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How the Proust Questionnaire can unlock your memoir
Discover how the Proust Questionnaire can unlock your memoir. Reflective questions to spark memory, deepen insight, and reveal your authentic story.
Long before personality quizzes filled our social media feeds, there was the Proust Questionnaire, a simple yet profound set of prompts designed to reveal a person’s true nature.
The questionnaire’s origins trace back to a 19th-century parlor game known as a “confession album.” Marcel Proust, the French novelist and essayist, famously answered one as a teenager and again later in life. His thoughtful, introspective responses transformed what had been a lighthearted pastime into something enduring—a tool for exploring identity, values, and emotion.
Writers have been using versions of the Proust Questionnaire ever since. Journalist Bernard Pivot adapted it for French television interviews; decades later, James Lipton brought a shorter, creative version (see first comment below) to a new audience at the end of each episode of Inside the Actors Studio. And Vanity Fair has long featured entertainers and cultural icons answering the questionnaire on the magazine’s back page.
The enduring appeal of the Proust questionnaire lies in its elegant simplicity: a series of deceptively straightforward questions that invite deep reflection.
Why it works for memoir writing
The Proust Questionnaire offers a shortcut—not to a finished memoir, but to the heart of one. Each question nudges you toward the emotional truths that make a story come alive.
When you’re writing personal history, the hardest part is often identifying what really matters: the moments, beliefs, and relationships that define you. Proust’s questions bypass the timeline and reach directly for meaning.
Try answering them not as a rapid-fire quiz, but as a reflective exercise. Linger on the answers. Explore why you believe what you believe, or how your answers might have changed over time. The results can be illuminating—and often provide an authentic foundation for scenes, anecdotes, or reflections in your memoir.
The (original) Proust Questionnaire
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
What is your greatest fear?
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Which living person do you most admire?
What is your greatest extravagance?
What is your current state of mind?
What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
On what occasion do you lie?
What do you most dislike about your appearance?
Which living person do you most despise?
What is the quality you most like in a man?
What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
When and where were you happiest?
Which talent would you most like to have?
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
Where would you most like to live?
What is your most treasured possession?
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
What is your favorite occupation?
What is your most marked characteristic?
What do you most value in your friends?
Who are your favorite writers?
Who is your hero of fiction?
Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Who are your heroes in real life?
What are your favorite names?
What is it that you most dislike?
What is your greatest regret?
How would you like to die?
What is your motto?
(The Proust Questionnaire is part of the public domain; this version has been widely adapted and reinterpreted over time.)
How to use it in your writing practice
as a warm-up
Pick one question before each writing session. Treat it as a five-minute prompt to get your thoughts flowing.
as a reflection tool
Revisit your responses every few years. Shifts in your answers reveal growth, changing priorities, and new perspectives.
as Scene Fuel
When a question stirs a memory, follow it. “When and where were you happiest?” might lead to a scene that belongs squarely in your memoir.
as interview inspiration
Try posing these questions to parents or grandparents. Their answers can form the basis for a rich oral history or tribute project, might inspire them to write their own memoir, or even provide you with context in yours.
Helpful ideas
Start with Spontaneity.
Don’t overthink—write your first, instinctive answers. You can always expand later.
leave a legacy snapshot
Print or handwrite your responses, date them, and tuck them into your journal, scrapbook, or memory box. Future generations will treasure such a discovery.
Why I love it as a memoir tool
I’ve always been drawn to exercises that reveal depth through simplicity—and this one never fails. The questions are timeless, the answers always specific. They bridge introspection and storytelling, reminding us that the best writing doesn’t begin with chronology or plot. It begins with truth.
Many of the most memorable stories I’ve helped shape at Modern Heirloom Books began with reflections such as these: small, personal revelations that grew into full portraits of a life. Whether you’re writing a full life story or just gathering memories for your family, the Proust Questionnaire offers a wonderfully accessible place to begin.
What kind of writing prompts do YOU like?
Discover inspiring writing prompts for memoir and family storytelling—from sensory to introspective, short to timed. Find the one that sparks you.
Once you develop a regular writing or journaling habit, you will be attuned to writing prompts everywhere—they key is to remember them. Pictured: a random card drawn from a conversation card deck to use as a life writing prompt.
If you’ve followed Modern Heirloom Books for a while, you know I love a good writing prompt. They’re like little doorways—small enough to step through without hesitation, but often leading somewhere unexpected. Whether you’re working on a memoir, collecting family stories, or simply trying to write more consistently, prompts can spark ideas you didn’t know were waiting.
Still, a prompt is never a rule. It’s an invitation. I always tell my clients and workshop participants that prompts aren’t assignments, they’re springboards. You can follow them closely or veer entirely off course; either way, what matters is that you start.
Writing prompts are not assignments—they’re suggestions
There are many reasons why it’s okay to stray from the topic of a writing prompt. Besides the fact that no one’s grading you (!), here are a few:
To be creative.
Writing prompts are a great way to get your creative juices flowing, but they don’t have to be followed exactly. If you have an idea that excites you, go off on a tangent.
To explore different ideas.
Writing prompts can help you test out different perspectives. If you’re unsure what to write about, start with a prompt and see where it takes you.
To learn more about yourself.
Writing prompts often lead to unexpected discoveries. As you write, you might find yourself exploring thoughts and feelings you didn’t realize you had.
To have fun.
Writing prompts are meant to loosen you up, not lock you in. Don’t take them too seriously—just enjoy the process.
Writing prompts are just a starting point. They’re meant to give you a general idea of what to write about, but they’re not meant to be followed exactly. If you have a better idea for a story, go with it!
“I write to explore, to decipher who I am, who I was in that family of mine, seeking clues in words and images. I write as if following a path through a forest—a narrow path—but one that goes deep into the discovery of me…” —Sue William Silverman
If you’re in the mood for…
…a tailored-to-you writing prompt, try this.
…a family history–specific writing prompt, try this.
…a sensory writing prompt, try this.
…a timed writing prompt, try this.
…a couldn’t-be-shorter writing prompt, try this.
…a writing prompt about family, try this.
…an introspective writing prompt, try this.
…a weekly writing prompt to hold you accountable, try this.
…a foolproof writing prompt, try this.
…a visual writing prompt, try this.
Writing prompts are really just ways of listening—to memory, to emotion, to curiosity. They remind us that there’s no single path to finding your story; there are hundreds of small openings that lead to it.
I’ll keep sharing new life writing and memory prompts here on the blog and on Instagram (@modernheirloombooks), so you’ll never be short on inspiration. And if one of these sparks a story for you—even a single paragraph—I’d love to hear about it!
“When I write memoir, I’m undoubtedly in search of wholeness…. Maybe I’m trying to step into my truth. Maybe I’m trying to reveal myself to myself.” —Sue Monk Kidd
A year’s worth of journal writing prompts
Stay inspired with 52 weekly writing prompts for journaling and family history. Capture memories, dreams, and stories big and small. Bonus: Downloadable guide!
Never face down a blank page again—download our free guide with a life writing prompt for every week of the year, then tuck it in your journal or pin it near your computer for inspiration at your fingertips!
Keeping a journaling or family history practice alive through the entire year can feel daunting—until you realize you don’t have to come up with ideas on the spot. Having a set of weekly prompts at your fingertips gives you structure and inspiration, while still leaving room for your stories to flow in their own unique direction.
To make it easy, I’ve gathered 52 prompts—one for every week of the year—that weave together themes of reflection, memory, family history, traditions, and everyday moments. Each month offers four prompts tied to the seasons and natural rhythms of life.
Whether you use these life writing prompts to spark daily journaling, guide family conversations, or record stories for future generations, these questions will help you capture the richness of your life and legacy.
TIP: Our free download includes one page of writing prompts per month, so you can print them out and paste into your daily planner or tuck into your journal for easy reference! Get yours here.
Click below to jump to any month’s writing prompts:
January
February
March
April
May
June
July
August
September
October
November
December
January – New Beginnings
week 1 Reflection:
What were your greatest accomplishments, biggest challenges, surprises, joys, and losses last year? Keep things simple with a list if that’s all you can handle as the new year begins, or dive deep and probe for meaning!
week 2 Setting intentions:
How do you want to shape the coming year? What do you hope will happen? What habits, relationships, or parts of yourself would you like to nurture? Dream big or be practical—whatever approach suits you right now!
week 3 Memory:
What childhood home do you remember best? Describe its sights, smells, sounds, people. Can you draw a map of its layout? Why do you think you remember what you do (or don’t)?
week 4 Life list—fun:
What was your favorite toy, game, or pastime as a child?
February — Love & Connection
week 1 Love Letter:
Write a letter to someone who influenced your life deeply (friend, partner, ancestor). What have they taught you?
week 2 Lasting bonds:
Think about a meaningful friendship. What made it special? What lessons or memories does it carry?
week 3 Memory:
What meals remind you most of your childhood? Describe the smells, flavors, and people around you. Could you cook up these dishes if you tried?
week 4 Life list—food:
Was there a dish you hated as a kid but now love (or vice versa)? What changed?
March — Women’s History Month
week 1 Female influences:
In honor of Women’s History Month, write about a woman who shaped your life. What qualities of hers live in you? Does (or did) she know her impact on you?
week 2 Unsung stories:
What story of a mother, grandmother, or other woman in your family deserves to be remembered? It needn’t be a drama-filled story—it just might be a small moment that held major impact.
week 3 Identity:
Tell about a time when someone asked you, “Who are you?” How did you respond? How has your answer changed?
week 4 Silenced stories:
Do you have any stories you once hesitated to tell but now feel are important? Why did you hold back? Remember—no one needs to see what you write in the privacy of your journal, even now.
April – Renewal & Growth
week 1 Spring awakening:
Describe a time you started over, intentionally or by chance. What changed inside you?
week 2 Nature as metaphor:
Choose a flower, tree, or garden from your past. What did it symbolize in that season of life?
week 3 Lost recipe:
Recall a family recipe that has been lost or half-forgotten. What do you remember and what do you wish you knew?
week 4 A letter you never sent:
Write the letter—to someone living or gone—that you wish you’d sent.
week 5 Turning point:
What was the moment when you felt you were no longer a child?
May – Heritage & Traditions
week 1 Family gatherings:
Describe a family celebration or tradition that left a strong impression.
week 2 Keepsakes:
Write about an object you’ve inherited (jewelry, recipe, letter). What story does it carry? If nothing comes to mind, consider writing about an object that holds meaning to you now that you hope a child or other family member will one day cherish.
week 3 Memory:
Who in your family was the storyteller? Capture a tale you remember hearing from them.
week 4 Life list—values:
What values do you see passed through your family (kindness, humor, hard work)? Where did they come from?
June – Journeys
week 1 Travel:
Recall a trip (near or far) that shaped you. What moments do you still see vividly?
week 2 Going forth:
Write about a time when you “set out”—to college, a job, a new city, an adventure.
week 3 First job:
What was your first job, or a formative work experience? How did it shape you?
week 4 Failure and growth:
Write about a time you failed at something important. What did you learn from it? How did you handle it?
week 5 Mid-year check-in:
Look back on the first half of the year. What have you done, and what are you proud of? What do you still want to finish?
July – Independence
week 1 Independence:
Write about the first time you made a big decision on your own.
week 2 Reflection:
What does freedom mean to you personally? Reflect on a moment when you felt free.
week 3 Memory:
When was the last time you felt awe? What brought it on?
week 4 Life list—home:
What place(s) feel most like home to you? What makes it feel that way?
August – Everyday Moments
week 1 Summer snapshot:
Capture a vivid childhood summer memory—sights, smells, sounds.
week 2 Daily life:
Write about an ordinary routine that reveals something bigger about who you are.
week 3 Life list—soundtrack:
What song takes you back instantly to a time in your life? What story is tied to it?
week 4 Memory:
Tell a story from your teen years—a friendship, conflict, turning point, or just a funny, sad, beautiful, or poignant memory.
September – Growth
week 1 Back to school:
Recall a memorable teacher, mentor, or lesson.
week 2 Lifelong learning:
What skill or habit did you learn later in life that changed you?
week 3 History made personal:
What historical event shaped your family (war, migration, economic change)? How?
week 4 Life list—school supplies:
Do you remember back-to-school shopping when you were a kid? What items did you love…or wish for?
week 5 Memory:
Describe a small, ordinary moment that brought you unexpected joy. What made it stand out?
October – Family History Month
week 1 Roots:
In honor of Family History Month, write about the earliest ancestor you know by name.
week 2 Family lore:
Capture a funny or legendary family tale. What truths lie beneath it? Has the telling of the tale changed over time?
week 3 Life list—ancestors:
If you could ask a grandparent three questions, what would they be? Write what you know and what you wish you knew.
week 4 Heirlooms:
Pick a family heirloom. What is its story and how did it come to you?
week 5 Memory:
Write about one of the following (and save the others for another day!): your earliest memory, your most elusive memory, your favorite memory.
November – Gratitude
week 1 Life list—gratitude:
Write about five things you’re grateful for this year. Choose one and go deeper.
week 2 Reflection:
Reflect on a hardship that later became something you were thankful for.
week 3 Memory:
What kindnesses have you witnessed or experienced this year? Elaborate on one that moved you (or that you hope moved someone else), or take the prompt in an entirely different direction that resonates for you right now.
week 4 Absence:
Think of someone you miss. Write about what you learned from them and what you carry forward, what you would tell them if they were here, or how you honor their memory.
December – Holidays & Reflection
week 1 Traditions:
Describe your favorite holiday ritual and why it matters.
week 2 Reflection:
As the year winds down, reflect on how you’ve changed since January. What do you want to carry forward?
week 3 Surprises:
What was the biggest surprise of the year? How did it make you feel? Change you?
week 4 Dream on:
Write about one wish or dream you have for the coming year, small or large. What will you do to make it come true?
Stories live best when they’re shared. My hope is that these prompts not only inspire your own journaling, but also spark conversations with the people you love. Imagine what your children or grandchildren might discover if even a few of these questions were answered and preserved.
If you’d like to keep this list handy, I’ve created a printable version with all 52 prompts—perfect for tucking into your journal!
P.S. This list is formatted for the year 2026, with five prompts for the months of April, June, September, and October—but it can be used any year (52 weeks is 52 prompts, no matter when the weeks fall 😉).
Free Printable Guide!
Download all 52 life writing prompts in a beautifully designed guide that you can tuck into your journal or pin up near your computer—inspiration always at your fingertips!
Want even more prompts—and writing guidance along the way?
Our email subscription, Write Your Life, offers 52 weeks of life writing prompts geared specifically for building towards a memoir or personal history. How are they different?, you must be wondering! Well:
With Write Your Life, each week you’ll receive a thoughtful prompt with follow-up questions, examples of directions you might take, guidance for accessing memories and developing them into stories, and inspirational quotes and resources—PLUS subscribers get a companion e-book overflowing with even more pro tips.
While this free journaling guide is tied to the seasons, the Write Your Life subscription is intentionally crafted to start with easy-to-access memories that lead to deeper life reflection as you go. It’s designed to lead you towards a finished memoir, and prompts from one week build upon others you have written about previously.
The Write Your Life prompts are delivered to your email inbox each week to help keep you accountable and spur you to write—really write!! (If you’ve got a loved one who’s been thinking about writing about their life, this makes a wonderfully original and thoughtful gift, too 😉).
Introduce yourself: a writing prompt, a life prompt
Go beyond labels with this powerful memoir prompt: introduce yourself without name, job, or age. Includes writing tips and a free downloadable worksheet.
Sometimes scrolling Instagram is a massive waste of time (okay… often), but I usually restrict it to in-between moments—like sitting in a doctor’s waiting room or waiting in the car to pick my son up. Every once in a while, though, a little gem sparkles bright.
One such gem came from Jade Bonacolta, a thought leader and marketing exec who doles out bite-sized career and life wisdom in her feed. She posed a deceptively simple question:
“If I asked you to introduce yourself without mentioning your name, job, age, ethnicity, or the city you live in, what would you say?”
Well, if that isn’t a provocative memoir writing prompt, I don’t know what is.
An evergreen memoir writing prompt
“Introduce yourself.” Seems straightforward, right? But most of us are conditioned to start with the basics—our job titles, family roles, geographic location, or where we grew up. These details are comfortable and expected. But they’re also just labels.
Bonacolta explains: “When you strip away these social labels, people tell you who they are. Who they really are. You hear about their values, the things they're obsessed with, the beliefs that guide their decisions.”
For memoir writing—or even just gaining clarity about your identity—this is a powerful exercise. And it’s one you can return to again and again throughout your life or project. Below are a few tangible ways to work with this prompt, whether you’re just starting your memoir or feeling stuck midway through.
3 ways to work with this writing prompt
Freewrite with No Filters
Set a timer for 10 or 15 minutes and respond to the prompt: “Who am I, without my name, age, job, or hometown?” Don’t censor yourself. Let it be messy. Start with phrases like:
• “I am someone who…”
• “I feel most myself when…”
• “What drives me is…”
Let your values, passions, fears, and quirks take center stage. You might surprise yourself with what emerges when you're no longer listing résumé bullet points.
🔍 Bonus Tip: Repeat this exercise at different points in your memoir-writing journey. The way you answer will shift—and that evolution might become part of your story.Create a character sketch—of yourself.
Treat yourself like one of the characters in your memoir. Without using surface-level identifiers, how would you describe yourself in a story? Try writing a paragraph or two about yourself in the third person. For example:
She moves through the world guided by curiosity and a hunger for connection. She tucks grocery receipts into her notebook, convinced they’ll mean something someday. She believes that books can save lives, that being a mom is a sacred undertaking, and that cheese belongs on everything..
This not only deepens your understanding of your own voice but can become rich material in your actual manuscript.Use It to unlock a chapter or theme.
If you’re feeling stuck in the middle of your memoir, revisit this prompt through the lens of your younger self, or the version of you at a pivotal point in the story. Ask yourself:
• Who was I then, beyond the job I had or the place I lived?
• What mattered to me at that moment?
• What did I believe about the world? About myself?
These reflections often lead to unexpected turns or unlock deeper emotional truths—especially useful when your writing feels stalled or superficial.
Get a free companion worksheet…
…with exercises using this “Introduce Yourself” prompt to jump-start your memoir writing!
You are more than a bio.
In a world that constantly asks us what we do, it’s grounding—and sometimes healing—to return to who we are. This simple question from an Instagram scroll can serve as a compass not only for writing, but for living more intentionally.
So, go ahead. Introduce yourself.
But this time, leave the labels behind.
How to create your own life writing prompts
Good writing prompts will rid you of blank-page anxiety—and you can easily write your own! Here, 5 steps to drafting a library of personalized memoir prompts.
Taking some time to intentionally create a list of writing prompts that are personalized to your own experience will save you time (and headaches!) later.
Every writer starts with a blank page. Some are just more intimidated by that sea of paper white (or the blinking cursor on your computer screen) than others. Perhaps the best writing advice, proffered so often I am not sure who to attribute it to, is to simply start—even if that means dragging your pen across the page in squiggles until a word forms in your head.
But good writing prompts are a prescription for blank-page anxiety.
There are plenty of places to find good writing prompts, from writing groups (a great place to find supportive community around your writing) to craft books (this workbook from Beth Kephart is one of my faves), from email subscriptions (I offer a full-year of prompts called Write Your Life) to blog posts (here is an example from Jericho Writers, and here is an old reliable on my blog).
You can create your own memory prompts, too. It’s easy, as long as you set aside some time to be thoughtful and jot them down.
5 steps to drafting your own library of life writing prompts
Brainstorm
Ever since my seventh grade English class where I learned about brainstorming, it’s been the most powerful tool in my workplace arsenal. (I say “workplace,” but truly, brainstorming has been helpful in every area of my life—and I swear I learned not just to write in this teacher’s class, but to really think—so thanks, Mr. Lorusso!). Grab a piece of paper or open up a blank document on your computer, set a timer for five minutes, and write down every single thing you think may be fodder for future writing about your life. Do not edit yourself, and try to write continually—no pauses. This is not the time for filtering yourself. Be creative, get sloppy, and surprise yourself.
Wait a week.
Trust me, the emotional and cognitive distance will be helpful.
It’s time to curate.
Give your brainstorming document a read. Do you spot any themes? Any nuggets that surprise or delight you in their specificity or their mere presence? Your goal is to extract phrases and themes that will prompt writing down the road. Create a list of bullet points, and if possible, nest them under subheadings designating various themes. These don’t need to be overly fleshed out, just specific enough for them to spark YOUR memory and get you thinking.
Assess the writing prompts that you generated.
Did you fill a page or more with ideas for future writing? If so, I recommend you break them down into priorities, and create a basic plan for tackling them. (Another fun option that works for people who like things a little more loosy-goosy, like me: Skip this step and simply keep your curated list of prompts on hand—then, when you sit down to write, you can begin writing in response to whichever one stirs your memories at the moment!)
If the results of your brainstorming session were less than impressive, you may want to give it a go another time after taking a walk in nature (it really helps!). Or tap into these other ways to generate life writing prompts for yourself:
Go through your family photo archive to select pictures that jog your memories. Here’s some advice on how to best use those family photos as writing prompts.
Perhaps you need more structure than a freewheeling brainstorm session provides: Try this life timeline exercise to come up with memory prompts.
And if you prefer simple, straightforward questions to respond to in your writing, check out this free guide with essential family history questions. There are enough questions to keep you busy for a long time!
A fun—and easy!—exercise for generating new autobiographical writing
Want a life writing prompt that gets your pen moving AND delivers a trove of future ideas for your memoir? Here it is—and bonus, it's a fun one!
This simple writing prompt will get you typing—and it will provide lots of ideas for future writing, too. All it takes is eight minutes!
A blank page is sometimes—heck, often—all it takes for us to back away from our desk and ignore our writing. But rather than turn to dusting or laundry or making multi-level to-do lists (all active forms of procrastination I have indulged in, I admit), instead, try a writing prompt to get your pen moving.
Writing prompts are so powerful because they are low-pressure (no expectation of publication, no working towards a finish line!); and they are elastic (let your ideas go in any direction you wish, and write anywhere—even during the 15-minute train transfer on your commute).
And while writing in response to a prompt can serve to simply get your creative juices flowing, doing so can also supply you with a bank of ideas for future writing.
When it comes to autobiographical writing, this multi-part writing prompt guarantees to result in a list of topics for you to mine when you sit down to write your memoir in earnest.
An iterative writing prompt for aspiring memoir writers
Get inspired!
For inspiration, check out the Six-Word Memoirs site—it’s chock-full of small-dose mini-memoirs (or order one of their books to keep by your desk).
Set a timer for 8 minutes.
Jot down as many one-sentence memoirs as you can.
If you were to stop here, you’d have brainstormed some ideas you can write about down the road. But if you keep going…
Choose one of those one-sentence memoirs and write as many first lines as you can for that memoir.
Or
Choose one of those one-sentence memoirs and write as many chapter titles as you can think of.
Or
Choose one of those one-sentence memoirs and write as many memories associated with it that you can think of.
…by doing any of these options that build upon the first writing prompt, you’ll likely discover which ideas are most fertile—and which simply don’t have legs.
This approach relies on your gut for idea generation—try to keep your pen moving (or your fingers sweeping across your keyboard) with no thought for editing or deliberation. Don’t worry if the one-sentence memoir you are writing has any merit or potential—just write it. Then write another, and another, until your timer goes off.
If you’ve never done brainstorming in this way, chances are you will love the sense of freedom and inspiration that comes with it (I know I do!). But the best part, in my opinion, is that you’ve now got a rough list of topics to consider: Should I write about this? How about that?
Next step: How to tap your ideas for real memoir writing
Wait at least a few days (that emotional and narrative distance is helpful). Then sit down and review your list of one-sentence memoirs—and all the writing associated with them—and take note of which ones resonate. Which ones make you itch to pick up your pen and start writing immediately? Which one makes you feel uncomfortable in that good way—you know, when you fear diving in but know deep down that there’s something substantive there?
Transfer these ideas to a notebook or new document. Consider this your own personal library of memoir writing prompts. Then: Start writing.
Two unexpected writing prompts about family
These two writing prompts about family—and what it means to you—may be just the ticket to more thoughtful storytelling and personal meaning-making.
“Families are united more by mutual stories—of love and pain and adventure—than by biology. ‘Do you remember when . . .’ bonds people together far more than shared chromosomes . . . a family knows itself to be a family through its shared stories.”
—Daniel Taylor
definition:
family*
1 : a group of people who are related to each other
2 : a group of persons of common ancestry : CLAN
3 : a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation : FELLOWSHIP
There are plenty of official definitions of the word family in the dictionary, many of them self-referential, most of them rooted in cultural norms of another time (“the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children,” for instance).
Here's the thing, though: The idea of family—what family means to you, who belongs to your family—is as personal as it gets. And yet…it's not something many of us think about, is it?
We may sit down to do some family history work—clicking on those green hints in Ancestry, sending away for land deeds and marriage certificates—and the assumption is we're discovering our family. Kin. But is that the extent of it?
More and more these days genealogy efforts may yield surprising results, especially since DNA entered the picture: a father who isn't biologically a father; a daughter who was raised as an only child only to learn she was the product of a sperm donation…and that she has 18 half-siblings by blood. How might these individuals rethink who their family is (and isn't)?
Moreover, the idea of family has evolved over time, and for some, their “chosen family” may play a more significant role in their life than blood relatives do. What is a “chosen family”? According to the SAGE Encyclopedia of Marriage, Family, and Couples Counseling, “Chosen families are nonbiological kinship bonds, whether legally recognized or not, deliberately chosen for the purpose of mutual support and love.” I have plenty of friends whose chosen family is their world.
You needn’t have made a shocking discovery through DNA or chosen a group of friends as your primary family, however, to have something important to say on the matter of what family means to you. Even in the most traditional of families, some relationships hold more weight than others. And what we derive from family—support, inspiration, pressure, trauma, love, fun, stability—can run the gamut, and have a profound impact on our notion of self.
So while documenting our family history is essential, so too is stepping back to ask ourselves a few questions about our family—in fact, it may be just the ticket to more thoughtful storytelling and meaning-making. Are you ready?
Writing prompts to yield deeper family history stories
Consider both of these questions, grab a journal or your laptop, and start writing.
What does the word ‘family’ mean to you?
Who is your family?
You're not writing for publication here. Rather, you're ruminating. Finding meaning through your writing.
And remember: Your responses to these prompts could be wildly different today than tomorrow, and that's okay.
How you answer these questions is revealing. Your own definition of “family” is foundational to how you discuss your personal history. How you regard past experiences may shift once you become more aware of your vision of your family (and where you fit into it).
What will you do with the writing that results from these prompts? A couple of ideas:
Think about your answers and integrate them into your own life narrative. You are the narrator of your own story, and writing about themes such as what family means to you is a path to self-discovery. As Sara Aird has written about storytelling and identity: “The final stage of writing yourself into existence will be accepting who it is you are finding, believing that who you are creating is real and true and worthy.”
Use your initial writing as fodder for more refined life writing. Was there a surprising nugget in there? Or perhaps you gained clarity on an overarching theme in your life story? Writing about your own life necessarily covers family ground; hopefully thinking deeply about questions of who and what family means to you will allow you to delve even deeper into your own personal stories.
* definitions from Merriam-Webster Dictionary
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The little book that every aspiring memoirist should read
Introducing the two-word writing prompt guaranteed to keep your memories and your pen flowing, plus the book by Joe Brainard that inspired it: “I remember...”.
The little book that could: I Remember by Joe Brainard is a cult classic and a favorite of aspiring memoirists and memory keepers.
Buy this book now: I Remember by Joe Brainard.
(I don’t suggest borrowing it from the library, because you will want to pull it out next week, in five years, when you’re staring at a blank computer screen or journal page; it’s a tiny book, so it won’t take up too much space on your bookshelf, after all.)
This book is a delight to read. And this book holds the key to writer’s block.
Brainard’s memories, recounted in a stream-of-consciousness fashion, are short and pointed, often mere phrases or single sentences, occasionally a brief paragraph, each beginning “I remember...”:
“I remember the only time I ever saw my mother cry. I was eating apricot pie.
“I remember how much I cried seeing South Pacific (the movie) three times.
“I remember how good a glass of water can taste after a dish of ice cream.
“I remember when I got a five-year pin for not missing a single morning of Sunday School for five years. (Methodist.)”
As Ron Padgett writes in the book’s afterword, “Few people can read this book and not feel like grabbing a pencil to start writing their own parallel versions.” Indeed. “It is one of the few literary forms that even non-literary people can use.”
The two-word prompt that never fails
Like many before me, I was first introduced to Joe Brainard’s book in a weekend writing workshop with memoirist Dani Shapiro. She read some snippets out loud and I was immediately enlivened. Our assignment: to write nonstop for 10 minutes, finishing the sentence “I remember…” over and over with no concern for chronology or connectedness.
As she describes, “When I give that exercise at retreats, I look out from where I’m sitting at a sea of people, and not one of them hesitates. Those are extremely evocative words.”
“I remember.”
Those are the words Shapiro calls evocative.
And they are the words that form her (and my) favorite writing prompt: “I remember…” is a steadfast prompt, an old friend that can be pulled out and used often, always to new effect.
As Padgett writes, “Even the smallest [memory] can exert a mysterious tug, and when it is clearly recalled it can release a flood of other memories.”
Your turn: Start writing using the prompt “I remember…”
“Memory is just this storage locker of incredibly rich material and we often can’t get at it when we’re trying to remember something or thinking in some chronological way or straining and reaching,” Shapiro said on an episode of her now defunct Facebook Series, “Office Hours.”
“Where we can really get to it is on the page, following the line of words, and allowing associations to pile one on top of the other.”
So, grab a pen and start writing.
don’t discriminate against memories that seem meaningless or small
don’t worry about making connections between one memory and another
don’t stop until your 10 minutes are up.
Some remembrances will be short and specific. Here are two of mine:
“I remember patent leather black shoes with one scuff on the toe.”
“I remember drinking Diet Coke nonstop when I worked at Vogue. My production assistants swore I needed an IV drip of caffeine. One of them berated me for buying cups of ice from the bodega for a dollar.”
Other remembrances will be more profound, perhaps longer, such as this one from Brainard:
“I remember having a friend overnight, and lots of giggling after the lights are out. And seemingly long silences followed by ’Are you asleep yet?’ and, sometimes, some pretty serious discussions about God and Life.”
Let your mind wander—no restrictions—and your pen will follow. You’ll be surprised by what bubbles up.
“People almost invariably find memories that they didn’t know that they had,” Shapiro said in an interview with Marie Forleo about this exercise.
“We don’t tell ourselves stories in our heads. We have these disparate memories that don’t connect. And when we allow them to be associative and to bounce one off the next, it creates all sorts of interesting material.”
Who should give this writing prompt a try?
Personally, I think the simple phrase “I remember…” as a springboard for writing has universal appeal. It’s fun, it’s alluring, and it’s easy.
It may be especially beneficial for certain people, though.
This writing exercise is good for:
helping you open the floodgates of memory when you feel stuck
warming up at the beginning of a writing session—putting pen to paper and having a relatively easy task (simply finishing the sentence “I remember…”)
brainstorming memories: Without the pressure of remembering something specific, your list will inevitably be diverse and surprising—providing fodder for a future memoir or personal essay.
So if you’d like to discover the power of short reminiscence, and emulate it to create your own list of prompts for future development, well, I Remember is the book for you..
Note: This is an unsolicited review of a book I purchased at full price. I did not receive any compensation or free products in exchange, and any endorsements within this post are my own.
Affiliate disclosure: As an Amazon Associate, we may earn commissions from qualifying purchases from Amazon.com.
P.S. I’d love to hear some of your reflections. What are a few of your favorite things you wrote using the writing prompt “I remember…”? Share in the comments or shoot me an email!