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How to be a good storyteller if you are the subject of a family history interview
Have you been invited by a family member to be interviewed about your life? Don't worry—these tips will help you get comfy & be the best storyteller you can be.
Over the years I have offered up a plethora of family history interview questions and resources, including tips for being an effective interviewer and active listener—but it occurred to me only recently that I've never talked about how to be a good storyteller.
There are some people who are inherently comfortable sharing their stories. For others, though, being the center of attention is scary. Even if you don't feel like you need to give a command performance, you may have reservations about your ability to remember, how engaging you will be, or even if you will delve into painful memories.
Here are six tips for getting comfortable with the idea of stepping up to the mic and telling great stories from your personal and family history.
1 - Take a beat to think when you need it.
(And if your interviewer is not comfortable sitting with that silence, directly ask for the time).
We have become accustomed to watching celebrities answer questions in quick soundbites, and it seems like their recall is beyond compare. But remember: They've prepared for their interview (often with the help of publicity handlers), and what you are seeing has been edited down (there are no doubt outtakes where the celeb muffed his words or drew a blank). The questions you are being asked about your life, whether from childhood or your more recent past, likely require a little thought before answering. So don't feel bad about thinking for a moment or two before answering. Ultimately you will be able to weave a better story and access more meaningful insights if you don't always dive right in with an answer.
2 - If your interviewer is revisiting a question you’ve already answered, go with it.
Yes, I am saying answer the same question again…
The first time around is about “collecting ideas, memories, and materials, and of increasing sensitization to the major issues of life,” James Birren, a pioneer in the field of guided autobiography, has written. It's worthwhile to go through your stories and recollections a second time “to elaborate on details and examine the same life story from an expanded, more enlightened perspective.” Every telling of the same story yields new information—possibly new memories that have bubbled to the surface, and possibly newly integrated meaning you have drawn from the experiences since the last time you recalled it. So go down that road, even if you feel like you've been there before! Depending upon the anticipated outcome of your interviews (book, video, audio recording) you will always be able to edit stories to avoid repetition and benefit from multiple tellings by weaving them together.
3 - If you can’t recall details of an event or person, focus on emotions.
The way someone or something made you feel is relevant.
Especially when asked to talk about memories from your childhood, there's a good chance that details may elude you. I have a nephew who remembers full scenes from the time he was three (really, even without photographs to reference), but that's the exception, not the rule. But just because you can't remember if a celebration took place at Grandma's or your Aunt Mary’s house, or whether the family station wagon was red or green, chances are that you will remember how you felt during the party or riding in that car. Allow yourself to answer questions from a place of feelings: Use phrases like, “I remember feeling…” or “When I think of that time I get all…” Tap into your emotions and your stories will follow.
4 - If a question doesn’t jog your memories, skip it. (Really!)
No details, no emotions…nothing? It's okay to tell your interviewer, “Let's move on.” There's no shame in not having an answer to any question at all.
5 - Be gentle with yourself—no judgment, period.
Speaking of shame…that's an emotion we don't want you to feel during your interview. Sure, it's okay—good, even—to talk about shame you may have felt in the past and what made you feel that way; stories of moving beyond shame are incredibly powerful both for you as a storyteller (exploring your experiences in the form of a story can be healing), and also for your descendants (what better way for them to relate to you and feel empowered than by hearing a story of you overcoming something?). That said, it's important for you not to judge your past selves during the interview.
Be accepting of all the iterations of you. Be gentle with yourself. (When I am interviewing someone who begins to seem like they are judging themselves too harshly, I will ask them something like, “Knowing what you know now, what would you tell your 17-year-old self?” When they look at themselves from such a distance, it often gives them perspective that allows them to be more understanding of their choices…even seemingly foolish ones!)
6 - Be open—open-hearted, open-minded, open to trusting your listener.
In addition to being gentle with yourself, open yourself to going down paths that surprise you during the interview. If you are being interviewed by a perceptive listener, they may ask follow-up questions that bewilder or surprise you. Ponder their questions and try to give thoughtful and honest answers. By trusting both your interviewer and yourself, you create an opportunity for your story sharing to go beyond mere entertainment into the realm of meaning-making. “Opening ourselves is where story begins. We write with open hands, and not with fists,” memoir teacher Beth Kephart has said; we speak, not only write, our truths from this place.
Get your free guide of Essential Family History questions
All the best family history interview questions to capture their (or your!) stories, presented in a beautiful printable guide
Ready to begin? If you’ve already got your family history interview planned, kudos to you—I hope these tips will help you have a comfortable and fruitful storytelling session! If you’re still in the planning (or dreaming) stage, browse the posts below to find some helpful lists of interview questions, and, PLEASE, get a time on your calendar to sit down to remember—it’s something I promise you won’t regret.
My 3 favorite opening questions to get a personal history interview going
Planning to conduct a personal history interview with a family member? Here are three effective first questions that guarantee their stories will flow freely.
Your subject is excited and comfortable, and you're tasked with interviewing them to capture their memories for posterity. So, what is the first question you ask them?
There are myriad ways to kick off a personal history interview, of course, but here are three of my favorite first questions, along with a little cheat sheet of which question is right in which circumstance.
opening question no. 1
“Please tell me the story of your life in 15 minutes.”
Asking someone to summarize the overall arc of their life—as if they are talking to someone they have never met—invites introspection and a focus on turning points. Bruce Feiler opened the hundreds of interviews he conducted for his book, Life Is in the Transitions, with this very question. It's open-ended nature allows for answers to take many shapes, and the time limit forces subjects to hone in on key chapters and moments that have given their life meaning.
I think this is a great opening question when you are planning to conduct multiple interviews over an extended time period, as it helps to set the scene—as well as expectations of what topics may be forthcoming. Subsequent questions will invite memories of more specific episodes and emotions from the subject's life, and as an interviewer you can help guide the conversation so that bigger themes can be discerned.
Who this question is best for:
A family elder who is being encouraged to share their stories by their kids or grandkids.
What it may yield:
Thoughtful recollections of the most impactful times in one's life.
opening question no. 2
“What is your favorite memory of all time?”
There are many people who would respond to this question with a blank stare (I am probably one of them). I don't relish choosing my favorite, well…anything; and as my family's longtime memory-keeper, I have too many stories at my fingertips to choose just one.
But every family has that reticent storyteller—you know, the ones who say, “Aw, my life isn't interesting enough to talk about,” or, “What stories? My life has been just like everyone else's!” And for those individuals, I am willing to bet this question gets them going. Why? First, its nostalgic focus on a happy time is irresistible. And second, it's not asking for a time that was "interesting" or "meaningful," just fun or joyful—and chances are, some memory will spring to the surface pretty quickly.
This question is a great option for that consummate storyteller in your clan, too—the one who's recounted tidbits from his life around the dinner table for years, the one who the grandkids gravitate to for a cheeky yarn. Why? Because chances are they'll have a fully wrought story on the tip of their tongue. You may have heard it before, but this time—well, this time you'll be hitting "record" to capture it for eternity.
The best part of this opening question? Your interview subject may not be able to stop at just one story (and isn't that your end goal, after all?!).
Who this question is best for:
A reluctant interview subject OR your family's born storyteller (yup, these seem like opposite ends of the spectrum, but the lighthearted nature of this question will work wonders in both instances!).
What it may yield:
Full-blown stories with rich sense details—and the allure of continued story sharing.
opening question no. 3
“Where would you like to begin?”
I find this question especially helpful when interviewing someone who has been thinking about their life story project for a long time. Maybe they wanted to write their memoir but didn't consider themselves a writer; or perhaps they were simply overwhelmed by all that a life story project entails and never started out of fear. Whatever their reasons, a subject who is not only willing but eager to record their legacy likely has plenty of stories brewing—they've probably imagined this conversation many times.
So inviting your subject to identify a starting point for storytelling allows them to dive in with gusto, to get out into the world all that's been simmering inside of them as they've been anticipating this project. As their interviewer it is your responsibility to listen carefully and gauge why they may have wanted to start “there,” then ask probing and insightful follow-up questions to guide them in rounding out their life story and ascribing underlying meaning to their experiences.
This opening question has the potential to yield a lot of shallow memories—meaning, a semblance of a list of memories from throughout the person's life. Use the transcript from this interview session as a planning tool for subsequent sessions—you'll have an outline of memories to probe, and will be able to ask questions to get to the deeper stories that hold real meaning.
Who this question is best for:
A person who has wanted to tell their life stories for a long time but is just now beginning.
What it may yield:
Lots of fodder for future interviews!
Your thoughts?
I'd love to hear from you:
What questions do you ask first in your family history interviews? (I hear, “What is your earliest memory?” a lot, but am curious to know why folks think this is ideal.)
Are there any interviewers whose opening questions strike you as especially effective? (I love, for example, how memoirist and podcast host Dani Shapiro typically kicks off her Family Secrets interviews: “Can you tell me about the landscape of your childhood?” As many of her guests are writers, their answers are often beautiful, both forthright and poetic.)
Special circumstances: Oral history interview questions for particular subject groups
If you are interviewing people who are trauma or Holocaust survivors, these resources may help:
trauma survivors
holocaust survivors
military veterans
Oral history instructions and sample interview questions for vets from the Veterans Project of the National Archives
hospice patients
Nuances of memory—and how understanding a bit of neuroscience can help us remember
Understanding the basics of how our brains encode memory can help us both remember the things we want in the future & retrieve precious memories from our past.
So many of us think of our memory as a “memory bank” akin to a filing cabinet in our brains, or a video camera recording everything that happens in our life. But according to neuroscientist Lisa Genova, author of the new book Remember, neither of those is correct.
Rather, she says, “Memory is the constellation of connected, linked neurons that can be located all over your brain that represent the sights, the sounds, the smells, the feelings, the information, the language of what you paid attention to, cared about, and remembered in the first place.”
In other words? We remember what we pay attention to. Period.
According to Genova, our brains are designed to remember:
what is surprising and new
what is emotional
what is meaningful
and what you repeat.
(These are all more specific ways of saying “what we pay attention to”!)
So, how can we use this knowledge to our advantage?
Looking forward: Can you influence what you remember?
While our brains are predisposed to create memories around things that are surprising and new, emotional, and meaningful, we can indeed make an effort to remember more mundane things—you know, the beauty in our everyday routine, the little things our kids say that make us smile, the off-the-beaten-path restaurants we loved on vacation…
Because the fourth way our brains encode memories is through what we repeat, doing just that—repeating the stories of those moments—will help us remember them. What might that look like?
It can take the form of journaling (even jotting just a few bullet points will help), posting to social media (yes, what sometimes seems like a mindless time suck can help us intentionally remember!), or telling the stories (to our family around the dinner table, or to ourselves as part of a gratitude practice, for instance). The more we repeat these want-to-remember details, the more we help our brains encode those memories.
Have something you want to ensure you can recall years from now? Repeat it, out loud or in writing, and repeat it often.
Looking back: How can this knowledge help us retrieve childhood memories?
Knowing what our brains are inclined to remember can guide us on our journey of remembering: Focus on asking yourself (or, if you are interviewing another family member for their stories, ask them) about times that were especially emotional. Often that means transitions (moving to a new home, a new school, a death in the family). Think about times that held great meaning (winning an award, being supported during a difficult time). And hone in on times in your life that were surprising and new: Think about firsts (your first love, your first time living alone, your first time…doing laundry!).
You may consider crafting a list of questions that fall into these categories so you can explore them at your leisure. Or you might want to sit down and focus on one broad category at a time (firsts this week, transitions next, perhaps).
And know this: There are ways to activate memories that don’t necessarily fall into these broad categories. As Genova explains, retrieving our memories involves reactivating the neural network, and context is a big part of that. Traveling to your childhood hometown will invariably stir unexpected memories because the again-familiar sights will trigger neurons in one part of our brain that then connect with others on the circuit. Similarly, a smell might call forth memories of a dish your grandmother cooked for you, or a song might transport you to your high school gym on prom night.
Rehashing old times with a sibling is another tried-and-true way to get your memories flowing. Their recollections of shared experiences will never jibe with yours exactly (that’s the fallible nature of memory, after all!), but they will spark related memories in your own brain by providing some context and, yep, reactivating your neural circuit.
So, is your neural circuit lighting up? As you know, I’m always here to help you probe—and preserve—your memories, so reach out when the time is right!
Related Reading
Your Journey of Remembering
Understanding how our brains retrieve memories is interesting and, as I say above, can even have practical implications on how we think about preserving our memories going forward. Here are a few more pieces that explore the nature of memory and, more than anything, aim to help you on your journey of remembering—have fun along the way!
Why not pick questions from my extensive list of interview prompts to help get your memories flowing?
Check out this simple, two-word prompt to brainstorm a list of unexpected memories (which you may want to use as fodder for a memoir one day!).
Interested in discovering your parents’ childhood memories? Start with these questions that explore their fun sides!
These memory prompts delivered straight to your phone every week are a great option for anyone who wants to start a regular practice of writing about their life.
Curious about your parents’ lives? Get your kids to interview them.
You might be surprised by how much your parents will open up—with fun stories, with meaningful lessons—when your kids interview them about their lives.
Kids age seven and older can conduct meaningful family history interviews with their grandparents—even from a distance over Zoom or other teleconferencing software.
What you don’t know about your parents’ lives could fill a book. Actually, multiple books, more like it!
Even those of us who are close to our parents—who speak to them every day on the phone, who love spending time with them, and who rely on them for emotional support or perspective—even we take a lot about our parents for granted. It’s the nature of the parent-child relationship, right? On the children’s end: a built-in assumption that our parents will, quite simply, always be there for us. On the parents’ end: an assumption that our kids see us as “mom” or “dad” rather than “Lillian” or “Jonathon.”
The results of those assumptions? For the kids, that we are less likely to feel any sense of urgency around asking our parents for their stories. For the parents, a sense that their grown kids don’t really want to know about their lives before becoming parents.
Trust me, as a personal historian I have seen this story play out far too often. Grown kids who come to me only after their parents have died, haunted by the guilt that they never got around to asking their mother or father about their lives. Parents who come to me unsure if telling their stories will even matter—“No one has ever asked me,” a father might say, or “My kids don’t care about any of this!”
Sure, you can sit down and interview your parents about their lives (I encourage it, for sure!). But I’ll let you in on a secret: Often folks reveal much more of themselves to a stranger. When I interview someone professionally to capture their stories, I have the advantage of not being emotionally attached to the people or the stories. It’s a guaranteed no-judgment zone. Not to mention that having dedicated time and space for someone to tell their story helps clear the mental clutter and get right to the heart of story sharing.
There’s someone else who can get your parents to speak freely, I bet: your kids. Grandchildren who come to their grandparents with genuine curiosity will inevitably tap a rich well of stories from their elders.
Looking at photos, whether in an old family album or on a device, is a great way to prompt memories and get the stories flowing from grandparent to grandchild (and vice versa!).
A few reasons why grandparents are excited to share stories with their grandkids:
TO IMPART LESSONS: By talking about their life journey—including funny missteps and even big failures—grandparents can share some of their hard-earned wisdom with the next generation.
TO CONNECT MEANINGFULLY: How often do your parents get to have real conversations with your kids? This is a rare—and precious—opportunity.
TO REFLECT INTENTIONALLY: Like writing in a journal, being interviewed for one’s life stories provides a chance for reflection that we rarely indulge in during our busy lives. It’s a practice that’s good for our mental health, according to research, but beyond the research, it just feels darn good.
TO HAVE SOME FUN: Sharing childhood memories and grown-up exploits with the grandkids—what could bet better? It’s a chance for the grandparent to pull out some favorite old photos, to get a little nostalgic, and to share a piece of themselves with someone they love unconditionally. Laughs will ensue, I promise!
If you’d like to encourage your child to interview your parents, I hope you’ll download this popular resource that I’ve been giving away for free since the pandemic began—The Kid Kit: Everything You Need to Interview the Grandparents. Originally available for purchase in the Modern Heirloom Books store, I felt strongly that during this time of separation (and newly-found comfort in connecting over Zoom), I wanted as many people as possible to have it.
Inside you’ll get not only interview questions (and those are AWESOME, if I say so myself—they’re designed with kids aged 7+ in mind and cover a wide range of topics), but you’ll also get bonus activities, a history timeline, and tips for how to continue the story sharing post-interview.
FREE RESOURCE: Questions, Activities & More
Get your kids talking—really talking—to your parents. They’ll get stories even YOU’VE never heard!
“I wish I had asked my mom that” and other heartbreaking regrets YOU can avoid
It seems obvious: We should ask our parents about their lives—lessons, loves, adventures, ancestors. Then why do so many of us wait too long and then have regrets?
Ask your parents to share stories from their life—not only will you have the security in knowing their legacy is preserved (no regrets of unasked questions!), but you’ll undoubtedly gain some laughs and lessons along the way.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned over and over again in this business of memory keeping, it’s that we all take our loved ones for granted—and we think that tomorrow or the next day we’ll be able to have that meaningful conversation. I struggle with finding a way to convey to everyone just how important it is to both
ask our parents about their lives
and tell them how we feel
—and to do so now.
Unfortunately, for many people, it’s only stories of regret that sink in:
I could tell you the story of my friend who came out as gay to his mom as she lay in her hospice bed, unresponsive. He likes to believe she heard him.
I could tell you the story of my client who had a million ideas why her mother was so emotionally closed off, but who never asked her mother to share her experiences. She is haunted by her many questions…and lack of answers.
I could tell you the story of an almost-client who booked me to interview her grandfather, who was a Holocaust survivor, only to have him die two days before our scheduled interview. We shifted to creating a tribute book in his honor, but how much more special would having his own stories have been?!
Often I simply share this powerful quote from William Zinsser that says so much with so few words:
“One of the saddest sentences I know is, ‘I wish I had asked my mother about that.’”
Have you asked your parents or grandparents about their lives? If that seems like something you just don’t have time for, please think again.
3 ways to ask your parents for their stories—before it’s too late
Not sure how to capture your parents’ stories? Here are three foolproof ways to invite, hear, and preserve your parents’ stories. Whichever you choose, I implore you: Get started now.
1 - Record an interview with your mom or dad.
No need to overthink this—just find a way to sit intentionally with your parents for the express purpose of listening to their stories. Use an audio or video recorder to capture the conversation. You can always decide what to do with it later. Choose questions from this free guide, or make them up as you go along.
2 - Ask your parents to write about their memories.
They don’t have to think of themselves as writers to undertake a project such as this, but they do need to be committed to writing regularly. So, provide them some friendly accountability: Ask if they’ll call you once a week to read their stories to you (and your siblings, if you have any—a fun excuse for a Zoom get-together!); or, undertake an email correspondence with your parents where you ask the questions and they reply with their stories.
I recommend they spend an hour or so brainstorming a list of memories, then use the items on that list as prompts for their life story writing; or consider signing up for a class with weekly memory prompts to get them going.
3 - Hire a pro to help your parents record their stories.
Whether your parents don’t have the stick-with-it-ness to keep writing, or you’re too busy or otherwise unable to interview them, or you simply want the best experience possible, consider partnering with a personal historian such as myself to record your parents’ stories and preserve them in an heirloom book. I’d be happy to chat with you about the ways to bring your project to life.
A surprising benefit of going this route: Some people feel more comfortable telling their stories to an open-hearted stranger as opposed to a family member—it could be because they know they have a captive audience who hasn’t heard their stories before, or because they may fear familial judgment for certain experiences or decisions in their past—but whatever the reason, the stories often flow more smoothly and fully when told to a professional interviewer.
This approach also allows you to let your parents know how much your stories mean to you while taking the pressure off you to guide the project through to completion.
Whether you interview your parents or ask them to journal about their life, let them know, in no uncertain terms, that their stories hold value for you. Convey just how special this undertaking is to you and not only will you get their stories, you’ll inevitably grow closer in the process.
Modern Heirloom Books offers plenty of free family history resources to help you interview your parents and capture their stories for posterity, including this guide, “56 Essential Family History Questions to Ask Your Parents Before It’s Too Late.” Click the button below to access it right now!
Meaningful conversation when your loved one is on hospice—here’s help
How to have meaningful conversation with your loved one on hospice, including the best life review questions & 4 things we all should say when someone is dying.
“My mom just entered hospice. I would like to create a book—do you have questions I could use? I would like to do this as I am sitting with her.”
This request came to me from someone who filled out a basic form on my website. My heart cracked open as I wondered what I could offer her.
At once I could see myself sitting by my own grandmother’s hospice bedside; I could feel that sense of helplessness and urgency to do something. I could imagine this individual typing that inquiry to me, a stranger, with a blind faith that it would be answered.
Well, I did answer her. It took me a while (and some research) to craft a response that I thought would truly be helpful at this time, as none of the resources I had thus offered online met the need. And then I realized—if she was looking for questions to ask a hospice patient, others were too.
If your family member is on hospice or has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, consider some of the questions and insights below to help you have meaningful end-of-life conversations with them.
Honor the urgency—and sacred nature—of talking with your loved one on hospice
It’s no surprise that when we are hit with the notion that our loved one is going to die, we feel an urgency—an urgency to connect, to hear their stories, to help them find meaning in their life and peace with their imminent passing.
Most of us take for granted that our family members will be around tomorrow. Tomorrow we can ask questions. Tomorrow we can hear their stories.
But when tomorrow is taken away, then what? Is it irrational to try to squeeze a lifetime’s worth of questions into what could be a finite few days or hours?
I have long offered a list of “essential” questions to use in interviews with parents or grandparents—but this is a long list, designed for those who have the luxury of time to conduct interviews.
When a loved one is on hospice, time is of the essence. So I recommend you get to the heart of the matter quickly, and focus on questions that lead them on a journey of meaningful reflection. (Remember, this is more about them than it is about you.)
Help the dying find a “sense of completion”
Research shows that people who are dying feel an urgency to “find a sense of completion” and to feel that they have contributed to others during their lifetime.
Palliative care expert Ira Byock has long written about how we can understand dying as a time of learning, repair, and completion of our lives—and how everyone deserves to “die well.”
One of his fundamental recommendations is that family members help their dying loved ones find that sense of completion by saying four things:
“Please forgive me. I forgive you. Thank you. I love you.”
It’s not a matter of simply reciting the words, of course. Each person must find personal meanings within the words, and find a way to express that meaning to their loved one.
“Thank you for being a mother who always listened to me, Mom.”
“Please forgive me, Daddy, for not helping you to cope better during your divorce”
“Mama, I forgive you for the things you did that caused me pain.”
Conversation may or may not ensue, but the offering of the words, the emotions, the gratitude, is a true gift. It helps both the dying person and their family member feel like important things have not been left unsaid.
Ask questions that help create “a biography of joy”
Like the woman who wrote to me wanting to use the time at her mother’s bedside to ask biographical questions, many people desire to learn more about their loved one as they near death. Perhaps there are things they always wanted to know, but time never seemed of the essence—until now.
There are myriad lists of family history questions out there, but these are designed for interviews where there is less sense of urgency.
When interviewing a hospice patient about their life, a more condensed life review is in order. Ask questions that speak about life transitions (graduation, career change, marriage, becoming a parent, moving homes, etc.) and that lead the subject down a path of happy reminiscence.
Questions that probe big changes in one's life usually prove to have very poignant answers.
Things such as:
Tell me about all you have loved.
What is the best decision you ever made?
What have you loved most in this life?
What has surprised you about people? About yourself?
How would you like to be remembered?
What hopes do you have for your family?
And then, there are times when someone on hospice may not want (or be able) to delve so deeply.
Consider bringing them a smile through lighthearted questions.
Questions such as:
Sing me your favorite song.
Do you remember your first kiss?
What was your favorite toy as a young child?
Did you ever play a prank on someone?
And remember: While you certainly have a deep interest in learning the answers to these life review questions,
“Stories also can be a gift that the ill person gives to others. People living with debilitating effects of illness may struggle with feelings of unworthiness and a sense of being a burden to others. The recording of family stories involving the marriage of matriarch and patriarch, seminal events, and the history of the family during war or natural disasters is a tangible way that people can contribute to their children, grandchildren, and the generations to come.” **
This life review is foremost an opportunity for the dying person to reflect and find meaning in their life. What a gift that is.
Navigate end-of-life conversations with grace
It is a most generous gift for you to go beyond providing comfort and personal care to inviting your family member to reflect on their life. By asking them questions and giving them space to share, you are creating an opportunity for integration—for a sense of self-actualization to happen at the end of their life.
“At the end of the day, or at the end of a life, we want to know that our lives counted for something, that we mattered, that our lives have had meaning,” palliative care nurse Charlene Thurston says. “What matters most to people is not what they’ve accumulated, but whom they’ve touched; whom they’ve loved and been loved by.”
By asking your loved one certain biographical questions, you are helping them take stock of their life—to articulate how it has had meaning, and to name their most special relationships.
Listen generously. Make eye contact. Use old photos or mementos as memory prompts.
And I urge you to hit "record" on your phone's recording app or on a mini digital recorder. We feel so confident we will remember the things our loved ones say, but I speak from experience when I say this is not always the case, especially when we are in a caregiving role and emotions are so close to the surface.
I hope these things are helpful to you in your effort to capture your loved one’s stories. Cherish the time you have together. Being a caregiver may not be easy, but it is indeed a gift.
** This quote and the idea of creating a “biography of joy” derive from a paper entitled “Caring When Cure Is No Longer Possible” by Ira R. Byock, M.D. and Yvonne J. Corbeil.
Most helpful blog posts for memory keepers, memoirists, and family historians
The best posts to help you with memory-keeping, including family history questions, memoir writing tips, family photo preservation ideas & heirloom book themes.
After years of blogging and helping people create books about their lives, I thought it would be a good idea to organize all the most helpful posts on the Modern Heirloom Books site in a way that makes it easier for you to find what you’re looking for—hurray!
What follows are some of the most comprehensive and useful posts to help you in all aspects of your memory-keeping—from capturing life stories through oral history interviews to writing your own memoir, from family photo preservation to finding the stories behind those precious photos, it’s all here!
how to use this catalog
Bookmark this page in your browser so you can come back to it easily.
Click on any of the topics below to go straight to that section.
Click on any of the story names to go straight to that post—they’re all hyperlinked.
topics to explore
Creating a family photo archive
If you are interested in WRITING about your life:
Memoir Writing Prompts
The foolproof life writing prompt guaranteed to get your pen moving.
This multi-part writing prompt is generative—it will yield even more ideas for future writing.
Learn about our Write Your Life memory and writing prompt subscriptions
Writing prompts for life story vignettes: 300 words in 30 minutes
Writing prompts for life story vignettes: the self-interview
Thinking about the meaning of the word ‘family’ yields two foundational writing prompts
Unexpected places to discover great life story questions to use as writing prompts
Memoir Writing Tips
How to break down a life story book project into three simple steps
How to create a life timeline for your memoir writing project
How to set a realistic deadline for your life writing project
Differences between biography and memoir—and why you should write your life stories (plural)
Ever consider using a list format to explore your life stories?
Feeling stuck with your life writing? Try this 3-step reset.
How to get your memoir off your bucket list and onto the page.
Three ways to research your memoir—and when to know your research is enough to begin
“The messy middle”: Pushing through the toughest part of memoir writing
Not sure if NOW is the right time to write your memoir? Ask yourself these two questions.
If you are interested in learning more about capturing your FAMILY STORIES:
Family History Interview Questions
Tips for Preserving Your Family Stories
Best practices for conducting family history interviews at home.
How to get a parent who doesn’t want to talk about their memories to open up
How to turn an oral history interview into a compelling story
Eight things you can do to be a good steward of your own family history
Differences between scrapbooking and creating personal history books
How to interview a loved one who is on hospice: Ask questions that help create “a biography of joy”
How to be a good storyteller if you are the subject of a family history interview
Tips for interviewing a pair of your grandparents together at the same time.
When to break a family history interview into multiple sessions
How to edit your family history so it will make sense 20 years from now
To read or not to read? How to handle a deceased family member’s personal letters
Go beyond the paper trail: 3 fun ways to follow clues about your family’s past
How to avoid scope creep and make sure you FINISH your family history project
If you are interested in creating a FAMILY PHOTO ARCHIVE:
Organizing & Saving Your Family Photo Collection
How to organize your family archive as a resource for sparking memories
Follow these basic photo organizing principles so you leave a manageable photo legacy for your kids.
What to do to ensure your kids don’t throw out your family photos
Make sure you’ve digitized the family photos in frames around your home.
Why sometimes a “bad” photo is the perfect picture—and worth saving
The one thing not to do if you want your photos to print beautifully in your memory book
Telling the Stories Behind Your Photos
If you are interested in finding ways to HONOR A DECEASED LOVED ONE:
If you are interested in finding IDEAS FOR HEIRLOOM BOOKS:
Your 10-step plan for making an heirloom-worthy family cookbook
10 heirloom book themes to narrow your life story book focus.
Adoptive parents: Preserve your journey to adoption in an heirloom book.
Six heirloom book ideas, from travel journals to family recipe books with a twist
“Dear Daughter, on Your Wedding Day,” the most meaningful gift for the bride-to-be from her parents
How to create a vacation photo book or family travel journal
Why I think classic (not trendy!) design is best for your personal history book
Do you need to be convinced that YOUR STORIES ARE WORTH SAVING?
How your stories’ enduring value can offer life lessons to your grandkids and beyond
How to leave a legacy that is a blessing to your descendants
Hear one client’s experience: “It was more for me than anyone else”
Wanting to know more about our parents’ lives is not a trend.
Your grown kids might not care about your stories now, but they will someday.
Genealogists share their reasons for valuing our own family stories.
“I wish I had asked my mom that” and other heartbreaking regrets you can avoid
Let Josh convince you that now is the time to tell your stories.
You’ve got reasons why you aren’t telling your story; I’ve got reasons why you should.
This post will be updated regularly as new relevant content is added. It was most recently updated on August 29, 2025.
“When was your first kiss?” & other fun questions to ask Mom and Dad
There are plenty of lists of generic family history questions around—but what about fun ones? Settle in for an entertaining interview with the parents!
The days are passed when you might cringe with embarrassment imagining your parents’ first kiss (at least, I hope they have!). But have you ever asked them about it?
How about their most embarrassing moments? The time they were really and truly naughty? The lie they told you when you were a kid?
One of the consistent reactions I get when life story books are presented to families is this: “I never knew this side of my mom” or “I always thought of Dad simply as Dad—how wonderful to discover him as a person!”
So many questions I ask my personal history clients revolve around transitional times in their lives: decisions that impacted the course of their life, and lessons learned on the path to becoming who they are now. But life isn’t just about the milestones; it’s about the everyday moments and experiences that add up to a life.
And you know what? A lot of those moments are funny—and fun. Why not explore them in conversation with your parents? You’ll enjoy yourselves even while you get to know them on a whole new level! (Bonus points: Hit “record” on your smart phone or a digital recorder to ensure their stories are captured for posterity.)
38 questions to explore your parents’ fun sides
Don’t just ask this questions that appeal to you: Invite stories. Ask follow-up questions. Listen with interest, and no doubt questions even better than the ones below will come to mind as your parents are sharing. Most of all—have fun!
Questions to Get You—and Your Parents—Smiling
What is the funniest fashion fad you gave into during your teen years? In your twenties?
Tell me about a time you laughed inappropriately.
What is the funniest thing you recall Grandma/Grandpa ever doing?
What are some funny things your kids said or did when they were little?
When was your first kiss? Tell me the story.
What’s the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?
What are you hoping I don’t ask? Come on…
Tell me about a time you were unabashedly naughty.
What’s the most satisfying thing you ever got away with?
Did you ever tell us kids white lies when we were young?
What is the funniest practical joke you ever played on someone?
Do you remember a favorite lullaby or bedtime story from your childhood?
Tell me about any pets you have had—and maybe a time or two they made you truly happy.
Do you have any goofy tendencies or unique habits?
If someone gifted you $5 as a kid, what would you immediately want to buy?
Seemingly Benign Questions that May Yield Surprisingly Deep Answers
What is the worst date you were ever on?
How would you describe your sense of humor?
What has been your grandest adventure?
What always makes you laugh?
What is the most incredible dream you have ever had?
Who from your childhood would you characterize as reliably funny?
What is the nicest thing you have ever done for someone?
What is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you?
What is the biggest surprise you have ever gotten?
Questions their Spouse May Prefer to Answer on their Behalf
Tell me a funny story about a time Mom/Dad got a little tipsy.
Have you ever had to rescue Mom/Dad from an embarrassing guffaw?
What did you do for fun on your dates together (allow both to reply—often the interplay of their reminiscing together will be as fun as their answers!)
What scenes would be on your spouse’s blooper reel?
Quickfire Round: Questions that Reveal Fun Details
Did you have nickname(s) as a child?
Can you remember any knock-knock jokes or funny riddles?
What was your favorite cartoon character as a child?
What is your favorite… card game?
… ice cream flavor?
… musical group?
… movie?
… place to visit?
… candy bar?
Make a goofy face, won’t you? (Get your camera ready!)
Get your free guide of Essential Family History questions
All the questions (not just the funny ones!) to ask your parents to capture their stories, presented in a beautiful printable guide
I'’d be honored to hear your stories.
Do you prefer to have a professional personal historian conduct interviews with you or your loved ones? That’s what I’m here for! Schedule a free 30-minute consultation to see how we can work together—I can’t wait to hear all about you!