Memories Matter
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Life Story Links: November 30, 2021
This week's memory-keeping roundup includes audio recommendations, compelling personal essays, new memoirs, plus personal history news and trends.
“Lots of my food has a story to go along with it, and lots of my stories have some food to go along with them, too.”
—Ellen Stimson
Midnight supper at Nan Hannegan's twentieth birthday party, May 1943, Niagara Falls, New York; her mother took in girl war workers as boarders. Photograph by Marjory Collins, courtesy Library of Congress Digital Collection.
Listen Up
TALES OF LIFE AND MUSIC
Two musicians (and writers), Dave Grohl and Aimee Mann, shared stories from their lives in conversations held as part of the recent New Yorker Festival. Listen to the audio here.
DOCUMENT YOUR FAMILY HISTORY
This episode of NPR’s podcast Life Kit offers truly great (actionable!) tips for recording the “precious sounds of our biological or chosen families that we capture to help us understand who they are and to give us insights into who we are, too.” Click below to listen:
Recent First Person Reads of Note
KEEPING UP APPEARANCES
“My parents were good-looking, sexy, book-loving. They shone on each other, basking in the shared light, with their five kids just outside the glow.” Sarah Paley on the reliability of a mother’s love.
NAME AS DESTINY
“I feel the weight of my name over my head like a hood—warm and comfortable but a little disorienting. I am constrained by the grief and by the love it represents. Ten letters so specific, I am unsure how to wear them.” Sara Horowitz introduces herself.
Memory-Keeping Miscellany
UNIQUE HOLIDAY GIFT IDEAS
Last week I shared three specific ideas for meaningful gifts that put memories front and center, including helpful DIY tips for those so inclined, plus how to work with a pro to get them done.
DRAWING ROOMS
“I like to look at buildings as kind of like characters in our lives. We have commitments to buildings. We see buildings and we feel things and we feel connected to them.” How one artist keeps the memories of places alive.
Up Next: New Memoirs
READING LIST
“This year’s best nonfiction illuminated complicated subjects, deepened our understanding of history, and pulled back the curtain on fascinating lives.” This list from The Washington Post includes some of 2021’s best memoirs.
MEL BROOKS WRITES HIS MEMOIRS
“Why don’t you write your life story?” Mel Brooks’s son said to him during the pandemic. “Just tell the stories in the book that you told me when I was growing up, and you’ll have a big, fat book.” Indeed, the 95-year-old actor has lived a memoir-worthy life.
Proof Positive
WHO IS THE CAREGIVER OF YOUR FAMILY NARRATIVE?
According to research, the most helpful history for young people is “the oscillating family narrative”—a story of ups and downs, successes and setbacks, that helps children know that they belong to something bigger than themselves.
“THE RISE OF BESPOKE MEMOIRS”
“Since the start of lockdown the demand for bespoke memoirs has skyrocketed,” reports The Times of London. What’s behind the boom, and what’s your story worth, wonders the reporter.
...and a Few More Links
Their Holocaust testimonies shared details that helped reunite them decades later.
Mali Bain shares three books that may—or may not—help you get unstuck when writing your memoir.
Shelley Blanton-Stroud on the different ways we mythologize the past
The life and legacy of Stephen Sondheim
Who owns a recipe? An interesting read for anyone considering undertaking a heritage cookbook.
Short Takes
3 Best holiday gift ideas that honor family memories
Give your loved ones a gift they will cherish for years to come—one that puts memories front and center. Here are 3 (doable!) ideas to inspire happy tears.
One-of-a-kind gifts that preserve memories are the best kind of holiday presents!
Are you tired of gifting things that no one in your family really needs? Having trouble finding meaningful ideas for holiday giving? Here are three amazing Christmas or Hanukkah gift ideas, including tips and resources for going the DIY route as well as ideas for getting a pro to handle it all, start to finish. Happy memory-making!
1 - Create a family recipe book.
Not just any recipe book, but one filled with the ingredients and how-tos for your favorite dishes AND the stories and memories associated with them.
Be sure to include:
the foods’ origins (Who made it first? Who might have changed it over the years? Does it derive from a specific region or culture?
notes about any special ingredients (and by this I mean how to source unusual spices, perhaps, but also when using a certain brand—like U-Bet syrup or Eagle condensed milk—is crucial to a dish’s success)
photos of handwritten recipe cards (those grease stains and crossed-out notations add incredible texture to your book!)
even simple foods if they hold special meaning to your family (Mom’s quick cinnamon toast, say, or Poppy’s three-ingredient holiday egg cream)
DIY family recipe book help
If you’re ready to dive in, these tips for getting the family involved in preserving your food heritage may help get you started.
And if you’re not quite ready but love the idea, these recipe cards have space for recording memories alongside your recipes, and they’re a great precursor to creating a family cookbook (they make a unique and thoughtful host gift, too). Use coupon code HOLIDAY2021 for 25% off at checkout, through the end of this year.
Consider a professionally created heirloom recipe book.
If you love the idea of honoring your family’s food heritage but don’t have the time or inclination to undertake such a project yourself, I’m here for you. Let’s set up a free call to discuss your project.
2 - Get those photos off your phone and into a book.
If your photos are sitting on your phone or computer, then you have a bunch of digital files, not a collection of memories. Get them in print for a gift guaranteed to make them (and you!) feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
The hardest part? Believe it or not, it’s not designing your book or finding a printer, it’s curating your photos. Huh? By curating I mean deciding which photos to put into your memory book and which to leave on the cutting-room floor.
Choose photos for your book that:
show you and your family members as you really are—don’t just choose well-lit posed shots and flattering selfies; rather, pick pictures that convey your personalities and exude real emotion
hold some special meaning, even if it’s elusive to outsiders
mark moments beyond the milestones—so, alongside those birthday and anniversary photos, include images from around the dinner table, or sitting under blankets for family movie nights (I guarantee these everyday scenes will grow exponentially in meaning over time!)
DIY photo book help
If you’re ready to get started, I challenge you to add some long captions describing your memories so your family photo book is wonderfully elevated to true memory-book.
Check this page out if you’d like some help with photo book themes.
Hand your photo book over to a pro
Need help with any part of this process? I can help you curate your photos, capture your memories, and design and print your photo book. Set up a consultation or consider buying a gift certificate for future services.
3 - Give them the gift of a generous listener (and time to share their stories!).
Asking someone to share their memories—and then giving them your undivided attention and heartfelt curiosity—is a gift we give not nearly enough. It’s why literally every single one of my personal history clients thanks me profusely for listening to them. For asking follow-up questions and never judging their experiences. For opening my heart and inviting their stories.
And you know what? This gift is free for you to give your loved ones. All it costs is time and a little bit of effort (I’ve even created a free gift certificate printable you can download and present to your loved one!)..
Fair warning: Your mom, granddad, or whomever you plan to bless with this gift, may very well have a look of confusion when they hear what you’re gifting them. Don’t let that deter you—instead, reiterate to them just how much you love them and value their stories, and how spending time together in such a way is as much a gift to you as it is to them. (It really is!!)
A few ideas for giving the gift of listening:
Be an active listener. Give your family member non-verbal cues as they are telling their stories—nod, show emotion on your face. These cues help them know, deep down, that they are being heard, and will urge them to keep sharing
Ask follow-up questions. Your curiosity is a wonderful driver of their stories. And by asking relevant, perceptive, timely questions, you will be helping them construct their story.
That said, be quiet sometimes. There are always times when silence—even an extended, potentially awkward silence—is called for. If you are truly listening and reading their cues, you may feel when this is the case: Do they have a faraway look in their eyes, like they are still inhabiting the world of their story? Give them a few beats to stay there. Have they dropped some profound or surprising insight on you? Just wait. Your patience is a gift, an opening for them to dig deeper and offer up even more out loud.
Don’t judge. Period. Approach this conversation with an open heart and an abundance of empathy.
DIY resources for interviewing your loved one
Will you be the one conducting the interview (or, if that sounds too “official,” leading the conversation)? This free printable guide has a great array of questions to help jog your loved one’s memory and get the stories flowing.
Will your child be asking the questions? This Kid Kit contains everything a child will need to spend quality story sharing time with their grandparents, from questions to historical tidbits to bonus family history activities.
Okay, the fundamental value in this activity is spending quality time together and learning more about your family elder—that’s really and truly it. However, don’t forget that it’s also a prime opportunity for recording their stories. So if you’d like to capture them for posterity (and I suggest you do!), check out this guide from the Smithsonian with specific tips on setting up a voice or video recorder and preserving your questions and answers.
Get some expert help to preserve their stories
Once you have had your story sharing session, you may want to consider having them professionally edited and designed into an heirloom memory book. If so, please reach out to see how I could help you bring your dream book to life.
More essential reads about Christmas memories:
