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Life Story Links: May 7, 2024
A roundup overflowing with podcasts, videos, and articles on the topics of memoir, life story writing, family history preservation, and family photo legacy.
“Writing, then, was a substitute for myself: if you don't love me, love my writing and love me for my writing. It is also much more: a way of ordering and reordering the chaos of experience.”
—Sylvia Plath
Vintage poster produced between 1936 and 1938 by the Work Projects Administration; image courtesy of the Library of Congress Prints and Photographs Division, Digital Collection. The posters were designed to publicize exhibits, community activities, theatrical productions, and health and educational programs in seventeen states and the District of Columbia between 1936 to 1943.
Pieces of the past
VERSIONS OF ONE’S STORY
“It took me decades merely to infer that my grandfather’s life and character surely included more than the mere few funny stories suggested.” Octogenarian Sydney Lea tries to shape his grandfather’s narrative.
VIRAL TIKTOK BEGAN AT GOODWILL
“April’s decision to bring Lucy’s treat jar home adds another layer to this tale. It’s a testament to the power of empathy, a reminder that the things we cherish tell our stories long after we're gone.”
THE TABLE WAS SET
“It’s such a deeply spiritual, fulfilling thing that I can bring my safta’s memory back to life in this plate of food.” Jennifer Ophir on the very last meal her grandmother cooked for her family.
I SAY: DELETE WITHOUT GUILT…
Last week I wrote about why a recent iPhone ad got my hackles up—preview the ad here, then click through to read why I think having more digital memory isn’t necessarily good for holding onto our memories:
Family history finds
UPCOMING GENEALOGY CONFERENCE
The National Genealogical Society 2024 Virtual Family History Conference, “Expanding Possibilities,” will be held May 16–18. Check out the preliminary program schedule here or visit their website to register.
‘SOMETIMES IT’S NOT SO EASY’
Experts from Ancestry dive deep into how to find the stories behind the names and dates on a family tree and “helping people connect.” Click through to watch this hourlong video with behind-the-scenes tips and tricks:
2,400 GENERATIONS
Archie Moore, a Kamilaroi/Bigambul artist, traced his family tree back 65,000 years—then, in chalk, created an ephemeral artwork that documented that genealogy and won a top prize at the Venice Biennale. Called “kith and kin,” the installation “is a memorial to Indigenous lives lost—but it’s also about global common humanity.” Read more here (“Moore’s ancestral connections—real and imagined—branch out onto the ceiling. The dimly lit gallery becomes a church, a cave, and a classroom”) and watch below:
NEW FROM THE BAREFOOT GENEALOGIST
And last up in the family history world, a new podcast from genealogist Crista Cowan, Stories That Live in Us. “I know that sharing the stories that live in you can change everything,” she says. Listen to the trailer here:
Making memories last—on craft and conversation
STORYTELLING INSPIRATION, PROMPTS, ACTIVITIES
“In between what we expect to happen and what happens, there’s this delicious tension that often lends itself to some amazing true stories.” This month on Storytelling School with The Moth: Expectations vs. Reality.
‘NOSTALGIC APPEAL AND STAYING POWER’
“I’ve always appreciated a nicely curated photo album because the subpar pics rarely make it in. It’s all first class. It requires thought and effort to compile your life’s greatest hits in images.”
‘SMALL MOMENTS MATTER’
I couldn’t choose just one quote to share from this wonderful conversation between Rachael Cerrotti and Micaela Blei, so listen in below as they talk about how personal narratives change with time, how to get comfortable sharing your story on stage, and how memories of their grandmothers brought them together. (Dive even deeper into Micaela’s storytelling here, and read more about the connection between these memoirists here.)
Lives in print
CELEBRATING LIFE THROUGH FOOD
Aimee Nezhukumatathil weaves a personal memoir through food in her new book, Bite by Bite. “Food can be a map toward home, toward memory, toward lineage, her book argues. And with it, she beckons us to explore.”
PERSONAL HISTORY OF AN INTERVIEWING LEGEND
“As Susan Page relates in The Rulebreaker, her compelling, deliciously readable biography of [Barbara] Walters, for Cronkite and the other giants of broadcast journalism, the idea that Walters...would be elevated to TV journalism’s most august position was beyond the pale.”
CHRONICLING THE SIXTIES
“An Unfinished Love Story is, as the title indicates, an account of personal loss. It also turns out to be a reflection on the process of constructing history, suggesting how time, perspective and stories left unwritten can shape our view of the past.”
PRIVATE LIFE, PUBLIC PERSONA
Letter by letter, former N.F.L. player Steve Gleason typed his memoir with his eyes. In A Life Impossible, he shares “the most lacerating and vulnerable times” of his life.
REMEMBERING PAUL AUSTER
I am often advising people on the best way to honor their lost loved ones in print, and I think these two examples of remembrances about the late Paul Auster are wonderful examples: One after the Joe Brainard book I Remember, and the other a life in quotes—both revealing and intimate in different ways.
...and a few more links
Year-long research project imparts personal histories to West Virginia students
In a recent Life Writers Vlog, Patricia Charpentier talks about Alice Sebold’s memoir, Lucky.
“Can memoir help us find our true selves?” asks ghostwriter Pat Pihl
The best autobiographies to entertain and inspire, according to Vogue
TikTok photographer’s powerful photo restorations tell stories of love and culture
“British parents’ peculiar keepsakes: Teeth, locks, and tiny treasures”
Short takes
More memory, more memories? Nope.
Sure, smart phone memory is getting cheaper—but is that reason enough to save every photo in an endless scroll? Don’t lose your memories amidst digital clutter!
As most of the TV I consume these days is streaming, I don’t see nearly as many commercials as I used to. But sports are different, and I happened to see this ad from Apple during the NBA playoffs—and maybe because of what I do for a living, I couldn’t get it out of my mind:
How did this “Don’t Let Me Go’ ad make you feel? My guesses: guilty (about possibly deleting photos of someone you love!), hopeful (about not having to delete those photos anymore!), and maybe even nostalgic (“awww, remember all those special moments I’ve captured?!”)…
But before you go upping your device memory, consider that it’s not just money you’ll be spending to avoid inconvenience—it’s memory-keeping capital. Let me explain…
Where’d all my good pix go?
There are a whole bunch of huge numbers illustrating how we take so many more photos these days, especially since the advent of digital cameras—but, from my perspective, the numbers are so ridiculously large that it’s hard to even grasp their magnitude (1.5 trillion photos were taken in 2022, for example). But here’s one statistic that says something beyond the scale it measures:
Approximately 4.5 trillion photos are stored on Google Photos, with 28 billion uploaded each week, but most are never viewed, according to data from Google.
While I can’t grasp those numbers—28 billion pictures a week!!!—I am not surprised by that last morsel: Most of those photos stored on our phones are NEVER VIEWED!
You know what might actually be surprising, though? It’s not just the pictures of the paperback you might want to buy or the cheesy pizza you just Snapped that go unviewed—it’s the ones of your grandchild at the playground and your mom blowing out her birthday candles…the ones that hold special memories. That’s because those photos are lost amidst the digital clutter. They’re sitting on a device that you use to keep creating more and more content, without curating it. And when the photos are lost, the memories just might be, too.
Skip the guilt and say goodbye to some photos!
Despite how the folks at Apple want you to feel—guilty for deleting pictures of those you love!! privileged enough to just buy more memory and store ALL your photos for all time!!—I say: Forget the guilt. It’s much better to be intentional about what photos we save than to just mindlessly add a photo (or 20) a day to an endless scroll.
Back in 2015 I blogged about what to do if you are a “photo hoarder”—and, I must say, the post seems almost quaint now. Almost 10 years on and pretty much everyone I know is a photo hoarder, but our devices and the services that power them have made it not only easy but acceptable. Don’t buy in.
What will you gain if, instead of hoarding your digital photos, you cull through them semi-regularly and delete what’s not worth saving?
First off, you won’t have to spring for the extra money to increase your device storage (even if it seems like a negligible amount to you, it’s not always worth it).
Secondly, you will be creating a photo legacy that is BOTH manageable and special. Trust me, I’ve seen the flip side all too often with clients and friends: A parent or loved one passes away, and the mess of stuff, both physical and digital, is so overwhelming that much of it ends up in the trash. Think it won’t happen to you? Read this (please).
Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, you will be able to access, enjoy, and share your photo memories in ways that are easy and that bring joy!
So, where do I begin…?
While my intent today was mostly about getting you to think more deeply about this topic, of course, if it resonates, the next logical step is for you to take some action. Here’s some help:
want to use your photos to document memories?
One quick (joyful!) way to share one photo (who doesn’t have time for THAT?!)
How to choose the best family photos to use as writing prompts
want to decrease the number of photos you have?
How to organize your family archive as a resource for sparking memories
Follow these basic photo organizing principles so you leave a manageable photo legacy for your kids.
What to do to ensure your kids don’t throw out your family photos
If the DIY route isn’t your thing, consider hiring a professional photo manager to help you get your family photo library under control. You can search for a pro near you here, or if you’re in the greater NY/NJ/CT area, drop me a note and I can refer you to a trusted colleague.
Free printable guide
Our thoughtful guide, “How to Use Photographs as Prompts for Writing Life Stories,” is a handy reference for all those photos you do decide to save!
Life Story Links: April 23, 2024
Personal historian and Modern Heirloom Books founder Dawn Roode curates a bi-weekly selection of what she’s reading and liking—here, for week of April 22, 2024.
“Words that come from the heart enter the heart.”
—the Torah
Vintage poster produced between 1936 and 1938 by the Work Projects Administration; image courtesy of the Library of Congress Prints and Photographs Division, Digital Collection. The posters were designed to publicize exhibits, community activities, theatrical productions, and health and educational programs in seventeen states and the District of Columbia between 1936 to 1943.
Memories, memoir, and more
LIFE AS STORY
“We live in the tribe, in story, in lyric and meter and song that does not end,” Dorothy Allison says. “In story—the ones we share and those we have not yet crafted—we live forever.”
WRITE ON, MY FRIENDS!
Good writing prompts will rid you of blank-page anxiety—and you can easily write your own! Last week I shared five easy steps to drafting a library of personalized memoir prompts.
FAMILY HISTORY PRESERVATION TIPS
In honor of preservation week, Permanent.org shared two posts on intentional, effective memory-keeping: “Gathering & Transferring Your Digital Materials in One Place” and “Tips for Preserving Your Physical Materials.”
LIFE WRITING WISDOM
“This is sacred work, so you should have a bit of fear; otherwise, what are you writing for?” Megan Febuary writes about memoir. Here, the memoir writing checklist she says she could have used years ago.
DRAWING HER WORLD
“The other day one of my boys said to me, after looking at my stack of sketchbooks, ‘Mom, this is a crazy amount of memories… whenever we decide to sit down and look through these, it will take weeks!’” Samantha Dion Baker shares some of her favorite sketchbook pages with thoughts on why they resonate.
CROSSROADS
“Some moments [in our lives] stand out as particularly poignant, ripe for reflection, celebration, and preservation,” legacy filmmaker Jamie Yuenger writes in this piece identifying seven of these times when beginning a legacy project may make great sense.
INVITING FAMILY STORIES
“A kind of genealogical amnesia was eating holes in these family histories as permanently as moths eat holes in the sweaters lovingly knitted by our ancestors.” Elizabeth Keating on the questions we don’t ask our families but should.
Stories, across generations
“FOR VANESSA TO WRITE A BOOK”
“Is that why you left me these stories? You couldn’t give me the love and nurturing I needed, but you could give me this, your version of your life in your hand. You could give me answers, so that with them I could do what I’ve been trying to do for more than fifteen years—‘Para que Vanessa escriba un libro.’”
INTERGENERATIONAL TALE OF A DIVIDED LAND
“While living in Vietnam, my father remained a constant presence in my thoughts, despite our minimal communication. I began to contemplate the concept of the motherland, the land of our ancestors, and think more about the hardships my father had endured to rebuild his life.”
ABUELAS’ INTANGIBLE HERITAGE
A new project from Latinos in Heritage Conservation is transforming research and geodata into rich and engaging StoryMaps to honor and preserve Latine histories, changing the way we remember the past.
On recent memoirs of note
‘PATRIOT’
Before he died in prison, Aleksei Navalny wrote a memoir. It’s coming this fall, and has already been translated into 11 languages, including Russian.
REMEMBERING A DISAPPEARING PAST
“I am looking for the past, I say.” Suzanne Scanlon on the act of ‘walking into the past’ to write her memoir, Committed, and of returning to fact-check her memories, pre-publication.
MATZO BALLS AND MEMORIES
“Joan Nathan has spent her life exploring Jewish culture through recipes. Now in her 80s, her new book is her most personal work yet—excavating her own culinary history.” Listen to the story:
Short takes
How to create your own life writing prompts
Good writing prompts will rid you of blank-page anxiety—and you can easily write your own! Here, 5 steps to drafting a library of personalized memoir prompts.
Taking some time to intentionally create a list of writing prompts that are personalized to your own experience will save you time (and headaches!) later.
Every writer starts with a blank page. Some are just more intimidated by that sea of paper white (or the blinking cursor on your computer screen) than others. Perhaps the best writing advice, proffered so often I am not sure who to attribute it to, is to simply start—even if that means dragging your pen across the page in squiggles until a word forms in your head.
But good writing prompts are a prescription for blank-page anxiety.
There are plenty of places to find good writing prompts, from writing groups (a great place to find supportive community around your writing) to craft books (this workbook from Beth Kephart is one of my faves), from email subscriptions (I offer a full-year of prompts called Write Your Life) to blog posts (here is an example from Jericho Writers, and here is an old reliable on my blog).
You can create your own memory prompts, too. It’s easy, as long as you set aside some time to be thoughtful and jot them down.
5 steps to drafting your own library of life writing prompts
Brainstorm
Ever since my seventh grade English class where I learned about brainstorming, it’s been the most powerful tool in my workplace arsenal. (I say “workplace,” but truly, brainstorming has been helpful in every area of my life—and I swear I learned not just to write in this teacher’s class, but to really think—so thanks, Mr. Lorusso!). Grab a piece of paper or open up a blank document on your computer, set a timer for five minutes, and write down every single thing you think may be fodder for future writing about your life. Do not edit yourself, and try to write continually—no pauses. This is not the time for filtering yourself. Be creative, get sloppy, and surprise yourself.
Wait a week.
Trust me, the emotional and cognitive distance will be helpful.
It’s time to curate.
Give your brainstorming document a read. Do you spot any themes? Any nuggets that surprise or delight you in their specificity or their mere presence? Your goal is to extract phrases and themes that will prompt writing down the road. Create a list of bullet points, and if possible, nest them under subheadings designating various themes. These don’t need to be overly fleshed out, just specific enough for them to spark YOUR memory and get you thinking.
Assess the writing prompts that you generated.
Did you fill a page or more with ideas for future writing? If so, I recommend you break them down into priorities, and create a basic plan for tackling them. (Another fun option that works for people who like things a little more loosy-goosy, like me: Skip this step and simply keep your curated list of prompts on hand—then, when you sit down to write, you can begin writing in response to whichever one stirs your memories at the moment!)
If the results of your brainstorming session were less than impressive, you may want to give it a go another time after taking a walk in nature (it really helps!). Or tap into these other ways to generate life writing prompts for yourself:
Go through your family photo archive to select pictures that jog your memories. Here’s some advice on how to best use those family photos as writing prompts.
Perhaps you need more structure than a freewheeling brainstorm session provides: Try this life timeline exercise to come up with memory prompts.
And if you prefer simple, straightforward questions to respond to in your writing, check out this free guide with essential family history questions. There are enough questions to keep you busy for a long time!
Life Story Links: April 9, 2024
This week’s curated roundup for family historians and memory-keepers gathers three weeks’ worth of top-notch writing on the subjects, so bookmark it and dive in.
“A memoir is about ‘the art of memory,’ and part of the art is in the curation.”
—Maggie Smith
Vintage poster produced between 1936 and 1938 by the Work Projects Administration; image courtesy of the Library of Congress Prints and Photographs Division, Digital Collection. The posters were designed to publicize exhibits, community activities, theatrical productions, and health and educational programs in seventeen states and the District of Columbia between 1936 to 1943.
Documenting our lives for posterity
IN THE WAKE OF A GRANDFATHER’S DEMENTIA
“The crippling fear of letting memories pass me by has caused me to over-compensate by over-documenting my life, as if clinging desperately to souvenirs in a futile attempt to escape the cruel bounds of time will stop me from forgetting.”
AN EPISTOLARY FRIENDSHIP
I don’t know anything about the American poets Elizabeth Bishop and Marianne Moore, but I delighted in reading descriptions of their decades–long correspondence in this excerpt from A Chance Meeting: American Encounters by Rachel Cohen.
PORTRAITS OF A NEW REALITY
“They’ve been telling their own story really, I’ve just been holding a camera,” Polly Braden says of the women forced to flee Ukraine in the face of war who she has been photographing for the past two years. “They are safeguarding the next generation of Ukraine.”
WRITING RITUALS
“I always wondered if she knew someone was watching, if there was a tiny performative aspect to the ritual, or if she was just so caught up in her work that she didn’t care that she had illuminated her sacred space.” Mia Manzulli on living next door to Joyce Carol Oates.
Recent memoir writing of note
STIRRING HER LANGUAGE SPIRIT
“I was set apart, and in that distance was a kind of longing, failure, and hollowness. A need for my own stories,” Jamie Figeuroa writes on reclaiming the Spanish language in this excerpt from her new memoir, Mother Island: A Daughter Claims Puerto Rico.
MLK BIOGRAPHER HONORED
The New-York Historical Society awarded its American History Prize to biographer Jonathan Eig, whose King: A Life “presents the civil rights leader as a brilliant, flawed 20th-century ‘founding father.’”
MORE THAN A TRAVEL MEMOIR
“Through writing, I really was able to realize how many experiences I never digested,” Helen Sula says. “I like learning and unlocking a part of myself I wasn’t in touch with before.”
Ways we remember
STORIES BEHIND THE STUFF
Boxes of old letters, family photos, and mementos from a generation ago can feel like a burden if they’re passed down without context. Recently on the blog I shared ideas for what to do with them.
IN DEFENSE OF IMMIGRANT FOOD MEMORIES
“What if all I have of my grandmother now is a gold bracelet in a box that she reluctantly gave me on the eve of my wedding (and often asked for it back) and a handful of memories, some of which I can viscerally taste when I prepare and eat the same food she made for me as a child.”
JOURNALS, NOTEBOOKS & DIARIES
How a diary is distinct from autofiction is one of the many questions Jhumpa Lahiri explored in a recent course she taught at Barnard about the diary as an art form. Here, she shares the reading assignments from that syllabus.
RootsTech recaps and reflections
FAMILY HISTORY FINDS YOU’LL LOVE
The last week of February I traveled to Salt Lake City for my first in-person RootsTech experience. While I’ve got a notebook filled with family history tips and tricks I’ll inevitably share later, for now I have rounded up my four favorite finds from the genealogy conference.
THE RISE OF ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE
If RootsTech 2024 made one thing abundantly clear, it’s that AI’s impact on the family history industry looms large. One recent player: Passagist has announced “an AI-powered biographer designed to document personal life stories.”
LIMITATIONS OF LIFE STORY TECH
‘Digital life story’ tools are invaluable for memory care residents, but “no matter how well-meaning, some tools simply were not user-friendly or they included audiovisual components that overwhelmed some older adults rather than enhance their experience,” a recent study finds.
HOW LOVE AND CONNECTION FUEL MEANING
“While AI and other technology have come a long way, this personal story shows why people recording people in person is irreplaceable,” Rhonda Lauritzen says in the introduction to this two-and-half-minute video on the undeniable power of connection and its place in family history storytelling:
...and a few more links
Two new digital service companies—Inalife and Folklory—help preserve legacies.
Debbie Brodsky on the key to telling your organization’s story on video
Bryan Cranston to narrate Doris Kearns Goodwin’s An Unfinished Love Story
Review of Chicago museum show, “A Little Truth—Fact and Fiction in Family Photography”
Anthony M. Kennedy to reflect on his life and his years on the Supreme Court in two-volume memoir
Short takes
4 Unique family history finds from RootsTech 2024
From a conference hall filled with more than 150 family history vendors, I have hand-picked my favorites—here’s why you’ll love them, too.
This short video, shared on the main stage and online, inroduced the RootsTech 2024 theme, REMEMBER. Hit “play”—and have some tissues handy!
What a whirlwind the past three days have been! I am sitting in the Salt Lake City airport as snow and gusty winds threaten to delay my midnight flight back to New York. I’ve got a notebook brimming with genealogy research tips, a folder of syllabi on my laptop waiting to print, a heart expanded by meeting likeminded family historians and memory-keepers, and eight hours to kill before the redeye boards…so I thought I’d share a quick roundup of some of my favorite discoveries from my first in-person RootsTech.
For those not familiar, RootsTech is a (huge!) family history and technology conference held annually in Salt Lake City, Utah. I’ve participated virtually in the past, and written about some of my reflections on the blog, but being here in person leveled up the experience, to be sure.
Family history finds you’ll want to know about
Here are four finds from RootsTech 2024 that I think you may be interested in:
DISCOVER: Heritage Travel
Kindred Lands’ website offers up sample heritage travel itineraries. Where is your ancestral homeland—and have you been there yet?
I had been planning to take a trip to Prague as well as some small towns in the Czech Republic to explore my heritage—then Covid happened. I’m a bit of a perfectionist, so the thought of designing that vacation—and ensuring I got to see all the things that connected me to my family history AND had a great time—seemed daunting. Well, I will be calling the couple behind Kindred Lands when I am ready to make that trip again. Drawn in by the stunning design of the Scotland book they had on display (and which is for sale on their site—if you have roots in Scotland, I highly recommend buying it for some imaginative travel!), I chatted with them about the impetus for starting their heritage travel company: Their first trip, unsurprisingly, was to explore their own family origins—and now they craft custom trips for others who want to feel a connection to their ancestral homeland. Discover some sample itineraries and request a free custom quote to visit your region of choice at KindredLands.com.
DESIGN: Custom “Vintage” Travel Posters
Four prints for sale in Missy Ames’s Wanderlust–themed Etsy shop; she creates fully custom commissioned artwork, too (perfect, in my opinion, for taking your family history book to the next level).
An overall beautiful aesthetic is important to me when I am designing family history books, and there are occasions when original artwork is called for. Custom maps showcasing a family’s ancestral journey, for example, or an illustration of a beloved home that has been in the family for generations, have made their way into my heirloom books. I was thrilled to discover the graphic design work of Missy Ames while walking the RootsTech expo hall—the framed prints she had on display from her “Wanderlust” collection are reminiscent of vintage national parks posters and ads from the mid-twentieth century. Missy told me that she began her original place-themed posters when she was living abroad. “I wanted to remember the remarkable experiences I had and couldn’t always find artwork that fit what I was looking for, so I started to make my own.” She has an array of designs available for purchase at her Etsy shop, and she is also available for personal commissions (I asked!)—so if you’re working on a family history book and would like some retro-feeling illustrations to accompany your storytelling, consider reaching out to her. I know I will be.
BOOK: A Daughter’s Portrait of Love and Loss
The cover of Nancy Borowick’s book The Family Imprint, while stunning, does little to hint at the photographic splendor within. Click through some images on her site to see what’s within.
I learned a LOT during educational sessions at RootsTech, walking away with a strategic game plan for breaking down brick walls in my German genealogy and new knowledge that I am a Mayflower descendant, for example. What most inspired me throughout the weekend, though, were stories of family connection—and those stories were all around for anyone listening! Perhaps my favorite such stories came from internationally renowned photographer Nancy Borowick, whose keynote presentation you can watch below (please do!!). No spoilers here—suffice to say, Nancy photographed her parents throughout their respective cancer treatments and developed a fluency around talking about death while finding an outlet for her feelings. The vulnerable and glorious images she captured distill a time in her life she wanted to remember, and they also invite us into her family’s experience. “This was our story, but it was everyone’s,” Nancy said. “I grieved with every letter that came in, but I also felt a deep connection with each and every one.” I was thrilled to happen upon her book signing table on my way out of the stage area, and highly recommend getting one for your own coffee table—The Family Imprint is an exquisite piece of art that oozes with authentic emotion and the human spirit.
Watch Nancy Borowick’s moving presentation from RootsTech 2024. “I am my mother’s daughter, and I get to keep that forever,” she said.
SERVICE: Free Genealogy Advice
One of the country’s leading resources for family history research, the New England Historic Genealogical Society, offers free online chat times where you can ask one of their expert genealogists a question, from how to get started in genealogy to where to find a particular record, from clarifying border changes in a particular town to accessing an online database. Find the Ask a Genealogist online chat, including a schedule, at AmericanAncestors.org/chat.
In addition to the above shout-outs, I promise to share in a future post some helpful tips for researching your family history and telling your family stories—I learned a LOT, and I want to pass on some of that to you! What would you like to know?
Are you weighed down by the stuff of your family’s memories?
Boxes of old letters, family photos, and mementos from a generation ago can feel like a burden if they’re passed down without context. What to do with them.
That box of sentimental stuff handed down to you would mean a lot more if you knew the stories behind the stuff, wouldn’t it?
Passing along our stories to our children and their children is a valuable endeavor, and in my experience one almost always met with joy and gratitude (even if not immediately, on occasion).
People with whom I have worked to preserve their stories have told me their family members tell them they “love” their life story books, “cherish” them, are “in awe” of them. When sharing their books, my clients have been met with extended hugs, laughter, dancing (“my father shimmied around the kitchen with glee when I showed him what I wrote,” one individual told me), and even tears.
But often it’s not stories that are passed on, but boxes of things laden with sentiment—and without context, those boxes can take on undue weight.
In recent weeks I have met with one person who told me she had a large stack of letters written between her parents during World War II. She knew that they were written in German, and that her father was in a work camp at the time. She didn’t, however, know what was within those letters, as she has never taken the time to have them translated or to read them. And now, she told me, she wasn’t even sure where they were. “But they haunt me,” she said.
Another person I visited told me her mother had recorded a Holocaust testimony with the Shoah Foundation in the 1980s (well, she said “she told Steven Spielberg’s people about her Holocaust experience”). No one in the family knew how to access it. They did not have a copy. They did not know the name of the foundation. Even her mother did not recall what she may have said during that long-ago oral history interview. Certainly the weightiness of the subject matter may have given anyone pause, but to let such a personal history get lost would be a tragedy.
And yet another current client told me, near the end of her project, that an aunt had just randomly stopped by to drop off a scrapbook that had been lovingly crafted by my client’s grandmother. The aunt was moving to another house, found the scrapbook tucked away in a closet, and, knowing my client was interested in her family history, figured she would be a better custodian of the materials. She was fortunate—many people who feel burdened by their ancestors’ things don’t have a family member with such interest to hand them off to.
As I think about these things—about how we can feel burdened by our parents’ things, about how stories can so easily get lost—I feel a bit sad, yes, and also compelled to spread the word.
Do you have sentimental boxes of family mementos you don’t know what to do with?
First, think about who might be the best custodian of your family’s archive.
If there is an obvious family history buff in the family, see if they may want the items. If not, then ask around—you might be surprised to learn a teenager or distant cousin may have a greater interest than you’d expected. The sooner you can pass the items on to someone who will regard them with interest and respect, the better. (Are you this person? I’ve met numerous people who tell me they have no interest in sleuthing through these “old things,” only to be drawn in as I curiously pull photos or war medals out and show interest in what they reveal!)
Second, do what you can to restore context to the things.
Even if you don’t have the time or inclination to write a whole book, consider labeling photos with names, writing mini-histories of heirlooms, and at least telling your kids what you know of the contents of that old box in the basement. Spend an hour or two with a sibling or parent to record your memories of all that stuff—it can be as simple as capturing audio with your phone’s voice recorder. Spare your descendants the burden of passing down an archive of things they know should have meaning, but not why.
Third, let go of guilt.
Perhaps you were the recipient of such a box of “cherished” things that came to you without context or meaning. Sure, that watch may have belonged to one of your grandfathers, or it may have been a flea market find that he never wore but stashed in a box…but you hold onto it along with everything else because you feel you should. This is a rich topic that could warrant a few thousand words (heck, the comments alone on some articles covering this topic are worth a read!), but in my mind, as long as you move forward with intention, it’s okay to let go of things that hold no meaning for you.
Do you have a dusty box of so-called heirlooms, letters, or family photos that were passed down to you without context? What are you going to do with them?
Further reading on how to be a good custodian of your family history:
Life Story Links: March 19, 2024
Book design, interview techniques, and life writing tips are a few of the topics in this week’s curated roundup for family history fans and memory-keepers.
“We are our memory, we are that chimerical museum of shifting shapes, that pile of broken mirrors.”
—Jorge Luis Borges
Vintage poster with original artwork by Richard Halls produced circa 1936 by the Work Projects Administration; image courtesy of the Library of Congress Prints and Photographs Division, Digital Collection. The posters were designed to publicize exhibits, community activities, theatrical productions, and health and educational programs in seventeen states and the District of Columbia between 1936 to 1943.
Notes and tips on craft
WHO’S ASKING THE QUESTIONS NOW?
One of media’s most talented and prolific interviewers, David Marchese, has the tables turned as he becomes the interview subject: This piece is worth a read both for the nuggets of interviewing wisdom as well as the embedded links to some great interviews from the NYT archives.
GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN
Amidst my current work on four distinct custom tribute books honoring clients’ family members who have passed away, I also shared some tips for anyone who may want to create a memorial book on their own.
WHEN DESIGN IS BAKED INTO CONTENT
“Manuscripts live in authors’ minds and on their computers, but books exist out in the world. No one wants to read your Word doc no matter how beautifully written it is.” A book designer on “the intricacies of literary interior design.”
Family history now
‘GNARLY BRANCHES’ OF HER FAMILY TREE
“My only provenance stems from obsessively researching genealogy. I’m sure the tendency came from growing up with eleven living, blood-related grandparents (parents of parents of parents of parents).” Chris Hardy Thornton on using history as a method of filling in the gaps from what’s passed down.
THE JEWISH HOLIDAY TABLE
“As I asked her about each [dish], I learned of her family’s journey from Spain to the Ottoman Empire to Africa and finally to Israel. I knew immediately that I wanted to preserve her treasure trove of recipes and stories.”
CONNECTION, IDENTITY, WELL-BEING
“The documented effects of genealogical discoveries on emotional well-being, resilience, sense of identity and belonging are taking on new relevance in America’s mental health crisis.” Family history as a public health intervention?
FAMILY HISTORY CONFERENCE HIGHLIGHTS
While I haven’t yet had time to write about my participation at RootsTech 2024 (stay tuned!), Robyn Fivush, Ph.D., director of the Family Narratives Lab at Emory University, shared this thoughtful reflection, including how physical archives can help embody family stories, creating profound connections.
More memoir miscellany
MEMOIR MEMORANDUM
“Our favorites of the year are audacious and moving—they’ll demand your attention, entertain you, and show you new vistas.” The best memoirs of 2024, so far, according to Esquire.
ACCIDENTAL ICON
“Clothes have always helped me tell stories about myself; who I am, who I wish to be. They could be chapters of a memoir.” Read an excerpt from Lyn Slater’s memoir, How to Be Old.
WORTH A THROWBACK READ
In 1996, The New Yorker helped launch Frank McCourt’s writing career by publishing an excerpt from Angela’s Ashes, his (eventual) Pulitzer–winning bestseller. Three years later, the magazine featured the next chapter of McCourt’s story: In honor of St. Patrick’s Day weekend, check out this piece from the archives, “New in Town,” about the first days after his migration to America (I highly recommend clicking “play” to listen to McCourt read the excerpt!).
Short takes
Learn about our Write Your Life course, providing memory prompts, writing guidance and a dose of inspiration to anyone who wants to preserve their stories now.