Memories Matter
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Life Story Links: March 11, 2019
An array of topics, from how to curate family heirlooms and photos to group biography recommendations and a son's loving personal history interview with his mom.
“I wish I had realized that family history is a perishable commodity. It disappears with time, as memories fade, and as loved ones pass on. I wish I had known that the most important aspect of family history is preserving a record of the present for the future.”
—Gordon B. Hinckley
Out of the Boxes
AMONG THE RESIDUE
This book was discovered among the papers not sent to the author’s literary archive in Oxford. "Its yellow and curling title page announced Really and Truly: A Book of Literary Confessions." And inside…the handwritten opinions of the owner’s grandmother, as well as those of Virginia Woolf and Rebecca West.
PRESS PRINT
In last week’s post “Sharing Is Good” I implore everyone to print—and share—family photos. Why? Because besides generating conversation, you will spark joy, find genealogy clues, and discover even more treasures.
CURATE KEEPSAKES LIKE A PRO
“Family curators have been organizing and saving family history for a lot longer than Marie Kondo has been teaching people how to discover joy in decluttering,” observes The Family Curator. "Trends. They come. They go. I’m happy to report that family heirlooms aren’t dead yet."
Storytelling, Your Way
GROUP BIOGRAPHIES
Carolyn Burke’s Foursome is a group biography that interweaves the lives of Alfred Stieglitz, Georgia O’Keeffe, Paul Strand, and Rebecca Salsbury. Here she shares five books that inspired, spurred, or otherwise helped her to think of writing group biography.
GREAT GRANDMOTHER’S GENEROSITY
Personal history varies from family history in myriad ways, though they often do (and should!) complement one another. Here is an example of piecing together a family narrative from documents, a worthwhile step in sharing genealogical research. Just imagine, though, if the people had recorded their own stories—how much richer the narrative would be!
“HAPPY VERY EASY”
“My parents are getting older and even though I have a good relationship with my mom…I’ve never had a super-deep conversation with her,” Kane says. Here he asks her 11 intimate questions “before it’s too late,” and the resulting video, full of playful banter and deeply moving moments, is a wonderful example of how effective—and relatively easy—at-home video interviews can be.
Opportunities Knock
THE LONGEVITY ECONOMY
“According to AARP, the economic activity of Americans 50+ is the equivalent of the third largest economy in the world.” Personal history is one of four career opportunities in the field of aging explored in a recent Forbes article.
SEEKING SUBMISSIONS
Madison, Wisconsin–based personal historian and educator Sarah White publishes first person stories on her blog True Stories Well Told. “Short, true, and diverse in genre—a reminiscence, a reflection on your writing process, a book review, a question—it's all welcome for consideration,” she says.
Voices Carry
“MAMA’S LAST PICNIC”
Margaret-Ann Allison, who would have been 83 years old today, shared a remembrance of “Mama’s Last Picnic” with NPR, where broadcasters were “so charmed by her soft southern accent that they asked her to read it aloud on the air.” While we can’t hear her honeyed voice, we can read it here, as shared by her daughter.
“WHERE THE TROUBLE STARTED”
A traumatic experience changes the course of a girl’s life, and eventually resides deep in a box in her mind. But, she writes from a distance of decades, “it does not belong in a tucked away box like a dark and dirty secret I can’t touch.” Saidee Sonnenberg tries to make sense of experience through writing.
VALUE OF LIFE REVIEW
”What it does when you go back and review your life”—by really digging in, getting to know your parents and their motivations and their parents’ motivations—is it leads you to empathy, Jane Fonda says during this brief interview where she revisits the writing of her memoir and memories of her mother.
...and a Few More Links
Untold story of the Warsaw ghetto: Who Will Write Our History
Help students become oral historians with these complete lesson plans from The Tenement Museum.
Taylor Swift says nostalgia inspires songs: “I love preserving memories”
“Oldtimers, tell your stories. Youngins, start asking.”
Fun tool: What book was the bestseller the year you were born?
See if the StoryCorps Mobile Tour is coming near you.
Short Takes
Life Story Links: February 26, 2019
Writing the suffering, memoir as therapy, family history come to life in a surprising film from Ancestry, plus a few life story reads worth your time.
“Some writers have a more defined sense of cause and effect. Plot. My sense of life is more moment, moment, and moment. Looking back, they accrue and occur to you at a certain time and maybe you don’t know why, but you trust that they are coming back to you now for a reason. And you make a leap of faith. You trust you can put these moments together and create story.”
—Amy Hempel
Toom Sisters, July 1957. Photograph by Al Fenn for LIFE magazine. ©Time Inc.
Writing the Suffering
“ARE YOU GOING TO WRITE ABOUT THAT?”
The complicated choices of memoir writing: Judy Goldman on finally being able to write about her husband.
ADOPTION JOURNEYS
“Preserving the full story of your adoption journey may mean sharing some of the pain, too—but how much you include is a personal decision.“ Last week I delved into this topic in the hopes of helping adoptive parents consider how to best shape their personal narrative.
Understanding Blossoms
MEMOIR = POWERFUL THERAPY
“You validated my life.” Such is the nature of the feedback memoir coach Bob Becker receives from senior citizens and other participants in his Connecticut memoir workshops. “Sharing your story is for you first,” he says.
RAILROAD TIES
In this powerful short film (below) created by Ancestry and Sundance, six strangers meet in Brooklyn—and at the historic Plymouth Church, an integral station along the Underground Railroad, learn how they are bound together by the deeply webbed histories of their ancestors.
See also a panel that was recorded live after a screening of the film, including Harvard historian and Finding Your Roots host Henry Louis Gates Jr., Ancestry historian Lisa Elzey, featured historian Melissa Collom, and featured descendant Gayle George.
First Person Pieces
ENGELBERT HUMPERDINCK, WHERE ARE YOU?
Of attending a concert of her childhood musical crush Kavita Das writes that “memories [came] flooding back to me of how it felt to be so small my feet didn’t touch the car’s floor but also to have felt so big that my voice drowned out all the clamor of New York City on those song-filled drives with Mommy.”
STORIES, LONG BURIED
“That grandma told me the story at all was unusual. She lived in the present. Didn’t reminisce.” How one family story leads this writer down a genealogical rabbit hole.
“ME, BY ME”
NYC-based journalist Cynthia Ramnarace learns that, while she is the writer in her family, she was not necessarily the right person to write her own relative’s stories. She explores why, and delves into her inspiration to start Memoiria Pubishing—in the end revealing why she is the perfect catalyst to bring other “people’s stories from minds to lips to paper.”
On Craft
WRITING RETREAT: TWO OPENINGS REMAIN
In honor of her imminent MFA graduation (congrats!), Wisconsin–based personal historian Sarah White is hosting a small-group Nova Scotia writing retreat. Participants will spend three days at Windhorse, a rural farm/eco-retreat, followed by two days in bustling Halifax on the campus of University of King's College.
BUTTERFLY TOWN, USA
On the latest episode of The Life Story Coach podcast, Amy Woods Butler speaks with publisher Patricia Hamilton about a curated community history project for which she received more than 400 submissions—and how she sold out of a 500-print run on launch day.
...and a Few More Links
Chinese immigrants etched their anguish into walls.
Stop sharenting?
View the top 12 finalists in the 2019 RootsTech FilmFest.
A look at how “artful historians” are preserving the past in engaging new ways
On The Life Story Coach podcast: Mike Oke and his unorthodox approach to life story writing
Short Takes
Life Story Links: February 12, 2019
Ruminations on the nature of memories, inspiration for using letters to inform memoir, a pining for handwritten recipes, plus a few family history reads.
“Certain moments are vividly conceived during adrenaline rushes—falling in love, thinking you’re about to get hit by a bus. But the brain isn’t a file cabinet…and what you forget says as much psychologically as what you remember.”
—Mary Karr
Retired man with family, 1959. Photograph by Stan Wayman for LIFE magazine. ©Time Inc.
On Memories and Memoir
DIARIST AS MEMOIR WRITER
An aspiring memoirist seeking famous writers’ letters and essays for motivation receives an inspired list of book recommendations. I can almost guarantee you’ll find something new to you and revelatory on the list.
“THIS IS MY LIFE”
“The past is a giant ball of tangled yarn that I simply do not know how to untangle,” writes N. West Moss in this keen meditation on the nature of memories. Later: “The thread of my own story spools from me like an endless ribbon. It says to me, ‘This is my life. This is my life.’”
CHOOSING YOUR STORIES
“If you answer a few interesting questions while you still draw breath, you will leave a gift of inestimable value to those who come after you,” writes Alison Taylor of Utah-based Pictures and Stories.
Pieces of the Past
FOOD OF LIFE
A reissue of Ntozake Shange’s If I Can Cook/You Know God Can (Beacon Press, 2019) prompts LitHub to share this deliciously personal excerpt. The book’s subtitle, “African American Food Memories, Meditations, and Recipes” merely hints at the rich and eclectic content within, a tribute to food as a people’s living legacy.
RECIPE FOR NOSTALGIA
“The internet is making paper recipes obsolete, but many modern cooks see the cards as tangible mementos of favorite foods and the beloved cooks who made them over and over again.” Frayed edges and oil stains? All the better.
VOICES FROM LONG AGO
Susan Hood of Remarkable Life Memoirs in New York shares a handful of handwritten letters she revisited among her parents’ things, feeling reconnected to them and gleaning a bit of family history along the way.
OBJECT LESSONS
We all know how photos and family heirlooms tell stories, but what about objects as mundane as bakeware? Are there simple objects that reflect significant truths about who you are?, asks Massachusetts–based personal historian Nancy West.
Family History Reads
DIGGING STUFF UP
“They’re the myths that are a part of the story of yourself, whether you like them or not,” Jaya Saxena writes of uncovering genealogical facts. “Learning your history is forced reckoning, asking you to consider whose stories you carry with you and which ones you want to carry forward.”
#NOTATROOTSTECH2019
You needn’t travel to Utah to benefit from the family history event of the year, RootsTech. Discover how you can learn about storytelling, interviewing, and genealogy from the comfort of your own home.
...and a Few More Links
Urban Archive invites New Yorkers to submit photos for their new crowdsourced history project.
Familygenealogy.online launched tools and resources for exploring family trees.
HippoCamp, a conference in PA for creative nonfiction writers, has opened early-bird registration.
“How to Turn Your Parents’ Stuff into Something Cool”
Short Takes
Life Story Links: January 29, 2019
Holocaust Remembrance Day prompts compelling first-person accounts; new memoir from Dani Shapiro; and two films that take life story narrative to new levels.
“If you’ve remembered something very well—a fight, a kiss, a plane ride, a certain stranger— there’s a reason. Keep writing until you figure out the significance of your most vivid memories.”
—Kelly Corrigan
“Very few of these veterans have ever been filmed before,” says documentarian Eric Brunt. “Many have not even shared their experiences with their families.” Learn more about his oral history project, Last Ones Standing, below.
In Their Own Words
FIGHTING FOR HER FATHER
Short autobiographical writing at its best: beautiful, poignant, familiar…and utterly specific. Read award-winning author and memoir teacher Beth Kephart’s recent piece for Catapult, “Here If You Need Me.”
DANI SHAPIRO, AGAIN
“It turns out it is possible to live an entire life—even an examined life, to the degree that I had relentlessly examined mine—and still not know the truth of oneself,” Dani Shapiro writes in her fifth and latest memoir, Inheritance: A Memoir of Genealogy, Paternity, and Love. Listen to her talk to Diane Rehm about how a DNA test uncovered a life-altering secret, and read about her identity-exploring journey here.
DRIVING THROUGH HIS DUTCH HERITAGE
Bruce Summers, Washington, DC–area personal historian at Summoose Tales, digs into his family roots by traveling in the footsteps of his third-great-grandfather.
LAST ONES STANDING
Canadian Eric Brunt has been traveling across Canada in a small van since May 2018. His goal: To interview as many surviving WWII veterans as possible for a documentary, Last Ones Standing. Follow his Instagram account for regular updates from the road, and consider contributing on his GoFundMe page to help underwrite this worthy endeavor.
Your Stories, Your Way
STORYTELLING SPARKS
From sharing food memories to creating a travel journal, from chronicling a life well lived to bringing a longtime family vacation home to life, here are six specific ideas for life story books.
STORY SHARING APPS
If you and your family members are more inclined to take action with tech tools as opposed to pen and paper to preserve your memories, here are my top picks for digital story sharing services.
FROM FAMILY LETTERS TO MULTIGENERATIONAL EPIC
New York–based Remarkable Life Memoirs shares an “exit interview” with writer Michael Barrie, with whom they worked on the recently completed book, How We Got Here: The Barrie Family in America, which spans centuries and continents to tell the complex story of his forebears.
History, Both Personal & Global
BEYOND MLK’S LEGACY
Des Moines–based writer Larry Lehmer rounds up five stories related to black heritage, personal history, and memoir that he found to be most compelling last week.
COMMISSIONING FAMILY HISTORY RESEARCH
“I don’t feel my parents did a very good job of explaining my family history to me,” WebMD founder Jeff Arnold tells a New York Times reporter in a piece looking at generationally wealthy families documenting their past. “I have four children, so explaining to them their roots was an important box I wanted to check.”
ARCHIVISTS AS ACTIVISTS
One clandestine group in the Warsaw Ghetto vowed to defeat Nazi lies and propaganda not with guns or fists but with pen and paper. And they did. Their story is told in the documentary Who Will Write Our History. Read a review of this “vital and sobering” film, and see why some are critical of the re-stagings that bring (unnecessary?) added drama to the testimony.
...and a Few More Links
Self-proclaimed “Old Coots” offer life advice at farmers market
How photography became the ‘dominant form of recording the world’
John McPhee’s new book, The Patch, has been called “a covert memoir.”
Consider studying Reminiscence & Life Review in this online course from University of Wisconsin Superior.
Dip into stories of survivors in honor of Holocaust Remembrance Day.
Learn about James Michael’s new book, Tell Your Story and Save the World.
Discover the meaning and history behind your last name.
Short Takes
Is digital story sharing for you?
Want to record family stories? “There’s an app for that!” Undoubtedly, there is—but which one is right for you? My top picks for digital story sharing services
Want to record family stories? “There’s an app for that!” Undoubtedly, there is—but will you use it, or will it sit unopened on the last page of your device’s scroll?
If you and your family members are more inclined to take action with tech tools as opposed to pen and paper, here are my top picks for digital story sharing services:
StoryWorth
Who it’s right for:
Connected grandparents, multi-generational families separated by distance
How it works:
With a StoryWorth subscription, users are emailed once a week with prompts to answer a question based on their life experiences. The array of questions is vast and evocative, though users may always choose to answer a question they themselves craft.
Pros:
When a reply is input, answers are emailed to a preset list of people—so, as many family members and friends as you want to designate may receive your stories.
It’s a lot easier to type than it is to write things out longhand (remember those days?!), so users are more likely to get into a rhythm answering questions regularly online than they might otherwise be with an old-fashioned memory-prompt journal.
For individuals who may not have a computer or email address, or for whom typing may be difficult, StoryWorth also offers an audio plan with stories recorded over the phone (some restrictions apply).
Cons:
At the end of the year StoryWorth automatically crafts a black-and-white book of memories based on the subscriber’s responses—and while that’s great in theory (I’m all about preserving memories in a book, after all), there is no room for editing, personalization, or revision.
Also check out:
Two similar apps that are still in beta but look promising are Life Mapping (which “maps” your path through life) and iRememba (leave your legacy via “digital time capsules”).
Family Search Memories App
who it’s right for:
Genealogy fans & family historians
how it works:
Your family historian may already be registered on Family Search, but are they familiar with the Memories features? Users may upload photos, stories, documents, and audio recordings that add depth to the names on their family tree.
The Family Search Memories app displays stories in a gallery view, as shown, or in a list view to make finding specific entries easier.
pros:
The Family Search Memories app allows you to capture priceless family moments through photos and voice recordings on your phone, even when you don't have Internet access.
Family history is truly brought to life—and promises to genuinely capture the next generation’s imagination—when pictures and details exist, not just data and documents.
cons:
While FamilySearch vows to “store your precious moments free forever,” the fact remains that it is a business, and businesses—especially tech businesses—can change (or cease to exist) over time. (Don’t let this app or “the Cloud” be your only means of storing your photos and stories, please.)
Regular Old Email
WHO it’s right for:
The less tech-savvy elders in your family, or those who might prefer to write but are hampered by arthritis or other physical debilitations
how it works:
The art of letter-writing may be dead, but that doesn’t mean long-term correspondence need be, as well. Begin a regular correspondence with a loved one that goes beyond cat memes and dinner dates: Set some ground rules (“let’s explore your past, Mom,” or “I’d love to know more about your college and war years, Dad”) and timeline (at least once per week, perhaps) and start sharing notes.
I was especially inspired by journalist Anderson Cooper, who undertook a year-long extended email conversation with his mother that resulted in a book—and that tapped into, as Cooper said, “not the mundane details, but the things that really matter, her experiences that I didn’t know about or fully understand…”
pros:
No subscription or monetary commitment is necessary. All you need is an email address and access to a computer (available at most local libraries if one is not accessible at home).
It can be easier to delve into difficult or emotional topics when not face-to-face with a loved one. And since correspondents may take some time to review what they have typed, they can be thoughtful about their story sharing.
We have become accustomed to typing, and can pour out our thoughts much more quickly than if we were writing on paper—so conversations may go longer, deeper, more quickly.
cons:
There is a disconnect when reading rather than hearing, and tone or inflection is lost on a screen. Participants must get to know one another’s writing style—and understand that sometimes an actual conversation should ensue to clear up any confusion or hurt feelings.
You may accrue a wonderful catalog of communications through an email correspondence, but the onus is on you to do something to preserve what you have gathered. Don’t let the stories—and the love and understanding that ensues—languish; contact us to help you turn your memories into an heirloom book, or consider simply printing them out (with dates) for the next generation to read and learn from.
Life Story Links: December 11, 2018
Fine examples of first-person storytelling to inspire your own life story writing, plus wisdom on reminiscence & a look at the legacy of Pearl Harbor survivors.
“I do not understand how memory works, I say, how we think we remember things that never happened and how we can forget the things that have. I want to know what I would find if I unspooled my memories and laid them out against my mother’s and my grandmother’s. I imagine the textures and seams of our competing recollections; I imagine them synthesizing to form a richer whole.”
—Crystal Hana Kim
1st Grade Twins on Swings, 1963. Photograph by Yale Joel for LIFE magazine. ©Time Inc.
First Person Reads
EATING TO AMERICA
“When I wanted to have a family just like everyone else’s I could slide into a booth at Pizza Hut and in the darkly lit restaurant my odd family could almost pass for a mom and a dad and two kids, and maybe even American ones, as long as we whispered,” writes Naz Riahi in this delicious read.
CUTS AND QUESTIONS
“He ran his hands through his hair inspecting just like he had inspected my sewing at age seven, my planting at age twelve, and my oil change at age fifteen,” writes Yollotl Lopez in her tribute to eight years of hair cutting—and loving ritual—with her father.
SCENES FROM A LIFE
In “The Proposal and the Purse,” personal historian Deborah Wilbrink relays scenes from an almost-relationship. Her first-person vignette, hosted on Sarah White’s True Stories Well Told site, is indicative of the type of writing Sarah teaches in her flash memoir classes.
Remembrance, Reminiscence & Legacy
CELEBRATING HANUKKAH WITH STORIES
“Unless people intentionally take the time to ask questions, we often don’t get to hear the stories of our elders,” says Rabbi Susan Goldberg, who designates Hanukkah as an optimal time to ask those questions.
PEARL HARBOR MEMORIAL
For the first time, there were no survivors of the USS Arizona at the annual ceremonies marking the December 7, 1941, attack on Pearl Harbor. “It wasn't the pages of a book—it was your life. It was your mother, your brother. It was your house going up in flames in bombings.” Memories that survivors have carried for so long live on in oral histories.
CONFERENCE TAKEAWAYS
In my latest post I share thoughts from the 2018 International Reminiscence & Life Review Conference including compelling anecdotal evidence on the value of reminiscence work, research challenges, and the shifting nature of autobiographical memory.
...and a Few More Links
The best reviewed memoirs and biographies of 2018
How millennial parents are reinventing the family photo album
“If you want to write a great book, hire a scribe.”
The StoryCatcher app has been updated.
Short Takes
Life Story Links: November 27, 2018
Louis Armstrong’s personal archives, WWI stories passed through generations, and plenty of process talk including using Scrivener and reviving stalled memoirs.
“We all practice the craft of autobiography in our inner conversations with ourselves about the meaning of our experience, and those conversations, no matter what language we use, are fundamentally theological or philosophical. Though only a handful of us set about writing down the results and publishing them for others to read, we are all autobiographers.”
—Jill Ker Conway
Louis Armstrong and his wife Lucille in the den of their Corona, Queens, New York home; the jazz legend’s archives are now available online. PHOTO courtesy of Louis Armstrong Archive.
Stories Worth Sharing
LOUIS ARMSTRONG ARCHIVES
From handwritten playlists of his musical inspiration to scrapbooks of his life as it was lived (and as it was recorded in the newspapers), Louis Armstrong was a careful (and thorough) documentarian of his life. Now the full archives are accessible online.
VETERANS’ STORIES
In “The War Stories Their Families Never Forgot,” the New York Times collects memories of readers’ relatives who had a role in World War I—and the submissions are, unexpectedly, often uplifting.
THE ATTIC OF HISTORY
Sir Peter Jackson says he would be happy if his new war film inspires people to go rummaging around in their attics for old photos and letters, keen to piece together tales about grandfathers and ancient uncles who served in the first World War.
On People and Process
“TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF”
Terry Gross, considered by many to be a master interviewer, offers insights into how to talk to people. “As an interviewer, Ms. Gross’s goal is to find out how her subject became who they are; as a conversationalist, make that goal your own.”
SYSTEM TALK
In her latest podcast episode, Amy Woods Butler, aka The Life Story Coach, describes how she goes from interview transcript to book draft, including how Scrivener fits into her process.
A PROFESSIONAL’S PERSPECTIVE
About half Nancy West’s memoir clients are people who previously attempted writing their memoirs themselves. “They bogged down in telling very specific stories perfectly and comprehensively,” she says, “whereas I work like a journalist: facts first, then flesh it out.”
...and a Few More Links
Is deleting Facebook deleting your memories?
Ann Curry’s We’ll Meet Again returns to television.
Mickey Mouse gets the “life story” treatment on his 90th birthday.
New study shows our brains prioritize memories that are useful in making future decisions.
Short Takes
Life Story Links: November 12, 2018
Mid-story memoir sag, storyboarding as a writing tool, questions to spark Thanksgiving story sharing, and more of interest to family historians & memory-keepers
“Curiosity is a muscle. Questions are exercise.”
—M. Diane McCormick
1956. Photograph by Grey Villet for LIFE magazine. ©Time Inc.
Thoughts on Memoir…
THE LIBERATION OF MEMOIR
Beth Kephart celebrates Abigail Thomas, whose work, she says, laid the foundation for memoirists everywhere to set aside “perfect” in pursuit of authentic.
MID-STORY SAG
“Nearly all memoir writers hit a point where they ask: What is this thing about? Where did I think I was going with this story?” writes Lisa Dale Norton in her prescriptive piece about how to avoid mid-story memoir sag.
YOUR STORY, YOUR WAY
“Let people find out how interesting you are through your own words, not when your children tell stories about you because you’re gone,” urges Massachusetts–based personal historian Nancy West.
…and Sharing Stories Out Loud
FAMILY HISTORY MATTERS
In this podcast, Heidi Druckemiller suggests that the story of your past can help you to discover your family’s unique values, shape its moral purpose, and direct its strategic decision-making.
HOLIDAY HISTORIES
This week I wrote about four ways to encourage guests at your family gathering to share memories in addition to gratitude, plus offered up 55 Questions to spark Thanksgiving story sharing.
NEXT GEN
Cider Spoon Stories offers a workbook for kids that guides them through the oral storytelling process, helping them to capture in their own words the stories of family members and friends
...and a Few More Links
Humanity has direct memories of events that occurred 10 millennia ago.
Check out the slides from M. Diane McCormick’s Hippocamp 2018 presentation, “The Art of Interviewing: The Deep Dive for the Telling Detail.”
Using storyboarding to help know what to emphasize and what to cut from your biographical writing
Google and YouTube team up with StoryCorps to tell veterans’ stories.
Short Takes