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Life Story Links: April 19, 2022
If you're into family history, memoir, and memory-keeping, you'll want to check out this week's list of stories hand-picked by personal historian Dawn Roode.
“As for how to actually organize your memoir, my final advice is, again, think small. Tackle your life in easily manageable chunks. Don’t visualize the finished product, the grand edifice you have vowed to construct. That will only make you anxious.”
—William Zinsser
Vintage black and white photograph of a young girl in Illinois, spring 1962, by Francis Miller for Life magazine, © Time Inc.
History in our homes…
SUGGESTED INTERVIEW QUESTIONS
Mali Bain, a custom publisher in British Columbia, shares ten open-ended questions to ask in a family interview session so you may “naturally follow up on ideas without struggling to find a suitable next question or getting lost in brain fog.”
BEST PRACTICES
Before any family history interviews can begin, there’s a little prep involved. Read how professional oral historians set the stage for effective storytelling and secure saving.
THE FAMILY KNOWLEDGE GAP
A new survey from Ancestry.com found that while more than half (53%) of Americans can’t name all four grandparents, 66 percent of respondents said they want to learn more about their family history and over half (51%) want stories about when their ancestors were young.
“THE ITEM IS THE VEHICLE TO THE STORY”
“I can say this firmly: Along with your stories, your family members are going to want some of your possessions. They just might not be the ones you'd expect.” Matt Paxton on the sometimes surprising stuff of legacy.
HER GRANDFATHER’S STORIES
“He had taken to telling his grandchildren many, many stories. Unfortunately, at that time, we brushed it off, even choosing not to sit with him at restaurants, so that he would not ‘bore us’ with yet another story. But here we were—confronted, for the first time, by death. This protector, this legend and all his stories had a deadline.”
MAKING TIME
Think you’re too busy to write about your life? Think again. Here are three easy ways to make memoir writing more approachable—and more efficient, so you can finally fit it into your busy schedule.
HER UKRAINIAN HISTORY
In light of recent world events, StoryCorps looked into their online archive to explore Ukrainian voices recorded with their interview app. Here’s one:
…and history in a broader sense
LEGACY OF SILENCE
“A society can forget on a mass scale, not when the government imposes amnesia as a political project, but when people refuse to look within—to dig into the messy and complex family biographies that turn memory into a landmine, and forgetting into a psychological salve.” A compelling piece about historical reconciliation and one man’s discovery of a lynching in his family.
JEWISH BEACON HISTORY WALK
In researching the origins of the first and only synagogue in Beacon, New York, historian Anna Brady Marcus and her team uncovered a rich history of Jewish enterprise in the town. To coincide with its centennial, they have released a digital walking tour derived from a rich catalog of oral history interviews.
What we keep
OTHER WRITER’S WORDS
“If keeping a journal would be a way to look in the mirror and make an honest appraisal of myself, keeping a commonplace book is more like looking at myself out of the corner of my eye.”
PHONE PHOTOS
“You’re you, and your pictures are yours, and what you bring to a photograph is not separate from it.” So when attempting to curate your digital gallery, “scroll your roll, and find the pictures that please your eye and touch your heart and stir your feelings because you’re you”—and keep those.
DO YOU NAME YOUR POSSESSIONS?
“Some researchers believe that people write a biography of themselves with things, that our life stories aren’t complete without the items that matter to us”—but do we really need to name those things?
THE WELTY COLLECTION
A trove of letters from Eudora Welty’s family that has been made newly available to the public provides insight about the author’s parents; her siblings and their families; her grandmother and great grandmother and their children.
IS THAT GRANDMA?
How fun to follow the lost-and-found journey of a family photo album via this Twitter thread (click through to read the full thread):
Personal essays of note
WHOSE STORY IS IT?
“Day had written his family history after conducting archival research and reading the relevant sociocultural experts; I wrote mine after growing up in my family.” Tad Friend on a relationship reconsidered by reading between the lines.
KNOWING NIRVANA’S FRONTMAN
“‘Who put these fingerprints on my imagination?’ Elvis Costello once sang. I didn’t want someone else’s fingerprints on my memories [of Kurt Cobain],” Michael Azerrad writes in this New Yorker personal history column.
AN IMPULSE TO CONNECT
In this personal essay on Oldster, Robert Burke Warren recalls an impromptu visit he made to his estranged grandparents at 19. He writes of connection and gratitude and “compassion delayed.”
In the books
BACKDOOR MEMOIRS
“When writers get away from what’s going on inside their head, they just might see their own life in a new light and find something universal in the personal”: nine nonfiction authors who set out to investigate the outside world and ended up finding themselves.
BOOK REVIEW OF NOTE
“Ancestor Trouble represents decades of research into genealogic records, genetic science, and the cultural history of ‘ancestor hunger’ and reverence—as well as [Maud] Newton’s own coming to terms with how to face and honor her family history,” reads a review on NPR. This one in the NYT describes “the preoccupation of the entire book” as “the periphrastic construction of identity itself.”
...and a few more links
Read an excerpt from Osman Yousefzada’s memoir, The Go-Between: A Portrait of Growing Up Between Different Worlds
Austin–based video biographer Whitney Myers is profiled in this regional magazine Q&A.
A life documented: Winkfield, an enslaved man in colonial Virginia
Tech startup uses artificial intelligence to enliven family photographs.
The unique challenge of designing a book by incarcerated writers
Ohio mother and son pen personal history book about mom’s memories of living through Nazi-occupied France.
What the New York Public Library is doing to save the sounds of the early 20th century.
How to save time with these eight translation tools for genealogy.
Short Takes
Think you’re too busy to write about your life? Think again.
Three easy ways to make memoir writing more approachable—and more efficient, so you can finally fit it into your busy schedule.
Want to commit to writing your memoir? Let’s do this together! I’ll give you three ways to make the process more efficient so it takes less time; and you need to say “yes” to carving out space on your schedule. Ready?
We live in a culture of busy-ness—we’re all busy, all of the time. But are you allocating your time to things you love, or to things that satisfy others in your life (your boss, your children, your spouse, your friends)? I won’t pontificate about why I think it’s important to be mindful of the trap of busy-ness, but I will offer some tips for making time to focus on a passion project you’ve been thinking about for a while…and cross my fingers that you take steps to get started, at long last.
In this case, I am suggesting three ways to make time for writing about your life—but if your goal is something else creative, many of these tenets hold true.
Want to write your memoir? Do these 3 things to make the time.
1 - Set small goals.
Forget about the memoir you envision, with that favorite childhood photo of you on the cover, and that dedication to your beloved mom. Don’t even think about what printer you might use, or where you will end. Instead, focus on one story at a time.
I am not advocating sitting down to write with nary a notion of where you are heading (though, if that gets your pen moving, then so be it!). Rather, I suggest planning your life story book by first organizing your family archive; then drafting a life timeline; and, next, narrowing down themes you would like to write about.
Once these architectural elements are done, you may begin writing. Create a regular schedule with reasonable expectations—perhaps 500 words a day, or if you are fitting your memoir writing in amidst full-time work responsibilities, maybe 1,500 words every weekend. Or ignore word counts altogether and tackle one story at a time.
Declare goals for yourself and set corresponding deadlines for accountability. Then, focus only on one goal at a time. You’ll see that as you start ticking off your objectives along the way, your momentum will carry you forward. With each story you write, I am willing to bet 10 more will pop into your head as future ideas!
2 - Narrow your topic.
During the prep work I recommend in the previous step, you should have narrowed down some themes for your memoir. I go into more detail about that here, but for now I want to encourage you to go even further: Take a look at the themes you may have chosen, then see how you might hone in on them even more.
Did you decide to write about your family travels growing up? Narrow your focus to, maybe, “What I learned driving around small-town America in my youth”; or “How taking pictures of my childhood travels helped me appreciate the world.” Note that while you of course can narrow a theme down from a subject perspective (instead of all your travels, focus on those in the United States or those from just your teen years), you can also narrow your focus by writing towards a lesson or insight.
The more precisely you can whittle your theme, the easier it will be to tackle writing about it.
3 - Say goodbye to perfectionism.
Ever heard the saying “Done is better than perfect”? Nothing will hamper your writing more than trying to get it perfect the first—even the second—time around.
Free writing exercises such as this one will hopefully get the words and ideas flowing, even if they are on a topic different from what you’d like to write about on any given day. Consider beginning your writing practice with a 10-minute free write, then shifting into writing about your self-assigned topic. Doing so often alleviates pressure and allows us to dive right in.
Don’t edit along the way, either. Just write. Get your thoughts down. Memoirist Anne Lamott has memorialized the expression “shitty first draft,” and writes in her beautifully encouraging Bird by Bird,
“The first draft is the child’s draft, where you let it all pour out and then let it romp all over the place, knowing that no one is going to see it and that you can shape it later… just get it all down on paper, because there may be something great in those six crazy pages that you would never have gotten by more rational, grown-up means.”
Is it perfection in life rather than perfection on the page you are concerned with? I’m no therapist, but I can say with conviction that none of us is perfect, and that we learn (and teach) from our struggles and failures, so writing about them can be valuable. Allow yourself to be vulnerable, remembering this caveat at all times: Just because you write it doesn’t mean anyone else has to read it! You maintain full control of your words and stories; you can rip them up or delete a file any time. But don’t be hasty: Give yourself some emotional and temporal distance from your writing before making such an assessment. If you’ve allowed yourself to be vulnerable in your memoir writing and then find yourself questioning if you went too far, wait a month and go back to read your words afresh. You may surprise yourself with the level of nuance and honesty in your writing. Ask yourself, Would one of my loved ones appreciate and relate to my words one day?
I admit, I didn’t manufacture more time in your schedule. But I hope I made the notion of writing about your life more approachable—and more efficient, so you can indeed fit it into your days. Start saying ‘no’ to things that don’t feed your soul, and start saying ‘yes’ to things such as this that you want to do but haven’t yet…! Set up a free half-hour consultation if you’d like a professional memoir coach to help guide you.
Best practices for recording family history interviews at home
Steal these best practices from professional oral historians to make your next family history interview a success, plus how to set the stage for great stories.
You need minimal equipment to interview a family member at home, like this Zoom recorder on a mini tripod.
I applaud you for wanting to capture your family history through in-person interviews with your loved ones! Preserving their stories—and their voices—is a gift for the next generation, but also a gift for those you plan to interview (trust me when I say it is a rare thing to be given 100-percent attention and the freedom to share…and be witnessed).
In order to ensure that you capture stories in the best and most secure way possible, please follow these simple practices that are used by professional oral historians around the world.
Do your best to create a recording-friendly environment.
No matter what kind of recording device you are using, any background noise and interference will have a deleterious effect on your final product. Choose a quiet location in the home or office where you are conducting the interview—away from heating or air-conditioning vents, a humming refrigerator, or windows overlooking noisy streets. Ask others who may be in the vicinity to either leave or be mindful of staying quiet. Additionally, ensure that your interview subject is comfortable—consider temperature, seating, and have a glass of water on hand, and try to situate yourself so you have direct eye contact with your family member.
Use multiple recording devices.
Always, always hit “record” on at least two devices. That may mean a professional mini digital recorder plus an app on your smart phone, or perhaps a DSLR capturing video plus a basic audio recorder. I do recommend sticking with digital recordings rather than old-fashioned analog cassette tapes, which are more cumbersome to convert and transfer to your computer.
Begin recording with an identifying statement.
Say out loud who is present (spell names), the date, and where you are. For instance: “This is Dawn Roode interviewing my grandmother, Virginia Miller—V-I-R-G-I-N-I-A, M-I-L-L-E-R, on this March 22, 2022, at my home in Brooklyn, New York.” Alternatively, you can introduce yourself, and then ask each individual you are interviewing to say and spell their own names. This may feel unnecessarily formal, but it’s critical.
Once the interview is complete, secure your recordings.
Immediately download the digital recordings, name them, and save in more than one place. The sooner you do these things, the better. I can’t tell you how many times I have thought I would remember what such-and-such recording on my phone is, only to press ‘play’ and have no recollection of the interview details.
Beyond these standard procedural points, here are three tips for setting the stage for a truly substantive and fruitful interview:
Consider your list of questions a framework, not a bible.
Preparation can be incredibly valuable—knowing, for instance, that your grandfather is a WWII veteran and asking informed questions about his service is both respectful and smart. So do come into the interview with a list of interview questions you’d like to ask. That said, be willing to stray from the set list should the need arise. Maybe, in the above example, your grandfather is unwilling to speak about his time at war—you may want to gently ask him why, or see if there is any aspect of his military life that he is willing to talk about; if not, be prepared to go in another direction. Alternatively, maybe one of your questions elicits such rich storytelling that you stick to follow-ups and veer in an entirely unexpected direction, allowing your interview subject to steer the conversation. If your storyteller gets animated—sitting at the edge of her seat or raising her voice and laughing as she recounts her memories—that’s a good sign that the stories she is sharing are good ones, and there are likely more in this vein!
Embrace silences.
Human nature is to keep a conversation going—so when there is a silence, we tend to jump in either with our reaction or with another question. But do your best to refrain from this; allow a pause to grow. In that interim your subject is thinking, and some of their best stories are likely to come from this. And don’t worry when the pause does not yield something great—simply ask a follow-up if you think there’s more to the story, or move on to the next question. The more comfortable you become with sitting in the silence, the more comfortable your storyteller will feel to keep going.
Bring some memory prompts.
Old family photos, scrapbooks, or journals are excellent vehicles for storing up memories and getting your interview subject to open up. While I find such totems to be helpful with everyone, they come in especially handy when your interview subject is reluctant or less than enthusiastic about participating.
A few more resources you may find helpful to prepare for your family history interview
Download this free Kid Kit e-book; while it is specifically geared to youngsters interviewing their grandparents, the historical timeline is a nice cheat sheet for any age.
How to be a good storyteller if you are the subject of a family history interview
Get 56 essential family history questions to ask your elders.
Special circumstances: Oral history interview questions for particular subject groups
If you are interviewing people who are trauma survivors or part of a distinct population, these resources may help:
MILITARY VETERANS
Oral history instructions and sample interview questions for vets from the Veterans Project of the National Archives
TRAUMA SURVIVORS
Navigating life review interviews with survivors of trauma
HOLOCAUST SURVIVORS
Oral history interview guidelines from United States Holocaust Memorial Museum
HOSPICE PATIENTS
Life Story Links: March 29, 2022
From sacred storytelling to writing about one's own personal history, from family legacy to family heirlooms, this curated roundup is filled with great stuff.
“Face-to-face conversation is the most human—and humanizing—thing we do. Fully present to one another, we learn to listen. It’s where we develop the capacity for empathy. It’s where we experience the joy of being heard, of being understood. And conversation advances self-reflection…”
—Sherry Turkle
Vintage photo of Washington Senators coach Nick Altrock with Dot Meloy, who, according to the original caption, was in training as a side line entertainer; 1920. Photograph from the National Photo Company Collection, courtesy of the Library of Congress Prints and Photographs Division.
Writing our truths
A WRITER’S WHY
In conversation about her memoir in essays Bomb Shelter, Mary Laura Philpott says, “My hope was to do what many other books have done for me, which is to tell one person’s story in a way that makes other people look at their own lives differently or perhaps understand something about themselves better.”
WIDENING HIS LENS
“My life is too boring for a memoir,” Fintan O’Toole writes in the afterword to his new book We Don’t Know Ourselves—so he instead turned his attention to the personal history of Ireland.
EXPLORING YOUR OWN TRAUMA
Melissa Febos, associate professor in the nonfiction writing program at University of Iowa and author of the new memoir, Body Work: The Radical Power of Personal Narrative, offers up guidance to other aspiring writers on how to begin their journey—including, of course, the hard stuff:
FROM A WRITING TEACHER
“I engage with personal narrative as a contribution to a bigger political or cultural conversation that puts human beings front and center,” memoirist Meghan Stielstra tells the hosts of Everything Is Fine podcast. Fast-forward to the 7:45-minute mark to get right to their conversation, which includes discussion of narrative distance, giving and accepting criticism, and the creative writing practice:
Not just preservation, but curation
WHAT’S NOT REPRESENTED
“Of the 270,000 photographs commissioned by the U.S. Farm Security Administration to document the Great Depression, more than a third were ‘killed.’ Erica X. Eisen examines the history behind this hole-punched archive and the unknowable void at its center.”
PROTECT YOUR PHOTO LEGACY
“It'll happen to all of us someday: We'll be gone, but our data will persist.” Wired magazine takes a look at how to leave your photos to someone when you die.
“WE ARE HISTORY”
“Am I only the sum of all the things that I have collected? And if so, shouldn’t I declare it proudly?” Questlove ponders in this opinion piece on his lifelong collection of music and cultural artifacts.
Physical manifestations of memory
LEGACY LIST TIME
Making a legacy list is a powerful way to identify which family items are worth passing on—and as long as the stories of those heirlooms are preserved, the list becomes a de facto cheat sheet to your family history.
PREHISTORIC MEMENTOS
“Just like us, our early ancestors attached great importance to old artifacts, preserving them as significant memory objects—a bond with older worlds and important places in the landscape."
WRITTEN BY HAND
“I apologize to those who will have to deal with my boxes of letters and cards some day in the future. You have my permission to dispose of them, light a bonfire, or make a book out of the ones that are important to you.”
Sacred storytelling
“OUR JOB IS TO LOVE THE WORLD”
“So that’s the question, I guess, for you and for me and for all of us trying to do this sacred task of telling stories for the young: How do we tell the truth and make that truth bearable?” Krista Tippett shares a thoughtful letter from author Kate DiCamillo.
HONORING THEIR FOREMOTHERS
“To this day, I do not know which story is more amazing—the yearlong conversations I had with my aunt, who spent her last days sharing the stories of our ancestors, or the actual stories she had told.”
GILDED HISTORY
A young writer delves into his family’s past life in Vienna after his 95-year-old grandmother passed on her unpublished memoir—he finds tragedy, but hope, as well.
“READ ME. TAKE MY HAND.”
“Have we learned our lesson yet? About embodiment? About stories? Our need for connection in order to tell them? Our need for a usable past?” Diane Seuss’s advice for life as a writer.
OPPORTUNITY FOR STORY SHARING
My favorite part of this piece about how to make family reunions more meaningful: the recommendation that all family storytelling that takes place be “just the beginning.”
Miscellaneous
RECOMMENDED FIRST-PERSON READ
“The stars were infinite. The men were always liquid. The moms—choking on anger at idiot men—were our saviors, our solidity and happiness.” Samantha Hunt on being marked by addiction.
NYC HISTORY, UNLOCKED
A new online platform gives free access to 9.3 million historical NYC records. Time Out New York shares the details of how to access the Municipal Archives and links to tips for how to best search them.
RE-HUMANIZING PEOPLE
“I think genealogy is a tool for being able to achieve healing, because we have to go back into the past. And when you reconnect those pieces that were corrupted because of slavery, that is a way forward.”
...and a few more links
Bruce Springsteen unveils new exhibition space for archives in his hometown, Freehold, New Jersey.
Ways that creative nonfiction writers can borrow from acting techniques
Salt Lake City–based personal historian Elizabeth Thomas reviews the memoir London's Number One Dog-Walking Agency by Kate MacDougall.
“A 50-year-old graphic biography of Che Guevara that still feels fresh” has been translated into English.
She discovered what happened to 400 Dutch Jews who disappeared.
Consumer Reports on how you can preserve family memories for generations to come
New cooking museum in Rome invites visitors to feast with their eyes.
British Air Force veteran’s childhood memories featured in exhibition
Congrats to San Antonio–based legacy filmmaker Clinton Haby for garnering attention in this newspaper in the Alsace region of France.
Read an essay adapted from Melissa Febos’s newest book, Body Work: The Radical Power of Personal Narrative.
Short Takes
Why not make your own legacy list?
Whether you're downsizing or consciously sorting through your stuff, make a legacy list of items that hold memories—it's a cheat sheet to your family history.
A well-loved donut cutter has been passed through generations of my neighbor’s family—and best of all, they continue to use it and share stories of those who used it before them! An heirloom doesn’t have to be so precious that it sits in a box untouched; those we stitch into the fabric of our lives through regular use are often even more meaningful!
How making a “legacy list” can set stories—and guilt—free
Things can hold memories. But those same things—maybe even more so because they hold memories—can feel like a burden.
Rather than let the stuff of your past overwhelm you—with clutter, with guilt—let’s look at a few ways to take control of the things so you can focus on the stories associated with them.
Have you ever seen the PBS show Legacy List with Matt Paxton? I hadn’t until fairly recently, but I love it! TV promotions describe the series as exploring the hidden treasures within our homes: “As millions of Baby Boomers downsize their own homes or settle the estates of family members, they will discover the most important museum in the world is in their family home.” In each episode Paxton and his expert team of organizers and historians clean through one family’s home with the intent of uncovering the most special things within—what he calls a legacy list.
“A legacy list is really just a list of items that help you tell your family history,” Paxton says.
“Lose the stuff, keep the memories” is a mantra for many downsizers or minimalists, but you don’t have to be either of those things to want to get rid of at least some of your stuff. Consider it a courtesy for the next generation (I speak from experience when I say going through my mother’s things after she died was not an easy task). And think of it, too, as a way to ensure that the things that really matter get preserved, not discarded.
Make your own “legacy list.”
1 - Write your legacy list.
Start with a list of items you think you want to find. Watch the episode of Legacy List below for some inspiration, or think about the following questions to help you identify things that may hold meaning within your house:
Are there items associated with specific family members that help tell their story?
Are there certain items that were used by ancestors that are still functional?
Are there handmade items among your treasures?
Do you have handwritten recipes that have been passed down through generations?
What items, if any, hold historical value, or perhaps help tell the story of the region?
Some examples:
In the episode below, “Home on the Range,” the family matriarch treasures her mother’s early handwritten school notebooks, which symbolize her intelligence and the sacrifice she made of quitting school at the age of 13 to care for her siblings.
Things don’t need to be big or monumental to be imbued with meaning! I, for example, think of my mom every time I bake and use her small offset spatula; and I gave a friend who loves to knit my grandmother’s collection of knitting needles so they would continue to be used with love.
I adore my mother’s chimes, and rather than stow them away in a box, I consider them an everyday heirloom and smile every time I hear their song from my backyard. I also cherish the crocheted blankets she made for me when I was away at college, and the ring I inherited with her birthstone (which I wear often).
2 - Allow yourself to be surprised.
There will be things you “just know” are packed away that you can’t find, and others that you never knew existed. Remind yourself that it’s okay for some things to have gone missing; you can write down your memories associated with them so those are not lost, too, and even search for photos that might represent the items in a more concrete way.
3 - Go beyond finding the things on your legacy list—tell their stories, too.
When Paxton asks the family matriarch why she gets such a sense of comfort from her ancestors’ stuff, she says, “I guess it’s just all a part of me…. I think that if I let go of the stuff, the memories will fade, too.”
“I think that if I let go of the stuff, the memories will fade, too.”
Those memories will fade as time goes on, though, if they are not recorded in some permanent way. With each new generation, the experiences and firsthand memories become further removed.
So grab a pen (or hit “record” on a digital audio or video recorder) and tell those stories! Many pieces may need explanation (how was that plow yoke used? for instance). Some may have important documentation associated with them (a dated certificate of authenticity, for example). But mostly, strive for heartfelt stories (for a recipe—how the smell alone alerted you to the holiday and Poppy’s presence; for a photograph—when it was taken and what the context was…and why it holds a special place in your memory).
And take a lesson from the show: Interview members of every generation to hear about their memories and associations with the items on your family legacy list. As you’ll hear in this episode, even the grandchildren may surprise you with distinct and meaningful memories.
As Paxton reminds viewers, if an item is properly chronicled, it will be cherished forever.
Watch an episode from the recent season of Legacy List with Matt Paxton below, or browse all available episodes on PBS.
Life Story Links: March 15, 2022
This week's curated reading list for memory-keepers and family historians includes plenty of craft advice as well as first-person stories to inspire your own.
“Here’s the thing: The book that will most change your life is the one you write.”
—Seth Godin
In honor of St. Patrick’s Day this week, a vintage shamrock postcard with “Scenes from dear old Ireland”
When Things Hold History
WHAT’S LEFT BEHIND
Following a brief meditation on legacy from The Isolation Journals founder Suleika Jaouad, Joy Juliet Bullen writes about how a childhood photo with her father prompted more than memories.; plus, a writing prompt.
HER HOME IS LIKE A MUSEUM
“Each piece needs a chance to sing its own song,” says the Staten Island schoolteacher who has collected more than 20,000 artifacts, now up for auction, that “tells the whole saga of African American history.”
LOVE LETTERS
“As I age, I have a newfound appreciation for recognizing that my grandparents and the elders in my family have led complete and full lives that I will never fully understand or really know about.” How a newfound stash of love letters from his parents gave him a glimpse of who they were before him.
TASTY RELICS OF ANOTHER TIME
“Slowly, I’ve accepted that my recipe book is not a work in progress but an artifact, which contains hints and scraps of my former self.” Charlotte Mendelson on her “beautiful, delusional recipe book.”
A DELIBERATE PROCESS
“Professional home organizers are reporting a spike in calls from older customers asking for help sorting through their belongings, seeking to dole out the heirlooms and sentimental items and toss the excess.” (As always on such pieces, many of the 800+ comments are worth a read, too.)
“CURATING TANGIBLE PHOTOS”
“I hope to build an album like my grandmother’s, one that shares my history. That proves I was here, and I lived.”
First Person Stories You’ll Want to Read
UNCOVERING FAMILY STORIES, AT LAST
“Poppy could make muscles that I could not crush; Grandma only ever cooked and cleaned and kvetched.” But Noah Lederman’s grandmother held many Holocaust stories herself—why had he never realized?
WELCOME HOME, HARRIET
“I have often remarked that I didn’t go into medicine to simply bear witness, but the work has a way of forcing you to do just that.” How her grandmother’s loss made this geriatrician think differently about preparing people for death.
AUTHORITY FIGURES
“My dad and I aren’t sure how I knew so much when I was that young,” Elizabeth Cooper writes about the intersection of her mother’s extramarital affairs and her own shameful feelings around sex in this moving piece.
Personal History in Action
REMINISCENCE THERAPY AND DEMENTIA
How to create a memory kit for a loved one with dementia: “The point of the exercise is not only to help a loved one remember and improve cognitive function but also to help the senior engage in conversation and feel like a valued participant in the discussion.”
WAR, POLITICS, SACRIFICE
In light of recent events in Ukraine, Rhonda Lauritzen turns to thoughts of conflict—specifically, how to write about our own experiences of hardship and war, and why we should consider the impact world events had on our ancestors.
Elements of Style
STYLE AND SUBSTANCE
Last week I wrote about why the presentation of your life story book does indeed matter, for the Biographers Guild of Greater New York; and, on my own site, how adding photo captions can elevate your family photo book to family heirloom.
MYSELF, ANONYMOUSLY
“Good ghostwriters are invisible, giving away our best lines without leaving a trace of ourselves.” Caroline Cala Donofrio shares lessons learned from interviewing celebrities for their ghostwritten books.
Author, Author
DICKENS, 1851
“A captivating entertainer, Dickens sought to make life as enchanting as a show,” reads this New Yorker piece that takes a look at a new “slow biography” of the author from Robert Douglas-Fairhurst
GETTIN HER DUE
“I found such a deep, personal connection with Zora’s life and journey. I felt compelled to help people everywhere learn about her.” Meet the scholar who shares the life and legacy of Zora Neale Hurston through storytelling.
A WIDOW’S LEGACY
Read this enticing excerpt from a new biography of Mary Welsh Hemingway, the journalist who became Ernest Hemingway's fourth wife.
...and a Few More Links
A new book and traveling exhibition highlight the work of Mississippi photographer O.N. Pruitt, which expose harsh reality of the Jim Crow South.
Study shows that viewing nostalgic images from childhood reduces pain perception.
A “magical place” inspires a memory book worthy of gift-giving
A look at new family history technology and keynote messages shared at RootsTech 2022
Are young people hoarding photos so they don’t lose memories?
10 best off-the-shelf memory books for grandparents to tell their family stories
Short Takes
Wait, your photo book has no captions?
A family photo book without captions is nice—but one with captions is an heirloom. A primer on what type of captions to include and how to design them cleanly.
Whether your photo book includes current snaps for a family yearbook or older images for a family history retrospective like this one, it’s important to include some captions. Design with ample white space and classic typefaces for an engaging and modern feel.
If you do an annual photo book, you’re way ahead of most people in the memory-keeping game—so big props to you! I am a vocal proponent of printing your photos rather than letting them languish amidst a ton of digital clutter on your phone, and getting them into a printed book is a wonderful way to preserve memories for your kids and yourself.
It’s what you’re creating your memory books for, isn’t it? To be able to look back one day and recall the moments big and small from your family’s life? To create a record of your experiences, and celebrate the milestones? To revisit travels and everyday occasions one day in the future?
Well, imagine this: It’s ten years hence, and your daughter is about to graduate from high school. You sit down together and pull out a family photo book from her childhood. What was that teacher’s name? How about that friend she was inseparable from for a whole year? Where was that awesome waterfall you climbed all day to see?
Or this: It’s 30 years from now and your son has recently become a new dad. He’s curious about what his father was like, and if he himself had as much hair as his newborn. You dig out one of your earliest family albums (hopefully you’ve made an extra copy for your son to have, too 😉) and you start reminiscing. But which baby is that in the stroller? Was that photo of your toddler son walking from when he was 10 months or over a year old?
All those details that are so fresh and obvious to you now while you are putting your photo book together won’t be so obvious down the road. Chances are you’ll forget a lot of the nitty-gritty things like places, dates, and ages—and there’s no chance that your kids (or their kids!!) will know if they’re not written down.
Ugh, you’re thinking—what a royal pain in the @$%. I have to write everything down?
No, you don’t have to write everything down. But some things? Sure. Consider doing so a gift to your kids. Adding some captions to your photo book ups the value from a “nice” album to an “invaluable” family heirloom.
The two types of captions every photo book needs
The purely informational caption
You don’t need to type names and dates for every photo—not only would that be time-consuming, it’d be rather boring.
Consider creating sections for every month in your annual family photo book, and titling each section accordingly; you can include specific dates when photos represent milestones such as weddings, Bat Mitzvahs, or graduations (and if you scan a ticket or program that includes the date, you’re covered!).
As far as names go, always include names of new babies when they are first pictured, of close friends or schoolmates alongside your kids, and of family elders who aren’t part of your immediate clan.
Type out locations when you think it might be interesting—perhaps you’d like to revisit that hotel in Hawaii, or take that hike again with the grandkids one day. You can use lots of discretion here, but consider when making your decisions about what to include: If I were looking at my parents’ photo books, would I be curious about this?
The storytelling caption
As a personal historian, you might guess that these are my favorite types of captions, and you’d be right. Rather than get intimidated by the idea of telling a story, consider these ideas:
Choose one photo or series of photos from each month of your family yearbook to elaborate on. If your son’s soccer team made it to the finals and lost by one goal, tell us about it in a sentence or two (include the details of what happened, as well as how he was feeling—proud? disappointed?). If you have a cluster of pictures of family members lounging around the house, talk about it—believe it or not, looking back on everyday moments such as this can feel even more special years from now!
Another option: Have each family member write a few sentences about their favorite memories from the year. It can be off-the-cuff and more emotional (certainly there were plenty of emotions during the early parts of quarantining in 2019, for example); or you can let each person choose one or two photos to spark stories. You might scan their handwritten notes to include as caption-like images, or type out their responses for more traditional captions.
Keep a running list in the Notes app on your phone of memorable quotes from your kids and others throughout the year. You can then incorporate these into your family photo book near appropriate images—voila, ready-made captions that preserve your family voices.
If you want to go even deeper with your storytelling, download my free guide, “How to Use Photographs as Prompts for Writing Life Stories”; and if you’d like to see an example of how you can say a LOT in just 200 words, check out the extended caption in this post.
How to keep your photo book design modern and clean, even with captions
I can think of two main reasons someone might forego including captions altogether: (1) it will be too time-consuming (to which I say: your efforts will be rewarded!); and (2) it will make my layout look too busy (to which I say: read the tips below!).
For some guidance on designing clean, clutter-free book layouts, I enlisted the help of Ontario–based graphic designer Mei Mei Wood, whose aesthetic, like ours at Modern Heirloom Books, is one of timeless elegance.
Here are her top tips for creating a photo book that looks clean and modern, even with the addition of text:
Use one classic font family that has a variety of weights and italics.
“This allows you to style typography in different ways throughout a piece of work, while staying consistent and keeping things simple,” Mei Mei says. Choosing classic typefaces—such as Baskerville or BentonSans (see examples at bottom of page)—also ensures that your book will feel timeless.
Embrace white space.
Oh, Mei Mei, you are singing my tune!! “I can't say this enough: Don't fill your pages with elements. Leave breathing room for your eyes.” Amen.
Always pare back.
“Less is more,” Mei Mei says. “One of the greatest tips I've heard: When you've written something, cut it in half. Then half that again. When you think you can't possibly cut it down any further, reduce it by half again. That's how you figure out what the message truly is.” Such editing can be challenging, though, so I recommend giving yourself a few days between writing your captions and then cutting them down—that distance will help give you perspective and allow you to recognize anything extraneous in your text. “I know this is extremely difficult with ancestry-based memory-keeping projects because the instinct is to preserve as much as possible. But it really is about revisiting work multiple times over a period of days and paring back to what’s essential,” she says.
Incorporate pull quotes.
Again, Mei Mei zeroes in on an easy design approach that pros use that most people don’t think of: “Highlight an important line or two in the layout. It's so visually impactful and can shine a light on what's important.” Pull quotes—short snippets of text that are designed in a larger type size—work well with large blocks of text or alongside a handwritten letter or journal entry.
An example of a serif font family with various weights
An example of a sans serif font family with various weights
A graphic pull quote can accompany an enlarged photo such as this, or can go alongside a block of text or handwritten letter to create visual interest and an emotional touchpoint for someone just flipping through your photo book.
Life Story Links: March 1, 2022
This week's curated roundup is again overflowing with quality pieces on telling family stories, finding family history, and preserving a meaningful legacy.
“We all read memoirs—all books, in fact—to discover pieces of ourselves on the page, to feel less alone. To comfort a stranger, rather than to flaunt oneself: this is the memoirist’s highest hope.”
—Sara Mansfield Taber
Vintage photograph of women playing cards and drinking Coca Cola in 1941 by Arthur Siegel. Courtesy of the Library of Congress Prints and Photographs Division Digital Collection (transferred from the United States Office of War Information, Overseas Picture Division, Washington).
Finding Family History Stories
TRACING HER FAMILY’S TRUTH
To tackle the narrative gaps in her family history, Daniella Weiss Ashkenazy, author of Playing Detective with Family Lore, “had to switch hats—from a daughter and granddaughter taking a nostalgic and often amusing trip down memory lane, to a journalist seeking a more complex truth.”
WHY IT’S WORTH SAVING
“This book made me feel, for the first time, a real connection to her side of our family,” Barry Rueger writes. “Because I was able to understand my grandmother as a living, breathing person, I was able to understand where I came from, and why I am the person I am today.”
ARTIFACTS REVEAL A PERSONAL HISTORY
While preparing a house in Arkansas for restoration, a husband and wife team discovered a scrapbook brimming with stories, including an unexpected WWII romance—and what they shared about it went viral on TikTok.
WALKING IN HIS FOOTSTEPS
After developing an interest in genealogy, attorney Todd Wachtel learned that his great-grandfather practiced the same type of law he has been practicing for more than two decades. Coincidence?
WHAT’S IN THE BOX?
A discovery of Holocaust-era photos—picked up for five dollars by a student in 1989 and rediscovered during a burst of pandemic cleaning—helps a Jewish family connect with its past:
Connecting Through Narrative
MAP AND CONNECT
“Disabled forbears often remain in the shadows, viewed with shame, not pride. Without ancestry, family history or lineage. Inconceivable.” Jennifer Natalya Fink on giving context—and lineage—to our disabled ancestors.
MORE STORIES WE TELL
“This idea of a dialogue between the past and the present was hugely important. I think that only happens with the difficult stories.” Sarah Polley on her first book, a collection of essays not intended as a memoir, but one that will likely be received as one.
THE ANALOG ANSWER TO DIGITAL DESPAIR
“How can our kids, the next generation of our families, make meaning in their lives? We can show them the way, but do we even know how in our modern, digital world?” Jill Sarkozi, founder of Safekeeping Stories in Westchester, New York, on the benefits of journaling and letter-writing.
MEMOIR AS MIRROR
“I became the detective of my own life,” Sherry Turkle writes in this piece about how writing a memoir helped her see her mother in a new light. If after reading this you are intrigued and wish to hear more of Turkle’s story, listen to this episode of the Family Secrets podcast:
Making History Personal
PERSONAL PAGES
Diving into a rare diary: “Mary Virginia Montgomery’s written words may not be as legible as they were when she first wrote them in 1872, but they are giving William & Mary students insight into what her life was like in the days after her emancipation.”
NEW WAYS OF EVALUATING OLD TRUTHS
“I’ve often wondered how we might all actively seek out information about the people and stories that have already been scrubbed from official records,” Hannah Giorgis writes in this piece designating eight recent books that reevaluate American history.
BURIED TREASURE
“These were the things that were most important to them, their money and these images”—photographs that were long buried under the sea and are now being published.
First Person Writing You’ll Love
COMING HOME
“To walk the streets was to see some version of my younger self at every corner. It was to be haunted by this younger self’s discordant admixture of naïveté, sadness, and hope.” Meghan Daum on returning to Los Angeles after a temporary-feeling yet longish stint in New York City.
DRAFTS OF A PREVIOUS SELF
“[While] occasionally, when moving house or city, I’ve thrown away some of these letters, lest they are found and embarrass me, I continue to write them, basking in their private glories, born of the need to express myself but not always be heard.” Anandi Mishra on the pleasures of handwriting letters you’ll never send.
...and a Few More Links
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