Memories Matter
Featured blog Posts
READ THE LATEST POSTS
Think you’re too busy to write about your life? Think again.
Three easy ways to make memoir writing more approachable—and more efficient, so you can finally fit it into your busy schedule.
Want to commit to writing your memoir? Let’s do this together! I’ll give you three ways to make the process more efficient so it takes less time; and you need to say “yes” to carving out space on your schedule. Ready?
We live in a culture of busy-ness—we’re all busy, all of the time. But are you allocating your time to things you love, or to things that satisfy others in your life (your boss, your children, your spouse, your friends)? I won’t pontificate about why I think it’s important to be mindful of the trap of busy-ness, but I will offer some tips for making time to focus on a passion project you’ve been thinking about for a while…and cross my fingers that you take steps to get started, at long last.
In this case, I am suggesting three ways to make time for writing about your life—but if your goal is something else creative, many of these tenets hold true.
Want to write your memoir? Do these 3 things to make the time.
1 - Set small goals.
Forget about the memoir you envision, with that favorite childhood photo of you on the cover, and that dedication to your beloved mom. Don’t even think about what printer you might use, or where you will end. Instead, focus on one story at a time.
I am not advocating sitting down to write with nary a notion of where you are heading (though, if that gets your pen moving, then so be it!). Rather, I suggest planning your life story book by first organizing your family archive; then drafting a life timeline; and, next, narrowing down themes you would like to write about.
Once these architectural elements are done, you may begin writing. Create a regular schedule with reasonable expectations—perhaps 500 words a day, or if you are fitting your memoir writing in amidst full-time work responsibilities, maybe 1,500 words every weekend. Or ignore word counts altogether and tackle one story at a time.
Declare goals for yourself and set corresponding deadlines for accountability. Then, focus only on one goal at a time. You’ll see that as you start ticking off your objectives along the way, your momentum will carry you forward. With each story you write, I am willing to bet 10 more will pop into your head as future ideas!
2 - Narrow your topic.
During the prep work I recommend in the previous step, you should have narrowed down some themes for your memoir. I go into more detail about that here, but for now I want to encourage you to go even further: Take a look at the themes you may have chosen, then see how you might hone in on them even more.
Did you decide to write about your family travels growing up? Narrow your focus to, maybe, “What I learned driving around small-town America in my youth”; or “How taking pictures of my childhood travels helped me appreciate the world.” Note that while you of course can narrow a theme down from a subject perspective (instead of all your travels, focus on those in the United States or those from just your teen years), you can also narrow your focus by writing towards a lesson or insight.
The more precisely you can whittle your theme, the easier it will be to tackle writing about it.
3 - Say goodbye to perfectionism.
Ever heard the saying “Done is better than perfect”? Nothing will hamper your writing more than trying to get it perfect the first—even the second—time around.
Free writing exercises such as this one will hopefully get the words and ideas flowing, even if they are on a topic different from what you’d like to write about on any given day. Consider beginning your writing practice with a 10-minute free write, then shifting into writing about your self-assigned topic. Doing so often alleviates pressure and allows us to dive right in.
Don’t edit along the way, either. Just write. Get your thoughts down. Memoirist Anne Lamott has memorialized the expression “shitty first draft,” and writes in her beautifully encouraging Bird by Bird,
“The first draft is the child’s draft, where you let it all pour out and then let it romp all over the place, knowing that no one is going to see it and that you can shape it later… just get it all down on paper, because there may be something great in those six crazy pages that you would never have gotten by more rational, grown-up means.”
Is it perfection in life rather than perfection on the page you are concerned with? I’m no therapist, but I can say with conviction that none of us is perfect, and that we learn (and teach) from our struggles and failures, so writing about them can be valuable. Allow yourself to be vulnerable, remembering this caveat at all times: Just because you write it doesn’t mean anyone else has to read it! You maintain full control of your words and stories; you can rip them up or delete a file any time. But don’t be hasty: Give yourself some emotional and temporal distance from your writing before making such an assessment. If you’ve allowed yourself to be vulnerable in your memoir writing and then find yourself questioning if you went too far, wait a month and go back to read your words afresh. You may surprise yourself with the level of nuance and honesty in your writing. Ask yourself, Would one of my loved ones appreciate and relate to my words one day?
I admit, I didn’t manufacture more time in your schedule. But I hope I made the notion of writing about your life more approachable—and more efficient, so you can indeed fit it into your days. Start saying ‘no’ to things that don’t feed your soul, and start saying ‘yes’ to things such as this that you want to do but haven’t yet…! Set up a free half-hour consultation if you’d like a professional memoir coach to help guide you.
Don’t wait for “someday”
Meet Josh: He plans to write his biography someday. Yet he has told his adult kids none of his life stories. How about you—are you waiting for “someday,” too?
“I am going to write my biography,” Joshua told me exuberantly. I met Josh in Central Park last week, and was interviewing him for an upcoming feature story for a professional association. For the past 15 minutes he had been discussing with me the reasons that, no, he does not tell his children stories from his childhood. “Why would they care?” he said with a laugh, before proudly telling me how close he is to them, and bragging of all their accomplishments.
Joshua in NYC's Central Park on November 9, the day we spoke. Photograph by Katie Bellini
Joshua’s children are adults, working professionally in cities far from their dad, but in regular contact with him. They are indeed close, as Joshua was to his own father—who, by the way, led an extraordinary life of which Joshua only knows some of the details firsthand.
Joshua, a 60-something man of Japanese descent who has lived in New York City for more than 40 years, is far from typical in his experiences. He enthused about his life, sharing stories in rapid-fire succession about everything from his father’s “double Holocaust” (he lost his family in a concentration camp, then, Joshua told me, in later years his wife took everything their young family owned and left Josh’s father to raise three children alone) to his aversion to books (“I’d rather watch people in the park”) to his enduring positive attitude (“no one can take that away from me”).
Empowered by a Listener
After a reluctant two minutes where he told me there was no way to do his story justice in a brief conversation—“that would take years!” he said on another laugh—Joshua launched into his storytelling. No prodding necessary.
This was no interview, really—once Joshua began to share, he couldn’t stop. I asked an occasional question in response to his stories, but he, so positively impacted by an eager listener, I think, was on a roll.
I was enthralled by Joshua’s stories, and by his enthusiasm. He radiated positivity, roaming Central Park with his adopted dog (whose collar, as Josh pointed out, read “Don’t shop - Adopt”) and punctuating his sentences with glorious belly laughs and expansive hand gestures.
And while I view Joshua’s experiences as singular, his attitude of guardedness with his own family is anything but.
The Myth of Disinterest
Josh’s stories were so clearly intriguing—to me, a stranger. Why wouldn’t they be of interest to his own children?
Joshua valued his life experiences enough to dream of writing his autobiography one day, but not of sharing his stories in person with his family. This is the case with so many people I speak with. And it saddens me.
They think that “the time will come” for them to share their stories.
They figure one day, when their kids get older and aren’t so busy, maybe the kid will ask questions.
Or they assume that no one cares; that their story matters to them, but not really to others.
I have heard a litany of excuses as to why people are waiting for “some other day” to tell their stories.
My opinion? Stop making excuses.
Today’s Lesson (There Will Be a Quiz)
Your stories matter. Share them. Don’t wait for “someday.” Someday is today.
Why?
Why should you share your stories?
Perhaps you want to leave a legacy.
Enrich the family history for the next generation.
Help others learn from your experiences.
Provide a few laughs.
There are so, so many reasons to share your life stories.
The one that I regard as of utmost value, however, is probably the least talked about: It will enrich your life.
Sharing stories with those you love is enriching, plain and simple. Whether you are telling tales of struggle and triumph, love and loss, hardship and pain, rollicking good fun and misadventures…whatever directions your stories veer, they will be welcomed.
There is joy in the telling, and gratitude in the receiving. Storytelling can be cathartic, healing, challenging, difficult. Always, though, storytelling will be rewarding.
Quiz (I Said There’d Be a Quiz, Didn’t I?)
When should you tell your stories?
Joshua would have failed this quiz. He is waiting for “someday.”
How about you?
Next Steps
If your “someday” is today, congratulations!
You’ll find plenty of tips & resources on our blog, including:
And we’re always here to partner with you on creating a professional heirloom coffee table book, with stories gathered through one-on-one interviews (the heart of our process!). If you would like help capturing your life stories, see how we can work together.