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“Stories We Tell” isn’t new, but it’s worth a watch
Watch the 2012 film Stories We Tell as much for the dramatic exploration of one family's narrative as for the questions it raises about the malleability of truth.
Stories We Tell is a 2012 genre-bending documentary from director Sarah Polley. I recall being intrigued by the film trailers, but never made my way to the theaters to see it at the time of its release. A fortuitous sighting of the DVD in my local library led me to check it out this week, and I am so glad that I did.
In the film Polley brings together her siblings, father, and friends of her family, to explore the past in ways that are both seamless and contradictory, each individual weaving their own narrative threads to form a story much more complex than perhaps even Polley envisioned at the outset.
The subject? Well, one the one hand it is Polley’s deceased mother, Diane, whom the director lovingly brings to life through family stories and lots of colorful family video footage (and how glorious much of that is!). On the other hand, however, the subject is truth itself, and how elusive and malleable it inevitably is.
A Search for the Vagaries of Truth
Ultimately, Polley seeks to explore the past primarily through personal history interviews of those involved in her mother’s life, and to come as close as she can to some kind of truth.
“Can you tell the whole story from beginning to end, in your own words?” Sarah asks each of her subjects as prelude to her interviews.
Those interviews begin almost innocuously, with some discomfort at the prospect of delving into family secrets amidst bits of embarrassed laughter. But Polley deftly draws out the stories in a most compelling way, and we are privileged to be witnesses to a gradual unfolding of truths that feels especially intimate.
We are drawn into her mother’s story—into the dramas of infidelity and the banality of everyday life. And while that drama is captivating, it is the rather meta exploration of getting to the story—of watching it reveal and fold back in on itself—that makes this film a true gem, in my opinion.
“I am interested in the way we tell stories about our lives,” Polley says in one scene. “About the fact that the truth about our past is often ephemeral and difficult to pin down. And many of our stories, when we don’t take proper time to do research about our pasts, which is almost always the case, end up with shifts and fictions in them, mostly unintended.”
Watch the trailer for Stories We Tell.
Concentric Circles of Experience
Polley began conducting interviews and filming of her family members before she had a clear sense of what the project might become. Would it even be released, or remain a private undertaking? Through five years of production she let the stories speak for themselves.
In a letter to one of the players, Harry, she wrote: “I wouldn’t even pretend at this point to know how to tell [this story] beyond beginning to explore it through interviews with everyone involved, so that everyone’s point of view, no matter how contradictory, is included.”
“Why is that we talk and talk, or at least I certainly do, without somehow conveying what we’re really like?”
—Michael Polley
But is giving everyone’s perspective equal weight truly the best way to get to the truth, Harry wonders? Those who were “direct witnesses to the events” are more reliable narrators, after all, are they not? Or are the peripheral reactions and relationships that contribute to a family’s entire narrative all worthy?
These questions are explored and alluded to throughout, giving weight to the film and making Sarah Polley’s late appearance in the film all the more powerful. Particularly near the end, when Sarah herself begins to ruminate on why she feels compelled to tell this story and expose it to the world, the telling is eloquent and moving and raw in a most beautiful—and recognizable—sense.
Who owns these stories? Is there one version of personal history?
Polley’s brother Michael wonders aloud that while doing an interview might bring you as close to truth as you can get, does Sarah’s editing of it turn it into something different?
The questions amidst the stories are at the heart of Stories We Tell. What questions will they raise for you?
Related Reading
View a discussion guide from Influence Film Forum with thought-provoking questions and a few suggestions for exploring your own family stories.
Discover another documentary, Nobody’s Business, that explores the nature of memory through the lens of family history.
See where to stream or rent Stories We Tell, or buy the DVD.
“The truth was becoming more and more ephemeral as opposed to closer,” said Sarah Polley in a brief interview about her film.
Affiliate disclosure: As an Amazon Associate, we may earn commissions from qualifying purchases from Amazon.com.
Life Story Links: October 17, 2018
Stories on staying curious including a conversation starter card deck & ideas for family interviews, plus digging into family history via photos and stories.
PHOTO: Wallenda Family Album Picture, 1962. Photographed by Robert W. Kelley for LIFE magazine. ©Time Inc.
“Here’s the deal. The human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed—to be seen, heard, and companioned exactly as it is.”
—Parker J. Palmer
Stay Curious
AGING IN NYC
A longtime social worker and photographer turns his lens on seniors out and about in the Big Apple, and his interest invites stories from all walks of life.
STORY CATCHER CONVERSATION STARTERS
A holiday gift idea, perhaps? Tree of Life Legacies’ April Bell has introduced the Life Legacy Card Deck with 52 prompts for values-based storytelling.
LET’S TALK
Conducting family interviews is a great way to gather the stories of family elders and preserve family history for the next generation—here, four ideas to get you going.
Digging in to Family History
THE ONLY TRUE STORY
“Humans love stories, and genealogy is essentially a gradual reading of the grandest, most compelling story of all time,” Roman Kraft writes in his ode to discovering family history.
ONE BOX AT A TIME
Denise Levenick, aka The Family Curator, describes how to use “the parking lot system” to organize old photos in your family collection.
BBC’S “FAMILY FOOTSTEPS”
An Ulster-Scots family goes on a journey back in time to discover what life was like for their ancestors at the turn of the 19th century.
YOUR HISTORY…OR YOU’RE HISTORY?
“With both of my parents gone it is getting much harder to collect the stories from their lives,” writes Jay Lenkersdorfer in a local newspaper column. “Each memory is perishable and should be treated as though it will soon expire...”
...and a Few More Links
A new website aims to build a database of music that's effective at triggering memories for dementia patients.
Storytelling as a form of healing
An in-depth review of Kiese Laymon’s “startlingly open” and “raw” new memoir, Heavy
Short Takes
4 ideas for family interviews
Conducting family interviews is a great way to gather the stories of family elders and preserve family history for the next generation. Here are a few tips.
The next time your parents are around (Thanksgiving, perhaps?) why not have your children interview them about their lives?
I come back to this quote from William Zinsser again and again for its poignancy and power:
“One of the saddest sentences I know is ‘I wish I had asked my mother about that.’ ”
How does that make you feel? If you have lost your parent(s) or other elders in your family, it can be like a punch to the gut. If, on the other hand, older family members are still around, I hope it creates a sense of urgency in you—to wonder about their personal history, to ask questions and, most importantly, to engage in meaningful conversation about the past.
I suggest recording these conversations—perhaps to transcribe later for use in a book, or perhaps to be edited down so your children’s children can hear snippets of their ancestors’ stories in their own words. There are plenty of digital recording apps out there; just don’t forget to use two different recording methods to ensure those memories are, in fact, captured (trust me, technical errors happen…and the feeling of losing those stories, well, it’s not good).
Which interview approach is right for you?
1 - group interviews
For families with multiple generations or family members who see each other only infrequently, group interview sessions during holiday get-togethers can be a fun and fruitful process. How to fit them in amidst all the holiday preparations, though? Some ideas:
After Thanksgiving dessert, keep the coffee flowing and the cookies on hand, but make a voice recorder the new table centerpiece. Share your purpose with your family (“I love hearing our family stories, and want to make sure we capture them for the future”), then ask for volunteers to begin the storytelling.
Do you have family members spending the night after a holiday celebration? Send someone out for bagels the next morning, and turn brunch into a reminiscence session. Keep it casual but focused to get the best stories out of your guests.
At a family reunion or other big gathering, set aside a room specifically for story gathering. Either designate one person as the ringleader (if you have a de facto family historian in your family, this will be right up their alley) or pair people together who you think will have meaningful conversations. Make a list of topics on a white board (or put them on slips of paper for guests to pick, à la charades) and give out time slots for the interview sessions. There is a fair amount of upfront organization involved here, but once the ball is rolling it’s fairly easy to maintain momentum.
2 - kids interviewing grandparents
Setting up “official” interviews with grandparents is a wonderful home-schooling or scouting project for tweens and teens. Have them ask grandparents to gather a few favorite photos in advance to use to help get the conversation flowing. You just might be surprised how many stories are revealed that even you had never heard before (there’s just something about sharing with the grandkids!!).
3 - regular conversation dates
Consider visiting with a close relative regularly to gather stories—perhaps bi-weekly coffee chats or monthly pot-luck dinners, each with a theme (think childhood adventures, momentous decisions, the war years, becoming a parent, etc.). I wish my mother were still alive for me to have such dates with her!
If you have a relative in assisted living, for example, such “interview” sessions may help with their self-esteem and general attitude, as well as giving you both something to focus on rather than day-to-day drudgery.
Keep the pressure off by maintaining a conversational tone throughout your get-togethers. While you are indeed trying to elicit memorable stories, the time together should itself be enjoyable.
4 - telling your own stories
Maybe YOU are the one who wants your stories captured? If you are not a writer, see if there is someone in your circle who might sit with you to converse. It might seem like a good idea to turn on a tape recorder and just start talking, though my experience indicates that having an interested listener—someone nodding or smiling, asking follow-up questions—is a compelling motivator!
If your child or a close friend is unable to fulfill this role, you can always set up a session with a personal historian such as myself (I consider it a privilege to listen to your stories!).
Sharing stories is an endeavor with immediate value, bringing joy to the participants and connecting family members more closely.
I would implore you to go a step further, too, and do something with your stories to ensure they are around for the next generation.
Imagine if your own grandparents had left you such a treasure?
related reading:
A good conversation begins with good questions.
Best practices for recording family history interviews at home
3 easy ways to get your parents’ stories
Meet the man who said he had no stories—until he had an absorbed listener, that is!
Life Story Links: October 2, 2018
A roundup chock-full of life story stuff, from sharing painful memories to honoring a mother's legacy, plus pro tips on talking about money & managing workflows.
“Music does a lot of things for a lot of people. It’s transporting, for sure. It can take you right back, years back, to the very moment certain things happened in your life. It’s uplifting, it’s encouraging, it’s strengthening.”
—Aretha Franklin
PHOTOGRAPH: Old time fiddling at Bernie Rasmussen's in Polson, Montana, July 22, 1979, from the Montana Folklife Survey collection at the Library of Congress.
Battle Scars
BRUISES AND ALL
“I understand that sharing difficult experiences is decidedly not for everyone,” writes Chicago–based personal historian Betsy Storm. “But nobody can underestimate the power of such stories to lift others up from their own tender and painful places.”
THE RELUCTANT INTERVIEWEE
This week I review the 1996 documentary Nobody’s Business, in which Alan Berliner interviews his (rather pugnacious!) father about family history. You’ll laugh and you’ll cringe at their father-son interplay.
On the Front Lines of History
OBJECT LESSONS
Check out Your Story Our Story, a national project exploring American immigration and migration through a crowd-sourced collection of stories about everyday objects of personal significance.
MOON MAN
Neil Armstrong’s personal papers land at Purdue, his alma mater, including approximately 70,000 pages of fan mail, which Armstrong continued to receive from around the world for years after he landed on the moon. (Archivists: Imagine the time it took to catalog this “finding guide” to the collection!)
Memories that Matter
IN REMEMBRANCE OF 朱苏勤
“She knew only two people who speak English fluently—myself and my father. Not able to tell her story herself, I want to use my voice to tell it for her,” writes Li Jin in “Saying Goodbye to My Grandmother.”
AN APP FOR THAT?
In the hope that preserving “one memory at a time” is less daunting for some than writing a “life story,” I explored digital story sharing services in my latest guest post for The Photo Organizers.
STORIES OF OUR STUFF
In What We Keep, 150 people share touching stories behind their most prized possessions. Read three excerpts here, and listen to co-author Bill Shapiro talk about how things become imbued with memories and meaning.
Pro Tips
UNFORESEEN CONSEQUENCES
Massachusetts–based personal historian Nancy West offers suggestions for looking at your life through a thematic lens. As she writes, “You might be surprised to find out that your life story has governing themes that go well beyond a simple linear list of dates and places.”
THAT (DREADED?) MONEY CONVERSATION
“Life story work is ‘heart-driven’ work, and like other service-oriented professions, it attracts people who may not feel comfortable with the money-making side of their business,” says Amy Woods Butler, founder of the Story Scribe in Kansas City. In the latest episode of her podcast she talks with educator and memoirist Sarah White about money matters.
...and a Few More Links
Is the ‘real you’ a myth? A medical take on the nature of memory
Museum educator discovers unexpected family ties to the place he works.
You don’t have to travel to D.C. or peruse 838 miles of shelves to visit the Library of Congress.
For life story professionals interested in creating efficient systems, download this free guide for creative entrepreneurs on Systems, Automation & Workflow (full disclosure: I authored one of the articles!).
A helpful and thorough comparison of print on-demand services
Short Takes
The reluctant interviewee: “I’m just an ordinary guy”
In his 1996 documentary Nobody’s Business, Alan Berliner interviews his father about family history. The result is a poignant study of the nature of memory.
“Who the hell would care about Oscar Berliner?” barks…Oscar Berliner.
In Nobody’s Business, Oscar Berliner, the reclusive father, has the spotlight turned on him by his filmmaker son Alan Berliner, and the results are a poignant study in the nature of memory.
Nobody’s Business is not new; it is an Emmy-winning independent (raw and experimental) documentary from 1996. I discovered it only recently, though, and felt compelled to share. I hope the review that follows may inspire you, too, to explore screening Alan Berliner’s most personal film.
Filmmaker Alan Berliner filming his father Oscar on a Florida beach, circa 1993
End of Story
“I’m American.” That answer which my grandmother repeated each time I asked her about her—hence our—background—is echoed by Berliner’s father. He has no idea where his family is from, he says, and he does not care. Who cares?
HIs son the filmmaker cares, and persists in trying to get his father to come around to his way of thinking. After a trip to the Family History Library in Salt Lake City, Berliner shows Oscar photographs of his ancestors, including a picture of the street where they lived.
Oscar: “What does it matter?”
Alan: “Your ancestors walked on that block.”
Oscar: “Really, what does it matter?”
Oscar: “I have no emotional response. They could be taken out of a story book. I don’t know them!”
But the son is as stubborn as his father, and he challenges, probes, pushes.
Didn’t his father ever ask his own parents about where they came from? Well, no: “I never asked. They never said.”
His father remains recalcitrant. “I’m American. Period, that’s it.”
Strange Relatives
Delving into his family history a little further, Berliner interviews cousins and other relatives about their heritage—and the result is no more informative than his conversations with his father.
“No one ever talked about it,” says one cousin.
“We’re strangers who share a common history,” says another.
When a distant cousin is enumerating how he and Alan Berliner are related, he ultimately concludes they are “sort of relatives and sort of strangers…strange relatives.”
Indeed, Oscar sums it up best: “The one thing we share is the one thing we all know nothing about.” Their family history.
And yet the faithfully seeking Alan Berliner travels to the small towns in Poland where his ancestors walked, and to Utah to uncover records of the past. He describes himself in his journal as “questing after people I didn't know, people I will never know. Hoping to breathe in…even one tiny molecule of air once upon a time exhaled by my ancestors that might still be floating around the Polish countryside. Looking to incorporate it into my body, my breath, my being.”
Alan Berliner is the poet, the compassionate descendant, urgently probing the past for connections and meaning.
“Next question.”
Berliner’s journals elucidate his process and travels and struggles to “see how I might tell the story of my father's life, amidst his stoical reluctance to talk about it.”
His father is indeed reluctant, even combative at times (something Berliner visually brings home through footage of boxing matches cut throughout his dialogue with his father), never fully giving himself over to the conversation.
Despite the combativeness of the conversation, though, he tells his son that “yes,” he is enjoying himself during the interview. He is lonely in his old age. He thinks such personal questions—about divorce and marriage and war—are best left for private conversations. Each time the son inches closer to eliciting a truth or a story, though, his father balks: “Next question.”
Oscar Berliner died in August 1996, just months after Nobody’s Business debuted. He had gotten to sit next to his (very nervous) son at the premiere at the New York Film Festival at Alice Tully Hall, and told a friend that it was the happiest night of his life.
“'‘Oscar Berliner & Son’ is now closed for business,” Alan wrote in his journal after his father’s funeral. “We’ve retired. He's moved out, I'm moving on. Like everything else about him, it's a sad melange of ironies and contradictions. But I loved him out loud and people heard, understood, respected, and seemingly—in turn, found a way to love him too.”
A Legacy of Love & Longing
As he gets closer to finishing the film’s editing, Berliner records in his journal:
“The film is beginning to touch a nerve. To reach a kind of truth about ‘identity.’ About some of the hidden places inside of ‘family.’ My father is so honest, so raw, so real. He's incredibly alive as a character. I just need to let him be himself.”
And kudos to Berliner for letting his father be just that.
I felt privileged to witness the interchanges between father and son. To recognize some of their push and pull from my own family experiences (I, like Alan Berliner, have always ascribed a larger meaning to the past, and strive to derive meaning from—and pay respect to—my ancestors’ lives). To be part of this intimate dance.
Watching Nobody’s Business, I felt like I was witnessing a meaningful journey for Alan Berliner, son and filmmaker.
“Somehow in the cauldron of my life’s process, this feels important—both as personal gesture, and as public example,” Berliner wrote of making the film. I hope you will watch it and perhaps discover some meaning for yourself along the way.
Affiliate disclosure: As an Amazon Associate, we may earn commissions from qualifying purchases from Amazon.com.
Life Story Links: September 18, 2018
Tangible memories, truth's elusivity in memoir, an autobiographical essay collection, a free chapter of "Your Meaning Legacy,” & a chance at a free writing book.
“All she ever wanted was to be remembered. And she understood that memories happened in the mind but also in the heart.”
—Michelle Gable, I’ll See You in Paris
“Kim Sisters” photographed by Robert W. Kelley for Life magazine. ©Time Inc. Many of the millions of photographs from the LIFE Photo Archive, from the 1750s to today, are available for non-commercial use.
Tangible Memories
TRANSPORTED BY MEMORABILIA
Massachusetts–based personal historian Nancy West writes about how something as prosaic as a paper placemat can bring back evocative and powerful memories of time spent at her grandparents’ Colorado cabin.
BLESSING OR BURDEN?
“Keeping everything honors nothing!” Don’t let your most precious photos and memorabilia become a burden to the next generation. The team at the Family Narrative Project has valuable advice to help you sort your memory-laden stuff.
SUITCASE OF TALISMANS JOURNEYS TO ISRAEL
Stacy Derby of Bind These Words in Chicago went above and beyond to help a client gift an invaluable piece of her family's history to the National Library of Israel. (Use Google Translate in your browser to read in English.)
Writing, Remembering, Reading
MEMOIR: THE ART OF THE SUPPOSE
“The truth is elusive, but don’t let that defeat you. Let truth’s elusivity galvanize you toward the deep dive for the facts, the shimmery details, the startle of a color red or a wind storm or a mother’s muffins,” said writer Beth Kephart in her opening address at HippoCamp 2018.
BOOK REVIEW
“We all have different versions of ourselves, depending on the story,” Mimi Schwartz writes in her autobiographical essay collection, When History Is Personal. Read a review here.
IT COMES DOWN TO STORY
Last week I attended Narrative Medicine Rounds in NYC to hear physician and writer Haider Warraich, MD, talk about “The Search for Beauty at the End of Life.”
YOUR MEANING LEGACY
Legacy planning expert Laura A. Roser offers a step-by-step guide to cultivating, capturing, and passing on non-financial assets such as values, wisdom, and beliefs in her new book. Download the first chapter here.
NYACK RECORD SHOP PROJECT
Listen to history: “Two chairs, a microphone, a few questions and a 30-minute hourglass-style timer. When the sands ran out, the interview was over. Some interviews began with the line: ‘Tell us your story.‘ And that was enough to get the ball rolling and the personal history flowing.”
...and a Few More Links
Lifetime of family memories commemorated through art
Five tips for historical research, from uncovering local history to plotting your family tree
Storytelling connects children with history, families and each other.
Actress Sally Field’s new memoir reveals a personal history that she has never shared before.
Enter by October 1st for a chance to win a free, signed copy of Helen Sword's The Writer's Diet.
Short Takes
Come & See Me This Friday!
Come out to Chatham this Friday to see our heirloom books—AND enter to win a wine gift basket! Meet 40 small business owners, SHOP LOCAL & get unique gift ideas.
I will be showcasing my books and life story packages in Chatham this Friday!
It’s a great opportunity for many local folks who have asked about what I do here at Modern Heirloom Books to touch and feel some sample books (yay!) and to hear about how the interviewing process works.
Honestly, it’s a rare soul who doesn’t cherish their memories—and seeing how those memories can be brought to life, showcased, and preserved in an heirloom coffee table book is often all it takes to get someone to take the first step!
Bonus: I’m giving away a wine gift basket!
I invite you to come on out to see my books AND to meet lots of other business owners from the area. SHOP LOCAL!!
While you’re there, you can enter to win a gift basket from Modern Heirloom Books that includes
a bottle of wine
heart-shaped wine stopper
gourmet goodies
a memory-keeping journal!
MUST BE PRESENT AT THE EVENT TO ENTER. I will draw one winner after the event.
Come on out & meet your neighbors!
Date & time
Fri, September 21, 2018
10:00 AM – 1:00 PM
location
Chatham United Methodist Church
460 Main Street
Chatham Township, NJ 07928
details
First Chatham Small Business Festival sponsored by B.I.G. (Believe Inspire Grow).
Forty women-owned small businesses, including Modern Heirloom Books, will showcase their products and services, including
unique gifts (think holiday shopping!!)
skincare & beauty
healthy meals & health coaching
education & writing services
and LOTS MORE!!
Ample parking behind the Church’s building. Food and refreshments will be provided.
Narrative medicine: Stories nourish empathy
An introduction to narrative medicine through a recent NYC talk from physician and writer Haider Warraich, MD: “The Search for Beauty at the End of Life.”
I am devoted to the power of story. It compels me personally; it fuels my brand. I am also invested in helping caregivers, and promoting candid conversation about how we die. So it is no wonder that I found my way to exploring the field of narrative medicine.
“Narrative medicine is clinical practice fortified by the knowledge of what to do with stories,” said Rita Charon at TEDxAtlanta. Dr. Charon is a general internist and literary scholar at Columbia University who originated the field of narrative medicine,.
“Stories can offer the kind of contextual richness that promotes and nourishes empathy, prompting a provider to switch from asking ‘How can I treat this disease?‘ to ‘How can I help my patient?‘” —Kim Krisberg, AAMC News
Narrative medicine gives voice to the suffering, and takes into account a patient’s whole story—as Dr. Charon says, including “even the unsaid hints and guesses about what might be left unsaid.” There is story to be received in a person's words as well as their silences.
The more open we are—not just doctors, but all of us—to receiving those stories, the closer we become to making meaningful connections.
Every Word Counts
“Awakening and nourishing my own sense of story has transformed my teaching and my practice,” Dr. Charon said. “I was able to learn how to listen closely, where every word counts.”
When she first meets a patient, she says, she no longer goes down a medical history questionnaire recording answers, but rather asks for a patient’s story—“what do you think I need to know?”—and she listens. No writing, no typing, no computing; just listening…absorbing.
“Persons were deeply thirsty to give profound, detailed, eloquent accounts of themselves. They didn’t always know how, or how to start,” Dr. Charon notes.
She tells the story of a patient who, once prompted for his story, began to talk of his father who died, his sibling who died, and of his teenage son with whom he was having difficulty. He began to cry. Dr. Charon asked, “Why do you weep?” His response: “No one ever let me do this before.”
The Search for Beauty at the End of Life
I attended this month’s “Narrative Medicine Rounds” hosted by the Division of Narrative Medicine in the Department of Medical Humanities and Ethics at Columbia University Medical Center. The September guest speaker, Haider Warraich, M.D., author of Modern Death: How Medicine Changed the End of Life, talked about the search for beauty at the end of life.
“You’re down to the floor of who you are in the presence of illness,” Dr. Charon said in her TEDxAtlanta talk. And indeed, Dr. Warraich’s stories attest that, in dying, we are most fully human.
His most important lessons as a doctor did not come from senior physicians, he says, but from elsewhere: namely, from the interactions with patients nearing death and their families, and from the questions that arose within him as a result.
The stories he recounts are powerful and poignant and, while part of many physicians' daily experience, simply not spoken of much in today's death-averse society.
“We’re always searching for meaning....both within our personal lives and within our professions,” Dr. Warraich said. “Even as we search for meaning in the world around us, the search for meaning is an inward search. I don't think that meaning is a quality that exists in the world around us, but is a narrative that we find within ourselves and then paint the world with it.”
Doctors surrounded by suffering are pursuing "the search for beauty in the arms of death." And the search for beauty, Dr. Warraich says, is essential.
“What is perhaps the most magical thing about beauty is that it can't be defined, and especially in our modern world where it seems like the only things that count are the ones that can be counted, I feel like beauty is such a compelling concept because it eludes any degree of quantification,” he said.
“The search for beauty is not just a trivial pursuit, it is essential for our very survival.”
Guided by Stories
“For once in the hospital there were tears with no pain.” These words punctuated Dr. Warraich's story of a patient who witnesses her daughter's wedding in the I.C.U. after a a medical team helps orchestrate the last-minute nuptials before the patient died.
“It was the most full-of-life room I had been to in a long time.” Here, Dr. Warraich describes his response to a family's beautiful acceptance of their loved one's death.
While "any story that goes long enough will end with death,” as Dr. Warraich said on Wednesday, paying attention to the stories of individuals promotes empathy. And the many, many stories of the people Dr. Warraich encounters on his medical journey will continue to inform us all about the universality of life and death.
Further Reading
A case for taking care of the elderly
“As with raising a baby, the answer might come from the heart. What is really needed is for us to love the old as we do the new and celebrate the end as we do the beginning.” —from “Seeing the Cycle of Life in My Baby Daughter’s Eyes,” by Dr. Warraich, NYT
saying goodbye, celebrating life
“It was the most full-of-life room I had been to in a long time.” —from “The Rituals of Modern Death,” by Dr. Warraich, NYT
the gift of remembrance
"Our loved ones’ stories are often buried treasures." —from Notes from a Funeral
remembering my parents
“Bringing his candor, wit and intelligence to his most intimate and mysterious of landscapes—our parents' lives—memoirist Richard Ford delivers an exploration of memory, intimacy, and love.” —listen to Ford's Narrative Medicine Rounds lecture from April 2018