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“I wish I knew”
The Wall Street Journal reports that a growing number of adult children are interested in hearing more of their parents' stories. Are you among them?
A recent article in The Wall Street Journal, “The Questions You Wish You Had Asked Your Parents,” cites a growing interest in people wanting to know more of their family stories.
The uptick in awareness of story preservation is attributed to the rise in home DNA kits, the popularity of family history via sites such as Ancestry, and the younger generation’s comfort level with documenting every aspect of their lives: “Younger people are more transparent and used to telling the story of their own lives, often online for many to see, and expect it from others,” writes Clare Ansberry.
This recent article in The Wall Street Journal indicates that more and more families are realizing the value of preserving their stories.
All of this is no doubt accurate, and I do find millennials in particular curious about their parents’ lives before parenthood and even nostalgic about their own childhoods.
But I would argue that this interest in our collective family history is nothing new—at least, not when talking about family history in terms of stories.
While finding distant DNA cousins is indeed new, wanting to know more about our parents’ lives is not. Unfortunately, all too often people don’t recognize that desire until it’s too late.
I’ve written before about how it may seem like your grown kids don’t care about learning about your life—but that in fact, they merely don’t care to pay attention just yet. And that’s the key here: We either need to get the younger generations to realize the urgency in capturing their elders’ stories, or convince the older generations that not only do their stories matter, but that they will be treasured by their family when they are gone.
Is story preservation a new trend?
The message of that WSJ article is that, apparently, both of these things are happening—changes are afoot that are opening our eyes to the need—and value and desire—for documenting our family stories.
I hope this is the case. I know personal historians such as myself and those quoted in the article are making every effort to spread the word and stress the importance of preserving our legacies.
I’m not convinced, though, that enough people are on board.
I hope that more and more people begin to see the value in asking their parents about their lives before parenthood.
I hope that more and more people realize that now is the time to begin asking—not later, not when it’s more convenient or they’re less busy.
I hope that more and more family elders acknowledge that their lives have been interesting, that the paths they have taken hold lessons for the next generation, and that their stories matter.
Most of all, I hope that you FEEL the urgency and take the first step toward preserving your family’s stories for posterity.
Avoid having to say, “I wish I knew.”
If you’re a DIY’er, consider writing about your life or interviewing your family members.
If you would like to explore how working with a personal historian can make the process easier and yield a more professional product, please reach out to chat.
What I know: I still hear from far too many people about the regrets they have: not asking their parents about their lives until it is too late; until dementia has crept in, or their parents have passed.
It is my mission to help people have no regrets. Won’t you join me in this mission?
Life Story Links: August 26, 2019
A curated selection of first-person reads to inspire your own storytelling (or just sit back and enjoy!) plus memoir recommendations & life story writing tips.
“Be the silence that listens.”
—Tara Broch
Photographed for LIFE magazine. ©Time Inc.
First Person Reads to Inspire
SLICES OF LIFE
I have read the Metropolitan Diary in the New York Times for decades, finding comfort and humor in the ultra-short episodes of city life chronicled there. Why share here? Scroll down to “Near Macy’s, 1989” to read a 242-word slice of life and tell me: Don’t you wish all our parents would recount such memories?
CONVERSATIONS, LOVE
“She seemed to enjoy these interviews… I wanted it all—everything I might want to ask her—but wouldn’t be able to. And I wanted to be anywhere but in the ER for the seventh time.” In a piece that resonated deeply with me, Melissa Berman recalls what was said, and not said, between her and her beloved aunt as they approached her final year.
TRANSLATING A CHILDHOOD
“I will never speak the language of Alejandro’s loss...nor will he learn the language of my grief... We can only ask how the other pronounces their pain.” Brittani Sonnenberg writes lyrically about finding oneself—and belonging—in a life lived across five countries.
Tips & Recommendations
WHERE THE HEART IS
Susan Hood of NYC–based Remarkable Life Memoirs offers up six thought-provoking memoirs exploring the idea of home and having one’s own personal space.
THE FAMILY TABLE
As I have been immersed in the design and production of a set of heritage recipe cards (with ample space for memories, of course—stay tuned!), I decided to share a few tips for easily capturing food memories.
GO PRO?
“It’s a question we ask ourselves often, whether we need a haircut, a birthday cake, or a fresh coat of paint on the house: Should I do it myself, or hire a professional?” Olive Lowe of Life Stories by Liv in Phoenix offers up four solid reasons why you might consider hiring a pro to help you preserve your most precious memories.
RETIREMENT AS FRESH START
One of the authors Carol McClaren works with at Arizona–based Unique Life Stories began his writing career while on a cruise with his wife—“because if I didn't,” he says, “I'd explode!”
...and a Few More Links
A list to bookmark: The top 25 films that explore memory
LitHub’s Fall 2019 previews of memoir (including the anticipated Blood by Allison Moorer), biography (including a sweeping new bio of Susan Sontag), and history books
Photographer explores the fractured identity of second-generation members of the Chinese diaspora
Short Takes
Life Story Links: November 27, 2018
Louis Armstrong’s personal archives, WWI stories passed through generations, and plenty of process talk including using Scrivener and reviving stalled memoirs.
“We all practice the craft of autobiography in our inner conversations with ourselves about the meaning of our experience, and those conversations, no matter what language we use, are fundamentally theological or philosophical. Though only a handful of us set about writing down the results and publishing them for others to read, we are all autobiographers.”
—Jill Ker Conway
Louis Armstrong and his wife Lucille in the den of their Corona, Queens, New York home; the jazz legend’s archives are now available online. PHOTO courtesy of Louis Armstrong Archive.
Stories Worth Sharing
LOUIS ARMSTRONG ARCHIVES
From handwritten playlists of his musical inspiration to scrapbooks of his life as it was lived (and as it was recorded in the newspapers), Louis Armstrong was a careful (and thorough) documentarian of his life. Now the full archives are accessible online.
VETERANS’ STORIES
In “The War Stories Their Families Never Forgot,” the New York Times collects memories of readers’ relatives who had a role in World War I—and the submissions are, unexpectedly, often uplifting.
THE ATTIC OF HISTORY
Sir Peter Jackson says he would be happy if his new war film inspires people to go rummaging around in their attics for old photos and letters, keen to piece together tales about grandfathers and ancient uncles who served in the first World War.
On People and Process
“TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF”
Terry Gross, considered by many to be a master interviewer, offers insights into how to talk to people. “As an interviewer, Ms. Gross’s goal is to find out how her subject became who they are; as a conversationalist, make that goal your own.”
SYSTEM TALK
In her latest podcast episode, Amy Woods Butler, aka The Life Story Coach, describes how she goes from interview transcript to book draft, including how Scrivener fits into her process.
A PROFESSIONAL’S PERSPECTIVE
About half Nancy West’s memoir clients are people who previously attempted writing their memoirs themselves. “They bogged down in telling very specific stories perfectly and comprehensively,” she says, “whereas I work like a journalist: facts first, then flesh it out.”
...and a Few More Links
Is deleting Facebook deleting your memories?
Ann Curry’s We’ll Meet Again returns to television.
Mickey Mouse gets the “life story” treatment on his 90th birthday.
New study shows our brains prioritize memories that are useful in making future decisions.
Short Takes