Memories Matter
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Life Story Links: May 14, 2019
A wealth of reading on the enduring power of family stories and the elusiveness of memories, plus recommended first-person reads and memoir writing prompts.
“Our mothers are our first homes, and that’s why we’re always trying to return to them.”
—Michele Filgate
In Honor of Mother’s Day
REMEMBRANCE OF SOUPS PAST
“Maybe, decades from now, my own kids will uncover a cookbook from long ago, turn to a yellowed page and a recipe for soup that they’ll remember from childhood,” John McMurtrie writes upon finding his mother in the pages of her favorite cookbook.
THIS BOY’S LIFE
“Even allowing for the vagaries of memory, for the various ways different people may interpret the same event, it doesn’t follow that the stories we tell from our experience are not to be trusted simply because they are personal.” Tobias Wolff on the iconic memoir he never intended to write.
MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS
In this excerpt from What My Mother and I Don’t Talk About, writer Lynn Steger Strong revisits, with a fair amount of distance and a little bit of compassion, scenes (and recurring themes) from her relationship with her mom. In the eagerly anticipated new book, 14 other writers also “take the sacred mother-child ideal down from its pedestal and inspect it, dissect it, run tests on it, muck it up a bit.”
WISH YOU WERE HERE, MOM
Mother’s Day can be challenging for those of us who have lost our moms. I find that lingering in our memories can help (and, yes, also hurt). Here, a very personal tribute I wrote in grief, and love.
Then and Now
“AND NOW, I’LL NEVER KNOW”
“[My grandfather] always had the perfect anecdote for any situation at his fingertips,” Samantha Shubert, a NYC–based personal historian writes. And yet, she never asked him about certain aspects of his past, even as he entertained the family with stories well into his eighties.
SENSE MEMORIES
In Part One of an ongoing series on Life Story Vignettes Writing Prompts, I offer five specific exercises for writing about your memories by engaging all your senses.
WHAT WE KEEP
“Knowing that their mother and grandmother had held this very same object, had felt those same edges and that same weight, was part of the experience, enhancing the memory and also adding another layer to the emotional connection,” subjects told author Bill Shapiro of their most meaningful objects.
MEMORY LANE
Accenture is using Artificial Intelligence to combat elder loneliness and preserve generations of memories in Stockholm. Listen to a few conversations captured through the project, dubbed Memory Lane, and explore why the company took on such an important challenge.
Picture This
SECOND TIME’S THE CHARM
About 10 years ago video biographer Stefani Elkort Twyford, owner of Legacy Multimedia in Houston, scanned her parents’ large photo collection. Now she is taking on a re-do of the project, using her accumulated knowledge about genealogy and digital preservation to get it right—and is discovering some nice surprises along the way.
A PAST NOT OUR OWN
In “How Eudora Welty’s Photography Captured My Grandmother’s History,” Natasha Trethewey finds context and inspiration. “Welty’s photographs were, for me, a resource, a way to see a time and place I’d only encountered in history books and my grandmother’s stories.”
ONE PHOTOGRAPH
History of Memory, a brand collaboration with HP and a winner at the 2019 Tribeca Film Festival’s X Awards, is a series of short episodes that hone in on the power of photographs to move people—and even change lives. See a preview here:
Holocaust Remembrance
SURVIVOR STORIES EVER-RELEVANT
“As survivors become endangered, and their flames extinguish, they rely on the next generation to not only light new candles, but to bear witness—both for the dead and the living.”
“GATHERING THE FRAGMENTS”
"It's a small testimony to what happened, another drop in this sea of testimony. It doesn't uncover anything new. The facts are known. What happened happened, and this is another small proof of it." As the number of Holocaust survivors dwindles, Israel preserves their memories.
Recommended First-Person Reads
SELECTIVE MEMORY
“How can I blame them for choosing to forget in order to survive? And how can I not think about what may happen as a result—future generations, grasping in the dark for their own histories?” Victoria Huynh seeks the stories of her refugee family.
A MOST PERSONAL PERSONAL HISTORY
“Helping my aunt write her memoir, I realized that her story was my story, also,” Massachusetts–based personal historian Nancy West writes. “We are related by blood and DNA and history, and as she told me about her forebears, I saw my own backstory filling in with details I’d never known.”
BRIEF YET MIGHTY
Two distinctly divine pieces from the latest issue of Brevity that illustrate the power of concise, vivid writing from life: “A Legacy of Falling,” by Jenny Apostol, and “My One, My Only,” by Michaella A. Thornton.
...and a Few More Links
All the Way: Joe Namath memoir “as exciting as it is personal”
The StoryCorps podcast is back next week with a new season of stories.
Adam Gopnik on the new biography of Theodor Geisel, Becoming Dr. Seuss
In China, a podcast inspired by ‘This American Life’ showcases stories of everyday life.
Short Takes
Writing prompts for life story vignettes: Using the senses
In Part One of our Life Story Vignettes Writing Prompts series, we offer five specific exercises for writing about your memories by engaging all your senses.
When the daunting task of writing a major autobiographical work is broken into chunks, the writing becomes easier to manage. Guided prompts help rediscover lost memories.
In a previous post I introduced the concept of vignettes, and discussed why I think they are an ideal starting point for any life story writer. Today I would like to dive a little deeper and offer you specific writing exercises to help you get started.
Some general guidance for writing vignettes
I recommend keeping a list of ideas in a notebook: Jot down memories that come to you unbidden, people you would like to recall, moments from your life you would like to revisit. Write phrases and visuals that may jog your memory later—Poppy’s red Cadillac, fishing at Johnny’s lake, the first time I wore red lipstick.
Be specific. Be sensual (the smell of the fish, if that comes to you; the tacky feel of the lipstick, perhaps).
And when you need a little inspiration beyond your list of memories, try using one of the following prompts designed to get the memories—and your words—flowing.
sensory prompt 1: allure of a stranger
Go somewhere you can people watch: the mall, a park, the library. Sit in silence and watch. What do you see? Does someone catch your attention? Think: What is it about this person that ...
... seems familiar?
... scares you?
... moves you?
... feels trustworthy?
Imagine yourself sitting down comfortably with this individual over coffee. You can ask one question which leads them to share a story from their past—but you must answer the same question for them.
Write: Imagine yourself speaking directly to this individual, sharing your story and perhaps your reason for sharing and how it makes you feel (is it something you have never told anyone before? that scares you? that makes you proud? joyful?).
sensory prompt 2: power of music
Listen to your favorite album or song. Immerse yourself in it, avoiding other distracting activities while listening.
Write: Where does the music take you? Are you transported to a different time or place? Describe the scene, how you feel. How do different songs connect to different parts of your life?
sensory prompt 3: a room with you
Think of a room where you spent a lot of time as a child, a teenager, or even recently as an adult. Nothing monumental need have happened here; it is simply a place you have stayed, often. Think about the room: What do you see? Smell? Feel? Is there an object you touch? Is there someone with you—or in the next room?
Write: Describe this place in as much vivid detail as you can. Be specific, using all of your senses. Continue to explore who you were while in this place: Why were you there? Did you want to be there or someplace else? How did you feel? Would you return there if you could?
If you have chosen the right location, your writing will develop from external setting to a sense of internal place.
sensory prompt 4: show & tale
Choose an object from your life and write about it. Of course, what you choose will determine the course of your storytelling.
Think inside the box:
a piece of jewelry
something from your kitchen
a talisman/lucky charm
a trophy
your camera
a handwritten recipe
…and outside the box:
a tattoo
your curly hair
an old car
a tree from your childhood yard
Write: Imagine yourself touching the object, and describe that sensory experience. Tell the story of your object, weaving yourself into the story and finding the meaning and significance of the role this object has played in your life or a loved one’s life.
sensory prompt 5: taste of the past
Think of a time when someone you loved cooked for you. Perhaps it was a holiday gathering, or more likely it was an ordinary day—cookies during after-school homework, say, or breakfast before a family road trip. Close your eyes and try to conjure the smells and tastes of the food, and use them as a gateway into your memories.
Write: Start not with the food, but with your loved one, and describe the scene: the cooking, the discussion, the background noise and plans for the day. What was your loved one wearing? How did they make you feel? Were you aware that the act of cooking for you was an act of love? Have you made this food for someone?
Your FREE Writing Prompts Guide
Get all our life story vignette writing prompts in one handy, printable guide (and yes, it’s free!).
Read more vignette writing tips
This is the first in a four-part series on how to begin writing your life stories with short, evocative vignettes.
Explore the other posts in this series:
PART 2: Writing Prompts for Life Story Vignettes: Self Interview
PART 3: Writing Prompts for Life Story Vignettes: 300 Words in 30 Minutes
And if you}re interested in beginning a larger life story project to preserve your stories for the next generation, start here: How to Plan a Life Story Book in 3 Simple Steps.
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Life Story Links: April 30, 2019
Ways in which the past is ever-present, artifacts made accessible, writing from our lives, the power of personal narrative in medicine, and new memoirs of note.
“No legacy is so rich as honesty.”
—William Shakespeare
Ruth Reichl as a young girl with her mother in the photograph that graced the cover of her 2009 memoir, Not Becoming My Mother: And Other Things She Taught Me Along the Way; Reichl has a new memoir, Save Me the Plums, out this month.
The Ever-Present Past
FACEBOOK’S DIGITAL MEMORIALS
Facebook is no longer just a social network; it’s also a scrapbook. “When users die, they may leave behind accounts containing over a decade of memories, and they might not have specified how they want that archive to be maintained,” Wired reports on the platform’s latest rollout of features for legacy contacts.
A WITCHY LEGACY
“I would never truly know my father or my Polish family, but I could know our homeland, its history.” How Michelle Tea found a spiritual home in her Polish heritage.
ON GRIEF, MEMORY, AND TIME
“When your beloved dies, your memory is at risk. Your past no longer fits your story of who you are,” Matthew Salesses writes. “To remember is not to time-travel; it is to alter how time feels.”
A STORYKEEPING MILESTONE
“Clinton Haby, founder of San Antonio–based StoryKeeping, celebrated a decade in business with a party filled with appreciative clients and likeminded family storytellers. “When you say ‘it’s been ten years’ I don’t believe it, but when I look at the [video] equipment I’m using and the productions I’m working on today I recognize it took a decade to get here,” Haby says. Congratulations, and cheers to the next 10 years!
Memoirs of Note
SAVE ME THE PLUMS
I was as eager to read the new memoir of everyone’s favorite foodie, Ruth Reichl, as much for the inside dish on Condé Nast (where I worked in the late nineties at the same time as Reichl) as for again encountering the author’s poignant and deliciously charming voice. (I brought Save Me the Plums along on vacation and devoured it on one trans-Atlantic flight.)
HER VERSION OF EVENTS
How do you write a memoir when you can’t remember? This conversation between ghostwriter Anna Wharton and Wendy Mitchell, subject of their jointly written memoir Somebody I Used to Know, ranges from using WhatsApp to communicate about the book to waiting for the fog of dementia to clear so their process could proceed.
AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF AN ENSLAVED MUSLIM
Omar Ibn Said was 37 years old when he was taken from his West African home and transported to Charleston, South Carolina, as a slave in the 1800s. His one-of-a-kind autobiographical manuscript has been translated from its original Arabic and housed at the Library of Congress, where it is challenging the American narrative:
Writing from Our Lives
PHOTOS AS WRITING PROMPTS
Family photos can be useful tools to jog memories and call forth stories. In a recent post I share six tips for determining which images will elicit the best family stories.
LOVED IN THE TRANSLATION
In just 15 lines Marie A. Mennuto-Rovello shows us how love and memories and setting can come alive through poetry (not all life story writing need be narrative!).
A LIFE MOSAIC
How the best life story vignettes are powerful ways to capture your past, and why writing short narrative pieces from your memories is an effective way to begin your memoir.
PROJECT PACE
When Massachusetts–based Nancy West isn't writing memoirs she is a journalist for a daily paper: “Tight deadlines and fast turnarounds are in my professional DNA,” she says. But sometimes her personal history clients need more time—so she is “learning to be patient with the process.”
BEHIND-THE-SCENES PEEK
Lisa O’Reilly says that finishing a book about her dad was her greatest accomplishment. “My whole life, he’s been the king of my world and now I can let everyone know why,” the California–based personal historian writes.“That makes it a precious gift to myself, as well as to him.”
Artifacts Made Accessible
FROM A VINTAGE VARSITY JACKET TO AN 1876 DIARY
Unless you live in Plano, Texas, knowing that the Genealogy Center at Haggard Library houses, behind lock and key, thousands of newspaper clippings, pieces of ephemera, and amazing historical and personal artifacts likely wouldn’t interest you. But I, an East Coast girl, was fascinated by the breadth of their collection, and find inspiration in the fact that this local team has, over the last 18 years, digitally preserved more than 30 thousand archives for the public to access!
DIGITAL AGE DIARY
“Being present in the moment doesn't mean I can't ever capture the moment,” Daryl Austin writes in this defense of using Instagram for “photo-journaling” his family’s daily lives. “Captions turn pictures into stories” and, he says, help you remember why a memory was worth safeguarding in the first place.
From Left Field, Perhaps?
A DOCTOR’S EDUCATION
I have written before about narrative medicine, and in this brief piece I was newly reminded of the power of personal story—of listening, of being attuned to someone—in a caregiving setting.
MAKING CONNECTIONS
When Maria Popova discovers books that her great-grandfather had annotated, “it was this sort of intellectual dance with another mind that you could see in the margins of his books,” she tells Krista Tippett on the On Being podcast. Popova’s Brain Pickings website is a treasure trove of interconnected themes and literary gems; she calls it “a record of my becoming who I am.”
...and a Few More Links
Rachel Howard names five great writer biographies.
Connecticut author publishes personal story of the Holocaust and its aftermath.
Is your smartphone already organizing your unwieldy digital photo collection?
An “intensely charming, a tinge eerie, and deliciously nostalgic” repurposing of old family photos
Prince’s memoir, due in August, will include handwritten song lyrics and portions of his own scrapbook.
Spotlight on Naperville, IL, digital preservation business Memory Keepers
Four hassle-free ways to get your Google Photos memories in order
“Surfing My DNA,” a live one-woman show in New Jersey, explores a unique family history.
Short Takes
How to use short vignettes to create a mosaic of your life
How the best life story vignettes are powerful ways to capture your past, and why writing short pieces from your memories is a smart way to begin your memoir.
While most of my clients share their stories in a series of one-on-one personal interviews (which we then transcribe and edit into a larger narrative), some have already written—or are trying to write—their memoir. It’s usually when they are stuck that they seek our help, but it’s my goal to empower everyone to be able to write their life stories for the next generation, whatever route you take.
Since one of the most debilitating fears I hear is, “How would I even begin to tell my story?!” I often advise: Start anywhere—just start small.
“What is a vignette?”
vignette (noun)
vi·gnette | \ vin-ˈyet , vēn-\
a : a short descriptive literary sketch
b : a brief incident or scene (as in a play or movie)
A vignette is a recollection of a memory or an episode from your life told evocatively. It is a snapshot of a moment.
You may describe it in your own voice, or using dialogue reconstructed as best as your memory allows, using language to recreate your sensory experience—what did you smell, how was the light, what textures might you have touched?
“Vignettes are tiny essays, story placards, postcards of injustice, single-image stories, little wisps of big ideas,” Tamara Pearson writes in Red Wedge Magazine.
The best life story vignettes transport the reader to the scene and elicit reactions—feelings.
There are two primary reasons I encourage people (non-writers, particularly) to begin with a vignette:
It is a lot less intimidating to write one scene than “the story of your life.” And any writer will tell you: Just write. The words will not begin flowing unless you start.
If you don’t have to worry about traditional story structure—beginning, middle, end; plot, conflict, resolution—the writing process becomes more straightforward.
So don’t worry about story structure and especially, don’t think about the BOOK. Simply think about your memories.
“How do I create a life mosaic from a series of vignettes?”
Assembling shorter pieces into an extended work is more than copying and pasting the vignettes together in one document. It’s more, indeed, than even thematically grouping them.
Editing the stories, finding the narrative in order to group the vignettes for impact and cohesion, revisiting and embellishing some and discarding others—all of these tasks should come on the heels of writing.
While I have referred to the resulting narrative of assembled vignettes as a mosaic, Tristine Rainer, director of the Center for Autobiographic Studies in California, calls it a quilt. “When you follow the quilt model of assembling a work, you spontaneously write and collect pieces that seem to you thematically related. As you proceed, a pattern or story begins to link the pieces. Certain areas will easily cluster, but you won’t have the whole picture until it is all in place.”
Additionally, I prefer to enhance the written words with photographs that help bring them to life—that allow readers multiple entry points to engage with the text. Imagine a coffee table book about the Civil War sitting beside a 1,000-page tome void of any pictures—which would you pick up? Even if the stories of my ancestor were highlighted in each of these books, I would undoubtedly look at the coffee table book first.
How material is presented makes it more (or less) accessible, and I take the viewpoint that you are writing these stories so they will be read (ideally, often). So let’s invite people in! Taking the time to design a mosaic of these stories cohesively—and beautifully—ensures that they will live on. That your legacy will be recounted and woven into the fabric of your progeny’s lives.
“What if I can’t get past writing the vignettes?”
When you have written a series of vignettes from your life, you will have created a wonderful legacy for generations to come. If taking the next steps seems daunting, consider hiring us to edit, compose, and package your stories into a cohesive heirloom book.
Even if you’re not ready for that, though, remember, as Lois Daniel asserts in How to Write Your Own Life Story: “You may be able to enhance your stories by the way you arrange and connect them, but you can’t diminish them, so move ahead with confidence.”
And no matter what, share your stories with those you love—please.
Check out more in-depth posts on memoir-style vignette writing
Here is some helpful content to help you get down to the nitty-gritty of writing your life stories. Check out our writing prompts series and explore more on memoir and life story writing, starting here:
Memory & writing prompts sent weekly to your phone
Short courses for anyone who wants to write about their life—just $15 for 8 weeks of guidance & inspiration!
Get FREE Writing Prompts Guide
All our vignette writing prompts in one easy-to-read, printable guide!
6 tips for choosing the best family photos to use as writing prompts
Family photos can be useful tools to jog memories and call forth stories. We share how to determine which images will elicit the best family stories.
There are no rules for how to choose a photo that will be effective as a biographical writing prompt, but we can offer a few guidelines for the types of images that often elicit storytelling that is deeper and more meaningful than a mere identifying caption.
That’s the goal, after all: To use a photo as a starting point for your storytelling—as a jumping off point for memories, a touchstone for emotions, a lead-in to a narrative from your life.
So get out your old family photo albums or that dusty box of print photographs from the basement! Then…
Step One: Choose 10-20 pictures to start with.
Begin randomly looking at photos.
Rather than focusing on those that are frame-worthy, look for photos that elicit a strong feeling from the viewer (you, or the family member from whom you would like to capture stories).
Set aside 10-20 images that stopped you in your tracks in number two (even if you stopped to wonder about the image as opposed to reliving memories as a result of looking at it; sometimes it’s the mysteries behind a photo that draw forth particularly revelatory stories).
Now it’s time to choose a photo with which to begin your reminiscing. Whether you are using the photo as a writing prompt or as a vehicle to jump-start conversation in a personal history interview, the following suggestions will be helpful in selecting images that lead to substantial storytelling.
“Photos reveal themselves in layers,” Maureen Taylor (aka ‘The Photo Detective’) writes on her blog. “You study the clues and talk to family but every time you look at it or show it off to family you might learn something new. One thing leads to another.”
Step Two: Determine if the photo is story-worthy,
Ask yourself if the photo you are holding does any of the following six things—and if the answer to one or more of them is yes, then you’ve got yourself a winner. Set it aside and make sure it’s on hand the next time you want to delve into some family history writing!
The photo invokes an emotional response.
Do you feel a rush of excitement or a flush of scarlet creep up your face when you first spy the picture? It may make you feel anguish or sorrow, pride or exasperation, abundant joy or abiding love—the key is, it makes you feel.
If a family photo has such a visceral effect on you, this will be most fruitful for writing its story.
“Photographs are about one specific second, but they can also be about the future,” Beth Kephart writes in The Quest for Truth. “Photographs can operate as metaphor and counterweight, as tease and opposition, as the other half of a parenthesis.”
That photo that moves you is a doorway to your past that is clearly connected to your present in some way. Explore why you feel the way you do, and how this feeling fits into your life then and now. Provide context for your feelings; set the scene.
The picture tells a visual story.
Sometimes a picture itself already reveals a story: If the who, what, where, when, and why (or most of those) are apparent just from looking at the photo, then it’s likely a good candidate for embellishing upon. Of course, it’s ideal to choose images whose stories matter to you in some way.
The snapshot of this woman breastfeeding certainly tells a story about who she was as a mother—and if the mores of the time period and the town are known, and her character as well, then the storyteller can dive deep. A grown child looking at this image might use it as a jumping-off point for talking about their relationship over the years; or perhaps how their mom was part of a strong line of women before her; maybe she was only able to have one child, or 10, or only girls…
A photo is a moment in time, but on the periphery are details that help make up its narrative. What photo would have been shot just before this one? Just after? What’s in the frame? What (and notably who) is not in the frame? By starting with a picture whose story seems readily available, we can develop depth by asking such probing questions and tapping our memories for more.
Details draw your attention.
Your facial expression at the time the picture was snapped. The pattern of your grandmother’s well-worn house dress. A missing button on your dad’s shirt, or the papers falling from his briefcase. The water stain on the bedroom wallpaper. If some detail in a photo draws your eye again and again, there is more to be probed.
What does the detail begin to tell you? What beyond the frame of the photo—on that day, or a decade before or after the photo was taken—makes you focus on it? By taking the time to meditate upon all that the detail calls forth in your mind, you will reveal a greater meaning to this photo than could ever be revealed upon initial inspection.
The photo portrays part of the subject’s everyday world.
My favorite type of modern family pictures could be described as documentary family photography: people in their natural environment, doing what they do every day. (Check out talented photographer Jen Grima’s work for inspiration.) I love capturing our routine family narrative this way because the resulting photos are so evocative of time and place, and they set us in scenes that are real and personal, uniquely ours.
Many old family photos do so less consciously, perhaps, but the impact is the same. We are drawn to such pictures because they reveal what our or our ancestor’s life was like back then. So if a snapshot of your aunt holding you while she’s hanging the laundry crosses your path, use it to tell a story. If you find a picture of grandpa reading in his favorite recliner, dad trimming the hedges at your childhood home, or your baby crawling amidst the messy remnants of Christmas wrapping paper, use them all—find their stories.
The image intrigues you.
Is it a curious shot? Out of the ordinary for your family or for the time period? Is someone missing who you would have expected to be present in that scene?
If it makes you wonder, then it very well may lead to a worthwhile story. Perhaps you end up asking for relatives’ input to get to the bottom of your intrigue, or maybe in lieu of concrete answers you surmise the story behind the old photo, thereby revealing a narrative of your own in relation to the photo. Chances are, whatever your approach the resulting observations will be as alluring to the next person as the original photograph was to you.
The physical print tells its own story.
My grandmother had a tendency to hold a grudge, so it was not too surprising to find among her things photos that had an individual literally cut out of the scene (or crossed out with ballpoint pen). Now there’s a story to be revealed! The same could be said for pictures that have been torn, damaged by flood or fire, or found tucked away in a book.
Sometimes getting to the story behind the photo is as fun—and constructive—as getting to the story that resides within it.
Step 3: Start sharing your stories.
Read more about how to use old family photos as biographical writing prompts—we’re talking nitty-gritty advice, from where to begin after looking at the photo to how to capture your memories.
Download the advice in a handy printer-friendly booklet here, entitled “How to Use Photographs as Prompts for Writing Life Stories.”
Explore more intense self-reflective writing prompts in Beth Kephart’s memoir writing workbook.
Once you’ve written your first life story vignette, consider doing something special with it—we’ve got five easy ideas.
Life Story Links: April 8, 2019
Preserving traumatic histories from Holocaust and American slavery, memories both remembered and forgotten by individuals with dementia, and more memoir reads.
“There is a real power in crafting a truthful narrative—or at least as truthful as you can make it, your emotional truth.”
—Steve Lickteig
Wkkeken, Southern Weekend, August 1951. Photograph by Lisa Larson for LIFE magazine. ©Time Inc.
The Power of the Past
A TRAUMATIC LEGACY
"Because our home lives are so influential on who we become...the question isn’t whether children of [Holocaust] survivors are psychologically affected by their family’s Holocaust experiences—it’s who will be and when,” Adam Kovac writes in this perceptive piece exploring how grandchildren of survivors grapple with their own psychological wounds.
FAMILY HISTORY HIGHLIGHTS
Last week I offered up the most memorable quotes and takeaways from family history experts at RootsTech 2019, including why and how to put yourself into your family history and curating (or tossing?) family heirlooms and documents.
STUFF, AND MORE STUFF
“We used to hold on to letters, tickets and playbills to remind us of the past,” writes Peter Funt in a short NYT opinion piece entitled “Does Anyone Collect Old Emails?” It's worth a read, certainly, but it's the 407 reader comments that reveal the most insight and range of opinions on the perceived value of all that ephemera.
THE RACE TO ARCHIVE SLAVERY RECORDS
For the true history of slavery to survive and be told, the original evidence must be preserved, and protected. The Enslaved project aims to gather research about historic slavery in one searchable digital hub, due to go online in 2020; currently, "much of that information has only been in books or museums, or scattered in corners of the Internet in different languages, hidden behind broken links."
Amidst the Forgetting
GRANDMA’S DEMENTIA
"While Grandma’s brain let go of many of her memories, her heart held on to some of the dearest ones," such as the birthdays of all 20 of her grandchildren and dates with her not-yet husband. She seemed to forget, however, her disapproval of same-sex marriages (and resulting estrangement from her gay daughter).
ONE LAST TIME
“What could have been a desperately sad visit that December—one filled with the painful realization that his time was coming to an end—instead became a precious opportunity to allow my father-in-law just a few minutes to soak in the life he had when life was good,” Karen Bender of Virginia–based Leaves of Your Life writes.
MOTHER AND SON, TIME AND MEMORY
Artist, son, caregiver Tony Luciani went on a voyage of discovery with his nonagenarian mother: The photographic project that changed both of their lives, MAMMA In the Meantime, “looks at her frailty, delves into her dementia and the angst she feels about being old now. But it also speaks about life, love, endurance, and will power. It talks about the love a mother and child have in sharing moments too quickly vanishing,” Luciani says in the book, which is available for purchase.
Remembering, Writing & Recording
CRAFT AND QUESTIONS
Nicole Breit calls writers questers. "Setting out to draft a new tale, we begin an archetypal hero’s journey. What initiates the quest are questions—about the memories that haunt us, no matter how many years have passed," she writes.
A PLACE TO SHARE
A podcasting studio in Hobart, Indiana is inviting people to come record their family histories and life stories using the professional audio equipment for a nominal fee; they also have a team who can visit people off-site who might be in assisted living or unable to drive. "You can sit and listen to family stories when growing up, but this a permanent record and memento," says a founder of The River Project, as it is called.
FORGET-ME-NOT
On the latest episode of The Life Story Coach podcast, Amy Butler interviews New Zealand life story writer Christine Norton on how she expanded her company by taking on business licensees.
First Person Reads
AIR: A RADIO ANTHOLOGY
Hippocampus has released the first of its The Way Things Were series, a line of anthologies that celebrate the things we miss, the things we long for—this one all about radio. ”From first jobs in small town stations to listening to baseball games with grandpa, the 20+ essays take place across the decades in studios of all sizes, in homes, in cars, and, really, wherever the airwaves take us.” Forthcoming titles will celebrate diners, small town newspapers, and mom and pop stores.
WHAT’S IN A NAME?
“Now I love it when people ask me how to say my name right, because, hearing it said out of someone else’s mouth makes me feel real,” Rebecca Tamás writes for Granta. “Like a TV being tuned through static that finally lands on a crisp, clear image. Ah, there I am.”
...and a Few More Links
Is the Writing from the Heart memoir workshop (starting tomorrow!) right for you?
How the “genealogies in Genesis show us the impact one life can have on that of another”
A columnist on “the good ole days” and how we never know they are that when they’re happening
Nine facts about your memory you’ll want to know
Best memory journal apps for Android
Read an excerpt from Valerie Jarrett’s new memoir, Finding My Voice: My Journey to the West Wing and the Path Forward.
On the real-time thrill of reading a writer’s diary
Just released: Questions I Am Asked about the Holocaust by Auschwitz survivor Hedi Fried
Short Takes
Genealogists reveal why your stories matter
The most memorable quotes and takeaways from family history experts Amy Johnson Crow, Curt B. Witcher, Scott Fisher, and Janet Hovorka at RootsTech 2019.
I wasn’t at RootsTech 2019 last month, but I did take advantage of the free videos that were available for live streaming during the event and are accessible even now on the RootsTech website.
Since we’re all about life stories and personal history around here, I decided to offer up a few of my favorite takeaways related to those topics from four speakers. If they whet your appetite for more, you can always watch the full videos of these speakers and discover others focused on genealogical research, DNA testing, and online record searches.
From Why and How to Put Yourself into Your Family History
AMY JOHNSON CROW
Favorite quotes from Amy Johnson Crow, a Certified Genealogist with more than 20 years of experience helping people discover their family's history:
Author and speaker Amy Johnson Crow presenting at RootsTech 2019
“When we consider recording our own stories, we think of memoirs that we have read… And when we think about writing our own stories, well, if we’re thinking of something like Angela’s Ashes or Little House on the Prairie, our first reaction might be, well, I’m not famous. Why should I record my story?”
I’ve got a whole list of reasons you should record your story, as does Amy:
“Think about how thrilled you would be if you found a diary from one of your ancestors. Or a letter from one of your ancestors.”
(Even if it described an ordinary day doing ordinary things, like a trip to the market!)
“I think that you would treasure that letter because it would be insight into the life of that ancestor, told by that ancestor.”
Indeed!
“So why do we think that future generations, oh they won’t care about me!? We already know that we care about what happened in the past. We need to be the ancestors to our descendants that we wish our ancestors were. We need to record more of our stories like we wish that they did.”
Can I get an amen?!
“Don’t get hung up on the format, because really, any format will do. … You have to record the story—that’s the important thing. You can figure out the preservation later. You have to tell the story before you can preserve it. And truly, a story isn’t a story until it’s been told.”
So, tell your stories! And remember:
“It doesn’t have to be overwhelming. It doesn’t have to be about all the big things in your life. There is no story that is too small to be recorded.”
CURT B. WITCHER
Highlights from Curt B. Witcher, Genealogy Center Manager at Allen County Public Library in Fort Wayne, Indiana:
Genealogy expert Curt B. Witcher during his presentation at RootsTech 2019
“Family history is the pursuit of, and the presentation of, and the preservation of our stories.”
“The grand and the big and the exciting and the wonderful—that’s not it. It’s the point in time, and the person in time, and how it relates to us.”
After reiterating some of what Amy Johnson Crow spoke about, Curt transitioned to talking about the science behind story and why it is so important:
“Experiencing story alters our neurological processes.”
He is not a scientist, but he is eager to shed light on how amazing much of the science behind story really is—from triggering the release of cortisol (which commands our attention) to the eventual release of oxytocin (which he says “makes us more receptive to empathy, to caring”). If you are interested in this, I suggest watching Curt’s entire portion of the video, which begins at the 20-minute mark.
Want happy children?
“Family story is critical to all of us being better human beings, but especially for younger people as their brains are being developed.”
“Stories, psychologists and scientists tell us, are strong predictors of a child’s happiness. The more stories, the better adjusted, the better a child will grow and be welcomed and welcoming. How can we not think that this is important?”
Is there anyone among us who does not?!
SCOTT FISHER
And lastly, the best tidbit of advice from Scott Fisher, host of podcast Extreme Genes, America’s Family History Show, who spoke concretely about how to turn oneself into a family history reporter:
“Do not answer questions for your subject. If they’re taking a long pause, let them think. Don’t be afraid of the silence.”
Ah, yes, be patient, and listen generously!
From Heirloom, Documentation, or Junk: What to Keep or Toss
Janet Hovorka
Memorable moments from Janet Hovorka, genealogy coach and development director for Family ChartMasters:
Genealogy coach Janet Hovorka speaking at RootsTech 2019.
“When you keep everything, it might be overwhelming to the next generation… After your passing, your family could throw everything out just because they’re overwhelmed.”
Imagine?!
Janet offers up six concrete questions to ask yourself about your family history stuff in trying to decide whether (and how) to save it or to toss it. If this is something you are facing, whether due to the recent loss of a loved one or to the ever-expanding hoards of your own family history documentation, then definitely give her video your full attention.
Here, though, a few golden nuggets:
“A family heirloom is only as valuable as the story that comes with it.”
Can I get another amen?
“An heirloom can only go down one line, really. But documentation, especially digitally, can be spread over the whole family.”
But remember:
“Digital materials can be more fragile than a set of china… You could be creating a Digital Dark Age in your family.” (caps mine ; )
Excellent advice:
“Think about a digital will, especially if you want to preserve you own life.”
Families, please hear what Janet says:
“In my opinion, one of the most important things to do is to teach your children and vest them in [your family history] now…. Tell them the stories. Vest them in those heirlooms and those documents. A family that is vested in those things is going to preserve them.”
Because…
“Never in the history of the world have we been so disjointed and so anxious… We move away from our ancestors more than families ever have. We don’t grow up at grandma’s knees anymore.”
Facebook and FaceTime may bring us closer to far-flung relatives, but it’s no substitute for in person togetherness and for regular story sharing—especially of the impromptu kind.
“Talk to the next generation.”
Please.
“As you study the span of a life, you learn that everybody has a little bit of hero and a little bit of scoundrel in them.”
Which part of your story will you tell first, I wonder…?
Life Story Links: March 26, 2019
The symbiotic relationship between photography and memory; veteran voices and immigrant storytellers; plus lots of life story & family history audio treasures.
“Of course I have no right whatsoever to write down the truth about my life, involving as it naturally does the lives of so many other people, but I do so urged by the necessity of truth-telling, because there is no living soul who knows the complete truth; here, may be one who knows a section; and there, one who knows another section: but to the whole picture not one is initiated.”
—Vita Sackville-West
Writer Vita Sackville-West, a prolific diarist and letter writer, circa 1940
Past and Present
AMERICAN STORIES
In Search of Our Roots by Henry Louis Gates Jr. traces how 19 African Americans reclaimed their past. “All of us have ancestries defined at turns by people on the move—people with far more complicated arcs than might first appear in straight lines of descent,” he writes.
ACCESSING PAINFUL MEMORIES
“Once writing the book became the most important and life-affirming thing I could do, my nightly dreams provided me with the vivid memories that propelled me forward,” writes Holocaust survivor Max Eisen. “I was not aware of how cathartic an experience it would be.”
VETERAN VOICES
A debate about the utility and appropriateness of sharing the experiences of war has been waging over at The Havok Journal. In this three-part series writers contemplate what happens if silence becomes the story of your life; the reality of healing through sharing; and the possibility that you don’t get the chance to “work through” traumatic experiences.
THE AUDACITY OF STORYTELLERS
“If I believe that my own existence matters, I am even more confident that each of us has stories that matter,” Mary Ann Thomas writes in a piece exploring how as a nurse and writer, she works toward a culture of care.
Hear, Hear
FOR YOUR LISTENING PLEASURE
Last week I recommended three recent must-listen podcasts about memoir, narrative structure, family secrets, writing prompts, and more—and with each weighing in at under an hour, they’re easy to fit into your schedule.
AUDIO TREASURES
The Library of Congress has added 25 “audio treasures” to its National Recording Registry, including music from Jay-Z and Neil Diamond as well as a 1968 speech by Robert F. Kennedy. The oldest recordings on the list are the earliest-known recordings of Yiddish songs, made between 1901 and 1905. All of the audio treasures in the collection are available to listen to for free at the National Jukebox.
MEMORIES ON CASSETTE
Leora Troper of Portland-based Artisan Memoirs shares a brief post about why and how to digitize family stories that are currently stored on cassette tapes.
VOICES & GESTURES
In the video below, Steve Trainor of Remember Your Life Video in Hampton, Illinois, shares his enthusiasm for personal history with a local television reporter and gets to the heart of why capturing family stories now is of utmost importance. Kudos, Steve!
Photography & Memory
CAPTURING ‘OLD NEW YORK’
“My work is fueled by a sense of loss and nostalgia foretold,” Dimitri Mellos says of his photography project Chinatown. "The act of photographing affords me the illusory comfort that I am preserving a few bits and pieces of what life in this vibrant immigrant community has been like, in a form impervious to the passage of time.”
PHOTO CHAOS
Stumped for what to get someone you love this Mother’s Day or Father’s Day? “One of the greatest gifts that you can give to a parent is to help them to update and organize their treasure trove of photos," suggests Amy Blankson, who offers five steps to guide you through the process.
PHOTOGRAPHIC JOURNEY INTO PAST
“The sheer abundance of mementos, spilling from mobile photo galleries, bestows significance upon ordinary moments,” Veeksha Vagmita writes in this short meditation upon the nature of how memory is impacted by our photographic history, from tattered old albums to present-day phone scrolls.
TOUCH POINTS FOR INDIVIDUALS WITH MENTAL LOSS
“Touch the screen and a memory appears”: The free My House of Memories app has been designed for, and with, people living with dementia and their caregivers. It features historical photographs intended to spark meaningful conversation (personal photographs can be uploaded, as well).
Memoir Love
INSTRUCTIONAL MEMOIR, ANYONE?
”Are you a skilled cook or teacher or technician with a personal story underlying your expertise?" asks Massachusetts-based personal historian Nancy West. Consider combining a retelling of your life with information about how to do something, offering useful instructions that the reader might be able to apply directly to his or her own life.
BOOKTUBE WITH OBAMA
“It’s harder to hate up close. So let’s let each other in a bit more,” Michelle Obama says in this 10-minute interview about her bestselling memoir.
...and a Few More Links
A list to bookmark: The top 25 films that explore memory
Read the March/April issue of Hippocampus Magazine.
Sandra Day O’Connor and Alzheimer’s: a personal story
Social media sites are designed for sharing, not archiving.
Psychological counselor in India develops seven-step storytelling therapy.
An ode to (Australian) family history indexes
What will happen to our cloud-based keepsakes? A millennial’s take
Short Takes
Dawn Roode’s curated roundup for the week of Sept. 23, 2026, is overflowing with recent reads on memoir, life story writing, and family history preservation.