In conversation about “the gift of family stories”

Recently I was a featured guest on the podcast The Loss Encounters, hosted by Melissa Ceria.

Melissa is a French-American journalist and the founder of Studio Ceria, which has created and produced high-profile speaker series for Fortune 500 companies and cultural institutions such as the French Institute Alliance Française (FIAF) and NeueHouse in New York. She began her career as a writer and editor at major fashion magazines, including Harper’s Bazaar, where she and I worked together.

Melissa, as creator of The Loss Encounters, and I, as founder of Modern Heirloom Books, share a love and respect for the power of stories; we found our way to family stories, in particular, via somewhat parallel paths. When my mother died, I was bereft at the loss of our shared collective memory, and saddened to discover that the journals she had left behind were only sparsely written in. Melissa, on the other hand, was bequeathed a precious gift just ten days before her father, Lorenzo Weisman, passed—A Family Story, a book he wrote about their family’s history. It is an heirloom that continues to bring her solace all these years later. “It’s filled with stories, photos, poems, and letters that have brought us comfort and connection,” she says.

Our brief conversation, titled “The Gift of Family Stories,” was released as a bonus episode of The Loss Encounters in honor of Father’s Day earlier this month. It is, Melissa says, “dedicated to my dad, and invites all of us to cherish and preserve our own family stories.”

I share it with you here today in hopes that you, too, will be inspired to cherish and preserve your own family stories. Enjoy!

Transcript

(Edited slightly for clarity)

Melissa Ceria: On a warm September evening in 2012, my dad, Lorenzo Weisman, sat down at his dining room table and dedicated the book he'd written about our family to each of his grandchildren. He died ten days later on September 22nd, 2012. His book, titled A Family Story, is a beautiful account of my family's origins, our ancestors, the long life that my parents built together, and the families that joined ours through marriage. It's filled with stories and photos, poems, and letters. There's a lot of love in it. And I'm glad that my dad didn't varnish things. He just told our family's story by piecing together the mosaic of our lives. I think that writing it also allowed him to review his own remarkable journey, and to feel at peace by the time he died. No one could have guessed that A Family Story would also become our companion in grief. We leaf through it when we miss dad, when we need to hear his voice, or if we want to share family stories with our kids. It's been a huge gift for the grandchildren that never got to meet him. Through this, they know dad and we can all talk about him. A decade after his death, I've been thinking about the importance of sharing our stories with those we love. So I called up my friend Dawn Roode. Dawn is the founder of Modern Heirloom Books. As a personal historian, she helps people write their stories and preserves them in beautifully bound books that generations will cherish. Our conversation felt like the call to action. Collecting our memories is a gift for those we leave behind. Hi, Dawn. It's lovely to have you here.

Dawn Roode: Thrilled to be here. Thank you, Melissa.

Melissa Ceria: Tell me how you got started with this work.

Dawn Roode: I was a new mom, and my son had actually been born three months before my mother passed away. It was a very unexpected death. And so, you know, I was dealing with the supreme joys of motherhood and the lowest depths of grief at the same time. And it was a really challenging time for me. I ended up making a book in honor of my mom. Didn't start out that way. It started out me writing a lot of remembrances about her. I had this feverish sense that I was going to lose my memories of her, and it was so important for me to get them down. And as a writer and an editor, someone who came from that background, that was the natural way for me to do so, was to just write in a journal. But eventually, as I went through her photos, I wanted to make something that was more substantive, more permanent. I knew that my son would never know my mom, and that kind of broke my heart, and that was the inspiration for me to make the actual book. It was such a rewarding experience for me, and I thought I might be able to help other people do the same thing.

[00:03:21]
Melissa Ceria: When people start working with you, are they clear about what they want to communicate?

[00:03:25]  

Dawn Roode: It runs the gamut. It's very interesting when someone comes to me and says, "I want to do my story," very often they have a good idea of what they want to share. Almost always, it ends up going in a new direction once the interviews start, because they surprise themselves with what a rich life they've led. "Oh, and I forgot about this." And so the mere act of telling the stories, of me being a curious and engaged listener and asking pointed questions, helps them go in new directions and discover meaning that they hadn't expected in their lives. Other times people come to me where it's the younger generation that wants to preserve their parents’ or their grandparents’ stories, and that's a very different dynamic, where the people come and say, "I don't have a story to tell." It wasn't their idea. They're like, "I have nothing to say. My life is pretty boring, pretty standard." So there's a whole little conversational thing that happens to get them to the right place. And those are even more wonderfully surprising, because at the end they say things like, "wow," I literally had a client say, "I lived a really amazing life so far, and I had no idea." And so that power of reflection, I think is just really transformative. And I look at myself as a guide for them. So I help them find the story and put them on the path to kind of make some narrative sense of it.

[00:04:43]  

Melissa Ceria: What are the qualities that support the work that you do?

[00:04:46]  

Dawn Roode: So certainly curiosity is one, but I think being a good listener is at the heart of everything that I do. I feel like I hold a sacred space for people. I try to be very generous of spirit with people. I think empathy is another. People are very hard on themselves and I want them to know any of their feelings are valid. The choices they've made are worth looking at with forgiveness, with gratitude.

[00:05:12]

Melissa Ceria: Do you think when we review our own lives, we can be very critical of ourselves? Or do you think we give ourselves more slack? 

[00:05:20]  

Dawn Roode: You know, it's really interesting. I find when people are writing about themselves, we can be much harder on ourselves. The dynamic when I'm interviewing someone, I can sense when that criticism is coming in, or the reluctance to kind of go in a certain direction because there may be shame or critical thought about a previous decision. What I try to do is empower them that "you came out the other side, and there's a lesson in there for your descendants or for yourself." So the power of two, of me being a listener, I think, helps people find that generosity of spirit for themselves.

[00:05:55]

Melissa Ceria: If somebody isn't prepared to write their own story, or they can't necessarily hire somebody to help them do that, what are some of the ways that we can gather these stories?

[00:06:04]

Dawn Roode: I say to people all the time, it doesn't have to be long. I think that's the biggest thing, is do something rather than nothing, and you can always change it. Four years later you can say, "Oh, you know that thing I have in the drawer? That is something I'm going to go rewrite it." But the fact that you're even thinking about it, I think is always a good start. And then it's just takes some kind of action to do it. And if you can't write, dictate—we have smartphones, so just dictate right into there. There's software that will automatically transcribe it now. And you can leave your voice. Just leave an audio recording if that's easier for you. It doesn't have to be monumental, I think is the message.

 [00:06:40]

Melissa Ceria: Do you find that people that you work with, if they are nearing the end of their lives, have a greater sense of peace after they've communicated something to their loved ones?

[00:06:52]

Dawn Roode: I do. It's something palpable that I can feel as our interviews proceed, and as we're getting closer to having something to completion. There's a shift in the way that they are talking about their life. There's a shift and a certain calmness that comes with it. But beyond me sensing it, people have told me that. One client in particular comes to mind who just, he thanked me repeatedly for giving him the space to do this, but I wanted to thank him. I had such gratitude to him for being open about it, and what he was so grateful for was that "I have perspective. That I looked back on my life and realized it was wonderful." What more could you ask for? And what a wonderful thing to tell those that you're leaving behind. There's a great peace that comes from it, and also an empowerment to let go at a certain point when the time comes.

[00:07:46] 

Melissa Ceria: Do you think it's in our nature to want to leave messages behind?

[00:07:49] 

Dawn Roode: I do, and what I've tried to do through my work and and after losing my mom in particular, is to encourage people to be intentional about what we leave behind so that people aren't scrounging through the emails and their texts in search of something, but that we leave something specific. I think that that holds even greater meaning for both parties. For the person leaving it behind, it gives you a sense of peace that you've said certain things. And for the person receiving that, how wonderful to know that your loved one was thinking of you and that you can hold on to this.

[00:08:21] 

Melissa Ceria: It’s not surprising that my dad’s book brings us solace. To Dawn’s point, he wrote it with intention, and the words that he gifted us were meant to offer comfort. I’m so grateful for his gift. This is Melissa Ceria. Thank you for listening.

https://www.thelossencounters.com/episodes/2024-06-13-dawn-roode

To read or not to read? How to handle a deceased family member’s personal letters

I have created wonderful heirloom books filled with letters that help tell the story of a family. Sometimes, though, we may not feel so comfortable reading our deceased loved ones’ personal reflections. Before you include their letters in your book, reflect on how they’d feel about it—then, make an informed, thoughtful decision.

My parents divorced when I was a child, and I do not have a relationship with my father. But I was close to my mother until her death. She shared a great deal with me, and we spoke openly about our feelings. When I was sorting her estate I came upon things I was excited to find: letters from me that she had saved, a memory-keeping journal where a handful of questions were answered in her pristine penmanship (how I wish she had written more in those pages!), a scrapbook of her youth that she had made in her fifties. I reproduced some things, including favorite handwritten recipes and letters between us, in a tribute book I wrote in her honor about a year after she died. I did not, however, include any of the letters sent between her and her newlywed husband when he was stationed in Korea.

If my mother were alive and we had discovered those saved letters together, I have no doubt she would have shared details with me. She would have told me why she saved them even after a bitter divorce. She would have talked about young love and her dreams and she would have answered any questions I had.

But my mother was no longer here to answer questions or to provide context. At first I was excited to unearth that correspondence; then, as now, I would cherish anything that connected me to my mom. I opened the top letter and began reading. The letter was intimate. It wasn’t sexual, but it was clearly intended for my mother’s eyes only. I refolded the letter, put it back in its envelope, and chose not to read any further. It felt like an invasion of her privacy, and I wanted to respect that.

Was I bound by some moral code not to read my mother’s letters? I don’t think so. To me, it just felt wrong. So I followed my gut.

Indeed, most genealogists regard letters as valuable family artifacts to be mined for family history information and stories. As genealogist Denise May Lovesick writes in her piece “Ethics, Etiquette and Old Family Letters,” “to reject reading old letters on the basis of ‘personal privacy’ seems counter-productive.” 

In an online exchange about the ethics of reading letters of a deceased person, questions arise: Can the dead be rights-holders, morally? Is it an invasion of privacy to read letters not intended for you? Does the deceased have a right to have their memory protected? As one contributor shares, “the damage caused to that person is zero (he's dead), while everybody will benefit from the historical knowledge.”

Is it always okay to read (and share) letters from our deceased family?

So while it may not be morally or ethically wrong to read your ancestors’ letters (I have created quite a few books of family correspondence that are treasured parts of those families’ legacies!), if you have reservations, consider these questions:

1. What is giving you pause?

   You may be worried that the letters will reveal a side of your family member you knew nothing about; that may be the case, and you should prepare yourself for that inevitability should you decide to read them. Perhaps you feel like you would be invading their privacy; if you have conviction that if they were alive, they would not want you to read the letters, then it may be prudent to respect those wishes, surmised though they may be.

2. Are you reluctant to read the letters, to share them, or both?

   Remember that there is a difference between you or another loved one reading your parents’ letters, versus digitizing and printing them for a wider audience. You cannot decide whether to share a personal correspondence until you read it, and then you will need to make an informed decision: Will reproducing the letters (in a family history book, for instance) provide insight or historical context without maligning the letter-writer? Then you may want to share them. Will reproducing the letters reveal sensitive information that might hurt someone else, living or deceased? Then you may want to reconsider.

3. How would you want someone to act if the letters were your own?

   Imagine you have a stash of letters hidden in your closet—they are meaningful to you, but private. You have saved them, and hidden them, for reasons known only to you. If a family member were to discover them after you died, would you want them to read them? Such consideration may help you make a mindful decision.

There is no black-and-white answer to the question, Should I read my deceased loved one’s personal letters? It is not morally wrong to read them, nor is it necessarily an invasion of their privacy. But there may be good reasons your gut tells you not to read them—and if that is the case, I hope these reflections will help you come to an answer that is right for you.

If you have a collection of letters that you feel tells an important part of your family history and would like help building an heirloom book around them, please reach out to discuss how we could work together.

4 Unique family history finds from RootsTech 2024

This short video, shared on the main stage and online, inroduced the RootsTech 2024 theme, REMEMBER. Hit “play”—and have some tissues handy!

What a whirlwind the past three days have been! I am sitting in the Salt Lake City airport as snow and gusty winds threaten to delay my midnight flight back to New York. I’ve got a notebook brimming with genealogy research tips, a folder of syllabi on my laptop waiting to print, a heart expanded by meeting likeminded family historians and memory-keepers, and eight hours to kill before the redeye boards…so I thought I’d share a quick roundup of some of my favorite discoveries from my first in-person RootsTech.

For those not familiar, RootsTech is a (huge!) family history and technology conference held annually in Salt Lake City, Utah. I’ve participated virtually in the past, and written about some of my reflections on the blog, but being here in person leveled up the experience, to be sure.

Family history finds you’ll want to know about

Here are four finds from RootsTech 2024 that I think you may be interested in:

DISCOVER: Heritage Travel

Kindred Lands’ website offers up sample heritage travel itineraries. Where is your ancestral homeland—and have you been there yet?

I had been planning to take a trip to Prague as well as some small towns in the Czech Republic to explore my heritage—then Covid happened. I’m a bit of a perfectionist, so the thought of designing that vacation—and ensuring I got to see all the things that connected me to my family history AND had a great time—seemed daunting. Well, I will be calling the couple behind Kindred Lands when I am ready to make that trip again. Drawn in by the stunning design of the Scotland book they had on display (and which is for sale on their site—if you have roots in Scotland, I highly recommend buying it for some imaginative travel!), I chatted with them about the impetus for starting their heritage travel company: Their first trip, unsurprisingly, was to explore their own family origins—and now they craft custom trips for others who want to feel a connection to their ancestral homeland. Discover some sample itineraries and request a free custom quote to visit your region of choice at KindredLands.com.

DESIGN: Custom “Vintage” Travel Posters

Four prints for sale in Missy Ames’s Wanderlust–themed Etsy shop; she creates fully custom commissioned artwork, too (perfect, in my opinion, for taking your family history book to the next level).

An overall beautiful aesthetic is important to me when I am designing family history books, and there are occasions when original artwork is called for. Custom maps showcasing a family’s ancestral journey, for example, or an illustration of a beloved home that has been in the family for generations, have made their way into my heirloom books. I was thrilled to discover the graphic design work of Missy Ames while walking the RootsTech expo hall—the framed prints she had on display from her “Wanderlust” collection are reminiscent of vintage national parks posters and ads from the mid-twentieth century. Missy told me that she began her original place-themed posters when she was living abroad. “I wanted to remember the remarkable experiences I had and couldn’t always find artwork that fit what I was looking for, so I started to make my own.” She has an array of designs available for purchase at her Etsy shop, and she is also available for personal commissions (I asked!)—so if you’re working on a family history book and would like some retro-feeling illustrations to accompany your storytelling, consider reaching out to her. I know I will be.

BOOK: A Daughter’s Portrait of Love and Loss

The cover of Nancy Borowick’s book The Family Imprint, while stunning, does little to hint at the photographic splendor within. Click through some images on her site to see what’s within.

I learned a LOT during educational sessions at RootsTech, walking away with a strategic game plan for breaking down brick walls in my German genealogy and new knowledge that I am a Mayflower descendant, for example. What most inspired me throughout the weekend, though, were stories of family connection—and those stories were all around for anyone listening! Perhaps my favorite such stories came from internationally renowned photographer Nancy Borowick, whose keynote presentation you can watch below (please do!!). No spoilers here—suffice to say, Nancy photographed her parents throughout their respective cancer treatments and developed a fluency around talking about death while finding an outlet for her feelings. The vulnerable and glorious images she captured distill a time in her life she wanted to remember, and they also invite us into her family’s experience. “This was our story, but it was everyone’s,” Nancy said. “I grieved with every letter that came in, but I also felt a deep connection with each and every one.” I was thrilled to happen upon her book signing table on my way out of the stage area, and highly recommend getting one for your own coffee table—The Family Imprint is an exquisite piece of art that oozes with authentic emotion and the human spirit.

Watch Nancy Borowick’s moving presentation from RootsTech 2024. “I am my mother’s daughter, and I get to keep that forever,” she said.

SERVICE: Free Genealogy Advice

One of the country’s leading resources for family history research, the New England Historic Genealogical Society, offers free online chat times where you can ask one of their expert genealogists a question, from how to get started in genealogy to where to find a particular record, from clarifying border changes in a particular town to accessing an online database. Find the Ask a Genealogist online chat, including a schedule, at AmericanAncestors.org/chat.

In addition to the above shout-outs, I promise to share in a future post some helpful tips for researching your family history and telling your family stories—I learned a LOT, and I want to pass on some of that to you! What would you like to know?

Are you weighed down by the stuff of your family’s memories?

That box of sentimental stuff handed down to you would mean a lot more if you knew the stories behind the stuff, wouldn’t it?

Passing along our stories to our children and their children is a valuable endeavor, and in my experience one almost always met with joy and gratitude (even if not immediately, on occasion). 

People with whom I have worked to preserve their stories have told me their family members tell them they “love” their life story books, “cherish” them, are “in awe” of them. When sharing their books, my clients have been met with extended hugs, laughter, dancing (“my father shimmied around the kitchen with glee when I showed him what I wrote,” one individual told me), and even tears.

But often it’s not stories that are passed on, but boxes of things laden with sentiment—and without context, those boxes can take on undue weight.

In recent weeks I have met with one person who told me she had a large stack of letters written between her parents during World War II. She knew that they were written in German, and that her father was in a work camp at the time. She didn’t, however, know what was within those letters, as she has never taken the time to have them translated or to read them. And now, she told me, she wasn’t even sure where they were. “But they haunt me,” she said.

Another person I visited told me her mother had recorded a Holocaust testimony with the Shoah Foundation in the 1980s (well, she said “she told Steven Spielberg’s people about her Holocaust experience”). No one in the family knew how to access it. They did not have a copy. They did not know the name of the foundation. Even her mother did not recall what she may have said during that long-ago oral history interview. Certainly the weightiness of the subject matter may have given anyone pause, but to let such a personal history get lost would be a tragedy.

And yet another current client told me, near the end of her project, that an aunt had just randomly stopped by to drop off a scrapbook that had been lovingly crafted by my client’s grandmother. The aunt was moving to another house, found the scrapbook tucked away in a closet, and, knowing my client was interested in her family history, figured she would be a better custodian of the materials. She was fortunate—many people who feel burdened by their ancestors’ things don’t have a family member with such interest to hand them off to.

As I think about these things—about how we can feel burdened by our parents’ things, about how stories can so easily get lost—I feel a bit sad, yes, and also compelled to spread the word. 

Do you have sentimental boxes of family mementos you don’t know what to do with?

1. First, think about who might be the best custodian of your family’s archive.

   If there is an obvious family history buff in the family, see if they may want the items. If not, then ask around—you might be surprised to learn a teenager or distant cousin may have a greater interest than you’d expected. The sooner you can pass the items on to someone who will regard them with interest and respect, the better. (Are you this person? I’ve met numerous people who tell me they have no interest in sleuthing through these “old things,” only to be drawn in as I curiously pull photos or war medals out and show interest in what they reveal!)

2. Second, do what you can to restore context to the things.

   Even if you don’t have the time or inclination to write a whole book, consider labeling photos with names, writing mini-histories of heirlooms, and at least telling your kids what you know of the contents of that old box in the basement. Spend an hour or two with a sibling or parent to record your memories of all that stuff—it can be as simple as capturing audio with your phone’s voice recorder. Spare your descendants the burden of passing down an archive of things they know should have meaning, but not why.

3. Third, let go of guilt.

   Perhaps you were the recipient of such a box of “cherished” things that came to you without context or meaning. Sure, that watch may have belonged to one of your grandfathers, or it may have been a flea market find that he never wore but stashed in a box…but you hold onto it along with everything else because you feel you should. This is a rich topic that could warrant a few thousand words (heck, the comments alone on some articles covering this topic are worth a read!), but in my mind, as long as you move forward with intention, it’s okay to let go of things that hold no meaning for you.

Do you have a dusty box of so-called heirlooms, letters, or family photos that were passed down to you without context? What are you going to do with them?

Further reading on how to be a good custodian of your family history:

• What to do to ensure your children don’t toss your family photos.

• Remember: Your legacy is not something you leave for your family and friends; your legacy is something you leave in them.

All your Write Your Life questions answered

Are you wondering if our 52 weeks of memory prompts are the right choice to help you or a family member write about your life at last? Read on for answers to all your questions.

Recently I announced the launch of an annual email subscription of memory and writing prompts called Write Your Life. I have been humbled by your interest, and have learned a lot from the questions people have been asking me via email and Instagram DM. As a result, I have created a FAQ page all about Write Your Life, and have expanded that here to include two more questions I received just yesterday. 

If you’ve still got questions, please leave them in the comments and I will respond asap!

Frequently asked questions about the Write Your Life annual subscription

Are the writing prompts in Write Your Life difficult?

No! The prompts in this subscription are carefully curated so they spark memories in a fun way. They are open-ended, which means that every person can interpret them in their own unique fashion; it also means that one prompt might spark so many memories that it inspires multiple stories over many days of writing. We have included tips from writing experts to make the process as smooth as possible for you, but we encourage you to write the way you talk. It’s all about capturing your memories, not writing a bestseller.

How much does Write Your Life cost?

A one year subscription (52 weeks of curated prompts) costs $132, with an introductory rate of just $99 through the end of 2023. Subscribe to our newsletter to be alerted to occasional discount codes or sales.

Do I do my writing online/via email?

No, to keep things as simple and straightforward as possible, YOU choose how you record your stories. There is no app or other software needed for Write Your Life.

Many people handwrite their stories. We recommend a journal dedicated just for this purpose or a loose-leaf binder where you can arrange things to your liking and easily edit. 

Other people type their stories on a computer (our fingers can usually work a keyboard faster than we can write). In this case, I recommend creating one document that you update each time you write (don’t forget to back it up to the cloud or to an external hard drive so you don’t lose your precious memories!).

And for some, who don’t prefer to write at all, speaking their stories into a voice recorder (such as the one on most smart phones) is the most convenient option; those digital recordings can be easily shared with loved ones via email, and transcribed with AI software so you ultimately have a written version of your memories, too.

How long will the writing take each week?

As little or as long as you like. Participants may choose to write brief answers that aim to succinctly share your memories, in which case you may spend as little as 45 minutes on a single prompt and create something of value. Or you may wish to luxuriate in the process, spending an intentional hour on the “remembering” portion of the prompts, for example, then writing a little each day, revising and editing to create a polished family history story by the end of the week. Some questions may resonate more than others, too, so one week’s prompt may take longer to write about than another.

What if I can’t stay on schedule?

While we send you a prompt every week, we understand that life can get in the way of even the best intentions—vacations, work, family engagements, even laziness can interrupt your flow. Don’t stress. Simply print out the prompts you have missed—there’s a beautifully designed page to download in every email for this very purpose—and return to it later, when you have more time. The goal is to regularly capture your memories, not to militantly keep to an arbitrary schedule. The best time to start is now, and the best time to finish is…when you can!

Can I pause my subscription at any time?

Unfortunately, we do not currently have that capability. See above on what to do if you fall behind.

Do I have to read the free e-book that accompanies my subscription?

Of course not. You can skip the book and hit the ground running as soon as your first prompt arrives. The e-book, which is delivered two days after your subscription begins, has some helpful tips on how to prepare for your life writing journey, how to sound authentic on the page, and more. It’s 26 pages of goodness, but it’s not required reading!

What types of themes will be covered in my Write Your Life subscription?

Most themes last a few weeks, with prompts within each theme to inspire your writing. Over the course of the year, themes will include: Childhood; Food; Identity; Life Transitions; Fun & Favorites; Lessons, Values & Legacy; plus a handful of creative themes to wrap things up.

I’m buying Write Your Life now as a gift for someone else. How do I make sure the emails don’t start coming to them right away?

If you know when you would like the emails to start (the week after someone’s birthday, for example), then you can specify that date in the form when you make your purchase; their subscription will begin on the date you specify. If you are not sure, then I would recommend buying a gift certificate and letting your recipient sign up when they are ready to begin.

Will I get a printed book at the end of the year?

Unlike some other services out there, Write Your Life does not create a book from your writing. There are two key reasons for this:

• The quality of those books is not really great, and the business model those huge companies have is not sustainable for a small business such as Modern Heirloom Books. 

• I want you to focus on really getting your memories down—being thoughtful about your answers, and enjoying the journey of remembering. Your family members won’t care about the format, they’ll be thrilled that your stories were recorded at all!

I will give you ideas for creating a book or other keepsake at the end of your writing, I promise. And if you’re not the DIY type but want your stories and photos designed in an heirloom book, you might consider hiring us to design your book…but that’s not for everyone, and it’s NOT necessary!

How else does Write Your Life differ from StoryWorth and those other services?

Those services provide family history questions that are valuable and interesting, certainly (I provide FREE guides with many such questions, too). The prompts in Write Your Life are different—they are open-ended memory prompts designed to get you thinking, and to find meaning in your experiences. Each email will include specific sparks to help jog your memory, and writing tips to make the process seamless. All the guidance is based on my decades of experience as a personal historian, interviewer, writer, and editor—distilled so you can make the most of your time.

How do I subscribe?

Click here to purchase.

WHAT if I have more questions?

Pop your question in the comments field below and I will reply when I can!

A year’s worth of memory prompts to help you write your life

Have you decided you want to subscribe? Click here to purchase our annual Write Your Life email subscription for just $99!

I am thrilled to announce that my Write Your Life annual subscription is now live and available to purchase at an introductory discounted rate!

For years I have offered curated family history questions for free (and that hasn’t changed!). These free guides offer up questions that can be used to conduct family history interviews with loved ones OR as memory prompts to guide your personal writing. If you aren’t yet familiar, I am referring to:

• 56 Essential Family History Questions

• 55 Questions to Spark Thanksgiving Story Sharing

• 75 Questions to Spark Christmas Story Sharing

• 38 Food-Themed Family History Questions

I’ve also got a unique guide designed especially to empower kids to interview their grandparents, one of my favorite resources to date, for just $5.

These free (and almost-free 😉) resources offer a wealth of ideas for anyone interested in preserving their stories—so why would I create something new and expect people to pay for it? While I am committed to sharing complimentary DIY tips and ideas for legacy preservation, I wanted to provide something a little more robust: something giftable (!!), approachable yet chock-full of value, and easy yet rich with potential.

What a Write Your Life subscription offers

The Write Your Life annual subscription offers a full year of weekly emails for anyone who wants to write about their life (even if the longest thing you’ve ever written is your signature!).

There are a gazillion courses to learn the nuts and bolts of memoir writing. This is not one of them. Here the participant will dive right in—to finding their memories and writing their stories.

Every week you (or your gift recipient) will get:

• prompts to spark memories in a specific theme

• specific (enjoyable!) writing assignments

• concrete tips to improve writing and stay on track

• …and a dose of inspiration.

• PLUS, a bonus printable sheet so you can revisit your prompts any time.

The annual subscription—normally $132, but on sale now for $99—kicks off with six weeks of Childhood Memories prompts, followed by prompts for Food Memories; the third theme explores Life Transitions. From there you will move into themes including Identity; Fun & Favorites; Lessons, Values & Legacy; plus more creative themes to continue exploring your memories.

We’re talking 52 weeks of open-ended memory prompts!

How are Write Your Life prompts different from the free family history questions?

Here’s a quick rundown of how a paid annual Write Your Life subscription compares to the free family history guides on my site, so you can decide which might be right for you:

WRITE YOUR LIFE SUBSCRIPTION

✔ Subscription is tailored specifically to WRITING your memories, rather than family history interviews.

✔ Prompts are delivered weekly to your in-box, helping you maintain a regular memory-keeping practice.

✔ Prompts and questions are open-ended. (Open-ended writing prompts are both inspiring and able to be used multiple times—so if one theme really resonates for you, print your “assignment” and save it to use again!)

✔ Prompts are probing, encouraging you to go beyond surface memories to finding meaning.

✔ Each email includes a simple but relevant writing tip.

✔ Each email includes an inspirational quote on that week’s topic.

✔ Every prompt is beautifully designed as a printable page to add to your personal library.

FREE GUIDES

✔ Guide is tailored specifically to FAMILY HISTORY INTERVIEWS, rather than writing your memories.

✔ Questions are beautifully designed as a printable guide to add to your personal library.

✘ There are no weekly emails, so no accountability, and no help creating a regular memory-keeping practice.

✘ Prompts and questions are NOT open-ended.

✘ Prompts are straightforward rather than probing, encouraging fun memories but maybe not overly thoughtful responses.

✘ There are no writing tips or inspirational ideas to supplement prompts.

Why a Write Your Life subscription makes a thoughtful gift

What could be as meaningful as inviting someone you love to share their stories?! Buying a year’s worth of memory and writing prompts for a family member tells them you value their legacy. That you want to learn more about them. Hear their stories. Connect more deeply.

It’s a great gift idea for the person in your life who is challenging to buy for—but for whom you want to get something truly special.

It’s also a unique way to create something extraordinary for your loved ones—buy YOURSELF a subscription, write about your life, and share what you write with them!! (Don’t you wish someone had gifted you such a legacy?)

How to get your limited-time discounted rate

Through the end of the year I am offering the Write Your Life Annual Subscription for just $99 (regularly $129). There is no discount code needed, and no limit to how many you can buy (gift it to multiple family members, why don’t you?).

More memory-keeping gift ideas

Quick View

A Taste of the Past - Family Recipe Card Set

$30.00

Our recipe card set goes above and beyond capturing ingredients and cooking instructions for your family’s favorite foods. Open the cards to reveal space to record your memories of these foods!

Is it a recipe handed down through generations on your mom’s side? Was it your child’s go-to meal as a toddler? Does the smell remind you of Thanksgivings past, Nanna’s kitchen, or early memories in a special home?

Preserve your family recipes and all the precious stories they call forth.

Purchase

Quick View

Kid Kit: Everything You Need to Interview Your Grandparents

$5.00

This 20-page guide is chock-full of good things to help you get your kids involved in capturing stories from their grandparents!

Designed especially for kids ages 8 and up (and we mean way up—you’re never too old to embark on a conversation with your loved ones!), the e-book includes:

• 45 family history questions
• 3 fun bonus activities
• interview recording tips
• historical timeline
• ideas for what to do post-interview

Once you purchase, you will receive a link to download your Kid Kit.

Purchase

The index card solution to family history preservation

Don’t worry, you won’t need a library’s worth of card catalog drawers for your family history records—a simple recipe box (or two) should do!

I’m all about books—I’ve got stacks of them all over my office, my bedroom, my kitchen; I turn to them for escape and for knowledge, for catharsis and for fun; and I write, edit, and design books for a living. But I know that sometimes creating a book may not be the best choice for a specific memory-keeping challenge. That’s where recipe card boxes come in.

Over the many years I have been advising clients on how to turn their family stories into lasting legacy books, I have found a few common occasions when the time is simply not right (yet!) to commit to book publication. In the three scenarios that follow, I suggest buying a simple recipe card box and some blank index cards that will fit within—then using those (easily changeable, inexpensive, convenient) cards to record your stories until you’re ready to move them into a book. (Oh, and even if you find you never get to that ‘ready’ stage, you’ll still have preserved a great deal of your family history in an accessible format…and who knows, someone in the next generation just may take up the challenge of continuing your research and one day creating an heirloom book!)

Three memory-keeping occasions when recipe cards (a.k.a., index cards) are a great tool:

1. You want to capture memories for your children in real time.

2. You want to record the stories of your heirlooms, but can’t undertake a big new project.

3. You are working towards a heritage cookbook—‘towards’ being the operative word.

MEMORIES

You want to capture memories for your children in real time.

Are you regularly sharing tidbits about your new baby on Facebook or Instagram? Do you tell stories about your grade-schooler to your mom during weekly phone calls? Do you wish you had created annual family albums for your kids’ earlier years, but never found the time? It’s never too late to start recording family memories—and it’s easiest when you write those micro memories down as they happen!

How to record family memories in a recipe box:

• Keep a pen and a stash of blank recipe cards in convenient locations—your bag, your bedroom nightstand, a kitchen drawer—so that they’re always on hand when you need them.

• When your child says something laugh-out-loud funny or wise beyond their years, when they achieve something they’re proud of or try something new, jot it down on a card. Be especially conscious of capturing catch-phrases that characterize a certain age, or things that make you smile every.single.time! 

• If you have a tendency to share these things in real time on your Instagram stories or other social media platform, take a screenshot of the shared memory, print it out, and tape onto a blank index card.

• Whenever you can, make physical prints of favorite photos: Ideally, print them at the same size as your index cards so they can be stored behind the memory card it goes with, or print smaller and adhere to a card with a handwritten memory on the reverse.

• Use dividers to label months and year, or perhaps have a divider for each of your children—whatever organizational system makes the most sense for you.

• Consider asking your kid(s) to contribute something once in a while—maybe they write how they’re feeling on the first day of every school year, or what they hope for on each birthday. Preserving their handwriting in this way is priceless!

Future uses: These memory cards will become not only a cherished family heirloom, but they’ll be resources for you to easily create meaningful gifts in years to come—think a photo montage at their high school graduation, or a memory book on the occasion of their wedding. You may want to use them as memory prompts for YOU to write a book one day, or maybe you’ll digitize them for yourself then tie a ribbon around the box to gift to your child when they buy their first home!

HEIRLOOMS

You want to record the stories of your heirlooms, but can’t undertake a big new project.

Instead, jot down a list of all the heirlooms you hold dear, then tackle writing down their provenance one by one when you have time. That first index card will be like a checklist (that you can add to any time you want!). Each subsequent card will include

• a photo of the heirloom

• a physical description

• who it belonged to (including originally and over the years)

• approximate year it came into your family

• any associated stories or details that make it meaningful.

You may end up writing about one heirloom per month, or completing a flurry of them at once and then not again for a while—go at your own pace!

Future uses: You may want to one day design a book of all your heirlooms (or have a professional book designer create one for you), in which case you’ll have everything you need in one place. Alternately, as you downsize or simply gift items to loved ones and friends, you may hand them the card that goes with their heirloom—voilà, origin story complete.

RECIPES

You are working towards a heritage cookbook—‘towards’ being the operative word.

Sure, this one may seem obvious (recipe cards in a recipe box!!)…but I encourage you to be more intentional than one might normally be when jotting down recipes. You may recognize your mom’s scribbles, or your grandmother’s shorthand, but the next generation may not. As you cook each recipe, look over what’s written and ask yourself: 

• Is each ingredient amount clear? 

• Is cook time accurate? 

• Have I changed something since I originally began cooking this? 

• Do we always use a certain brand of an ingredient?

• Are there other things worth noting—that you often double the recipe and freeze half, say, or that It can be modified if using fresh rather than canned vegetables?

Examples: Grandma may have used shortening, Mom preferred margarine, and you now use butter; “cook until browned” is only helpful if you have a general idea of cook time, so be more explicit for future recipe readers—“cook approximately 20 minutes, until browned”; “syrup” may obviously denote dark maple syrup to you, but being specific is the key to a foolproof recipe.

A few tips for recipe testing:

• I recommend having a single divider in your box—the ones in front have not yet been tested (and marked up), while the ones in back have been. 

• It can be helpful to cook the recipes with another family member or friend who isn’t familiar with the process to make sure you answer questions that can crop up. (Bonus? Way more fun!)

• Definitely write down more than just the recipe—include that “this was Jennifer’s favorite lunch in kindergarten” or that “we’ve been baking this bread every Easter since 1896.” Capturing the stories behind your family’s favorite foods will make this box/eventual cookbook all the more special!

Future uses: You can easily copy recipe cards to gift to your kids when they move out, or compile them in a heritage cookbook that’s professionally printed and bound and distribute among family members.

One instance where I thought index cards might be useful but have since changed my mind: for organizing genealogy materials. Whether you are in the early stages of your genealogy research or just addicted to learning more and more about your ancestors’ lives, every family historian knows their work is never done. It’s the most common reason I hear for why people aren’t ready to create a family history book. I get it! But while using an index card filing system may seem like an elegant solution to organizing lots of changing data, the cards’ small size is too restrictive. Click here for some expert guidance on organizing your genealogical information, click here for some best practices, and click here for ways you CAN use index cards as a handy reference for your ancestry research.

One phone call at a time: Family history in disguise

Having intentional phone conversations with a loved one is a fun and meaningful way to begin to document your family history.

There are people who love spending hours at a time buried deep in the archives of a town’s historical society, scrolling old microfiches at the library, and refining their web search terms relentlessly to uncover a single detail about an ancestor they’ve never met. And then there are people who, well, don’t.

If you fall in the ‘don’t love that’ camp, does that mean you’re a family history hater? No!! Decisively, the answer is “no!”

Do you laugh at stories your dad tells about his childhood? Do you get a funny, nostalgic feeling in your tummy when someone pulls out an old photo album overflowing with memories? Do you hope to one day be able to make your Nana’s lasagna as good as she does? Yes? Of course, you answered “yes!”

There are two big parts to a family’s history—the way-back history detailing your ancestors’ names, birth dates, and (hopefully) their stories, gotten through research (chances are you haven’t met most of these folks); and the current family history of you and your kin, gotten through first-person accounts (from living relatives). Looking back and reconnecting with our roots through research has great power, and I wholly advocate for recording your ancestry in this way (watch an episode of Finding Your Roots on PBS to see just how moving it can be!). But if you’re not into sleuthing, or you simply don’t have the time, you can still focus on recording your CURRENT family history.

Why? Well, for one thing, you’ll be handing a gift to your children and their children: the family history of their closest relatives for them to learn from, to be inspired by, and maybe, to build upon (who knows, that research-loving gene may have skipped a generation!). For another thing, you’ll be doing this for YOU: to take some time to intentionally reflect on the journey you have taken to becoming who you are; to better get to know your parents and grandparents so you can see them as individuals (with all the heartbreak, love, challenges, and joys that come with that); and to cement meaningful connections with your loved ones.

And guess what? It’s as easy as picking up the phone and talking. Sure, you can get together and chat over cups of tea, or talk about family stories in group settings, too, but purposefully devoting an entire hourlong phone call to sharing family history is better. It allows you to easily schedule these talks regularly and ensure you have enough time for story gathering. It allows two people—a questioner and a storyteller—to really tune in to one another, and to go deep. It allows for easy audio recording. 

An unexpected bonus of having these family history talks on the phone? Sometimes it’s easier to be vulnerable and share of ourselves when we aren’t looking anyone in the eye. Have you ever heard that old advice to talk to your teen when you’re driving together in a car? It’s the same idea. Sitting side-by-side rather than across from someone (or, in this case, on opposite ends of a phone connection) feels nonthreatening—no facial expressions to hint at judgment or reaction of any kind. So, yup, even if you’re calling from a smart phone, skip the Face Time and simply hit the digits for an audio call.

How to conduct family history interviews over the phone

Think you might like to start having some family history conversations with a loved one? Here are a few simple steps to put you on the path to easily recording your legacy:

1. Decide whom you will interview first.

   Mom? Dad? A grandparent or sibling? I recommend choosing someone who you know will be receptive, who you know has great foundational family stories, or who you are worried may have limited time left (they may be impacted by dementia, for instance, or simply be getting older).

2. Tell this person what you want to do.

   “I’d like to have weekly/monthly/bimonthly phone conversations with you where I interview you about your memories.” Stress that there’s no pressure to ‘perform,’ and share your reasons for wanting to embark on this family history project.

3. Create a list of themes you’d like to discuss with your family member.

   Ideally, each hourlong phone call will have a central theme—for instance, childhood, career, family recipes, traditions, military service, home, love stories, lessons learned, etc. Ask them in advance what things they’d most like to share, and tailor the early part of your list to what excites them. You may want to ask your subject to create a life timeline in advance of your first phone call.

4. Prepare, or don’t prepare.

   You may want to use this list of family history questions to guide your conversations, or create a list of your own according to each talk’s theme. Definitely tell your subject what you’ll be talking about so they have time to let memories simmer, or even dig up relevant photos or letters before you talk. But don’t go crazy with preparation. Ask open-ended questions, listen generously, invite stories, and prompt more with insightful follow-up questions, and you’re guaranteed to gather stories worth saving!

5. Record your conversations (twice).

   Use two methods to record the audio of your family history talks. You can use a paid service such as TapeACall (bonus: you get accurate transcriptions) to capture sound. Other ways to record audio: Use the phone call option in Google Meet or Zoom to host your call (they each have recording options); or simply put your phone on speaker and hit “record” on the recording app on two devices (your computer and an iPad, for example).

There are a host of things you can do with your family history once it’s recorded, but know this: The most important part is ensuring you capture it in the first place!

I am fairly certain that once you finish your family history calls with Mom, you’ll want to (a) keep talking to her on the regular (that bond is forever!) and (b) start up a new cycle of calls with Dad, Grandma, Grandpop…you get the idea.

More easy ways to gather family history stories from your living relatives:

• Best practices for conducting family history interviews at home.

• Three easy ways to get your family stories

• How to get a parent who doesn’t want to talk about their memories to open up

• Your 10-step plan for making an heirloom-worthy family cookbook

• How to be a good storyteller if you are the subject of a family history interview

• Double the fun: Interviewing Grandma and Grandpa together