneapolis-based Smith posted as part of National Podcast Post Month in November 2017.
Signs of the Times
THE FAMILY TABLE
“Occasionally, I would come home from work and find a strange, unshaven man dressed in rags, sitting at our kitchen table,” Ellie Kahn's grandmother told her. Ellie learned of her great-grandmother’s Depression-era generosity (serving strangers entire meals in her home, “from soup to dessert”) while the family shared stories around the Chanukah table. There is no better time to tell such precious stories than during the holidays, and Ellie Kahn, a Los Angeles-based oral historian and owner of Living Legacies Family Histories, offers up myriad suggestions for starting new storytelling traditions this year.
HOW NOT TO CONDUCT AN INTERVIEW
“Those of us who interview others for a living can learn a lot from [Matt] Lauer’s disastrous outing,” writes NYC personal historian Samantha Shubert, who goes on to detail four strategic & substantive ways to get the most out of any conversational interview—not à la the former Today Show host’s example.
Visual Storytelling
When a photographer sets out to live with and document the everyday lives of an order of contemplative nuns in New Zealand, the silent observance reveals a rich narrative.
A photograph by Cam McLaren on display at the New Zealand Geographic Photographer of the Year exhibition
First Person Reflections
ON CARS...
After reading Sarah White’s recent post about her first car (“The Pinto”), guest writer Dorothy Ross submitted a tale of her own youthful automotive daring to True Stories Well Told. (“I named my sweet car Daisy, after the girl in The Great Gatsby,” reflects Ross.) Consider adding your voice to the reminiscences about first cars on Madison, WI-based Sarah White’s blog.
...AND MORE...
- Carol McLaren of Unique Life Stories in Pinon, Arizona writes about her father on the occasion of his 91st birthday.
- Hear, Here is an oral history project in LaCrosse, Wisconsin, that focuses on place-based stories that bring the experiences of the everyday person to light.
Little #LifeStory Links
#MemoriesMatter #Legacy #LifeStories #Memoir #OralHistory #FamilyHistory
Life Story Links: Blog Roundup, November 28
A whole lotta links about preserving life stories, from dealing with family stories that are painful to why preserving your own memories is urgent.
“If a story is in you, it has to come out.”
—William Faulkner
Time Is of the Essence
BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE
In the process of saving family histories, procrastination not only steals time, it steals stories from future generations. A cautionary tale with a true sense of urgency this holiday season from Pam Pacelli-Cooper of Cambridge-based Verissima Productions.
“SOMEDAY” IS TODAY
Meet Josh: He plans to write his biography someday. Yet he has told his adult kids none of his life stories. How about you—are you waiting for “someday,” too?
When Family Stories Are Painful
FAMILY HISTORY & SHAME
Growing up, Julie Lindahl felt an indescribable guilt, a feeling she could never understand. Once she discovered that her grandfather had been a brutal SS officer during World War II, she decided to devote her life to digging into the truth. Unlocking the secrets of her family showed Julie the worst, and then the best, of humankind.
“Shame, you can’t contribute anything, but responsibility, you can do a lot with,” she says. “It’s a challenging story, but one that gives me a great deal of hope…”
Lindahl is the founder of Stories for Society, a nonprofit that works with storytelling for learning and communication. Her memoir, The Pendulum, will be published in September 2018, and is currently available to educators in a shorter version.
THE PERSPECTIVE OF YEARS
“Considering that my parents were children of The Great Depression and I was of the much more prosperous post–World War II generation, it was, perhaps, inevitable that we wouldn’t always see things eye to eye,” writes Des Moines-based personal historian Larry Lehrer. “Of course, I lost most clashes with Dad, many of them ending with ‘because I say so.’” Lehrer remembers his dad with a new perspective on the 97th anniversary of his birth.
Books & Beyond
MAKING WORDS WORK
Memoir writers in need of an editor will be interested in Sarah Sally Hamer’s primer on the different types of editing that shape a book. In this installment, the Louisiana-based writing teacher talks about line editing—“where, finally, you make it pretty.”
A LIFE WORTH REMEMBERING
“Honoring a life well-lived doesn’t just benefit the younger generations—it empowers the elders themselves, and in the process, assigns meaning to their life and permanence to their story.” Forbes highlights The Role of Family Historians in Preserving Wealth by Defining a Legacy.
Little #LifeStory Links
#MemoriesMatter #Legacy #LifeStories #Memoir #OralHistory #FamilyHistory