Friendly reminder: Your personal story is part of a broader family history

This is a three-part series about choices I wish my clients hadn’t made during their personal history book projects. (For what it’s worth: in my first draft of this post, I referred to “mistakes” I wish my clients hadn’t made—and then I remembered, memoir is, by definition, a personal accounting of one’s life, and far be it for me to dictate a writer’s personal preferences.) That said, clients come to me not only for help finishing the projects they envision, but for my expertise in elevating their projects to be the best they can be. So, I thought sharing a few of these differences of opinion might be instructive for those waffling over similar decisions.

CHALLENGE 1: SHOULD I INCLUDE “THE HARD STUFF” FROM MY LIFE IN MY MEMOIR?

CHALLENGE 2: SHOULD I INCLUDE A FAMILY TREE IN MY LIFE STORY?

CHALLENGE 3: SHOULD I INCLUDE CAPTIONS IN MY MEMORIAL TRIBUTE BOOK?

Why include a family tree in a book focusing on just your stories? Well, because it will give your descendants an easy way to map the supporting “characters” in your stories—and because your personal history is one piece of a broader family history, too.

“We don’t need a family tree—it’s my story, and mine alone.”

I work on all types of legacy books with my clients—from heavily-researched family histories spanning multiple generations to short autobiographical sketches of just one person, from tribute books memorializing a loved one who has passed away to heritage cookbooks. One thing remains constant in all of these projects, though, and that’s how I view each of them as an heirloom to be passed on.

Recently I finished up a memoir with a client—let’s call him Tom. He came to me with some memories jotted down in a notebook and a vague idea of how he wanted to write about his life. I coached Tom over a two-year period, and when his final manuscript was being copyedited, he decided he wanted to print books for his family members. So our journey of photo gathering and book design began.

Tom’s stories spanned his school years to his days as a grandfather, and his many cousins played supporting roles throughout his book. He told vibrant and funny stories about his own grandfather, who lived next door to him when he was a child, and affectionate tales about his maternal uncle, in whose footsteps Tom followed in becoming a teacher.

So when I suggested we create a family tree to serve as a graphic cheat sheet for his readers, I was surprised when Tom said no. It wasn’t a matter of cost, and at first I couldn’t get to the bottom of why my client was so vehemently opposed to charting his family in this way.

Eventually Tom shared that he always felt overshadowed by his older sibling, and he wanted this book to be his, and his alone. He was already the star—it was his memoir, after all. I tried reassuring him that he would be at the root of the family tree, and that we’d be using it to show all those people who were related to him. But he held fast, and I got it.

Tom’s memoir is a wonderfully crafted narrative, a quilt of memories that are woven together to shed light on how his experiences shaped the person he became. He gained insights from writing about his life, he told me, and was grateful to have taken the time to find new perspective on some of his decisions.

The irony, to me, is that he printed enough copies to distribute to his children, his grandchildren, and his cousins, and that they will in turn pass them on to their own descendants—making Tom’s personal history one piece of a broader family history. Who knows, maybe one day one of them will piece together a family tree that will make following the family history (and, dare I say it, Tom’s memoir) easier to follow.

What to cut from your memoir—when an editor and writer disagree

This is a three-part series about choices I wish my clients hadn’t made during their personal history book projects. (For what it’s worth: in my first draft of this post, I referred to “mistakes” I wish my clients hadn’t made—and then I remembered, memoir is, by definition, a personal accounting of one’s life, and far be it for me to dictate a writer’s personal preferences.) That said, clients come to me not only for help finishing the projects they envision, but for my expertise in elevating their projects to be the best they can be. So, I thought sharing a few of these differences of opinion might be instructive for those waffling over similar decisions.

Challenge 1: Should I include “the hard stuff” from my life in my memoir?

Challenge 2: Should I include a family tree in my life story?

Challenge 3: Should I include captions in my memorial tribute book?

Always remember that what ultimately makes it into print in your memoir is 100-percent YOUR decision—so while I (and other personal historians or editors) may encourage you not to skip over your challenges, you are the one who gets to make that call.

“Let’s cut all ‘the hard stuff.’”

I conducted a series of in-depth, thoughtful interviews in which my client—let’s call him John—allowed himself to be vulnerable. He was a vivid storyteller and was comfortable going deep, talking about personal failures in addition to successes. He told of paths not taken that he now regretted; of teenage exploits that were, shall we say, less than innocent; and of a red-hot temper that caused him some problems in his twenties. Through our probing conversations, John spoke of lessons learned through his experiences, and of newfound meaning he was able to make from revisiting his earlier years. “This has been a profoundly rewarding experience,” John told me.

Then, when it came time to review the final manuscript of his life story, he made a decision I did not agree with: He wanted to cut all “the hard stuff” from his book. 

Let me say that we had taken great pains to write these stories in a way that made them both compelling and, if not exactly didactic, at least revelatory. We wove in lessons learned, and nuggets of “John’s wisdom” throughout. He was at first “all in,” as was his wife, who had been an early reader. And then, he wasn’t.

When I asked him why he did not want to include stories of his challenges, he said that his descendants would think less of him. There was one granddaughter in particular, then a mere toddler, who he fervently “did not want to disappoint.” Arguments from me and his wife that those were the very stories that showed his humanity, that provided lessons for the next generation, that felt universal…well, all those arguments fell on deaf ears. “I would not want to know these things about my own grandfather,” he said plainly.

Because I am here to help my clients create the books they want—to help them define their legacies in the way they see fit—of course I ultimately followed his lead. His book was overflowing with funny anecdotes and light-hearted memories from his youth, for sure. It will undoubtedly be a treasure to his grandchildren. 

But I did feel it was a lost opportunity to have passed down a book not also overflowing with wisdom; it was a Hallmark version of his life. 

I find solace in the fact that his personal history interviews, while not fully reflected in his book, did help him ascribe new meaning to his life. (As I tell many people, the time spent allowing introspection in the interview phase is as much a gift to oneself as the book will be to one’s family; Mark Yaconelli calls this “feeling the grace of one’s own life.”)

If you are ever on the fence about including tough times—anything from small failures to serious trauma—consider these words from Tristine Rainer (from her book Your Life As Story):

“Yours may be the words that relieve another’s isolation, that open a door to understanding, that influence the course of another’s path. If you write an autobiography for a great-great-grandniece not yet born, perhaps she will find it in her mother’s drawer, and she will be altered, perhaps even saved, through the wisdom you have sent her.”

And if you are ever reluctant to “go deep” in your writing, ALWAYS remember that it is your prerogative, and your prerogative alone, what to keep and what to cut. You are always your final editor.

How to create your own life writing prompts

Taking some time to intentionally create a list of writing prompts that are personalized to your own experience will save you time (and headaches!) later.

Every writer starts with a blank page. Some are just more intimidated by that sea of paper white (or the blinking cursor on your computer screen) than others. Perhaps the best writing advice, proffered so often I am not sure who to attribute it to, is to simply start—even if that means dragging your pen across the page in squiggles until a word forms in your head.

But good writing prompts are a prescription for blank-page anxiety.

There are plenty of places to find good writing prompts, from writing groups (a great place to find supportive community around your writing) to craft books (this workbook from Beth Kephart is one of my faves), from email subscriptions (I offer a full-year of prompts called Write Your Life) to blog posts (here is an example from Jericho Writers, and here is an old reliable on my blog).

You can create your own memory prompts, too. It’s easy, as long as you set aside some time to be thoughtful and jot them down.

5 steps to drafting your own library of life writing prompts

1. Brainstorm

   Ever since my seventh grade English class where I learned about brainstorming, it’s been the most powerful tool in my workplace arsenal. (I say “workplace,” but truly, brainstorming has been helpful in every area of my life—and I swear I learned not just to write in this teacher’s class, but to really think—so thanks, Mr. Lorusso!). Grab a piece of paper or open up a blank document on your computer, set a timer for five minutes, and write down every single thing you think may be fodder for future writing about your life. Do not edit yourself, and try to write continually—no pauses. This is not the time for filtering yourself. Be creative, get sloppy, and surprise yourself.

2. Wait a week.


   Trust me, the emotional and cognitive distance will be helpful.

3. It’s time to curate.

   Give your brainstorming document a read. Do you spot any themes? Any nuggets that surprise or delight you in their specificity or their mere presence? Your goal is to extract phrases and themes that will prompt writing down the road. Create a list of bullet points, and if possible, nest them under subheadings designating various themes. These don’t need to be overly fleshed out, just specific enough for them to spark YOUR memory and get you thinking.

4. Assess the writing prompts that you generated.

   Did you fill a page or more with ideas for future writing? If so, I recommend you break them down into priorities, and create a basic plan for tackling them. (Another fun option that works for people who like things a little more loosy-goosy, like me: Skip this step and simply keep your curated list of prompts on hand—then, when you sit down to write, you can begin writing in response to whichever one stirs your memories at the moment!)
   
   If the results of your brainstorming session were less than impressive, you may want to give it a go another time after taking a walk in nature (it really helps!). Or tap into these other ways to generate life writing prompts for yourself:

• Go through your family photo archive to select pictures that jog your memories. Here’s some advice on how to best use those family photos as writing prompts.

• Perhaps you need more structure than a freewheeling brainstorm session provides: Try this life timeline exercise to come up with memory prompts.

• And if you prefer simple, straightforward questions to respond to in your writing, check out this free guide with essential family history questions. There are enough questions to keep you busy for a long time!

Why I turned down an offer to publish a memory prompts journal

The memory prompt journal my mother left me had more blank pages than memories. While I cherish the few pages with her handwriting and thoughts, I long for more. This entry ends with a comma—an unfulfilled promise of more to come…

A couple of years ago I was approached by a mainstream publisher to discuss authoring a journal filled with guided memory prompts for a grandparent. You know the type of book I’m talking about, right? Often beautifully printed, and stocked in the gift section at major bookstores and card shops, these types of books make for amazing impulse purchases—what better gift than the gift of telling someone you care about them enough to want to hear (and preserve!) their stories, after all?

I got fairly far in the contract process before I decided not to pursue the offer. It would have made me some money, yes. And it would have helped brand me as an expert in the memory-keeping landscape, for sure. Some of my colleagues were impressed, and my family was in favor of it as another way to boost my small business.

So why did I decide not to publish that journal that seemed so in line with my mission and values as a personal historian? Well, because I don’t fundamentally believe that they work.

Over the years I have had numerous potential clients approach me about capturing their stories in a book only after they failed to do so in other ways. Some had been given a journal filled with prompts supposedly written just for them (as a grandparent, say, or as a mother)—but they did not find the questions enticing enough to want to write answers. Others had gifted such a journal to a loved one as a gift, only to realize that the recipient was not finding (or making) the time to sit down to write.

I myself was thrilled to find two such journals on my mother’s bookshelves when I was going through her belongings after her death. I put them aside with an overwhelming sense of gratitude and anticipation—only to feel utter disappointment to find she had scrawled a few sentences in each, but nothing more. The blank pages mocked my early excitement, and I felt cheated.

Why do these books not work? In my opinion, they are filled with good intentions but they don’t always inspire action.

Often, good intentions aren’t enough. The recipient needs to be intentional about setting aside time to write, and too often, we think, I’ll get to it later. Usually, later never comes.

It can feel intimidating to write in a book that looks so precious. Of course we want a journal we are gifting to a loved one to be beautiful; I have seen gorgeously crafted journals with gold embossing on the cover and cute flourishes on the corners of each page. But the more precious they seem, the more scary it can feel to tarnish those pretty pages with our scratchy handwriting (and what if, God forbid, we need to cross something out?!). I speak from experience when I admit to having a few artisan-crafted, leather-covered blank journals in my closet that have, well, remained blank…while the cheaper notebooks I bought at a big-box store are overflowing with my writing.

Many questions simply don’t resonate. While these professionally edited and published memory prompt journals are indeed written by people who consider what questions should resonate, there is simply no one-size-fits-all memoir-in-a-box. A current client of mine whose granddaughter had gifted her a popular prompt-a-week email service told me she hasn’t answered a question in three months: “Honestly, sometimes they’re just silly. ‘How do you relax or unwind?’ Really? I’m 95. This is not what I want to be writing about,” she said. Among the skipped-over questions in my mother’s fairly blank journal were:

• “What scent or sound immediately takes you back to childhood.”

• “Tell me about your most memorable trip by plane, train, or ship.”

• “What summer games and activities did your family enjoy?”

These questions get my memories stirring, for sure—they are not inherently bad questions. Perhaps they simply didn’t resonate for my mom on the days she sat down to write, or perhaps she just never found the time to “keep at it.” Maybe she needed a listener—someone to receive her stories, to ask follow-up questions, to hold sacred space for her to share. All of these are valid reasons I have heard from clients who abandoned their memory journals despite their best early intentions.

What do I suggest instead of a memory-prompt journal?

How to write…

To ensure that your intentions to preserve your stories turn into a series of actions that DO preserve your stories, consider finding an accountability partner. That could amount to a friend or family member with whom you commit to write about your lives—perhaps you sit down together once a week to write, then share your stories out loud (hello, deepening connections!). Or you might find accountability in working with a memoir coach or personal historian who you pay to keep you on track—there are plenty of advantages to this arrangement beyond accountability. If you’d like to see how we could work together, please reach out.

Where to write…

I recommend buying an inexpensive blank journal to record your memories. If you’d like to pass on something that feels more substantial or beautiful, you can always edit your stories and add photos later, hiring a designer to polish and print everything or going the DIY route and making a scrapbook that showcases what you’ve written. This way you never have to feel guilty about skipping one or more pages, and you can cross out and rewrite to your heart’s content (no one writes a perfect sentence the first time, I assure you!!). If you prefer, you can also just open a new document on your computer and start typing (just remember to back it up occasionally so you don’t lose your writing!)

What to write about…

To ensure that you find questions that you want to respond to—that spark your memories and inspire your writing—look for open-ended questions (you can find a year’s worth of them in my Write Your Life annual subscription, for example, or discover evocative, literary prompts in Beth Kephart’s memoir writing workbook, which I reviewed here). Want to make your life as easy as possible when it comes to writing about your life? Use the same two-word prompt every day—I promise you’ll be surprised at what comes up for you!

Don’t get me wrong, if you have bought or are thinking about buying a memory prompt journal as a gift, you’re my kind of person! I just think there are better (more effective, more foolproof) ways to encourage story sharing. How about you?

“Which life writing book is best for me?”

From the many, many craft books on my bookshelves, these are the five I consider essential for anyone endeavoring to write about their life.

If there’s a book out there about how to write memoir, autobiography, personal essays, or narrative nonfiction, I’ve probably read it. There are plenty that may be worth a read, but there are only a handful that I would consider essential for every life writer’s bookshelf.

Here I aim to classify my top five life-writing titles by who each one is best for. Click if you are…

• a journalist or student aiming to up your personal essay game

• an aspiring memoir writer

• anyone hungry for personal narrative guidance, including writers of every level

• a newbie life writer

• anyone who wants to make sure their story is told the way they want 

And before we get to the heart of things below, I’ve written elsewhere about some books that are great choices for other scenarios, too; find those recommendations by clicking if…

• you want to write fiction informed by your own life experience

• you want to write an ethical will (also known as a legacy letter)

• you seek compelling reasons to move forward with your memoir writing in the face of criticism, doubt, or struggle

“To Show and To Tell: The Craft of Literary Nonfiction” by Phillip Lopate

Best for:

Journalists and students aiming to up their personal essay game

in brief:

While the book jacket touts this title as a “nuts-and-bolts guide to writing literary nonfiction,” I would argue that it is more a collection of insightful lessons from this expert’s vast experience rather than a how-to guide. Widely regarded as one of the best personal essayists around, Phillip Lopate has here collected his ruminations and conclusions about the genre of personal narrative as a whole. If you’re in the mood for a well-informed, sometimes cheeky, always smart exploration of writing literary nonfiction, then this book’s for you. It’s an apt choice for anyone wanting to finesse their writing skills, to hone their craft, and to luxuriate in the history of the genre; if you’re in search of a book with more direct guidance, I recommend one of the last two entries on this list instead. [To Show and To Tell: The Craft of Literary Nonfiction, Free Press, 2013]

Author’s credentials: 

Phillip Lopate directs the graduate nonfiction program at Columbia University. Among the 12 books he has written, three of them are personal essay collections.

“Handling the Truth: On the Writing of Memoir” by Beth Kephart

Best for:

Aspiring memoir writers

in brief:

“Teaching memoir is teaching vulnerability is teaching voice is teaching self,” Beth Kephart writes, a fair summation of her approach to teaching, in the classroom and in print. As I have written in a previous review, here the author “spends a good portion of the book on what she calls ‘not-yet-writing-memoir work’—preparatory ideas, tapping memories, conjuring beauty, exploring diversions, finding your story,” but she also delves into the nitty-gritty of getting words down on paper, of editing and honing and creating art from experience. Handling the Truth is a must-read for anyone at any stage in the memoir writing process. [Handling the Truth: On the Writing of Memoir, Gotham Books, 2013]

Author’s credentials:

Beth Kephart is the award-winning author of more than 30 books, including multiple memoirs. She is a longtime writing teacher—of creative nonfiction as a professor at the University of Pennsylvania, and as co-founder of Juncture Workshops.

Bonus:

If you relate more to the word “aspiring” than “memoirist,” you may want to check out Kephart’s companion workbook, Tell the Truth. Make It Matter (CreateSpace, 2017), in which prompts and exercises put you on the path to remembering and meaning-making.

“Your Life as Story” by Tristine Rainer

Best for:

Anyone hungry for personal narrative guidance, including writers of every level

in brief:

When I first encountered this book years ago, it was a loaner from my local library. By its due date it had amassed a ridiculous number of yellow sticky notes hanging off the pages, each marking a passage I felt was revelatory or essential. Needless to say, I bought my own copy soon thereafter.

First published in 1997, this book’s subtitle and grounding premise—“discovering the ‘new autobiography’”—might seem off-putting. By now, I hope that we no longer need to define and justify memoir’s raison d’être, nor the assumption that it is “available to everyone.” That said, get past any reservations you may have about the book being dated, because it is chock-full of concrete writing advice, real inspiration, and helpful exercises. Rainer herself encourages readers to jump around, to use the table of contents and index to navigate the book to find what they are needing at that moment in their writing journey. As she says, “The purpose of this book is to give you the tools to see story in your life, and then, if you choose, to give it shape in writing so it can be shared.” So grab your highlighter and a blank journal and dig in! [Your Life as Story: Discovering the ‘New Autobiography’ and Writing Memoir as Literature, Tarcher/Putnam, 1998]

Author’s credentials:

Tristine Rainer’s first book, The New Diary, was written in 1977 and is still the bestselling book on journal writing, according to Amazon. She has taught writing at the university level for decades, and was a founder of the Center for Autobiographic Studies.

“Writing About Your Life: A Journey Into the Past” by William Zinsser

Best for:

Newbie life writers and family historians

in brief:

“My purpose in this book is to give you the permission and the tools” to write about your life, Zinsser puts forth in the introduction. His conversational, warm writing style is accessible and supportive. Readers learn about his writing choices—decisions he made about tone, language, structure, and all those fundamental elements of craft—as he takes them along on a wonderfully enjoyable ride of personal storytelling and instruction. He calls this a “double journey into memoir—yours and mine.” In addition to concrete tips for how to write your life story, Zinsser delivers hefty doses of confidence bolstering and inspiration by example. [Writing About Your Life: A Journey Into the Past, Marlowe, 2004]

Author’s credentials:

William Zinsser was a writer, editor, and teacher. His enduring classic, On Writing Well, grew out of a course he taught at Yale. Some of his other books include Inventing the Truth: The Art and Craft of Memoir and Extraordinary Lives: The Art and Craft of American Biography.

“Yours Truly: An Obituary Writer’s Guide to Telling Your Story” by James R. Hagerty

Best for:

Anyone who wants to make sure their story is told the way they want 

in brief:

“When is the best time to get started? Before it’s too late. How about right now?” James Hagerty proffers in the introduction to this book. It’s advice I give often, as well, and the best part about his book Yours Truly is that he equips you with lots of straightforward writing advice and carefully selected first-person pieces as examples so you can hit the ground running. You may be surprised that a book with “obituary” in the subtitle is infused with humor, but make no mistake, this is a book about honoring life in all its weird and wonderful glory—not only a great read, but a model to write your own. [Yours Truly: An Obituary Writer’s Guide to Telling Your Story, Citadel Press, 2022]

Author’s credentials:

James R. Hagerty worked for more than four decades as a reporter and bureau chief at the Wall Street Journal and was for some time the paper’s only full-time obituary writer.

bonus

Check out this earlier post for a deeper dive, with five life writing (and life) lessons derived from Hagerty’s book.

How to write a loving tribute to your spouse or partner

Whether you want to write a personal love letter for Valentine’s Day or an extended tribute to your spouse for a milestone anniversary, the writing prompts below will give you ideas for sharing your love on the page. 

Read through the list of prompts and mark the ones that resonate the most—then start there with your writing. Some of the prompts may yield long stories while others might only spark a phrase or sentence; that’s okay. Our relationships are as unique as our signatures—honor what makes yours special!

One tip before you begin: Don’t put pressure on yourself to sound like anything other than you. Think of your writing as an extended letter to the one you love and let your voice come through.

14 thematic memory prompts to help write about your love

1. THE SETUP

   How, when, and where did you meet? Tell the story of your first meeting, your courtship, and your favorite memories from the early days of your relationship.

2. CUTE QUIRKS

   Share some of your partner’s quirks that make them them. Does she twist her hair around her finger when deep in thought? Does he put post-it notes all over the house to remind him of mundane things? Hone in on their character traits that are unique and lovable and…specific.

3. ADVENTURES OF A LIFETIME

   Take this prompt in any direction you wish: Perhaps your biggest (ongoing?!) adventure has been parenthood—write about that. What other adventures have you been on together? Think travel destinations, new skills you endeavored to learn together, and passions you’ve developed over the years.

4. SAYINGS & PET NAMES

   Do you have a special way of saying “I love you”? What about terms of endearment for one another? If there’s a fun story here, then of course tell it; otherwise simply weave your sayings and pet names throughout your writing.

5. HEARTH & HOME

   How do you define home? Is it a more ephemeral notion of being together, or have you built spaces to live that embody your family philosophy? Describe the first place you lived together, the most challenging place you called home, and the home where you find yourselves now.

6. LOVING LIST

   This one’s fun and invites creativity and playfulness: Write a list of “50 Things I Love About You” that includes everything you can think of, from seemingly obvious-yet-true things such as the color of their hair or the feel of them in bed beside you to more personal-and-unexpected things like “the way you set out a mug and a Splenda packet for me when you make coffee in the morning,” “the way you croon country music in the car,” or “the fact that you’re still trying to convert me to someone who will be on time.” The more specific here, the better!

7. MISHAPS & MISDEMEANORS

   Write about “that time” you made a wrong turn and ended up weekending in a different town than you expected, or accidentally missing a birthday—little things that may have gone wrong that you weathered together (and maybe even ended up enjoying).

8. INSIDE JOKES

   Do you and your partner glance across a crowded room and know exactly what the other is thinking? Are there inside jokes that you’ve shared for years? Write about your secret language of laughter and, well, just knowing what the other may need.

9. ROLE REVERSAL

   How are you two different? Write about how you at times complement one another and at other times clash. Try to find the humor or the life lessons in your differences. Find the stories and also some underlying wisdom.

10. OFFER GRATITUDE

    What are you most thankful for in your relationship? Think about your partner’s qualities that you appreciate, but also ways you mesh and make your way through the world together. Like with each of these memory prompts, try to hone in on some specific details or moments that come to mind when you think about gratitude.

11. GOING DEEP

    Aim to write the most epic love letter, including thoughtful reflections such as:

    • times you missed your partner or wished they were near

    • ways your spouse has changed you or impacted your outlook on life

    • why you consider your partnership a successful one

    • your favorite romantic gestures from your years together

    • how you have manifested being there for one another “through good times and bad, through sickness and health.”

12. FROM THE ARCHIVE

    Did you save early handwritten letters your partner sent you? How about everyday notes or even emails? Unearth these and consider including one or quotes from a few in your tribute.

13. BONUS REVEAL

    You’ve been writing about your beloved all this time, but remember that sometimes the real gift is sharing a bit of YOURSELF. Consider telling them something they may not know about you yet. It could be a silly anecdote from your childhood or a deep-seated fear you’ve held for decades. No matter what you decide to share, allow yourself to be vulnerable.

14. BUCKET LIST

    Perhaps you’ve been married for 25 years and you’re celebrating a host of favorite memories in this book. For this prompt, turn your attention to the memories you’d yet like to make. What’s still on your to-do list? What dreams do you hold for your future together?

Remember that your efforts to create something meaningful for the person you love is gift enough—this really is one occasion where “it’s the thought that counts.” So have fun with this, be thoughtful as you write, and you’re sure to craft a gift that your partner will cherish!

And if you need help packaging your extended love letter into an heirloom book, please reach out to see how we can work together.

All your Write Your Life questions answered

Are you wondering if our 52 weeks of memory prompts are the right choice to help you or a family member write about your life at last? Read on for answers to all your questions.

Recently I announced the launch of an annual email subscription of memory and writing prompts called Write Your Life. I have been humbled by your interest, and have learned a lot from the questions people have been asking me via email and Instagram DM. As a result, I have created a FAQ page all about Write Your Life, and have expanded that here to include two more questions I received just yesterday. 

If you’ve still got questions, please leave them in the comments and I will respond asap!

Frequently asked questions about the Write Your Life annual subscription

Are the writing prompts in Write Your Life difficult?

No! The prompts in this subscription are carefully curated so they spark memories in a fun way. They are open-ended, which means that every person can interpret them in their own unique fashion; it also means that one prompt might spark so many memories that it inspires multiple stories over many days of writing. We have included tips from writing experts to make the process as smooth as possible for you, but we encourage you to write the way you talk. It’s all about capturing your memories, not writing a bestseller.

How much does Write Your Life cost?

A one year subscription (52 weeks of curated prompts) costs $132, with an introductory rate of just $99 through the end of 2023. Subscribe to our newsletter to be alerted to occasional discount codes or sales.

Do I do my writing online/via email?

No, to keep things as simple and straightforward as possible, YOU choose how you record your stories. There is no app or other software needed for Write Your Life.

Many people handwrite their stories. We recommend a journal dedicated just for this purpose or a loose-leaf binder where you can arrange things to your liking and easily edit. 

Other people type their stories on a computer (our fingers can usually work a keyboard faster than we can write). In this case, I recommend creating one document that you update each time you write (don’t forget to back it up to the cloud or to an external hard drive so you don’t lose your precious memories!).

And for some, who don’t prefer to write at all, speaking their stories into a voice recorder (such as the one on most smart phones) is the most convenient option; those digital recordings can be easily shared with loved ones via email, and transcribed with AI software so you ultimately have a written version of your memories, too.

How long will the writing take each week?

As little or as long as you like. Participants may choose to write brief answers that aim to succinctly share your memories, in which case you may spend as little as 45 minutes on a single prompt and create something of value. Or you may wish to luxuriate in the process, spending an intentional hour on the “remembering” portion of the prompts, for example, then writing a little each day, revising and editing to create a polished family history story by the end of the week. Some questions may resonate more than others, too, so one week’s prompt may take longer to write about than another.

What if I can’t stay on schedule?

While we send you a prompt every week, we understand that life can get in the way of even the best intentions—vacations, work, family engagements, even laziness can interrupt your flow. Don’t stress. Simply print out the prompts you have missed—there’s a beautifully designed page to download in every email for this very purpose—and return to it later, when you have more time. The goal is to regularly capture your memories, not to militantly keep to an arbitrary schedule. The best time to start is now, and the best time to finish is…when you can!

Can I pause my subscription at any time?

Unfortunately, we do not currently have that capability. See above on what to do if you fall behind.

Do I have to read the free e-book that accompanies my subscription?

Of course not. You can skip the book and hit the ground running as soon as your first prompt arrives. The e-book, which is delivered two days after your subscription begins, has some helpful tips on how to prepare for your life writing journey, how to sound authentic on the page, and more. It’s 26 pages of goodness, but it’s not required reading!

What types of themes will be covered in my Write Your Life subscription?

Most themes last a few weeks, with prompts within each theme to inspire your writing. Over the course of the year, themes will include: Childhood; Food; Identity; Life Transitions; Fun & Favorites; Lessons, Values & Legacy; plus a handful of creative themes to wrap things up.

I’m buying Write Your Life now as a gift for someone else. How do I make sure the emails don’t start coming to them right away?

If you know when you would like the emails to start (the week after someone’s birthday, for example), then you can specify that date in the form when you make your purchase; their subscription will begin on the date you specify. If you are not sure, then I would recommend buying a gift certificate and letting your recipient sign up when they are ready to begin.

Will I get a printed book at the end of the year?

Unlike some other services out there, Write Your Life does not create a book from your writing. There are two key reasons for this:

• The quality of those books is not really great, and the business model those huge companies have is not sustainable for a small business such as Modern Heirloom Books. 

• I want you to focus on really getting your memories down—being thoughtful about your answers, and enjoying the journey of remembering. Your family members won’t care about the format, they’ll be thrilled that your stories were recorded at all!

I will give you ideas for creating a book or other keepsake at the end of your writing, I promise. And if you’re not the DIY type but want your stories and photos designed in an heirloom book, you might consider hiring us to design your book…but that’s not for everyone, and it’s NOT necessary!

How else does Write Your Life differ from StoryWorth and those other services?

Those services provide family history questions that are valuable and interesting, certainly (I provide FREE guides with many such questions, too). The prompts in Write Your Life are different—they are open-ended memory prompts designed to get you thinking, and to find meaning in your experiences. Each email will include specific sparks to help jog your memory, and writing tips to make the process seamless. All the guidance is based on my decades of experience as a personal historian, interviewer, writer, and editor—distilled so you can make the most of your time.

How do I subscribe?

Click here to purchase.

WHAT if I have more questions?

Pop your question in the comments field below and I will reply when I can!

A year’s worth of memory prompts to help you write your life

Have you decided you want to subscribe? Click here to purchase our annual Write Your Life email subscription for just $99!

I am thrilled to announce that my Write Your Life annual subscription is now live and available to purchase at an introductory discounted rate!

For years I have offered curated family history questions for free (and that hasn’t changed!). These free guides offer up questions that can be used to conduct family history interviews with loved ones OR as memory prompts to guide your personal writing. If you aren’t yet familiar, I am referring to:

• 56 Essential Family History Questions

• 55 Questions to Spark Thanksgiving Story Sharing

• 75 Questions to Spark Christmas Story Sharing

• 38 Food-Themed Family History Questions

I’ve also got a unique guide designed especially to empower kids to interview their grandparents, one of my favorite resources to date, for just $5.

These free (and almost-free 😉) resources offer a wealth of ideas for anyone interested in preserving their stories—so why would I create something new and expect people to pay for it? While I am committed to sharing complimentary DIY tips and ideas for legacy preservation, I wanted to provide something a little more robust: something giftable (!!), approachable yet chock-full of value, and easy yet rich with potential.

What a Write Your Life subscription offers

The Write Your Life annual subscription offers a full year of weekly emails for anyone who wants to write about their life (even if the longest thing you’ve ever written is your signature!).

There are a gazillion courses to learn the nuts and bolts of memoir writing. This is not one of them. Here the participant will dive right in—to finding their memories and writing their stories.

Every week you (or your gift recipient) will get:

• prompts to spark memories in a specific theme

• specific (enjoyable!) writing assignments

• concrete tips to improve writing and stay on track

• …and a dose of inspiration.

• PLUS, a bonus printable sheet so you can revisit your prompts any time.

The annual subscription—normally $132, but on sale now for $99—kicks off with six weeks of Childhood Memories prompts, followed by prompts for Food Memories; the third theme explores Life Transitions. From there you will move into themes including Identity; Fun & Favorites; Lessons, Values & Legacy; plus more creative themes to continue exploring your memories.

We’re talking 52 weeks of open-ended memory prompts!

How are Write Your Life prompts different from the free family history questions?

Here’s a quick rundown of how a paid annual Write Your Life subscription compares to the free family history guides on my site, so you can decide which might be right for you:

WRITE YOUR LIFE SUBSCRIPTION

✔ Subscription is tailored specifically to WRITING your memories, rather than family history interviews.

✔ Prompts are delivered weekly to your in-box, helping you maintain a regular memory-keeping practice.

✔ Prompts and questions are open-ended. (Open-ended writing prompts are both inspiring and able to be used multiple times—so if one theme really resonates for you, print your “assignment” and save it to use again!)

✔ Prompts are probing, encouraging you to go beyond surface memories to finding meaning.

✔ Each email includes a simple but relevant writing tip.

✔ Each email includes an inspirational quote on that week’s topic.

✔ Every prompt is beautifully designed as a printable page to add to your personal library.

FREE GUIDES

✔ Guide is tailored specifically to FAMILY HISTORY INTERVIEWS, rather than writing your memories.

✔ Questions are beautifully designed as a printable guide to add to your personal library.

✘ There are no weekly emails, so no accountability, and no help creating a regular memory-keeping practice.

✘ Prompts and questions are NOT open-ended.

✘ Prompts are straightforward rather than probing, encouraging fun memories but maybe not overly thoughtful responses.

✘ There are no writing tips or inspirational ideas to supplement prompts.

Why a Write Your Life subscription makes a thoughtful gift

What could be as meaningful as inviting someone you love to share their stories?! Buying a year’s worth of memory and writing prompts for a family member tells them you value their legacy. That you want to learn more about them. Hear their stories. Connect more deeply.

It’s a great gift idea for the person in your life who is challenging to buy for—but for whom you want to get something truly special.

It’s also a unique way to create something extraordinary for your loved ones—buy YOURSELF a subscription, write about your life, and share what you write with them!! (Don’t you wish someone had gifted you such a legacy?)

How to get your limited-time discounted rate

Through the end of the year I am offering the Write Your Life Annual Subscription for just $99 (regularly $129). There is no discount code needed, and no limit to how many you can buy (gift it to multiple family members, why don’t you?).

More memory-keeping gift ideas

Quick View

A Taste of the Past - Family Recipe Card Set

$30.00

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Kid Kit: Everything You Need to Interview Your Grandparents

$5.00